Ask Not For Whom The Bell Tolls.

I'm referring here to ole Alex Bell.
Ole Alex Graham Bell.
A lot has gone down since he said "Mr. Watson, come here! I need you!"
And most of it is negative.
We've come a long way from Jan Clayton ringing Jenny three times to reach the sheriff when Jeff or Lassie were missing.
When I am in a good mood, embracing life, and my mind turns to the subject of death, I usually think that tomorrow is one less day that I have, to get up.
When I am depressed, and occasionally embracing death, which is unfortunately too much of the time, I think that tomorrow is one less day, that I HAVE to get up.
Just a moved comma, and four capital letters, and it changes everything.
One of the ways that my mind shifts to the latter is the prospect of someone calling me between 8:30am and 9am.
This could only be a stranger.
A stranger that I don't want to talk to.
Why should 8:30 to 9am be considered the half Witching-Hour?
Because anyone who calls then is either interrupting someone on their way to work, or more likely, in my case, rousting someone who isn't on their way to work out of a deep sleep.
It would have to be a dire emergency call from someone I know to justify it.
Usually it's just a Telemarketer.
Or worse yet, a RoboCall.
With a RoboCall, it's pointless to yell back.
Ya think Ole Alex had this in mind when he beckoned Mr. Watson?
I have been on Senator Al Franken's e-mailing list for quite a while.
He's always been asking me for money.
I like Al Franken.
I've always liked his politics.
But he lives and represents Minnesota.
I live in Michigan.
So I've never been moved to send him money.
Then I received a RoboCall from his campaign.
At 8:45am.
If I voted in Minnesota, that's when he would have lost my vote.
Later on, I received a live Telemarketing call soliciting funds for Al Franken.
I explained to the fellow on the other end of the phone how Al had lost whatever support I had for him.
I've got a lot more to bellyache about this, but my belly is really starting to ache.
So I'll pick up where I left off next time.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Another Game Show Day On The OTN.

I've been looking at some DVDs of some old game shows, and found two of them that are worthy of OTN status.
One of them is timeless, and the other is very much of its time.
The first is "Masquerade Party"
I remember going to an airing of an episode of "Masquerade Party" when it was in its heyday.
The late fifties.
I remember afterwards asking for and getting Johnny Olsen's autograph.
He was "Masquerade Party's announcer.
He was everybody's announcer.
He was very nice.
"Masquerade Party" had all the earmarks of a Goodson-Todman production.
It had four celebrity panelists.
It had a game that was almost clever.
It had Johnny Olsen.
But it was not a Goodson-Todman production.
A celebrity was made up in a rubber mask and a costume, and the panel, with the help of rather subtle clues, had to guess who the Mystery Celebrity was.
It gave the celebrity a chance to stretch, and put on accents.
It was always very entertaining.
They revived it in the 1970's with Richard Dawson as host.
Again, it was not a Goodson-Todman production.
It was out of the same stable that gave us "Let's Make A Deal", Heatter-Quigley.
This time around, it was in color.
And the game was exactly the same, and exactly as good.
There is no reason why it can't be done today.
Just as entertainingly, and just as successfully.

The other OTN entry is "The Movie Game"
It was on in the late 60's.
Larry Blyden was the host.
Another Johnny, in this instance Johnny Gilbert, better known as the announcer on "Jeopardy", and for pronouncing the word "dollars" as "dolluz", was the announcer here.
Although there were far fewer dolluz at stake.
They had real movie stars as panelists.
They usually asked rather esoteric questions about old movies.
And I always knew the answers.
This is all why they can't do this show today.
Either they'd do it the same way, and I'd know all the answers, or they'd contemporize it and a younger audience would know all the answers, and I wouldn't know anything.
My movie mind turned off somewhere in the early nineties.
And now, there are certainly a lot more of them.
To this day, I can't tell Johnny Depp, Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio, or Brad Pitt apart from one another.
And there would be no legitimate movie stars who would be willing to be panelists.
Certainly none of the above-mentioned.
But the original version was very entertaining, and made me feel like a genius.
Particularly when I knew more than the movie stars themselves.
They once had Shirley Jones on as a panelist.
The gimmick was that they showed miniature versions of sets from famous movies.
They showed an exterior western street.
They even had a miniature Wells Fargo Wagon.
Larry Blyden even referred to it, with other clues.
With all of this help, Shirley Jones could not identify it as the set from "The Music Man"
You know.
The movie she starred in?

I live for such moments.

Mark Rothman, CEO of the OTN.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Yes, We Have Two More Sitcoms.....

......two sitcoms for the OTN.
Both more than OTN worthy.
Both from the sixties.
Both hilarious.
Both with superior writing.
The first was from around 1967-68.
It was called "Hey, Landlord!"
It marked the Show Running debut of Garry Marshall and Jerry Belson.
The next show they commandeered was "The Odd Couple"
The two leads, Will Hutchins and Sandy Baron, were probably the weakest things about it.
The writing was easily the strongest thing about it.
That, and Michael Constantine in a major supporting role as Jack Ellenhorn, one of the tenants.
If your major memory of Michael Constantine is as the rather subdued principal on "Room 222", it's quite unfortunate.
Because if you saw him on "Hey, Landlord!", aside from not being subdued, he was side-splittingly funny.
Obviously, when I watched "Hey, Landlord!" originally, I had not yet met Garry Marshall.
After meeting Garry, I was astounded by how much he sounded like Jack Ellenhorn.
Once, during my tenure on "The Odd Couple", I met Michael Constantine in Las Vegas at the Blackjack tables.
I pointed out to him the similarity between Garry's voice and his as Jack Ellenhorn.
Constantine confessed that he was doing a blatant imitation of Garry.
Figured.
"Hey, Landlord!" also marked Sally Field's transition from Gidget to The Flying Nun.
I preferred seeing her on "Hey Landlord!"
Watching more than a handful of episodes lately, I was struck by how many supporting actors were used there who also often showed up on "The Odd Couple"
And such is how stock companies are born.

