We're continuing with our list, leading down to the bottom ten worst
TV Theme Songs Ever.
Since the last time, a slew of more Worsts have entered my head, leaving
us with at least a semi-slew of more Dishonorables.
None of the semi-slew deserves to be placed in the previous opening five.
They are all worse than those.
But it has wreaked havoc with my numbering system.
So I will abandon my numbering system, and simply list the remaining
Dishonorables without numbers, going from least offensive to most, over the next
couple of sessions, until we reach the bottom ten.
Don't worry.
There will be plenty of notice when we arrive there.
So we continue--------
"The NBC Mystery Movie".
This was the opening music and titles for three shows that NBC umbrella'd.
Did it save them money to do that?
What do you think?
The shows in question were "McCloud", "McMillan and Wife", and "Columbo"
You'd think "Columbo" at least deserved it's own theme song.
The one they used sounded like a whistle at a Naval fire drill.
"The Sopranos"
A lot of people liked the theme for "The Sopranos"
Not me.
To me, it sounded a lot like grunting.
I suppose it matched the visuals, the smokestacks around the Meadowlands.
But I only needed to hear it once before deciding to skip past it on the Tivo
whenever I watched it.
It should have been something by Louis Prima.
But then, everything should be something by Louis Prima.
The Second Season of "The Abbott and Costello Show"
It's not that it was so terrible, but it was so much worse than the first
season of "The Abbott and Costello Show"
The theme music and the show.
They only did two seasons.
The first one was terrific.
The second seemed like it was performed underwater.
"I Married Joan"
It's not that the song was bad.
It wasn't.
It's just that it was performed solely by a combined male and female chorus.
No instrumentation.
In 1948, the Musicians Union, headed by a man named Petrillo, called a strike,
leaving show business to fend for itself without musicians.
Show Business tried to fight back by simply using human choruses.
The public wasn't having any, and Show Business quickly caved to the union.
By 1952, when "I Married Joan" cranked up, somebody there still hadn't received
the message.
"Good Times"
A rousing "protest" song.
"Temporary layoffs, Good Times,
Easy Credit ripoffs, Good Times...."
The prosecution rests.
"Wyatt Earp"
Another pure use of chorus, this time a male one, pretentiously extolling
the virtues of one Mr. Earp.
Back next time with more worse, and in some cases considerably worse, Dishonorables.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or
Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
"My Three Sons" Takes A Hit.
I'm going to take an excursion from my series about TV theme songs to talk a little
bit about "My Three Sons"
Two major cast members of it have died within the last two days:
Don Grady, who played the original Number Two Son, and Doris Singleton, who
was a great character actress, and played two major recurring roles.
She had enough screen time during the series that she could be considered a regular.
I was never a big fan of "My Three Sons"
It was softball comedy.
The kind of show that Mel Brooks used to refer to as a "hummer".
It would be on in your house, you wouldn't be paying attention to it, and all
of a sudden you'd hear this noise.
A humming sound.
And you'd say to yourself "What's that humming sound?
And you'd realize that it was coming from the TV set.
And you'd go over to the set and shut it off.
I suppose it had a certain charm.
But not the kind of charm that would make you laugh out loud.
I don't know if this is common knowledge, but "My Three Sons" began a precedent
on how shows were shot.
In order to land Fred MacMurray to play the lead, they really had to twist his
arm.
He simply did not want to devote that much of his year to commit to a TV series.
The producer, Don Fedderson, came up with a unique solution.
He promised MacMurray that he wouldn't have to spend more than three consecutive
months a year on the series.
The rest of the year, he could goof off, or make Disney movies, or whatever else
he wanted to do.
So all 39 episodes of the season wold be pre-prepared, and they scheduled all of
MacMurray's scenes.
His closeups, masters, would be shot during those three consecutive months.
So a lot of time was spent for the other actors talking to MacMurray's character,
when in reality, they were talking to the dialogue coach.
When Brian Keith signed on to do "Family Affair", with the same producer, he
agreed, with the proviso that he have the Fred MacMurray deal.
He was acquiesced to.
And, of course, it looked it.
Another hummer.
We have not heard the end of "My Three Sons".
It will show up again when we get back to the "TV theme songs" series.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or
Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
bit about "My Three Sons"
Two major cast members of it have died within the last two days:
Don Grady, who played the original Number Two Son, and Doris Singleton, who
was a great character actress, and played two major recurring roles.
She had enough screen time during the series that she could be considered a regular.
I was never a big fan of "My Three Sons"
It was softball comedy.
The kind of show that Mel Brooks used to refer to as a "hummer".
It would be on in your house, you wouldn't be paying attention to it, and all
of a sudden you'd hear this noise.
A humming sound.
And you'd say to yourself "What's that humming sound?
And you'd realize that it was coming from the TV set.
And you'd go over to the set and shut it off.
I suppose it had a certain charm.
But not the kind of charm that would make you laugh out loud.
I don't know if this is common knowledge, but "My Three Sons" began a precedent
on how shows were shot.
In order to land Fred MacMurray to play the lead, they really had to twist his
arm.
He simply did not want to devote that much of his year to commit to a TV series.
The producer, Don Fedderson, came up with a unique solution.
He promised MacMurray that he wouldn't have to spend more than three consecutive
months a year on the series.
The rest of the year, he could goof off, or make Disney movies, or whatever else
he wanted to do.
So all 39 episodes of the season wold be pre-prepared, and they scheduled all of
MacMurray's scenes.
His closeups, masters, would be shot during those three consecutive months.
So a lot of time was spent for the other actors talking to MacMurray's character,
when in reality, they were talking to the dialogue coach.
When Brian Keith signed on to do "Family Affair", with the same producer, he
agreed, with the proviso that he have the Fred MacMurray deal.
He was acquiesced to.
And, of course, it looked it.
Another hummer.
We have not heard the end of "My Three Sons".
It will show up again when we get back to the "TV theme songs" series.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or
Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
I've Come To Bury TV Theme Songs....
The next couple of weeks, barring major developments, will be devoted to
evaluating the best and worst TV theme songs of all time, beginning with the
worst.
This is much like I did when I evaluated the best and worst sitcoms of all time
a while back.
Once again, this will be purely subjective, and we will start with a list of Dishonorable Mention.
Worst can be divided into two basic categories:
Music which is simply Godawful on some level, and music which may seem
innocuous enough, but does little if anything to prepare you for what you are
about to see, or is based on the movie version of the same property, and does not improve upon it.
Or in fact makes it worse.
Or in fact is based on the movie version which wasn't much good to begin with.
The list of Dishonorable Mention will be in descending order from least
offensive to most, five of which will appear today, and five next time.
Then, the bottom ten will appear.
There seems to be some correlation between the quality of the music and the
quality of the shows.
But only some.
For instance, Petticoat Junction and Green Acres were pretty awful shows that
had pretty snazzy theme songs.
Let the list of Dishonorables begin:
20) "Taxi"-----Nothing really offensive here, but a complete mislead about
what you are going to see, which was usually a laugh riot.
The icy lead piccolo in the title music suggested God-Knows-What.
19) "Barney Miller"-----The bass guitar notes that introduced it, and what
followed suggested absolutely nothing.
Except background music for perhaps just about every porno movie you can name.
And most of those that you can't.
This is where the word "generic" was coined.
These are the two prime examples of theme music that simply left you dangling.
18) "M*A*S*H"----Turning a very hip theme in the movie version into something
very unhip.
Kind of like the overall relationship between the movie and the series.
17) "Matlock"---This is here for personal reasons. it's practically a direct
steal from the theme I wrote for my series, "Busting Loose".
And I don't see a nickel from it.
16) "Family Affair"----Not the worst tune in the world, but it sounds completely
pre-packaged. Like none of the musicians were in the same room at the same time.
Onward next time.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or
Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
evaluating the best and worst TV theme songs of all time, beginning with the
worst.
This is much like I did when I evaluated the best and worst sitcoms of all time
a while back.
Once again, this will be purely subjective, and we will start with a list of Dishonorable Mention.
Worst can be divided into two basic categories:
Music which is simply Godawful on some level, and music which may seem
innocuous enough, but does little if anything to prepare you for what you are
about to see, or is based on the movie version of the same property, and does not improve upon it.
Or in fact makes it worse.
Or in fact is based on the movie version which wasn't much good to begin with.
The list of Dishonorable Mention will be in descending order from least
offensive to most, five of which will appear today, and five next time.
Then, the bottom ten will appear.
There seems to be some correlation between the quality of the music and the
quality of the shows.
But only some.
For instance, Petticoat Junction and Green Acres were pretty awful shows that
had pretty snazzy theme songs.
Let the list of Dishonorables begin:
20) "Taxi"-----Nothing really offensive here, but a complete mislead about
what you are going to see, which was usually a laugh riot.
The icy lead piccolo in the title music suggested God-Knows-What.
19) "Barney Miller"-----The bass guitar notes that introduced it, and what
followed suggested absolutely nothing.
Except background music for perhaps just about every porno movie you can name.
And most of those that you can't.
This is where the word "generic" was coined.
These are the two prime examples of theme music that simply left you dangling.
18) "M*A*S*H"----Turning a very hip theme in the movie version into something
very unhip.
Kind of like the overall relationship between the movie and the series.
17) "Matlock"---This is here for personal reasons. it's practically a direct
steal from the theme I wrote for my series, "Busting Loose".
And I don't see a nickel from it.
16) "Family Affair"----Not the worst tune in the world, but it sounds completely
pre-packaged. Like none of the musicians were in the same room at the same time.
Onward next time.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or
Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Taxicab Etiquette.
So I spent last week catching up on some more Broadway Shows, which I will
write about soon.
This meant shlepping into the city from Darien Connecticut.
This is fine in the daytime.
But at night, one is faced with the prospect of there being no cabs at the
train station when I return, thus having to deal with a somewhat ornery wife,
whom I have to awaken from a somewhat ornery sleep, to pick me up.
This is something I try to avoid at all costs.
The elements are also an element.
It's far worse if there are no cabs and it is pouring rain.
There was pouring rain last Tuesday night.
And there was one taxi sitting there unoccupied.
I make my way into it.
The driver spots what looked like a homeless man sitting on the steps of the
train station, undergoing the process of getting drenched.
He asks this man if he'd like to share the cab.
He does not ask me if it's all right with me if this man shares the cab with
me.
He simply offers this opportunity to this apparently homeless man to apparently
at least get out of the rain.
Under the circumstances, I had no objections, save for the fact that it was my
cab, and the driver didn't ask my permission to have someone to share the cab
with me.
This was mitigated as I had no objections under the circumstances.
The miserable creature I shared the cab with had two large white plastic bags
that most-likely contained all of his belongings.
I couldn't imagine where this cab would be taking him.
He hopped into the back seat, pushing his plastic bags towards me, forcing me
against the door of the cab, leaving me no breathing room.
He then pulled out a Big Mac, still in it's wrapping, removed the wrapping,
and began eating it.
It smelled horrible, as most Big Macs do.
He smelled horrible, as most homeless people do.
I openly confronted him.
"You know, I let you share my cab (like I had any say in the matter), the
least you can do is not eat in front of me."
He mumbled something, and put the Big Mac back in it's wrapper.
We arrive at my hotel, and for some reason, I give the cab drive a somewhat
generous tip and the full fare.
I enter the hotel lobby.
Shortly thereafter, my fellow passenger informs me that the driver has demanded
the same fare for him to pay.