The other series offered up today is from the very early sixties.
It was called "Angel"
The writing muscle was Jess Oppenheimer, primarily known as being responsible for "I Love Lucy"
This show was right in his wheelhouse.
It was an attempt to do "I Love Lucy" with a French accent.
It succeeded admirably.
Primarily because he found the right French accent.
In the form of French actress Annie Farge.
Annie Farge was the top.
She was the Colosseum.
And of course, she was the Louvre Museum.
It may be sacrilege to say, but I think she was better at being Lucy than Lucy was.
She was way younger, much prettier, had timing at least as good, and fractured the language at least as well as Desi did.
The totally astonishing thing is how, after "Angel", she seems to have completely fallen off the face of the earth.
Or at least any form of Radar or Sonar that I can get my hands on.
She did four guest shots on 60's American TV shows, none of them comedies.
Then she drifted back to France, where she worked, doing God-knows-what.
I just checked her IMDB page, and much to my distress, learned that she died two years ago at age 76.
For me not to have ever seen an obituary until now indicates the level of obscurity she had descended to.
And that's what the OTN is about: the rescue from obscurity.
So there's no chance for a comeback for Annie Farge..
At 76, Lucy was already working on her fourth.
But "Angel" still exists.
And "Hey, Landlord!" still exists.
And I would create a separate wing for them on the OTN.

Mark Rothman, CEO of the OTN.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Two Interchangeable Actors On The OTN.

There were very few comedic actors that were in the same league as James Coco.
He looked funny.
He was relatively short.
With his paunch, his balding head, and his impeccable sense of timing, he was one of God's gifts to comedy.
He had a short-lived series in the early 70's called "Calucci's Department" on CBS.
He played a man who ran a Department of Welfare office in New York.
Everything about this series reeked of New York.
It was shot in New York.
All New York actors.
The Show Runners were Renee Taylor and Joe Bologna.
Who were more New York than them?
It was a smart, hilarious show, made even more hilarious by the presence of James Coco.
It would be to imagine anyone else but Coco playing Calucci.
Difficult, but not impossible.
James Coco had a virtual twin brother when it came to comedy brilliance.
And when it came to looks.
Dom DeLuise could have played Calucci.
Probably exactly as well.
They were exactly as good as each other.
But logistically, Dom DeLuise couldn't have played Calucci.
Because simultaneously, he had his own sitcom, "Lotsa Luck", on NBC.
He looked funny.
He was relatively short.
With his paunch, his balding head, and his impeccable sense of timing, he was one of God's gifts to comedy.
Where have I heard those words before?
"Lotsa Luck" also took place in New York, but I'm pretty sure it was shot in L.A.
DeLuise played a the manager of the Lost and Found Department of a New York Bus Company, but you virtually never saw people losing or finding things.
The action primarily took place at home, where he lived with his mother, played by the great Kathleen Freeman, and his sister and his sponging brother-in law.
It was very well written, and dominated by Dom.
How fitting.
It would be very difficult to imagine anyone else playing Dom's part in "Lotsa Luck"
Difficult, but not impossible.
It could have been James Coco.
It's really sad that neither are around any more.
But the shows are.
And they both belong on the OTN.

Mark Rothman, CEO of the OTN.


-----------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

George Burns Day On The OTN.

George Burns was born to become a genius, and a major creative force in television.
This was after many, many years of being a non-major creative force in vaudeville, movies, and radio.
Television was where George Burns really shined.
And I'm not talking about his work with Gracie on the "Burns and Allen Show".
That began in radio, where it was not at all innovative.
But on TV, it really was.
It was where he regularly broke the fourth wall to talk directly to the audience.
It was where he broke the fifth wall by watching his own show in his den, without the other characters' knowledge.
It was where he broke the sixth wall by replacing Fred Clark, as Bea Benaderet's husband, on his knees, pleading for his wife's forgiveness, with Larry Keating, placing him on HIS knees, in mid-scene, in mid-sentence.
Brilliant.
But "Burns and Allen" doesn't qualify for the OTN.
It has been rerun endlessly.
It's also a show that doesn't hold up very well upon close, continuous scrutiny.
If you watch too many episodes too frequently, you'll essentially notice that it is the same show every time.
It must have been a very difficult show for the writers.
They had to constantly come up with double-meaning straightlines for the other characters to say so that Gracie could misinterpret them.
But Gracie was a great character, and completely George's invention.
It's no surprise that Gracie was nothing like that in real life.
But George Burns had two other shows with far briefer lives that belong on the OTN.
One was "The George Burns Show", which at least creatively showed that he could commandeer a show that was at least as funny as the one he did with Gracie.
It had all of the same supporting cast: Larry Keating. Bea Benaderet, his son Ronnie, and Harry Von Zell.
All doing the same parts that they did when they had Gracie.
Harry Von Zell had been kicking around for years on radio, mostly as a straight announcer, and as Eddie Cantor's straightman on Cantor's radio show.
He wasn't even Burns's announcer or straightman on the "Burns and Allen" radio show.
Yet somehow, Burns knew that Von Zell could be a major comedic foil for him on TV.
"The George Burns Show was a pleasure to watch, and far less contrived, and far easier to write than "Burns and Allen"
It was mostly a sitcom, although he dabbled a few weeks with it becoming a variety show.
Then, he returned to it being a sitcom.
He always seemed to throw caution to the winds.
On another of his sitcoms, he was able to prove that he could turn someone else into Gracie Allen.
On "Wendy and Me", he chose Connie Stevens for the task.
She handled it with aplomb, and the result was a charming, first-rate pleasure.
He basically used the same writers on all of these shows.
He was a total auteur of TV sitcoms.
And "The George Burns Show" and "Wendy and Me" should both be on the OTN.
You probably shouldn't watch "Wendy and Me" too frequently either.

Mark Rothman, CEO of the OTN.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

The Thing Actors Should Never Ask When They're Auditioning For Me.

This question has come up twice in my casting life.
Both within a period of about a year and a half.
It's the kind of question that comes up when an actor has a chip on his or her shoulder, and generally hates the audition process.
I have acted many times in my life, and have always relished the audition process.
I always regarded it as a good chance to show off.
Not so for the people who have asked this question.
The question has come up:
A- When I've expressed admiration for the actor's previous work, and or
B- When I've worked with the actor before.
The question is: "You know what I do. So why do you need me to read?"

This question first came up when I was casting the pilot for the series "Makin' It"
"Makin' It" was conceived, not by me, but by one of the most successful TV and movie moguls in Hollywood history.
He designed it to be a rip-off of both "Saturday Night Fever" and "Happy Days"
So he made deals with both the powers behind "Saturday Night Fever" and "Happy Days"
So I suppose you can say that this was strictly on the up and up.
Sure you can.
Instead of Travolta or Ron Howard, we had an actor named David Naughton to play the lead.
David Naughton was probably best remembered a the "Doctor Pepper guy"
You know.
"I'm a Pepper, You're a Pepper, He's a Pepper, She's a Pepper, wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too....."
That guy.
He had been signed.
We needed an actor to be a regular in the cast to play Naughton's father.
Somewhere along the line, it was decided (again, not by me) to bring in the actor who played Travolta's father in "Saturday Night Fever"
Hey, if you're going to rip off, you might as well rip off.
I was very familiar with his work.
I had remembered seeing him in a play on Broadway in the sixties in which he was quite good.
I told him this when he came in.
And he asked the magic question:
So you know my work. So why do you need me to read?"
And here is how I responded, which is why actors should never ask me this question:
"Do you mean to tell me that I have seen every acting choice that you are ever going to make?
Yeah. I saw you on Broadway, where you had weeks and weeks of rehearsal.
I saw you in "Saturday Night Fever", a full length movie where they can do wonders with scissors.
We have a five day rehearsal and shoot week.
New pages can be constantly thrown at you.
I've got to see what happens when you pick up a script for the first time and read from it."
He was humbled, and resentful, and he read.
And he was really bad.
Sometimes it's the only way an actor can prove himself.

It happened again when one of the regular cast members of "Makin' It" auditioned for another pilot I did.
This time an actress.
An actress whose work I wasn't too thrilled with to begin with.
An actress who was essentially foisted on me the first time around.
But I brought her in as a courtesy.
She was not so courteous.
Again, the magic question:
"You know my work. Why do you need me to read?"
This time, I only needed to get as far as "Do you mean to tell me that I have seen every acting choice that you are ever going to make?"
After giving me the visual equivalent of "Harrumph!", she read badly and left. hardly ever to be seen again.

Actors must realize what business they're in, and where they fit in the food chain.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Two Cop Shows For The OTN.

The shows in question are "87th Precinct" and "The Lineup"
I never saw "87th Precinct" when it was on originally, in the early 60s.
It was on opposite something I watched regularly.
I think it was "Make Room For Daddy", which I never missed.
I was recently sent an episode of "87th Precinct" to watch.
It was an hour-long, much better than average cop show..
Sort of a cross between "Dragnet" and Naked City"
Like Dragnet, in that it was out and out Detective work.
And it had a bit of a sense of humor, embodied by an early career Norman Fell as a Detective named Meyer Meyer.
Like "Naked City" in that shootouts were a regular element.
I don't recall Joe Friday ever even picking up a gun.
Good dialogue and storytelling, and a very good cast, including Robert Lansing and Ron Harper.

"The Lineup" was the San Francisco version of "Dragnet"
It ran concurrently with it in the mid-fifties.
Straight police work.

Wonderful location shooting, and old cars.
And like "Dragnet", it had a great narrator.
Of course he wasn't as great as Jack Webb.
Nobody was.
But he was pretty great.
His name was Art Gilmore.
Art Gilmore was perhaps best known as the voice of almost every movie trailer in the 1950's.
Particularly comedies.
I think he did all the Martin and Lewis movies, and all the Doris Day light-hearted virgin and non-virgin movies.
He was a major asset on "The Lineup"
He performed a very similar role on "Highway Patrol", which starred Broderick Crawford.
Same asset.
If you can't imagine his voice from this information, you might recall his work as the announcer on "The Red Skelton Show"
And "The Lineup" had a lot going for it besides Art Gilmore.
The two lead cops were played by the extremely straight Warner Anderson, and the extremely wry Tom Tully.
Tom Tully was wonderful.
His rap sheet on the IMDB is a mile long.
He played Dick Van Dyke's father on the Van Dyke Show when J. Pat O' Malley didn't.
Tully was much funnier than J. Pat.
Unlike Jack Webb and whoever he was partnered with on "Dragnet", Anderson and Tully were equal partners.
And they were two relatively old guys.
And there were plenty o' shootouts, and rolling around on the ground.
And they both handled themselves with aplomb.
Apparently without stunt doubles.
And there was usually a scene that took place at a Lineup.
The show was always interesting.