The driver was engaging in double-clocking.
And if he, my fellow passenger, was to continue on to his destination,
if he indeed had one, the meter would still be running.
And he was blaming me for all this.
And if he had a gun on him, which at that point was not an unreasonable
expectation, and pulled it on me, I would have gladly taken the blame and paid
him whatever he wanted.
But he didn't, which caused me to say "Be on your way."
He left, and most-likely abandoned the cab driver and parked himself outside
the hotel.
So who was at fault here?
I think the Win Pool goes to the cab driver, who proved not only to be not
a Good Samaritan, but was looking to gouge some poor, if ill-mannered homeless
person.
The Place Pool goes to my fellow passenger for being inconsiderate in general.
Homelessness does not excuse this.
And then there's me, who was of course, absolutely blameless.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
write about soon.
This meant shlepping into the city from Darien Connecticut.
This is fine in the daytime.
But at night, one is faced with the prospect of there being no cabs at the
train station when I return, thus having to deal with a somewhat ornery wife,
whom I have to awaken from a somewhat ornery sleep, to pick me up.
This is something I try to avoid at all costs.
The elements are also an element.
It's far worse if there are no cabs and it is pouring rain.
There was pouring rain last Tuesday night.
And there was one taxi sitting there unoccupied.
I make my way into it.
The driver spots what looked like a homeless man sitting on the steps of the
train station, undergoing the process of getting drenched.
He asks this man if he'd like to share the cab.
He does not ask me if it's all right with me if this man shares the cab with
me.
He simply offers this opportunity to this apparently homeless man to apparently
at least get out of the rain.
Under the circumstances, I had no objections, save for the fact that it was my
cab, and the driver didn't ask my permission to have someone to share the cab
with me.
This was mitigated as I had no objections under the circumstances.
The miserable creature I shared the cab with had two large white plastic bags
that most-likely contained all of his belongings.
I couldn't imagine where this cab would be taking him.
He hopped into the back seat, pushing his plastic bags towards me, forcing me
against the door of the cab, leaving me no breathing room.
He then pulled out a Big Mac, still in it's wrapping, removed the wrapping,
and began eating it.
It smelled horrible, as most Big Macs do.
He smelled horrible, as most homeless people do.
I openly confronted him.
"You know, I let you share my cab (like I had any say in the matter), the
least you can do is not eat in front of me."
He mumbled something, and put the Big Mac back in it's wrapper.
We arrive at my hotel, and for some reason, I give the cab drive a somewhat
generous tip and the full fare.
I enter the hotel lobby.
Shortly thereafter, my fellow passenger informs me that the driver has demanded
the same fare for him to pay.
The driver was engaging in double-clocking.
And if he, my fellow passenger, was to continue on to his destination,
if he indeed had one, the meter would still be running.
And he was blaming me for all this.
And if he had a gun on him, which at that point was not an unreasonable
expectation, and pulled it on me, I would have gladly taken the blame and paid
him whatever he wanted.
But he didn't, which caused me to say "Be on your way."
He left, and most-likely abandoned the cab driver and parked himself outside
the hotel.
So who was at fault here?
I think the Win Pool goes to the cab driver, who proved not only to be not
a Good Samaritan, but was looking to gouge some poor, if ill-mannered homeless
person.
The Place Pool goes to my fellow passenger for being inconsiderate in general.
Homelessness does not excuse this.
And then there's me, who was of course, absolutely blameless.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Having A Writer And An Actress Hate You Simultaneously For The Same Reason.
Last time, when I described the episode of "Busting Loose" that Linda Lavin
attended the filming of, I did not describe the brouhaha that preceded
it.
The episode, depicting Adam Arkin's character, Lenny, getting dumped by
an old girlfriend who now wants him back, was borne out of one of our
female writers' desire to find a good part for one of her friends,
an actress who was part of the original ensemble cast of a legendary
prize-winning musical on Broadway.
I saw this actress in that show, and she was very good, as was everyone else
in it.
I encouraged the writer, whom I understand has recently passed away, to proceed,
bearing in mind that the actress in question would still have to audition.
The writer took this as sort of a slap in the face, but I insisted.
I'd only seen this actress in one part.
I needed more evidence that she'd be right for this one.
The script started taking shape, and sight unseen, I was starting to have
my doubts about this actress, based on what I was seeing in the script.
The actress in question was not what you'd call beautiful.
In fact, in the musical, she sang a song about how she wasn't beautiful.
She had sort of a Streisand-ish nose, which wasn't a help.
The problem with hiring this actress was not only that she came across
as too nice, but that she simply wasn't worth the candle.
Lenny was supposed to be wooed by her.
It was to have been almost successful, and then fail.
With this actress, there was too much likeability, and no wooing potential.
I told the writer that for these reasons, I was inclined to hire somebody else.
Knowing my partner's (I had a partner) reputation for never having my back,
she did an end-run around me and appealed directly to him to get me to
change my mind.
But it didn't work.
Purely on the basis that he knew that I'd made the right aesthetic decision.
Of course, it never should have gotten that far.
If someone had tried "Divide-and-Conquer" on me about him, I would have
defended him to the hilt, right or wrong.
That's what partners are supposed to do.
But maybe the fact that he actually agreed with me on his own volition carried
more weight with the writer and the actress.
And maybe the hatred was spread around a little bit.
So we hired a much prettier actress who had no problem playing a bitch,
and it worked great.
It was simply the writer's fault that she wrote a part for her friend that she
wasn't right for, and no amount of hatred was going to change that.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
attended the filming of, I did not describe the brouhaha that preceded
it.
The episode, depicting Adam Arkin's character, Lenny, getting dumped by
an old girlfriend who now wants him back, was borne out of one of our
female writers' desire to find a good part for one of her friends,
an actress who was part of the original ensemble cast of a legendary
prize-winning musical on Broadway.
I saw this actress in that show, and she was very good, as was everyone else
in it.
I encouraged the writer, whom I understand has recently passed away, to proceed,
bearing in mind that the actress in question would still have to audition.
The writer took this as sort of a slap in the face, but I insisted.
I'd only seen this actress in one part.
I needed more evidence that she'd be right for this one.
The script started taking shape, and sight unseen, I was starting to have
my doubts about this actress, based on what I was seeing in the script.
The actress in question was not what you'd call beautiful.
In fact, in the musical, she sang a song about how she wasn't beautiful.
She had sort of a Streisand-ish nose, which wasn't a help.
The problem with hiring this actress was not only that she came across
as too nice, but that she simply wasn't worth the candle.
Lenny was supposed to be wooed by her.
It was to have been almost successful, and then fail.
With this actress, there was too much likeability, and no wooing potential.
I told the writer that for these reasons, I was inclined to hire somebody else.
Knowing my partner's (I had a partner) reputation for never having my back,
she did an end-run around me and appealed directly to him to get me to
change my mind.
But it didn't work.
Purely on the basis that he knew that I'd made the right aesthetic decision.
Of course, it never should have gotten that far.
If someone had tried "Divide-and-Conquer" on me about him, I would have
defended him to the hilt, right or wrong.
That's what partners are supposed to do.
But maybe the fact that he actually agreed with me on his own volition carried
more weight with the writer and the actress.
And maybe the hatred was spread around a little bit.
So we hired a much prettier actress who had no problem playing a bitch,
and it worked great.
It was simply the writer's fault that she wrote a part for her friend that she
wasn't right for, and no amount of hatred was going to change that.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
Monday, June 11, 2012
More about Linda Lavin.
It's a shame she didn't win the Tony last night.
She was great.
What I found interesting was the comment left by one of
my readers: about how wonderful she has always been, and how
she and the rest of the cast of "Alice" were not served very well
by their writers.
I found it interesting because that's exactly how I felt, and what
I had intended to write about.
I also found it interesting because that's apparently exactly how
SHE felt about it.
She once attended a filming of one of my sitcoms, "Busting Loose".
She was a friend of one of the cast members.
Not only was she bowled over by the level of the writing, but also
by our imaginative use of sets.
In this particular instance, I am going to take full credit.
The script involved our hero, as portrayed by Adam Arkin, hooking
up with an old girlfriend who had unceremoniously dumped him
previously.
The two staff writers working on the script were looking for an
exotic, yet affordable location for the former lovers to relive
old times.
I suggested underneath the stands at the high school football stadium.
I then suggested that the scene take place at night, during an actual
game.
This meant hiring a lot of extras where we'd only see their legs.
But they'd be able to drop stuff like popcorn and soda through the
openings in the bleachers onto the two former lovers.
An expensive joke, but one I felt was well worth it.
When I met Linda Lavin later that night, she was effusive in her
praise. Particularly about how great having that football stadium
set was. She then got particularly wistful and said "If only I had
writers who would think like this. Who would think about ANYTHING"
The Show Runners on "Alice" were Bob Carroll Jr. and Madelyn Davis,
primarily known for their work on "I Love Lucy", where their primary
job was trying to figure out how to get Lucy locked in the freezer,
or how to get that trophy stuck on her head.
Stuff like that.
This is who they got to turn a sophisticated movie like "Alice Doesn't
Live Here Anymore" into the TV sitcom drivel that was "Alice"
I disagree with my reader that the rest of the cast was also badly served.
The rest of the cast, the ones that Linda Lavin had to play straight to,
all played it way over the top.
But who knows? Maybe that was also the fault of the Show Runners.
And maybe they just couldn't figure out a way to get Alice locked in the freezer.
More about that episode of "Busting Loose" next time.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
She was great.
What I found interesting was the comment left by one of
my readers: about how wonderful she has always been, and how
she and the rest of the cast of "Alice" were not served very well
by their writers.
I found it interesting because that's exactly how I felt, and what
I had intended to write about.
I also found it interesting because that's apparently exactly how
SHE felt about it.
She once attended a filming of one of my sitcoms, "Busting Loose".
She was a friend of one of the cast members.
Not only was she bowled over by the level of the writing, but also
by our imaginative use of sets.
In this particular instance, I am going to take full credit.
The script involved our hero, as portrayed by Adam Arkin, hooking
up with an old girlfriend who had unceremoniously dumped him
previously.
The two staff writers working on the script were looking for an
exotic, yet affordable location for the former lovers to relive
old times.
I suggested underneath the stands at the high school football stadium.
I then suggested that the scene take place at night, during an actual
game.
This meant hiring a lot of extras where we'd only see their legs.
But they'd be able to drop stuff like popcorn and soda through the
openings in the bleachers onto the two former lovers.
An expensive joke, but one I felt was well worth it.
When I met Linda Lavin later that night, she was effusive in her
praise. Particularly about how great having that football stadium
set was. She then got particularly wistful and said "If only I had
writers who would think like this. Who would think about ANYTHING"
The Show Runners on "Alice" were Bob Carroll Jr. and Madelyn Davis,
primarily known for their work on "I Love Lucy", where their primary
job was trying to figure out how to get Lucy locked in the freezer,
or how to get that trophy stuck on her head.
Stuff like that.
This is who they got to turn a sophisticated movie like "Alice Doesn't
Live Here Anymore" into the TV sitcom drivel that was "Alice"
I disagree with my reader that the rest of the cast was also badly served.
The rest of the cast, the ones that Linda Lavin had to play straight to,
all played it way over the top.
But who knows? Maybe that was also the fault of the Show Runners.
And maybe they just couldn't figure out a way to get Alice locked in the freezer.