These two shows should both be seen again on a regular basis.

Mark Rothman, CEO of the OTN.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

No, I'm Not Done With The OTN.

Actually, I don't know if I'll EVER be done with the OTN.
The Obscure Television Network, for you newbies.
A fantasy network of my own making to provide opportunities to see TV shows that I think are worth your time, and for whatever reason have never been rerun.
New entries constantly cross my path and my mind.
Recently, my friend Bob, who is rapidly becoming my better and better friend Bob, sent me a couple of episodes of "The Practice"
No, not the ABC series about lawyers that evolved into "Boston Legal"
This one is from the mid-1970's, and was a sitcom starring Danny Thomas as a doctor who had his own office and still made housecalls.
Kind of like what Paul Muni was in "The Last Angry Man"
I remember watching it when it was first on, and really enjoying it.
What I didn't recall was how absolutely brilliant it was.
And it was.
The first episode of the ones he sent me was incredibly good.
It did something I had never seen before or since.
Danien shows up at the home of an old neighborhood friend just as Last Rites are being administered by the priest.
And then Danien spends the entire half-hour doing a monologue about death to the corpse.
He was brilliant.
The writing was brilliant.
They completely stretched the sitcom form.
The writer was the great Steve Gordon, who was best known for writing the movie "Arthur"
And Steve Gordon died only five years after this episode of "The Practice", at the age of 43.
This only adds to the irony of that monologue.

"The Practice" was also quite substantive.
The other episode dealt with the dilemma a Doctor faces when he is faced with attempting to save a life that really isn't worth saving.
In this case, a thug who sells drugs to kids.
The actor playing the thug was an actor named Carmine Caridi, whom I'm sure you'd recognize.
I know I did.
Perhaps that's because I had once cast him myself, and he was really good.
I thought that his work in this episode was a little sub-standard for him.
Then, watching the credits, I realized why.
It wasn't Carmine Caridi.
It was Vic Tayback.
You know.
The guy who played Mel from Mel's diner on "Alice"
A guy whose work I never liked.
An actor far worse than Carmine Caridi.
I had never been that badly fooled.
And I never realized how much Tayback and Caridi looked and sounded like each other.
Maybe they were the same guy.
No. They couldn't be.
Maybe they could have been twins.
Maybe they were.
Except one of them got all the talent.

"The Practice" belongs on the OTN.

Mark Rothman, CEO of the OTN.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

When You're Smilin'.......

This is yet another example of My Curse: My ability to remember everything I have ever seen on TV or in the movies to the most minute detail.
And usually have it come back and bite me in the ass.
I have been TIVOing "Mr. Lucky" on MEtv for quite a while now.
Not because it is particularly good.
But I watched it as a kid and enjoyed it.
And it certainly has a sense of humor.
Like having Ross Martin in it, who was very funny.
Like, as I've mentioned, having the lead actor look just like Cary Grant but not be able to act his way out of a paper bag.
That's pretty funny.
"Mr. Lucky" is a show that I'm able to multi-task my way through.
Because the plots are so predictable that you really don't have to make much eye contact with it.
So I was keeping one eye on an episode of "Mr. Lucky" last week, and something caught my eye.
A gangster came aboard Mr. Lucky's yacht to commandeer it into foreign waters.
He had his little eight year old daughter with him.
The kid looked a lot like Shirley Temple did at that age.
This is what struck me immediately: The little kid was Tammy Marihugh, the winner of the "Howdy Doody Smile Contest" on the Howdy Doody show in 1958.
And there it was.
Her name in the closing credits.
It's the first time I had laid eyes on Tammy Marihugh since 1958, and even I was astounded that I remembered her name and the contest.
I mentioned this to a friend of mine, and she was far more astounded than I was that anyone would remember a Daily Double like this one..
She told me that I must write about this, hence, this is appearing here.
My insatiable curiosity and the ease of the Internet led me to try to discover whatever became of Tammy Marihugh.
Did she ever have any kind of show business career?
Is she still alive?
I knew who she was,, and what she had done.
Then.
And now, to quote Paul Harvey, the rest of the story......
According to the IMDB, she appeared in several movies and TV shows as a child, and one appearance as a 17 year old on an episode of "My Three Sons"
And that was it.
Apparently, she made the same transition to late adolescence as Shirley Temple.
The kicker was what I then spotted on her IMDB page:

"After leaving acting, Tammy became an exotic dancer and by the late 1970's she was a dancer in Las Vegas. She eventually married bodybuilder Rodney Larson, ten years younger than her, who turned out to be a violent and abusive husband. In March 1996, after a night of heavy drinking, Tamra, as she was known by then, arrived at home and shot her husband in the back. She pleaded guilty to involuntary manslaughter and in September 1997, was found guilty but given probation."

Talk about biting me in the ass.
There are some things I really would have preferred not knowing.
44 years old and still working the pole.
And now, she's 61.
And she went from Howdy Doody to Jury Duty.
I'll bet that when she was given probation, she smiled.
Maybe even her Howdy Doody smile.
I think Buffalo Bob would be turning over in his grave.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Life And Fun.