More about that episode of "Busting Loose" next time.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
Friday, June 8, 2012
Report Card---"The Lyons"
This is the last Broadway Report Card before the Tony Awards.
"The Lyons" is a play that I highly recommend.
It stars Linda Lavin, who is nominated for best actress, although the play is not.
Linda Lavin is great in this, and certainly deserves the nomination.
The play is not nominated, and I consider this criminal.
It's not quite as good as Clybourne Park", but nothing is.
"The Lyons" is a ball-busting and gut-busting comedy with a tremendous dramatic
underpinning.
It is about major family discord, dying, and keeping secrets.
On to the scoring:
Is it interesting?
Very much so.
A+.
Compelling even?
Quite often.
A+.
Is it good storytelling?
Excellent.
A+.
Is it well written?
The dialogue is first-rate.
A+.
Is it well cast? Well played?, Well staged?
Yes to all three. Linda Lavin and Dick Latessa in particular are wonderful.
A+
Is it too long? Too short?
The length is perfect.
A+.
Is it believable? Do you care about the characters?
Yes, and yes, tremendously on all counts.
A+.
Is it predictable? Does it surprise you?
Always surprising.
A+.
Is it worth the forty bucks I paid to get in?
Absolutely.
A+.
Is it controversial?
Somewhat.
A.
Do you think about it after you've seen it?
There's what to mull over.
A.
Is it funny?
It is fucking hilarious.
A+.
Is it a story worth telling?
Yet even more.
A+.
Is it impressive ?
Highly.
A+
Overall grade: A.
I can't imagine why this wasn't at least nominated for best play.
More about Linda Lavin next time.
------------------------
------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or
Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
"The Lyons" is a play that I highly recommend.
It stars Linda Lavin, who is nominated for best actress, although the play is not.
Linda Lavin is great in this, and certainly deserves the nomination.
The play is not nominated, and I consider this criminal.
It's not quite as good as Clybourne Park", but nothing is.
"The Lyons" is a ball-busting and gut-busting comedy with a tremendous dramatic
underpinning.
It is about major family discord, dying, and keeping secrets.
On to the scoring:
Is it interesting?
Very much so.
A+.
Compelling even?
Quite often.
A+.
Is it good storytelling?
Excellent.
A+.
Is it well written?
The dialogue is first-rate.
A+.
Is it well cast? Well played?, Well staged?
Yes to all three. Linda Lavin and Dick Latessa in particular are wonderful.
A+
Is it too long? Too short?
The length is perfect.
A+.
Is it believable? Do you care about the characters?
Yes, and yes, tremendously on all counts.
A+.
Is it predictable? Does it surprise you?
Always surprising.
A+.
Is it worth the forty bucks I paid to get in?
Absolutely.
A+.
Is it controversial?
Somewhat.
A.
Do you think about it after you've seen it?
There's what to mull over.
A.
Is it funny?
It is fucking hilarious.
A+.
Is it a story worth telling?
Yet even more.
A+.
Is it impressive ?
Highly.
A+
Overall grade: A.
I can't imagine why this wasn't at least nominated for best play.
More about Linda Lavin next time.
------------------------
------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or
Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
Thursday, April 26, 2012
This Is Where I Came In.
"This is where I came in"
This is an expression that people used to say all the time.
Now, it's only an expression that only old people say all the time.
It essentially means "Don't go any further. You're starting to repeat yourself."
But that was it's figurative meaning.
It's literal meaning hearkens way back to the days when you went to the movies
any old time.
Not necessarily when the movie started.
Maybe in the middle.
Maybe towards the end.
And then you'd start watching it from the beginning, because movies ran continuously
in those days.
With maybe even a cartoon or a short subject thrown in.
Or maybe it was part of a double feature.
For you youngsters out there, a double feature meant that you got two movies for the price
of one.
And when you got to the point in the movie that you came in late for, you'd get up, and say
to yourself "This is where I came in"
It's not like today, when they only let you enter the theater at the beginning of the film,
showing you way too many previews beforehand, and then the theater, usually in a multiplex,
empties out for at least a half-hour.
Actually, I think that this is an improvement.
I hate to tell you how many times my mother dragged me to the movies when I was a kid,
only to show up right in the middle of the picture, not knowing what the hell was going on
because I didn't know what preceded it.
And then she'd say "this is where we came in", and we'd leave.
If you ever say "This is where I came in" these days, it's got to make you at least 50.
So it's an expression that people used to say all the time.
Now, it's only an expression that only old people say all the time..........
Wait a minute.
This is where I came in.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
This is an expression that people used to say all the time.
Now, it's only an expression that only old people say all the time.
It essentially means "Don't go any further. You're starting to repeat yourself."
But that was it's figurative meaning.
It's literal meaning hearkens way back to the days when you went to the movies
any old time.
Not necessarily when the movie started.
Maybe in the middle.
Maybe towards the end.
And then you'd start watching it from the beginning, because movies ran continuously
in those days.
With maybe even a cartoon or a short subject thrown in.
Or maybe it was part of a double feature.
For you youngsters out there, a double feature meant that you got two movies for the price
of one.
And when you got to the point in the movie that you came in late for, you'd get up, and say
to yourself "This is where I came in"
It's not like today, when they only let you enter the theater at the beginning of the film,
showing you way too many previews beforehand, and then the theater, usually in a multiplex,
empties out for at least a half-hour.
Actually, I think that this is an improvement.
I hate to tell you how many times my mother dragged me to the movies when I was a kid,
only to show up right in the middle of the picture, not knowing what the hell was going on
because I didn't know what preceded it.
And then she'd say "this is where we came in", and we'd leave.
If you ever say "This is where I came in" these days, it's got to make you at least 50.
So it's an expression that people used to say all the time.
Now, it's only an expression that only old people say all the time..........
Wait a minute.
This is where I came in.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
Saturday, April 7, 2012
The Men Of Livonia.
Livonia is a very nice suburb of Detroit, here in Michigan.
Until I lived here, I'd never heard of it.
It first came to my attention prominently when my wife and I were riding in the car with the radio on.
We were listening to Dionne Warwick's recording of "I'll never fall in love again"
After she reached a particular lyric, my wife commented that it always seemed to be an odd
choice of phrase.
She was referring to Dionne's singing:
"What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
After you do, the men of Livonia....."
I had to point out that the actual lyric was "After you do, he'll never phone ya"
My wife had been harboring this deranged illusion ever since the first time she heard the song,
in the sixties.
I felt the need to call attention to the ludicrousness of her thought process, the inherent
senselessness of what she thought she heard, and that who, outside of Michigan, had ever heard of
Livonia?
The point was made, and the illusion was finally eradicated.
This led me to remind myself of several other butchered interpretations of popular songs,
exclusively by members of my family.
The earliest one that I can recall was when my seven year old sister was called upon to give her first, and ultimately her last public singing performance at my Bar Mitzvah, with her rendition of
"Do, Re, Mi", from "The Sound of Music"
It included her use of the line "Sew, ulneeda pulling thread"
Okay, she was seven.
Some slack should be cut.
But at around the same time, my mother, Bella, was around forty.
My father had bought a Mercedes-Benz with a diesel engine, which he promply turned into a taxicab.
Ever the innovator.
We all coined a nickname for it: "The Mercediesel".
She then purchased the original Broadway Cast Album of that self-same show, "The Sound of Music"
On it, there was this charming song called "How Can Love Survive?"
I don't believe that this song survived it's way into the movie.
It was sung as a duet by Kurt Kasznar and Marion Marlowe.
It contained the following lyrics:
"No rides for us on the top of a bus
In the face of the freezing breezes
You reach your goals in your comfy old Rolls
Or in one of your Mercedes-es!"
As soon as she heard that lyric, there was no convincing Bella that Kurt was NOT singing
"Mercediesels"
Never mind that "The Sound of Music" took place in the 1930's, when there probably were no
diesel-engined Mercedes.
Never mind that we, in fact, coined the term "Mercediesels"
Bella was convinced, and remained convinced, all the way to her grave, that it was "Mercediesels"
Back to my sister, about six years later, which would make her thirteen, to all you mathematicians
out there.
At some point, out of the blue, my sister asks me "Mark, does minjulepa mean oss?"
A few words of explanation are in order.
"Oss" was my sister's consciously amusing way of saying the word "ass".
Whenever she was asked a question that would begin with the word "Where?",
her response would more than likely be "Up oss".
Or, literally, "up your ass".
So I bewilderedly wrestled with the question "Does minjulepa mean oss?"
Then she put it into context.
"You know, like in the song---"You give my old minjulepa kick, Mame"
I had to explain, not unpatronizingly, what a mint julep was, and how ungrammatical it
would have been if minjulepa DID mean oss.
It's as if you were singing "You give my old oss kick".
There was no room left for an "a".
I am also guilty of lyric butchery in the same manner, and of course, my sister has never let me
hear the end of it.
When I heard Janis Joplin sing "Me and Bobby McGee" for the first time, I questioned my sister
as to whether Janis was singing "Breathin's just another word for nuthin' left to lose",
or "Freedom's just another word for nuthin' left to lose".
My sister let me have it between the eyes.
"Breathin'?" "Breathin'?" What are you, a moron?
Now, I maintain that this example doesn't hold a candle to minjulepa or Mercediesels.
And it's not as if I was certain that it was "Breathin'"
I was just questioning it.
I think a case can actually be made for "Breathin'"
Not a very good one.
"Freedom" is certainly a vast upgrade.
But I confess to having had my doubts.
I don't usually solicit comments for the Comments section, but I'm somewhat curious as to
whether my family was unique in this regard, or whether examples like this are rampant among
my readers.
If so, I'd like to hear yours.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
Until I lived here, I'd never heard of it.
It first came to my attention prominently when my wife and I were riding in the car with the radio on.
We were listening to Dionne Warwick's recording of "I'll never fall in love again"
After she reached a particular lyric, my wife commented that it always seemed to be an odd
choice of phrase.
She was referring to Dionne's singing:
"What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
After you do, the men of Livonia....."
I had to point out that the actual lyric was "After you do, he'll never phone ya"
My wife had been harboring this deranged illusion ever since the first time she heard the song,
in the sixties.
I felt the need to call attention to the ludicrousness of her thought process, the inherent
senselessness of what she thought she heard, and that who, outside of Michigan, had ever heard of
Livonia?
The point was made, and the illusion was finally eradicated.
This led me to remind myself of several other butchered interpretations of popular songs,
exclusively by members of my family.
The earliest one that I can recall was when my seven year old sister was called upon to give her first, and ultimately her last public singing performance at my Bar Mitzvah, with her rendition of
"Do, Re, Mi", from "The Sound of Music"
It included her use of the line "Sew, ulneeda pulling thread"
Okay, she was seven.
Some slack should be cut.
But at around the same time, my mother, Bella, was around forty.
My father had bought a Mercedes-Benz with a diesel engine, which he promply turned into a taxicab.
Ever the innovator.
We all coined a nickname for it: "The Mercediesel".
She then purchased the original Broadway Cast Album of that self-same show, "The Sound of Music"
On it, there was this charming song called "How Can Love Survive?"
I don't believe that this song survived it's way into the movie.
It was sung as a duet by Kurt Kasznar and Marion Marlowe.
It contained the following lyrics:
"No rides for us on the top of a bus
In the face of the freezing breezes
You reach your goals in your comfy old Rolls
Or in one of your Mercedes-es!"
As soon as she heard that lyric, there was no convincing Bella that Kurt was NOT singing
"Mercediesels"
Never mind that "The Sound of Music" took place in the 1930's, when there probably were no
diesel-engined Mercedes.
Never mind that we, in fact, coined the term "Mercediesels"
Bella was convinced, and remained convinced, all the way to her grave, that it was "Mercediesels"
Back to my sister, about six years later, which would make her thirteen, to all you mathematicians
out there.
At some point, out of the blue, my sister asks me "Mark, does minjulepa mean oss?"
A few words of explanation are in order.
"Oss" was my sister's consciously amusing way of saying the word "ass".
Whenever she was asked a question that would begin with the word "Where?",
her response would more than likely be "Up oss".
Or, literally, "up your ass".
So I bewilderedly wrestled with the question "Does minjulepa mean oss?"
Then she put it into context.
"You know, like in the song---"You give my old minjulepa kick, Mame"
I had to explain, not unpatronizingly, what a mint julep was, and how ungrammatical it
would have been if minjulepa DID mean oss.
It's as if you were singing "You give my old oss kick".
There was no room left for an "a".
I am also guilty of lyric butchery in the same manner, and of course, my sister has never let me
hear the end of it.
When I heard Janis Joplin sing "Me and Bobby McGee" for the first time, I questioned my sister
as to whether Janis was singing "Breathin's just another word for nuthin' left to lose",
or "Freedom's just another word for nuthin' left to lose".
My sister let me have it between the eyes.
"Breathin'?" "Breathin'?" What are you, a moron?
Now, I maintain that this example doesn't hold a candle to minjulepa or Mercediesels.
And it's not as if I was certain that it was "Breathin'"
I was just questioning it.
I think a case can actually be made for "Breathin'"
Not a very good one.
"Freedom" is certainly a vast upgrade.
But I confess to having had my doubts.
I don't usually solicit comments for the Comments section, but I'm somewhat curious as to
whether my family was unique in this regard, or whether examples like this are rampant among
my readers.
If so, I'd like to hear yours.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Tying Up Loose Ends.
Speaking of all things Stooge-related, Kevin Pollak, on his Chat Show podcast recently, told a story which was totally fabricated.
Not that he did not bear witness to the story as it was told, but that the story he heard told was too funny to have any chance of being true.
When Pollak was younger, he was given the privilege of being invited to sit at the comedians table at the cafe portion of the Hollywood Improv, where Albert Brooks was holding court.
Albert Brooks' father was named Harry Einstein.
Harry Einstein's professional name was Parkyakarkus.
As Parkyakarkus, he was a very successful radio and film comedian, often working with Eddie Cantor.
Adding two and two together, this made Albert Brooks' given name Albert Einstein.
I'm sure the more well-known Albert Einstein would have conceded that Brooks was smarter than he was.
At least when it came to comedy.
So Pollak is listening to Brooks tell this story that night at the Hollywood Improv.
Pollak, who does a great Albert Brooks impression, tells it in the first person on his podcast:
"So I go to Forest Lawn Cemetery to visit my father's grave.
And I talk to him.
I tell him how much I miss him, and what a big influence he's been on my life.
I truly loved my father.
Now, directly to the left of my father's grave is the grave of Larry Fine, of the Three Stooges.
The headstone wasn't there last year.
He'd just been dead about a year.
But the headstone was there now.
So I then say a prayer in Hebrew to honor my father.
All of a sudden, seemingly from out of nowhere, Moe Howard appears, and walks up to
Larry Fine's grave.
Moe Howard just stands there, quietly, perhaps reverentially.
He just stands there.
For quite a while.
Then, suddenly, he almost literally explodes.
He pounces onto the turf in front of the headstone, and begins poking two fingers into the turf.
And, into the earth, he shouts 'Putz! How am I going to get work as a single?' "
I also caught up with Keith Olbermann when he made his appearance with Letterman.
He was extremely obtuse, and not at all forthcoming about his problems with Current TV and
why he got fired.
He kept referring to himself as a ten million dollar chandelier that did not fit it's surroundings.
Yet he seemingly took responsibility for what went wrong.
Not enough that he's not suing their collective brains out.
It seemed quite disingenuous.
He explained that he'd had a lot of throat problems, which accounted for his many absences,
but during the run of his show there, nobody, no substitute host, nor he, ever offered any excuse for his absences relating to health problems.
We were not getting anything close to the full story here.
I don't know what's going to happen with Keith, but I think it's a fairly good bet that he can go
just about anywhere, and begin poking two fingers just about anywhere, and say to himself-------
"Putz! How am I going to get work as a single?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
Not that he did not bear witness to the story as it was told, but that the story he heard told was too funny to have any chance of being true.
When Pollak was younger, he was given the privilege of being invited to sit at the comedians table at the cafe portion of the Hollywood Improv, where Albert Brooks was holding court.
Albert Brooks' father was named Harry Einstein.
Harry Einstein's professional name was Parkyakarkus.
As Parkyakarkus, he was a very successful radio and film comedian, often working with Eddie Cantor.
Adding two and two together, this made Albert Brooks' given name Albert Einstein.
I'm sure the more well-known Albert Einstein would have conceded that Brooks was smarter than he was.
At least when it came to comedy.
So Pollak is listening to Brooks tell this story that night at the Hollywood Improv.
Pollak, who does a great Albert Brooks impression, tells it in the first person on his podcast:
"So I go to Forest Lawn Cemetery to visit my father's grave.
And I talk to him.
I tell him how much I miss him, and what a big influence he's been on my life.
I truly loved my father.
Now, directly to the left of my father's grave is the grave of Larry Fine, of the Three Stooges.
The headstone wasn't there last year.
He'd just been dead about a year.
But the headstone was there now.
So I then say a prayer in Hebrew to honor my father.
All of a sudden, seemingly from out of nowhere, Moe Howard appears, and walks up to
Larry Fine's grave.
Moe Howard just stands there, quietly, perhaps reverentially.
He just stands there.
For quite a while.
Then, suddenly, he almost literally explodes.
He pounces onto the turf in front of the headstone, and begins poking two fingers into the turf.
And, into the earth, he shouts 'Putz! How am I going to get work as a single?' "
I also caught up with Keith Olbermann when he made his appearance with Letterman.
He was extremely obtuse, and not at all forthcoming about his problems with Current TV and
why he got fired.
He kept referring to himself as a ten million dollar chandelier that did not fit it's surroundings.
Yet he seemingly took responsibility for what went wrong.
Not enough that he's not suing their collective brains out.
It seemed quite disingenuous.
He explained that he'd had a lot of throat problems, which accounted for his many absences,
but during the run of his show there, nobody, no substitute host, nor he, ever offered any excuse for his absences relating to health problems.
We were not getting anything close to the full story here.
I don't know what's going to happen with Keith, but I think it's a fairly good bet that he can go
just about anywhere, and begin poking two fingers just about anywhere, and say to himself-------
"Putz! How am I going to get work as a single?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Now Kids, Remember. The Stooges Are Trained Professionals.
That's what Officer Joe Bolton, who entered the set swinging his billy club on each episode of
the Three Stooges reruns on WPIX, Channel 11 in New York, would say to all the kids who were watching.
Many of whom took matters into their own hands by attempting to poke each other's eyes out.
This would take place after witnessing the Stooges do it in their films.
It was primarily a matter of nobody wanting to get sued.
Woo-WOO-Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo!
I'm certain that much damage was done along the way.
But that generation for the most part survived.
Hey Porcupine!
Now, a new movie is going to be opening really soon, that seems to be claiming to be in exactly
the same spirit as the originals, except without the original Stooges, all of whom are long since dead.
Spread Out!
Is this a good idea?
I suppose that it depends on what you thought of the Three Stooges to begin with.
I never thought much of them.
Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!
It has often been maintained that the Three Stooges always appealed far more to men than they did to women.
This makes sense.
Men seem to be much more attracted to gratuitous violence.
I guess my feminine side emerges here.
I never found the Three Stooges to be appealing or remotely funny.
So why did I watch it as a teenager?
Because it was the least objectionable programming.
That's why I ever took a gander at "My Little Margie".
Moe, Larry, the cheese!
When you don't find them to be remotely funny, the violence that was inflicted primarily
and invariably by Moe upon the others seemed literally painful.
Accentuated by quite jarring sound effects.
It all just seemed mean-spirited for it's own sake.
Why, you numbskull!
The Three Stooges always seemed to be funnier when you talked about them and what they did, than when you actually saw them.
Soitenly!
So is the movie actually a good idea?
Perhaps not aesthetically, but there are soitenly a lot of 14 year-old boys who love them, and are,
of course, after all, the motion picture industry's main target audience.
So it seems to be a good idea at least financially.
I'm a victim of soicumstance!
And it might even be funny.
It has oft been said that the Stooges never met a script that they would turn down.
This thing is helmed by the Farrelly Brothers.
Maybe no one would turn it down.
I try to think, but nothing happens!
Larry David and Jane Lynch are appearing in it.
That's quite an imprimatur.
The Brady Bunch Movie proved that in the right hands, something that was never funny CAN be.
Rrrowf! Rrrowf!"
There are purists out there who think that this is sacrilege.
That nobody should dare play the Stooges except the originals.
This is nonsense.
I saw a Broadway Show in the 80's called "A Day In Hollywood/A Night In the Ukraine".
The entire second half was devoted to a new Marx Brothers Musical.
I welcomed the notion, and had no trouble accepting new actors playing Harpo, Chico, and Groucho.
Except for the fact that the actor playing Groucho, David Garrison, sounded nothing at all like
Groucho, but instead sounded exactly like Edward G. Robinson.
But it still worked.
Nyah-ahh-ahh!
Moe and Curly are probably the most singularly famous names there are.
How many other Moe's do you know?
How many does anybody know?
Moe Greene from "The Godfather"?
That's stretching things a bit.
Curly from the musical "Oklahoma"?
Hardly.
There are plenty of Larrys, but no Curlys and no other Moe.
Except maybe Five Guys Named Moe.
That's also stretching things a bit.
And of course, there has never been another Shemp.
Okay, I guess Curly was funny. But Shemp, like the others, never was.
Quoting the Three Stooges is funny.
Which is probably why I've interspersed this essay with their quotes.
So maybe a Three Stooges Movie is a good idea. Maybe not.
I leave you with one thought:
B-A-bay, B-E bee, B-I biddy bye, B-O bo, biddy bye bo B-U boo,biddy bye bo boo!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
the Three Stooges reruns on WPIX, Channel 11 in New York, would say to all the kids who were watching.
Many of whom took matters into their own hands by attempting to poke each other's eyes out.
This would take place after witnessing the Stooges do it in their films.
It was primarily a matter of nobody wanting to get sued.
Woo-WOO-Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo!
I'm certain that much damage was done along the way.
But that generation for the most part survived.
Hey Porcupine!
Now, a new movie is going to be opening really soon, that seems to be claiming to be in exactly
the same spirit as the originals, except without the original Stooges, all of whom are long since dead.
Spread Out!
Is this a good idea?
I suppose that it depends on what you thought of the Three Stooges to begin with.
I never thought much of them.
Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!
It has often been maintained that the Three Stooges always appealed far more to men than they did to women.
This makes sense.
Men seem to be much more attracted to gratuitous violence.
I guess my feminine side emerges here.
I never found the Three Stooges to be appealing or remotely funny.