My wife and I were at or favorite Italian restaurant last week for lunch.
We were being served by a waitress who had only been there for two weeks, so she was new to us.
She was a spectacular waitress.
When you go out to eat, having a spectacular waitress is a real perk.
Having an only mildly interested waitress is a bit of a letdown.
Having a less than interested waitress, one who makes little or no eye contact with you when she passes your table, who manages to get lost periodically, even when the restaurant is relatively empty, is a real bummer.
It negates the entire "going out to eat" experience.
And we usually tip accordingly.
We have even, on rare occasions, stiffed the waitress and complained to the management.
At that point, you're better off just ordering your food to go.
By the way, all of this applies to waiters as well.
Nothing sexist here.
But on this afternoon, we had this spectacular waitress.
In her early forties, enthusiastic, helpful, and putting on a very entertaining show.
A good server is also a good showman, or show-woman.
We were in awe, and complemented her effusively.
We spoke to the manager about her in the most glowing terms, and told her that we had done so.
She seemed quite grateful.
We acknowledged that this was not an easy thing to do.
And she made this quite profound statement:
"Hey, life is too short to not have too much fun."
This statement stuck with me all the way home.
It still sticks with me.
We got home, I went to my computer, turned it on, and immediately learned that the actor Dennis Farina had died at the age of 69.
From what I knew about him, from a couple of sources, I thought "Hey. Who better embodies that profound statement, 'Life is too short not to have too much fun' than Dennis Farina'?
My friend, actor-comedian Larry Miller worked on a movie with him once, and described him as one of the coolest guys he had ever met.
That he really charmed the ladies.
That he asked the craft service girl for cups of coffee all day long, always referring to her as "sweetheart" in a way that you couldn't help but love him for if you were her.
Larry asked him how he could drink that much coffee in one afternoon.
Dennis replied "Try some"
Larry resisted.
"Go ahead. Try some"
Larry tried some.
Oh, there was some coffee in the cup, but it primarily consisted of bourbon.
All day long.
Jackie Gleason was boorish and flamboyant about this sort of thing.
My friend the late, great Harry Crane, who wrote for him, described a typical party that Gleason used to throw at his suite at the Park Sheraton after his show ended on a typical Saturday night.
The liquor never stopped, and the women never stopped.
Harry was always greeted at the door by Gleason with "Come on in, pal. Grab a booze and a broad!"
Harry never quite got over the inelegant way it was put.
Gleason also had his fun, and died at 71.
Dennis Farina only made it to 69.
But his fun was handled in a far more quiet and dignified way.
He was a great actor, a great cop, and he was what I suppose I aspired to be: a man's man.
I'm just sure he loved his life.
I don't consider myself a man's man.
The best image I can hope to have for myself is "a man's Jew"
That can't help but be anything but a diminished image.
Dennis Farina was one of those people I would have gladly traded places with.
Even if I did only make it to 69.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

The Hundred Funniest Words. Part Four

I am going to replace eleven words.

I am dropping broccoli, macaroni, provolone, breadbox, spatula, salami, slush, cubbyhole, hippopotamus, hangnail, and dumbbell.

They will be replaced by titmouse, Sheboygan, tchotchke, spleen, gherkin, scrotum, putz, Lipschitz, schmendrick, phallus, and last but not least, cooties.

(Late addition---I'm dropping "muskrat" in favor of "pinochle")

Thus, the final list.

1- blintz

2- knish

3- bumbershoot

4- cucumber

5- titmouse

6- crumbcake

7- gorgonzola

8- glockenspiel

9- spittoon

10- rutabaga

11- bagel

12- dropkick

13- pretzel

14- prunes

15- shellaleigh

16- gavotte

17- snotnose

18- bellybutton

19- asscrack

20- cahoots

21- snootful

22- pants

23- zipper

24- matzoh

25- halvah

26- bocci

27- belch

28- phlegm

29- phlange

30- Sheboygan

31- scungilli

32- upchuck

33- fish

34- pistachio

35- clodhopper

36- Kalamazoo

37- tscotchke

38- kugel

39- latkes

40- brouhaha

41- cuckoo

42- spleen

43- lox

44- pus

45- ukulele

46- sauerkraut

47- boogers

48- gherkin

49- petunia

50- blubber

51- mudpack

52- peepers

53- bedbugs

54- scrotum

55- tsitzis

56- dildo

57- cumquat

58- macaroon

59- festoon

60- Cucamonga

61- guacamole

62- poppycock

63- tommyrot

64- kerfuffle

65- pumpernickel

66- Riboflavin

67- pickle

68- knockers

69- pinochle

70- wienershnitzel

71- putz

72- fleugelhorn

73- gallstones

74- Lipschitz

75- giraffe

76- cockroach

77- klutz

78- schlemiel

79- cooties

80- armpit

81- tonsillectomy

82- schmendrick

83- blunderbuss

84- farts

85- bloomers (underwear, not flowers)

86- bric-a-brac

87- boner

88- coccyx

89- chickenfat

90- Poughkeepsie

91- blimp

92- pimples

93- aardvark

94- phallus

95- yucch

96- seltzer

97- igloo

98- Edsel

99- noodles

100- cottonpickin'

Remember, this is, and has always been, a work in progress.
If anyone out there has any suggestions for improving the list, all ideas will be entertained.

Mark Rothman, Custodian of the Hundred Funniest Words.