So why did I watch it as a teenager?
Because it was the least objectionable programming.
That's why I ever took a gander at "My Little Margie".
Moe, Larry, the cheese!
When you don't find them to be remotely funny, the violence that was inflicted primarily
and invariably by Moe upon the others seemed literally painful.
Accentuated by quite jarring sound effects.
It all just seemed mean-spirited for it's own sake.
Why, you numbskull!
The Three Stooges always seemed to be funnier when you talked about them and what they did, than when you actually saw them.
Soitenly!
So is the movie actually a good idea?
Perhaps not aesthetically, but there are soitenly a lot of 14 year-old boys who love them, and are,
of course, after all, the motion picture industry's main target audience.
So it seems to be a good idea at least financially.
I'm a victim of soicumstance!
And it might even be funny.
It has oft been said that the Stooges never met a script that they would turn down.
This thing is helmed by the Farrelly Brothers.
Maybe no one would turn it down.
I try to think, but nothing happens!
Larry David and Jane Lynch are appearing in it.
That's quite an imprimatur.
The Brady Bunch Movie proved that in the right hands, something that was never funny CAN be.
Rrrowf! Rrrowf!"
There are purists out there who think that this is sacrilege.
That nobody should dare play the Stooges except the originals.
This is nonsense.
I saw a Broadway Show in the 80's called "A Day In Hollywood/A Night In the Ukraine".
The entire second half was devoted to a new Marx Brothers Musical.
I welcomed the notion, and had no trouble accepting new actors playing Harpo, Chico, and Groucho.
Except for the fact that the actor playing Groucho, David Garrison, sounded nothing at all like
Groucho, but instead sounded exactly like Edward G. Robinson.
But it still worked.
Nyah-ahh-ahh!
Moe and Curly are probably the most singularly famous names there are.
How many other Moe's do you know?
How many does anybody know?
Moe Greene from "The Godfather"?
That's stretching things a bit.
Curly from the musical "Oklahoma"?
Hardly.
There are plenty of Larrys, but no Curlys and no other Moe.
Except maybe Five Guys Named Moe.
That's also stretching things a bit.
And of course, there has never been another Shemp.
Okay, I guess Curly was funny. But Shemp, like the others, never was.
Quoting the Three Stooges is funny.
Which is probably why I've interspersed this essay with their quotes.
So maybe a Three Stooges Movie is a good idea. Maybe not.
I leave you with one thought:
B-A-bay, B-E bee, B-I biddy bye, B-O bo, biddy bye bo B-U boo,biddy bye bo boo!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
Saturday, March 31, 2012
At A Loss.
So last night, I tune in to "Countdown With Keith Olbermann", only to find someone else
sitting in his chair.
Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer.
This doesn't shock me.
He's been in that seat before.
What does shock me is that the name of the show has been changed.
It is now called "Viewpoint With Eliot Spitzer".
No reference to why the change.
To once again paraphrase Chico Marx, I unnerstan' "Why-a-no chicken, I unnerstan' "Why-a-no horse".
I no unnerstan' "Why a change?"
And they no tell-a you.
There is no reference in the entire hour as to why it's no longer called "Countdown"
I didn't need much explanation as to why Keith Olbermann wasn't there.
For much of it's run on Current TV, Olbermann was NEVER there.
More often than you would expect, there was usually some substitute host.
Particularly for a new network just starting out, trying to find it's sea legs, and counting on
Olbermann to serve as it's anchor.
I watched the show every night.
No one ever explained Olbermann's absences, including Olbermann on the nights he returned.
As a viewer, I felt entitled to more information than I was getting.
I heard rumors of ill-health, throat problems.....
But if that was the case, it would be easily explainable on the air.
No, this sounded much more like intrigue, and possibly sabotage.
You know, the kind of thing that Olbermann claimed was happening to him at MSNBC before he left.
Later that night, I found a press release on the Internet from Al Gore and his partner,
who both own Current TV, that they had canned Olbermann for breach of contract.
The statement sounded pretty rancorous.
What had Olbermann done to piss off a nice man like Al Gore?
Al Gore has a history of being nice.
Keith Olbermann has had a history of pissing people off.
Even the Supreme Court, when denying Gore the Presidency, didn't seem to piss him off.
But Olbermann did.
Olbermann retorted that promises were made to him, like his having control of who preceded
and succeeded him on the air, and that he wouldn't have a simple black background behind him like Charlie Rose.
These seem to be the kinds of problems that one creates for oneself when you only have a fraction
of the audience you used to have.
It certainly didn't matter to me as a viewer.
Whenever I've been asked why I don't write about politics more often, I've usually replied
"Whatever I have to say about politics, Keith Olbermann says it better"
But there is no question that the man is a hothead, and there are plenty of folks on MSNBC who also express my political thoughts better than I do.
I hope Olbermann lands somewhere.
Somewhere where they make him show up every night.
He's still quite entertaining when he does.
He's appearing on Letterman Tuesday night, and I'd love to hear his side of things.
Why is all this happening?
I am at a loss to explain it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
sitting in his chair.
Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer.
This doesn't shock me.
He's been in that seat before.
What does shock me is that the name of the show has been changed.
It is now called "Viewpoint With Eliot Spitzer".
No reference to why the change.
To once again paraphrase Chico Marx, I unnerstan' "Why-a-no chicken, I unnerstan' "Why-a-no horse".
I no unnerstan' "Why a change?"
And they no tell-a you.
There is no reference in the entire hour as to why it's no longer called "Countdown"
I didn't need much explanation as to why Keith Olbermann wasn't there.
For much of it's run on Current TV, Olbermann was NEVER there.
More often than you would expect, there was usually some substitute host.
Particularly for a new network just starting out, trying to find it's sea legs, and counting on
Olbermann to serve as it's anchor.
I watched the show every night.
No one ever explained Olbermann's absences, including Olbermann on the nights he returned.
As a viewer, I felt entitled to more information than I was getting.
I heard rumors of ill-health, throat problems.....
But if that was the case, it would be easily explainable on the air.
No, this sounded much more like intrigue, and possibly sabotage.
You know, the kind of thing that Olbermann claimed was happening to him at MSNBC before he left.
Later that night, I found a press release on the Internet from Al Gore and his partner,
who both own Current TV, that they had canned Olbermann for breach of contract.
The statement sounded pretty rancorous.
What had Olbermann done to piss off a nice man like Al Gore?
Al Gore has a history of being nice.
Keith Olbermann has had a history of pissing people off.
Even the Supreme Court, when denying Gore the Presidency, didn't seem to piss him off.
But Olbermann did.
Olbermann retorted that promises were made to him, like his having control of who preceded
and succeeded him on the air, and that he wouldn't have a simple black background behind him like Charlie Rose.
These seem to be the kinds of problems that one creates for oneself when you only have a fraction
of the audience you used to have.
It certainly didn't matter to me as a viewer.
Whenever I've been asked why I don't write about politics more often, I've usually replied
"Whatever I have to say about politics, Keith Olbermann says it better"
But there is no question that the man is a hothead, and there are plenty of folks on MSNBC who also express my political thoughts better than I do.
I hope Olbermann lands somewhere.
Somewhere where they make him show up every night.
He's still quite entertaining when he does.
He's appearing on Letterman Tuesday night, and I'd love to hear his side of things.
Why is all this happening?
I am at a loss to explain it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Is It Just Me? Part Two.
So there I am, somewhere around the Indiana-Michigan border, entering a Subways sandwich shop.
For my usually sumptuous Tuna Fish Foot Long Hero.
For you connoisseurs, and I know you're out there, the only proper way to enjoy one of these
Tuna Fish heroes is to have the bread toasted, then have the tuna fish applied cold, then the
lettuce applied cold.
Cold onions are optional.
So I go in there.
There are three young black women working behind the counter.
I do not intend to cast any racial aspersions here.
I have certainly encountered quite a few young white women who were just as arrogant, and ignorant and clueless as this.
One of the young black women is dealing with the one customer who requires service, and is taking her order.
I go up to one of the other black women.
I attempt to place my order.
I get half a sentence out, only to be met with "There IS a line, sir".
I look around.
I see no line.
Only this one woman who is already being served.
I ask the magic question: "Where?"
She replies "Right there. Behind that woman.
To which I say: THAT WOMAN? That's the line?"
To which she replies: "That's right"
This prompts me to say: You mean it takes three of you to take care of this one woman's order?
Not one of you can be spared to take care of MY order?"
To which she replies: "That's how it works at Subway. (pointing) She takes the order, then she makes the sandwich, then I ring up the sale."
So that's how it works at Subway.
Funny, I've been at a whole lot of Subways in my life, and most of them didn't even have three
people working behind the counter.
Black, or women, or otherwise.
And I never encountered this sort of protocol.
But let's assume for a moment that I'd NEVER been inside a Subway before.
And that there was a universal protocol, and that I wasn't aware of it.
And I went to the woman who rings up the sale rather than the one who takes the order.
Is "There IS a line, sir" really the most ingratiating way to encourage further business?
Wouldn't "I'm sorry sir, but that woman takes the orders. You have to start with her first"
make the customer feel less rude and less like an idiot?
Speaking of idiocy, I place my order, and woman #2, the sandwich maker, the specialist, asks me
what kind of bread I'd like.
I tell her "Italian"
Then, in an unprecedented move, she opens the elongated Italian bread and begins dutifully plopping the appropriate number of hunks of tuna into it.
Not asking me if I want the bread toasted.
In all my previous Subway experiences, they have ALWAYS asked me if I wanted the bread toasted.
So I volunteer the information that I want the bread toasted.
She says "Fine" and continues to plop the hunks of tuna onto the untoasted bread.
I point out that at this juncture, she's supposed to ask me if I wanted the tuna toasted along with it.
I had to explain that I didn't, and that this applies to the lettuce as well, because among my
acquaintances, I knew of very few who appreciated hot lettuce.
I ended up with what I wanted, toasted bread, cold tuna, cold lettuce, all not without many moments of disbelief, and then attempted to proceed to the woman who started it all with "There IS a line, sir".
She asked, is there anything else, sir?
I was clearly holding up my unopened bottle of Diet Coke, which she did not look up to notice.
I could have easily said "No" and she wouldn't have been any the wiser.
But I chose to play it by the book, and say, "You might notice that I have a bottle of Diet Coke in
my hand"
She rang it up, along with my sandwich, and I was on my way back to Detroit.
With my opinion of humanity once again lowered.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
For my usually sumptuous Tuna Fish Foot Long Hero.
For you connoisseurs, and I know you're out there, the only proper way to enjoy one of these
Tuna Fish heroes is to have the bread toasted, then have the tuna fish applied cold, then the
lettuce applied cold.
Cold onions are optional.
So I go in there.
There are three young black women working behind the counter.
I do not intend to cast any racial aspersions here.
I have certainly encountered quite a few young white women who were just as arrogant, and ignorant and clueless as this.
One of the young black women is dealing with the one customer who requires service, and is taking her order.
I go up to one of the other black women.
I attempt to place my order.
I get half a sentence out, only to be met with "There IS a line, sir".
I look around.
I see no line.
Only this one woman who is already being served.
I ask the magic question: "Where?"
She replies "Right there. Behind that woman.
To which I say: THAT WOMAN? That's the line?"
To which she replies: "That's right"
This prompts me to say: You mean it takes three of you to take care of this one woman's order?
Not one of you can be spared to take care of MY order?"
To which she replies: "That's how it works at Subway. (pointing) She takes the order, then she makes the sandwich, then I ring up the sale."
So that's how it works at Subway.
Funny, I've been at a whole lot of Subways in my life, and most of them didn't even have three
people working behind the counter.
Black, or women, or otherwise.
And I never encountered this sort of protocol.
But let's assume for a moment that I'd NEVER been inside a Subway before.
And that there was a universal protocol, and that I wasn't aware of it.
And I went to the woman who rings up the sale rather than the one who takes the order.
Is "There IS a line, sir" really the most ingratiating way to encourage further business?
Wouldn't "I'm sorry sir, but that woman takes the orders. You have to start with her first"
make the customer feel less rude and less like an idiot?
Speaking of idiocy, I place my order, and woman #2, the sandwich maker, the specialist, asks me
what kind of bread I'd like.
I tell her "Italian"
Then, in an unprecedented move, she opens the elongated Italian bread and begins dutifully plopping the appropriate number of hunks of tuna into it.
Not asking me if I want the bread toasted.
In all my previous Subway experiences, they have ALWAYS asked me if I wanted the bread toasted.
So I volunteer the information that I want the bread toasted.
She says "Fine" and continues to plop the hunks of tuna onto the untoasted bread.
I point out that at this juncture, she's supposed to ask me if I wanted the tuna toasted along with it.
I had to explain that I didn't, and that this applies to the lettuce as well, because among my
acquaintances, I knew of very few who appreciated hot lettuce.
I ended up with what I wanted, toasted bread, cold tuna, cold lettuce, all not without many moments of disbelief, and then attempted to proceed to the woman who started it all with "There IS a line, sir".
She asked, is there anything else, sir?
I was clearly holding up my unopened bottle of Diet Coke, which she did not look up to notice.
I could have easily said "No" and she wouldn't have been any the wiser.
But I chose to play it by the book, and say, "You might notice that I have a bottle of Diet Coke in
my hand"
She rang it up, along with my sandwich, and I was on my way back to Detroit.
With my opinion of humanity once again lowered.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Is It Just Me? Part One.
From the title of this article, one might get the impression that I am about to go off on some wild tangent about something that really annoys me about something that really bugs me about something going on in the world.
Or at least in these United States.
And one would be correct.
And that I am about to take a crap on someone or ones, and/or something.
And one would be correct about that as well.
I am not, and have never been, a fan of Fast Food.
I have never needed my food to be particularly fast.
For me, slow and steady has usually been enough to win the race.
There are, and have been exceptions.
When I began my drive from Detroit to Chicago early Saturday morning to appear at the
Hollywood Collectors Show, I of course stopped off at the McDonalds right off the Interstate for two Egg McMuffins. I brought my own Orange Juice.
Tropicana. Which I like better.
But the Egg McMuffins are the only things I can eat off the overall McDonalds menu.
And I really enjoy them.
I tried a Big Mac once in my life, and couldn't get the smell of the alleged "meat" off of my hands for about two weeks, using lots of Boraxo in my attempts to succeed.
And for some reason, McDonalds stops serving Breakfast at 10:30am.
Because, as we all know, nobody EVER wants to have breakfast at 10:32 in the morning.
So it's only the Early Bird that is capable of catching the Egg McMuffin.
I guess somebody on the McD's corporate level figured out that no matter how many latecomers wanted an Egg McMuffin (which for some reason that I don't remember, I've always referred to as an Ed McMahon) it was better for them to clear the decks of breakfast items and start gearing up for the lunch crowd.
Let me once again iterate that I will never simply leave my house in the AM for the express purpose of getting my hands on Egg McMuffins.
It has always involved either a long-distance driving or flying situation, when I'm leaving early in the morning.
The actress Mai Britt, who was once married to Sammy Davis Jr., and is a good friend of mine, used to live in the Lake Tahoe area in the 90's, as did I.
She didn't do hardly any traveling in those days.
But she was ritualistic in seeking out the local McDonalds in the morning.
She craved the Ed McMahons.
It didn't matter to her whether or not they were fast food or slow food.
She just craved them.
And she'd wait as long as necessary, if necessary, which usually wasn't necessary.
With me, it was purely something I indulged in in transit.
There is another chain of Fast Food places that I have always been particularly partial to:
Subways Sandwich Shops.
The home of the Foot Long Heroes.
I've liked just about everything about it:
The quality of the food.
Their very low prices.
Kind of the Bizarro World Starbucks.
Don't get me started on Starbucks.
Subway's service had always been excellent---efficient and courteous.
I stopped off at a Subways on the way back from Chicago, at around the Indiana-Michigan border, and attempted to get my usual: A tuna fish hero, and a bottle of Diet Coke.
I love the Subways tuna fish hero.
The bottle of Diet Coke was no better or worse than any other I have tried.
But what ensued at this particular Subways on this particular day was totally dismaying, and unfortunately an indication of the way the world is going.
More about the ensuing next time.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
The McDonalds are at virtually every exit at every interstate highway in the country.
I like to be able to drive through and quickly get my hands on the McMahons.
One of the few times that speed comes in handy.
As is the case when I am attempting to catch a flight in the early AM.
Or at least in these United States.
And one would be correct.
And that I am about to take a crap on someone or ones, and/or something.
And one would be correct about that as well.
I am not, and have never been, a fan of Fast Food.
I have never needed my food to be particularly fast.
For me, slow and steady has usually been enough to win the race.
There are, and have been exceptions.
When I began my drive from Detroit to Chicago early Saturday morning to appear at the
Hollywood Collectors Show, I of course stopped off at the McDonalds right off the Interstate for two Egg McMuffins. I brought my own Orange Juice.
Tropicana. Which I like better.
But the Egg McMuffins are the only things I can eat off the overall McDonalds menu.
And I really enjoy them.
I tried a Big Mac once in my life, and couldn't get the smell of the alleged "meat" off of my hands for about two weeks, using lots of Boraxo in my attempts to succeed.
And for some reason, McDonalds stops serving Breakfast at 10:30am.
Because, as we all know, nobody EVER wants to have breakfast at 10:32 in the morning.
So it's only the Early Bird that is capable of catching the Egg McMuffin.
I guess somebody on the McD's corporate level figured out that no matter how many latecomers wanted an Egg McMuffin (which for some reason that I don't remember, I've always referred to as an Ed McMahon) it was better for them to clear the decks of breakfast items and start gearing up for the lunch crowd.
Let me once again iterate that I will never simply leave my house in the AM for the express purpose of getting my hands on Egg McMuffins.
It has always involved either a long-distance driving or flying situation, when I'm leaving early in the morning.
The actress Mai Britt, who was once married to Sammy Davis Jr., and is a good friend of mine, used to live in the Lake Tahoe area in the 90's, as did I.
She didn't do hardly any traveling in those days.
But she was ritualistic in seeking out the local McDonalds in the morning.
She craved the Ed McMahons.
It didn't matter to her whether or not they were fast food or slow food.
She just craved them.
And she'd wait as long as necessary, if necessary, which usually wasn't necessary.
With me, it was purely something I indulged in in transit.
There is another chain of Fast Food places that I have always been particularly partial to:
Subways Sandwich Shops.
The home of the Foot Long Heroes.
I've liked just about everything about it:
The quality of the food.
Their very low prices.
Kind of the Bizarro World Starbucks.
Don't get me started on Starbucks.
Subway's service had always been excellent---efficient and courteous.
I stopped off at a Subways on the way back from Chicago, at around the Indiana-Michigan border, and attempted to get my usual: A tuna fish hero, and a bottle of Diet Coke.
I love the Subways tuna fish hero.
The bottle of Diet Coke was no better or worse than any other I have tried.
But what ensued at this particular Subways on this particular day was totally dismaying, and unfortunately an indication of the way the world is going.
More about the ensuing next time.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
******
The McDonalds are at virtually every exit at every interstate highway in the country.
I like to be able to drive through and quickly get my hands on the McMahons.
One of the few times that speed comes in handy.
As is the case when I am attempting to catch a flight in the early AM.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
The Odd Couple Unexpectedly Meets Bilko. Part Six.
Okay.
I'm at Newark Airport in 1982, waiting to board my flight back to Ohio.
There is a huge rainstorm, accompanied by thunder and lightning.
I am in the process of shitting in my pants.
Then, I hear the magic words from the podium:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we are in an oversold situation.
Anyone who is willing to give up his or her seat will receive $200 to be applied to a future flight, free lodging at an airport hotel, a meal voucher, and we will guarantee you a seat on the first flight going out in the morning".
They had me at "oversold".
My hand immediately went up.
I raced up to the podium, willing to trample anyone who got there ahead of me.
Fortunately, it didn't come to that.
I got there first.
The transaction was completed, and with a major sigh of relief, I got taken by the shuttle to a nearby airport hotel, courtesy of the airline.
I called my then-wife with whom I shared the domicile in Ohio, to let her know that I wasn't coming home that night.
Then, I settled in, picked up a newspaper which contained the TV listings.
Let me point out at this point that this was before cable.
There were seven local stations that could be found in the New York metropolitan area.
That's it.
Seven.
Three network stations, one PBS station, and three independents.
I noticed that at 11pm, Channel 9, one of the independents, was showing a Sergeant Bilko rerun.
Bilko reruns were very rare. Even in New York.
They just didn't air them very often.
By now, they have almost completely vanished from the airwaves.
But even in 1982, they were pretty rare.
So life got even better.
I was going to get to see an episode of "Bilko".
I probably hadn't seen one in about five years.
Eleven o'clock rolls around.
The Bilko episode starts.
What do you know?
It's the "$64,000 Question episode.
Bilko in the bandages.
The one I ripped off, er, paid homage to.
I was delighted.
Now, what I'm about to tell you is the absolute truth.
I've mentioned before that Jack Paar, when he was about to tell some outlandish story, would preface it by saying "If we don't have trust, we have nothing".
Then, he would go on and completely bullshit the audience.
But I'm counting on your trust, and I am not bullshitting you.
"The Odd Couple was a huge hit in syndication, and Channel 11 would run two episodes back to back from 11pm to midnight.
It's the way almost an entire younger generation of fans discovered it.
I had no interest in watching the "Odd Couple" episode, having seen all the ones I'd worked on, and not being impressed with the ones I hadn't.
But during Bilko's first commercial, just out of idle curiosity, I switched to
Channel 11, just to see which episode of "The Odd Couple" was being run.
As God is my judge, it was the Theatre Critic episode.
Oscar in the bandages.
They were going head to head.
The original, and the show that borrowed heavily from it.
And I knew that at approximately twenty after eleven, if you flipped back and forth from Channel 9 to Channel 11, and you had to do it by hand because this was even before there were remotes, you would see Bilko in the bandages, and Oscar in the bandages.
Bilko in the bandages, and Oscar in the bandages.
And I realized that I was the only person in the entire New York metropolitan area who would be doing that, because I was the only person in the New York metropolitan area who knew what was going on.
What are the odds?
They made 238 episodes of Bilko, and 165 episodes of The Odd Couple.
That alone makes it nearly impossible for this coincidence to take place.
Add to that the fact that they easily could have shown the Theatre Critic episode in the 11:30 slot, which would mean they weren't going head to head.
Add to that the fact that I hadn't been to New York for about three years and did not expect to stay overnight to see this.
And I wasn't going to be in New York any other night in the near future.