*************

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

The 100 Funniest Words. Part Three.

The following suggestions were made in the Comments section:

"To update the list, we could scratch off broccoli, dropkick, breadbox, salami and chickenfat."

I have no problem scratching broccoli, breadbox, or salami.

But I draw the line at chickenfat and dropkick.

The great comedy writer Pat McCormick, when asked "What do you want to do tonight?", replied "Let's dropkick shit"

I insist that his memory be honored.

As for the other suggestions, I will deal with them individually and subjectively:

shiitake--Too oblique. Why not just say "shit"?
cockatoo(or cockatiel)---We already have "cuckoo, which is funnier than either.
lalapalooza---not as funny as "labonza", which I will add.
palooka,---never thought it was funny.
titmouse--I think it deserves honorable mention.,
slinky (the toy)---I can't think of a context where it would be usable.
boo-boo--perhaps if it was pronounced "buuh-boo"
tipsy--no thanks.
frankfurter---the only sausage I would consider is "bratwurst", and I'm still not sure about even that.
smegma--more disgusting than anything else.
stroganoff--not for me.
Sheboygan,---an obvious choice that I overlooked.
taint---no
Bangkok---no
chowder---no
pluot---I plead ignorance.,
cock-eyed,----the image is funnier than the word.
knockwurst----asked and answered,
tchotchke---There's definitely a place for "tchotchke"
pumpernickel,---Already on the list
sarcophagus---'Tis only an ugly word.
cadaver---same as sarcophagus.
Lake Titicaca---The rules say it must be only one word.
whirlygig---not for me.
tubesteak,---I don't see it.
spleen---There is a good case to be made for it.
crotchety-----I don't think so.
vacillate---I'm not even vacillating. No.
masticate---I considered that one, but it didn't make the cut.
tinsel---don't see the point.
fracus---you'd think so, but no.
organ grinder---Two words
scruples----doesn't try hard enough
yogurt---a poor substitute for sour cream, which we can't use.
edamame---don't see it.
flatulence---definitely. I'll add it. .
Arugula---too close to "kugel" We can't have both.
sphincter----too unfamiliar, too many meanings.
zygote----In the anti-abortion era, it's lost any potential humor.
gherkin---I like it.
canker sore----The two-word rule, among other things.
Altoid---not today.
scrotum---you'd think it is, but it isn't.
putz---of course.
dipstick----I prefer Lipschitz.
douche--too easy.
schmendrick I was toying with it. I'll add it.
I will also add phallus, and one more that I'm embarrassed to have neglected:
cooties.

Next time, the completely updated list.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

The Hundred Funniest Words. Part Two.

The following was in the Comments section of the first part of this post, offering alternatives for the 100 Funniest Words list.


5 comments:

Bob: July 18, 2013 at 1:36 PM

perhaps one of these? cockatoo (or cockatiel), lalapalooza, palooka, titmouse, slinky (the toy), plop, boo-boo, tipsy, or frankfurter?


bobo45rpm@verizon.net: July 18, 2013 at 8:43 PM

To update the list, we could scratch off broccoli, dropkick, breadbox, salami and chickenfat, and add on the following - shiitake, smegma, stroganoff, Sheboygan, taint, Bangkok, chowder, pluot, cock-eyed, knockwurst, tchochke, pumpernickel, sarcophagus, cadaver, Lake Titicaca, whirlygig, tubesteak, spleen, crotchety, vacillate, masticate, tinsel, fracus, organ grinder, scruples, yogurt, edamame and flatulence. MORE TO COME.

bob: July 19, 2013 at 7:59 AM

Arugula, sphincter, zygote, canker sore, Altoid, scrotum, gherkin.


Tom: July 19, 2013 at 10:22 AM

putz, dipstick, douche, schmendrick


R.: July 19, 2013 at 1:41 PM

I have two things to say:

1-as far as i am concerned broccoli was a one season wonder and should be removed from the list. after the hoo-haw about the remark by president bush (the first) it lost a lot of ground in the funny department

2-a lot of these words are funny because of the way they sound, but a many of them are funny because (how can i put this DELLLL-i-cat-ly), they evoke funny images, or at least images that inspire one to smile. I put pickle and cucumber in this category, among others.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As a result, I can see that there will already be a part three.
I had intended today to analyze each suggestion and pass judgment on them, revamping my list in the process.
Then "R."s comment turned up.
A theory and a theme was presented here that could hardly be ignored: the connection between funny words and phallic symbols.
This already brings to mind that the word "phallus" was left off the list.

And it leads me to want to regale you with the two funniest uses of the word that I have found, in my travels.
I once mentioned my passion for Variety Cryptic Puzzles.
These are very creative crosswords that have a theme that you have to figure out for several of the answers.
I first discovered these puzzles when Stephen Sondheim began constructing them for New York Magazine.
In one of his first puzzles, the answer to the clue was undoubtedly "phallus"
But the place for it to be entered had too many letters, and the clue indicated in parentheses "two words".
I had yet to figure out the theme that would lead me to make the right entry.
Then, by solving other clues, the theme hit me right between the eyes.
The theme words were to be entered in Pig-Latin.
So phallus was to be entered as "Alice Faye"
Sondheim thought of this.
Bravo.

The other use of "phallus" that tickles me no end is in the form of a limerick:
Here goes------
"There once was a lady from Dallas,
Who used TNT for a phallus.
They found her vagina in South Carolina,
And her rectum in Buckingham Palace"

Until next time,

Mark Rothman, custodian of the 100 funniest words.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

The 100 Funniest Words.