You could call it all a coincidence if you want to, but that night in Newark convinced me to this day that the universe is not random.
What are the odds?
My most optimistic view of it all is that Nat Hiken, always my main comedy God, actually WAS God.
And he was trying to tell me that I did good.
That there was actually room in the comedy universe for two versions of sitcoms that featured a leading character in bandages, and that it was, in fact, homage.
But that's just me being optimistic.
Who knows what the truth really is?
I can only cling to my optimism, and a new-found faith that turned me from an agnostic to a near-Hassidic.
I say near, because I haven't changed my wardrobe or grown a beard.
I've even considered becoming a Baptist.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
I'll be at the Hollywood Collectors Show in Chicago this weekend, hawking the paperback.
If you're in the area, and would like to say hello, I'd love to meet and talk with you.
I'll probably be resurfacing here on Tuesday.
The website "On Screen & Beyond" has two has two hours of an interview I did on it's podcast in their archives.
Just Google On Screen and Beyond if you're interested.
******
I'm at Newark Airport in 1982, waiting to board my flight back to Ohio.
There is a huge rainstorm, accompanied by thunder and lightning.
I am in the process of shitting in my pants.
Then, I hear the magic words from the podium:
"Ladies and gentlemen, we are in an oversold situation.
Anyone who is willing to give up his or her seat will receive $200 to be applied to a future flight, free lodging at an airport hotel, a meal voucher, and we will guarantee you a seat on the first flight going out in the morning".
They had me at "oversold".
My hand immediately went up.
I raced up to the podium, willing to trample anyone who got there ahead of me.
Fortunately, it didn't come to that.
I got there first.
The transaction was completed, and with a major sigh of relief, I got taken by the shuttle to a nearby airport hotel, courtesy of the airline.
I called my then-wife with whom I shared the domicile in Ohio, to let her know that I wasn't coming home that night.
Then, I settled in, picked up a newspaper which contained the TV listings.
Let me point out at this point that this was before cable.
There were seven local stations that could be found in the New York metropolitan area.
That's it.
Seven.
Three network stations, one PBS station, and three independents.
I noticed that at 11pm, Channel 9, one of the independents, was showing a Sergeant Bilko rerun.
Bilko reruns were very rare. Even in New York.
They just didn't air them very often.
By now, they have almost completely vanished from the airwaves.
But even in 1982, they were pretty rare.
So life got even better.
I was going to get to see an episode of "Bilko".
I probably hadn't seen one in about five years.
Eleven o'clock rolls around.
The Bilko episode starts.
What do you know?
It's the "$64,000 Question episode.
Bilko in the bandages.
The one I ripped off, er, paid homage to.
I was delighted.
Now, what I'm about to tell you is the absolute truth.
I've mentioned before that Jack Paar, when he was about to tell some outlandish story, would preface it by saying "If we don't have trust, we have nothing".
Then, he would go on and completely bullshit the audience.
But I'm counting on your trust, and I am not bullshitting you.
"The Odd Couple was a huge hit in syndication, and Channel 11 would run two episodes back to back from 11pm to midnight.
It's the way almost an entire younger generation of fans discovered it.
I had no interest in watching the "Odd Couple" episode, having seen all the ones I'd worked on, and not being impressed with the ones I hadn't.
But during Bilko's first commercial, just out of idle curiosity, I switched to
Channel 11, just to see which episode of "The Odd Couple" was being run.
As God is my judge, it was the Theatre Critic episode.
Oscar in the bandages.
They were going head to head.
The original, and the show that borrowed heavily from it.
And I knew that at approximately twenty after eleven, if you flipped back and forth from Channel 9 to Channel 11, and you had to do it by hand because this was even before there were remotes, you would see Bilko in the bandages, and Oscar in the bandages.
Bilko in the bandages, and Oscar in the bandages.
And I realized that I was the only person in the entire New York metropolitan area who would be doing that, because I was the only person in the New York metropolitan area who knew what was going on.
What are the odds?
They made 238 episodes of Bilko, and 165 episodes of The Odd Couple.
That alone makes it nearly impossible for this coincidence to take place.
Add to that the fact that they easily could have shown the Theatre Critic episode in the 11:30 slot, which would mean they weren't going head to head.
Add to that the fact that I hadn't been to New York for about three years and did not expect to stay overnight to see this.
And I wasn't going to be in New York any other night in the near future.
You could call it all a coincidence if you want to, but that night in Newark convinced me to this day that the universe is not random.
What are the odds?
My most optimistic view of it all is that Nat Hiken, always my main comedy God, actually WAS God.
And he was trying to tell me that I did good.
That there was actually room in the comedy universe for two versions of sitcoms that featured a leading character in bandages, and that it was, in fact, homage.
But that's just me being optimistic.
Who knows what the truth really is?
I can only cling to my optimism, and a new-found faith that turned me from an agnostic to a near-Hassidic.
I say near, because I haven't changed my wardrobe or grown a beard.
I've even considered becoming a Baptist.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
I'll be at the Hollywood Collectors Show in Chicago this weekend, hawking the paperback.
If you're in the area, and would like to say hello, I'd love to meet and talk with you.
I'll probably be resurfacing here on Tuesday.
The website "On Screen & Beyond" has two has two hours of an interview I did on it's podcast in their archives.
Just Google On Screen and Beyond if you're interested.
******
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
The Odd Couple Unexpectedly Meets Bilko. Part Five.
We're at the top of the stretch with this story now.
One more post after this, and it will be wrapped up.
We shot and aired the Odd Couple Theatre Critic Show, with a wonderful assist
from Sergeant Bilko, and it's great Show Runner, Nat Hiken, in 1974.
Eight years later, it suddenly became 1982.
I was living in Ohio, for the sole purpose of trying to keep a marriage together.
It was a marriage that wasn't worth keeping together.
I knew it then, I know it now.
Chalk it up to "Idiocy"
When you don't live on either coast, your career becomes a disappearing act.
People quickly forget you're alive.
I had a relationship with the great comedian Alan King, who was also a producer, and
had a sitcom development deal with CBS.
Alan King did this great routine called "Survived By Widow", which was written by my friend, the late, great Harry Crane.
It was all about how women invariably outlive their husbands.
He would continually read from actual Obituaries of men, the last line of which would always be "Survived by widow"
Alan was no exception. He died at 76, survived by his widow, Jeanette.
Several years earlier I had a sitcom development deal with CBS.
And Alan didn't.
Now, he did, and I didn't.
I saw him as a way to shoehorn my way back into CBS.
I had a pilot that I wanted to pitch to him.
A pilot, by the way, that bore no resemblance to anything done on either "The Odd Couple" or "Sergeant Bilko".
Alan King's offices were in New York City.
Alan King was quite receptive to meeting me to hear my pilot, so I didn't have to make up a reason to get on a plane to leave that hellhole I had in Ohio, at least for a day.
The meeting was set up for 3pm on an afternoon in August.
My flight got in at noon.
And I knew that 3pm meant that no food would be brought in.
Too late for lunch, and too early for dinner.
So I went to the Carnegie Deli, the best of many fine New York Delis, certainly better than anything you could find anywhere else.
And it was rush hour for lunch, and there were lines to get in, and there were panhandlers working the street right outside, and I endeared myself to them by saying things like "No accosting!!"
This was in the pre-Giuliani days, when the city was quite slovenly.
Then you got in, and were jammed next to total strangers, and hustled in and out by the rudest waiters imaginable.
And it was all worth it, because that's how good the food was.
I had the best Pastrami Sandwich in the world, with it's perfect accompaniment,
Dr. Brown's Diet Black Cherry Soda (like that's going to help.)
So I show up at Alan's office at 3pm, and pitch my pilot.
Alan is very receptive.
We make plans to schedule a meeting with the Brass at CBS.
So around 4:30, rush hour, I head back to Newark Airport.
I get there, with just a little time to spare.
On what was a spectacular day weather-wise, storm clouds were starting to develop.
It immediately became ominous.
Thunder and lightning ensued.
I'm not good with flying in general, even if it does mean leaving Ohio.
But I was heading back to Ohio.
So I was even worse with flying in general.
Then the hand of God took over.
Deus ex Machina.
And it led to an event so astounding, so unbelievable, that it shook me to my very foundation.
This will be reported next time.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
The website "On Screen & Beyond" has two has two hours of an interview I did on it's podcast in their archives.
Just Google On Screen and Beyond if you're interested.
******
One more post after this, and it will be wrapped up.
We shot and aired the Odd Couple Theatre Critic Show, with a wonderful assist
from Sergeant Bilko, and it's great Show Runner, Nat Hiken, in 1974.
Eight years later, it suddenly became 1982.
I was living in Ohio, for the sole purpose of trying to keep a marriage together.
It was a marriage that wasn't worth keeping together.
I knew it then, I know it now.
Chalk it up to "Idiocy"
When you don't live on either coast, your career becomes a disappearing act.
People quickly forget you're alive.
I had a relationship with the great comedian Alan King, who was also a producer, and
had a sitcom development deal with CBS.
Alan King did this great routine called "Survived By Widow", which was written by my friend, the late, great Harry Crane.
It was all about how women invariably outlive their husbands.
He would continually read from actual Obituaries of men, the last line of which would always be "Survived by widow"
Alan was no exception. He died at 76, survived by his widow, Jeanette.
Several years earlier I had a sitcom development deal with CBS.
And Alan didn't.
Now, he did, and I didn't.
I saw him as a way to shoehorn my way back into CBS.
I had a pilot that I wanted to pitch to him.
A pilot, by the way, that bore no resemblance to anything done on either "The Odd Couple" or "Sergeant Bilko".
Alan King's offices were in New York City.
Alan King was quite receptive to meeting me to hear my pilot, so I didn't have to make up a reason to get on a plane to leave that hellhole I had in Ohio, at least for a day.
The meeting was set up for 3pm on an afternoon in August.
My flight got in at noon.
And I knew that 3pm meant that no food would be brought in.
Too late for lunch, and too early for dinner.
So I went to the Carnegie Deli, the best of many fine New York Delis, certainly better than anything you could find anywhere else.
And it was rush hour for lunch, and there were lines to get in, and there were panhandlers working the street right outside, and I endeared myself to them by saying things like "No accosting!!"
This was in the pre-Giuliani days, when the city was quite slovenly.
Then you got in, and were jammed next to total strangers, and hustled in and out by the rudest waiters imaginable.
And it was all worth it, because that's how good the food was.
I had the best Pastrami Sandwich in the world, with it's perfect accompaniment,
Dr. Brown's Diet Black Cherry Soda (like that's going to help.)
So I show up at Alan's office at 3pm, and pitch my pilot.
Alan is very receptive.
We make plans to schedule a meeting with the Brass at CBS.
So around 4:30, rush hour, I head back to Newark Airport.
I get there, with just a little time to spare.
On what was a spectacular day weather-wise, storm clouds were starting to develop.
It immediately became ominous.
Thunder and lightning ensued.
I'm not good with flying in general, even if it does mean leaving Ohio.
But I was heading back to Ohio.
So I was even worse with flying in general.
Then the hand of God took over.
Deus ex Machina.
And it led to an event so astounding, so unbelievable, that it shook me to my very foundation.
This will be reported next time.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
The website "On Screen & Beyond" has two has two hours of an interview I did on it's podcast in their archives.
Just Google On Screen and Beyond if you're interested.