On a recent trip to my attic, I stumbled upon a relic from the 1970's.
Early on in my TV writing career, we all determined that it would be invaluable to have a particular writing tool at our disposal:
A list of the hundred funniest words.
A kind of go-to list when writing comedy, particularly for finding the right word to end a sentence of dialogue, to form a punchline.
The list we compiled was often revised, to accommodate better and funnier words, thus allowing us to separate the wheat from the chaff, as it were.
I can't recall where this particular list fell in the sequence of revisions.
It's simply the one I stumbled upon in my attic.
The rules then were that they had to be one word.
Not two words strung together.
Proper names were deemed acceptable.
You'll find a preponderance of Yiddish words, and words loaded with "K" sounds.
Neil Simon taught us well.
I see no reason not to continue the tradition of updating the list, so if you have suggestions for possible replacements, the Comments section is the place to offer them.
They must be timeless, so "Kardashian" is unacceptable.

So, here goes, from 1977:


1- blintz

2- knish

3- bumbershoot

4- cucumber

5- broccoli

6- crumbcake

7- gorgonzola

8- glockenspiel

9- spittoon

10- rutabaga

11- bagel

12- dropkick

13- pretzel

14- prunes

15- shellaleigh

16- gavotte

17- snotnose

18- bellybutton

19- asscrack

20- cahoots

21- snootful

22- pants

23- zipper

24- matzoh

25- halvah

26- bocci

27- belch

28- phlegm

29- phlange

30- macaroni

31- scungilli

32- upchuck

33- fish

34- pistachio

35- clodhopper

36- Kalamazoo

37- provolone

38- kugel

39- latkes

40- brouhaha

41- cuckoo

42- breadbox

43- lox

44- pus

45- ukulele

46- sauerkraut

47- boogers

48- spatula

49- petunia

50- blubber

51- mudpack

52- peepers

53- bedbugs

54- dumbbell

55- tsitzis

56- dildo

57- cumquat

58- macaroon

59- festoon

60-Cucamonga

61- guacamole

62- poppycock

63- tommyrot

64- kerfuffle

65- pumpernickel

66- Riboflavin

67- pickle

68- knockers

69- muskrat

70- wienershnitzel

71- salami

72- fleugelhorn

73- gallstones

74- hippopotamus

75- giraffe

76- cockroach

77- klutz

78- schlemiel

79- hangnail

80- armpit

81- tonsillectomy

82- slush

83- blunderbuss

84- farts

85- bloomers (underwear, not flowers)

86- bric-a-brac

87- boner

88- coccyx

89- chickenfat

90- Poughkeepsie

91- blimp

92- pimples

93- aardvark

94- cubbyhole

95- yucch

96- seltzer

97- igloo

98- Edsel

99- noodles

100- cottonpickin'


*************


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Richard Erdman On The OTN. Part Two.

What Richard Erdman added to whatever he appeared in was a light, sophisticated, interesting, humor-filled, grounded, believable presence.
He did this on good shows, like "Lou Grant" and "The Burns and Allen Show", both of which he appeared only intermittently, and on mediocre shows, where he appeared regularly.
Those mediocre shows needed him more than the good shows.
Because they were mediocre, and he was still good.
His presence was needed much more on those mediocre shows.
It definitely raised the level of those shows.
The two shows that I'm offering up for the OTN today were definitely mediocre.
I remember enjoying both of them when they were first on in the late 50s-early 60's.
And the only reason I am considering them is because of Richard Erdman.

The first is "The Tab Hunter Show", a sitcom that Tab Hunter was supposed to carry the load on.
He couldn't.
But Richard Erdman, playing a grownup, more realistic version of Chatsworth Osborne Jr., single-handedly carried the load ably.
I saw an episode of "The Tab Hunter Show" recently, and from what I had remembered previously, it was disconcertingly bad.
Tab Hunter added nothing to it, and the storytelling was abysmal.
But the dialogue was pretty good.
Mainly because most of it was handled by Richard Erdman with aplomb.
"Aplomb" is THE word that defines Richard Erdman.
Defines, because Richard Erdman is alive, in his nineties.
I'm sure he's handling that with aplomb as well.

The other show I'm submitting is a one-season wonder called "The Saints and Sinners"
It was a drama about a crusading newspaper reporter played by Nick Adams.
And boy, did he crusade.
I don't think he got any bonuses in his reporter salary for crusading, but that didn't stop him.
He overactingly crusaded all over the place.
The tone of "Saints and Sinners" was relentlessly high pressure, tense and melodramatic.
I think one of the producers thought that what it needed was a light, sophisticated, interesting, humor-filled, grounded, believable, non-crusading presence.
So they quite intelligently cast Richard Erdman as the wryly funny photographer for the newspaper.
He more than once played the equivalent of what Oscar Levant played in the movies.
The wryly commenting best friend to Robert Alda in the Gershwin biopic, or John Garfield in "Humoresque" or Gene Kelly in "An American In Paris", or Fred Astaire in "The Barkeleys of Broadway"
After Oscar Levant stopped playing those parts, someone had to step into the breach.
And Richard Erdman did some great breach-stepping.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Richard Erdman On The OTN.