******
Sunday, March 18, 2012
The Odd Couple Unexpectedly Meets Bilko. Part Four.
So, with the image of Phil Silvers as Bilko, his head wrapped in bandages, appearing on the $64,000 Question, I took the Great Circle Route of "What if, after Felix has found out that Oscar has used him, in effect, betrayed his trust, to write his theater reviews for him, and instead of staying mad at him, starts reveling in his power, enjoying becoming a taste-maker, has the ultimate curve thrown at him, and (by the way) Oscar.
Oscar is invited to go on television on a panel discussion to discuss the state of theatre with other critics.
He knows he'd be an embarrassment, and exposed as a fraud.
Felix comes to the rescue: "What if tell you that I have the craziest idea I've ever had, but it just might work?
Oscar, desperate at this point, is willing to try anything.
Cut to: The TV panel discussion.
Real theatre critics are there.
John Simon, Dan Sullivan, and others.
Along with them are Felix and Oscar.
Oscar has his face wrapped in bandages, just like Bilko.
They go on the air, and Felix is introduced as Oscar's dentist, and announces that Oscar has just had four wisdom teeth pulled, so the best he can do is mumble his answers to Felix, and Felix will "translate" for him, actually giving his own erudite opinions.
Only they're not so erudite.
Every time he pulls Oscar to him to "mumble" his answers for Felix to "translate",
Felix says something abusive to his fellow critics.
Even something misogynistic to a female critic.
And of course, the critics all blame Oscar, thinking that these are his thoughts.
The other critics, totally offended at Oscar, walk off the show. leaving Oscar humiliated in bandages.
It was hilarious.
One of our best shows.
It got a great reaction from the studio audience.
Jay Sandrich, a great director, who directed this episode, came up to me afterwards, and said, "All right. Fess up. You did this whole show just to get Jack in the bandages".
I had to swear up and down that we had the first half of this show worked out for over a year, and couldn't beat it.
Until now, I never revealed that we paid Homage, or stole, from Bilko.
To this day, he doesn't believe me.
Now, I promised you from the beginning that this would be one of the greatest stories, if not THE greatest, that I have ever told you.
So far, it's been a pretty good story, but not one of the greatest I have ever told you.
But we're not done.
Something happened eight years later that puts it over the top.
And I'll get to it.
Just stay tuned.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
The website "On Screen & Beyond" has two has two hours of an interview I did on it's podcast in their archives.
Just Google On Screen and Beyond if you're interested.
******
Oscar is invited to go on television on a panel discussion to discuss the state of theatre with other critics.
He knows he'd be an embarrassment, and exposed as a fraud.
Felix comes to the rescue: "What if tell you that I have the craziest idea I've ever had, but it just might work?
Oscar, desperate at this point, is willing to try anything.
Cut to: The TV panel discussion.
Real theatre critics are there.
John Simon, Dan Sullivan, and others.
Along with them are Felix and Oscar.
Oscar has his face wrapped in bandages, just like Bilko.
They go on the air, and Felix is introduced as Oscar's dentist, and announces that Oscar has just had four wisdom teeth pulled, so the best he can do is mumble his answers to Felix, and Felix will "translate" for him, actually giving his own erudite opinions.
Only they're not so erudite.
Every time he pulls Oscar to him to "mumble" his answers for Felix to "translate",
Felix says something abusive to his fellow critics.
Even something misogynistic to a female critic.
And of course, the critics all blame Oscar, thinking that these are his thoughts.
The other critics, totally offended at Oscar, walk off the show. leaving Oscar humiliated in bandages.
It was hilarious.
One of our best shows.
It got a great reaction from the studio audience.
Jay Sandrich, a great director, who directed this episode, came up to me afterwards, and said, "All right. Fess up. You did this whole show just to get Jack in the bandages".
I had to swear up and down that we had the first half of this show worked out for over a year, and couldn't beat it.
Until now, I never revealed that we paid Homage, or stole, from Bilko.
To this day, he doesn't believe me.
Now, I promised you from the beginning that this would be one of the greatest stories, if not THE greatest, that I have ever told you.
So far, it's been a pretty good story, but not one of the greatest I have ever told you.
But we're not done.
Something happened eight years later that puts it over the top.
And I'll get to it.
Just stay tuned.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
The website "On Screen & Beyond" has two has two hours of an interview I did on it's podcast in their archives.
Just Google On Screen and Beyond if you're interested.
******
Thursday, March 15, 2012
The Odd Couple Unexpectedly Meets Bilko. Part Three.
So I was digging for gold and found it in the Bilko goldmine.
I harkened back to an episode of Bilko where it was established that one of the platoon members, played by Fred Gwynne, was an expert on birds.
He had been trapped in an igloo in Alaska for over a year, with only the Audobon book of birds to keep him company.
So he knew every page in it from cover to cover.
Every word, every sentence, every picture, every comma, every stain, every smudge.
Bilko successfully gets him on the $64,000 Question.
This was obviously before America learned that the major quiz shows, and this one in particular, were rigged.
Fred Gwynne makes it all the way to winning $32,000.
The last plateau before going for the $64,000 Question.
Does he quit, or risk it all and go for the whole enchilada?
A no brainer.
There's nothing he doesn't know about birds.
Except------during the ensuing week, he gets bumped on the head.
A bump that knocks all the birds out of his head.
Bilko, undaunted, attempts to take advantage of the rules.
For the last question, you're allowed to bring a guest expert into the isolation booth with you.
Yes Virginia, they had an isolation booth.
Bilko books a hotel room directly across the street from the TV studio.
The platoon is there en masse, armed with every book on birds.
And, for no particular reason, the occasional stuffed owl and eagle.
They have a radio transmitter.
Bilko is to go on with Fred Gwynne as the guest expert, with the receiver from the transmitter in his ear.
In order to hide the receiver from view, he wraps the entire sides of his face, inluding his ears, in bandages.
When asked about it, he claims that it's the result of an old war wound.
During the questioning, the platoon feeds Bilko the answers.
Bilko whispers the correct answers to Gwynne.
Then, the transmitter and receiver short-circuit, causing a minor explosion.
This causes Bilko to faint, and drop out of sight.
And it brings Gwynne out of his amnesia, causing him to naturally rattle off the correct answers.
It was a memorable and hilarious episode.
And it was the image of Bilko in the bandages that gave me the way to beat the Odd Couple Theatre Critic story.
Next time, how this was accomplished.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
The website "On Screen & Beyond" has two has two hours of an interview I did on it's podcast in their archives.
Just Google On Screen and Beyond if you're interested.
******
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
The Odd Couple Unexpectedly Meets Bilko. Part Two.
So we had half a story sitting on the shelf for over a year and weren't able to beat it.
Oscar has to fill in for the Theatre Critic at the paper, feels underqualified, sends Felix to the theater instead, picks his brain about the play when he gets home, then phones in what Felix says about it as his review, Felix then finds out and confronts Oscar about it.
That's what we had. So then what?
"So then what" encompasses the entire second half of the story and the show.
And we didn't have "So then what?" for over a year.
And we knew that if we could figure out "So then what?", it would probably be great.
Billy Wilder occasionally wrote movies for Ernst Lubitsch to direct.
Billy Wilder idolized Ernst Lubitsch.
Billy Wilder had a framed sign on the wall of his office that read "What would Lubitsch do?"
When Billy Wilder was on the set, directing one of his movies, and couldn't see the framed sign on the wall of his office, and found himself with a problem he couldn't solve, he would come right out and ask himself "What would Lubitsch do?"
The way Billy Wilder felt about Lubitsch is the way I felt about Nat Hiken, the great Show Runner and Creator of "Sergeant Bilko" and "Car 54, Where Are You?"
And after a fruitless year of trying to beat the Theatre Critic story, I finally decided to emulate Billy Wilder and ask the magic question :
What would Nat Hiken do?
Now, you could call it Homage, or less charitably, you could call it Stealing.
I tend to be more charitable and call it Homage.
I wracked my encyclopedic brain, recalling every episode of "Bilko" and "Car 54" until I finally came up with a major element from an episode of "Bilko" that more than did the trick.
And we had an entire story.
Next time, I'll divulge what we stole, er, paid homage to.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
The website "On Screen & Beyond" has two has two hours of an interview I did on it's podcast in their archives.
Just Google On Screen and Beyond if your interested.
******
Friday, March 9, 2012
The Odd Couple Unexpectedly Meets Bilko.
I've been writing about Phil Silvers lately, and I have long been aware that I've been holding back on telling easily my best Phil Silvers story ever.
Perhaps my best story ever.
Depending on how much rambling I do, it will take at least two segments to tell it.
It takes three steps to create a "Story " for a sitcom episode.
First, there is such a thing as a "Springboard ", or a "Notion ".
It usually takes the form of "What if?"
Once, on "The Odd Couple ", it took the form of "What if Oscar has
to fill for the Theatre Critic at his newspaper? "
That's a springboard.
It's one I came up with.
If you extend it to "What if Oscar has to fill in for the Theatre Critic at his newspaper, and he feels underqualified, so he sends Felix to the theater in his place, without telling him why, because he's embarrassed, and picks Felix's brain about it when he comes home, so Oscar can write his review?"
This is still a springboard, but it begins to approach an "Idea".
If you add to all of this that Felix finds out about the ruse and confronts Oscar about it, this is a full-fledged idea.
But it's not yet a story.
A story demands a beginning, a middle, and an end.
What I described above is a beginning, and some of the middle.
It's enough to get you the midway point of an episode.
It needed the rest of the middle, and an ending.
Then, you've got a story.
We had what we had for over a year, without being able to figure out the rest of the middle and the ending.
So half an outline sat on the shelf, into the next season, without anyone coming up with the solution.
Finally, by exploring the history of TV sitcoms, I found the way to complete the entire story.
Next time, among other things, I'll tell you how I got there.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
The website "On Screen & Beyond" has two has two hours of an interview I did on it's podcast in their archives.
Just Google On Screen and Beyond if your interested.
******
Perhaps my best story ever.
Depending on how much rambling I do, it will take at least two segments to tell it.
It takes three steps to create a "Story " for a sitcom episode.
First, there is such a thing as a "Springboard ", or a "Notion ".
It usually takes the form of "What if?"
Once, on "The Odd Couple ", it took the form of "What if Oscar has
to fill for the Theatre Critic at his newspaper? "
That's a springboard.
It's one I came up with.
If you extend it to "What if Oscar has to fill in for the Theatre Critic at his newspaper, and he feels underqualified, so he sends Felix to the theater in his place, without telling him why, because he's embarrassed, and picks Felix's brain about it when he comes home, so Oscar can write his review?"
This is still a springboard, but it begins to approach an "Idea".
If you add to all of this that Felix finds out about the ruse and confronts Oscar about it, this is a full-fledged idea.
But it's not yet a story.
A story demands a beginning, a middle, and an end.
What I described above is a beginning, and some of the middle.
It's enough to get you the midway point of an episode.
It needed the rest of the middle, and an ending.
Then, you've got a story.
We had what we had for over a year, without being able to figure out the rest of the middle and the ending.
So half an outline sat on the shelf, into the next season, without anyone coming up with the solution.
Finally, by exploring the history of TV sitcoms, I found the way to complete the entire story.
Next time, among other things, I'll tell you how I got there.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
The website "On Screen & Beyond" has two has two hours of an interview I did on it's podcast in their archives.
Just Google On Screen and Beyond if your interested.
******
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