I don't think I've told this story before, but I know that I've discussed the concept of the advantages of having a last name that is towards the beginning of the alphabet if you're trying to be a working actor.
There's this book called "The Academy Players Directory"
It is broken down to several categories: Leading Men, Leading Women, Juveniles and Ingenues, and Characters and Comedians (both male and female).
These books consists of pictures of all of these actors, and how to find their representation.
All the names are listed alphabetically.
Anybody doing any casting immediately starts with "A", and proceeds through the alphabet until he or she finds someone acceptable.
I had mentioned that I had to go all the way to "G" until I found Dick Gautier when I was left to fend for myself to cast a guest star part on "She's The Sheriff"
I was often left to fend for myself when it came to casting on "She's The Sheriff"
That's because I was given someone as my casting person who had just graduated Summa Cum Laude from the Secretarial Pool.
As a result, she had virtually no knowledge of the Los Angeles Talent Pool.
This all came to a head one day when we were trying to cast a romantic interest for Pat Carroll, who played Suzanne Somers' mother.
The other producers, studio execs, and the Head of Casting, the late Barbara Miller, who was the one who foisted this neophyte upon me, were all assembled in Barbara's office, when our young neophyte waltzed into the room with an 8x10 photo in her hand.
Her precise words were "I've got him! I've got the actor! Perfect for Pat Carroll's love interest!"
We all waited with baited breath to see this photo.
She revealed it to us.
It was a photo of a fairly well-known character actor named Edward Andrews.
Well, she certainly followed the standard procedure of approaching the Academy Players Directory alphabetically.
But it must have been a somewhat less than new edition of the directory.
Because, as I had to point out to her, Edward Andrews had died two years previously.
I once again had to take matters into my own hands and wade through the Academy Players Directory myself.
Alphabetically, of course.
Fortunately, I only had to get up to the "E"s before I found the wonderful Richard Erdman.
Unlike the young neophyte, I was quite familiar with the L.A. talent pool, and Richard Erdman's work.
Work which has never been less than wonderful.
I hired him on the spot, and he was indeed nothing less than wonderful.
He had also appeared in the great "Stalag 17", where he added to the greatness.
Catch him on the episode of "The Dick Van Dyke Show", where he played the flaming costume designer, Buck Brown, for the play that Alan Brady got Rob Petrie to "doctor", getting Rob to pretend he was a tailor.
Later, Rob complains to Laura about the way he was treated by Buck Brown.
Laura asks "The cowboy star?" Rob replies contemptuously, "Hardly."
Erdman was also a regular on two series which were less than wonderful, but were made more than tolerable by his presence.
For that reason,, they both deserve a place on the OTN.
I'll talk about those shows, and Richard Erdman's contributions to them next time.

Mark Rothman, CEO of the OTN.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Things Not To Do In Mississippi.

I have often gone on gambling junkets.
I suppose you could consider that a vice, but I've always played within my means, and never hurt myself.
Living in Michigan, before there were casinos there, I would often go to Tunica, Mississippi, where there are about a dozen casinos, all eager for my business.
So they would fly me in, put me up, feed me, take me to and from the Memphis Airport, about a half an hour away, and then, after about four days, deposit me back there.
Most of these trips took place in the spring or summer or early fall.
The trip from Memphis to Tunica was quite scenic.
Lush, green cotton fields all along the way.
Then one time, in the dead of winter, I made the same trip.
Only now, there were no lush, green cotton fields.
What there was, was mud.
It was not at all scenic.
But it provided me the opportunity to test out a theory, which I did for the first and only time.
About half way to Tunica, I ordered the limo driver to pull over and stop the car.
After some minor protest, he humored me and did what I asked.
I got out of the car.
I walked over to the mud.
I was determined to find out, first hand, whether or not it was, in fact, a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi Mud.
For those of you with only slight musical orientation, "It's a Treat to Beat Your Feet on the Mississippi Mud" is a song.
Here are the lyrics:

"When the sun goes down, the tide goes out
The people gather round and they all begin to shout
Hey, hey uncle Dud
It's a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud
It's a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud
What a dance do they do
Lordy, how I'm tellin' you
They don't need no band
They keep time by clapping their hands
Just as happy as a cow chewin' on a cud
It's a treat to beat your feet on the Mississippi mud"

I stepped over, on to the mud.
I began beating my feet.
I kept my shoes on.
In this case, white sneakers.
The mud gave a little.
Pretty soon, they were brown sneakers.
It was no treat.

I thought that maybe I was doing something wrong.
Maybe I wasn't getting the full effect.
Maybe I was supposed to take my shoes off.
The sun hadn't gone down.
It was early afternoon.
I wasn't dancing.
Maybe that was the problem.
I didn't want to dance in front of the limo driver.
I really didn't want to do any of this in front of the limo driver, but I had committed myself.
I didn't have no band, but I didn't need one.
I kept time by clappin' my hands.
To no avail.
Maybe I needed an Uncle Dud.
I did not have one.
I got back into the limo, having experienced no treat, and proceeded on to Tunica.
Having brought no other shoes, I walked the casino the first day in those now brown, muddy sneakers.
They were still moist.
By the second day, the mud had hardened, and I was able to scrape much of it off of my sneakers in my hotel room.
After four days, having experienced no treat at the blackjack tables either, they whisked me back to the Memphis Airport, as I passed the Mississippi Mud all along the way, rather disheartened, but with my curiosity at least somewhat satisfied.

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My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Lord Of The Idiots.

On one of the great episodes of "Seinfeld", Jerry and George got into a heated discussion, and both rattled off examples of who was, in fact, the bigger idiot.
After a particularly whopping example of idiocy, George proclaimed "You are looking at Costanza, Lord of the Idiots"
Well, I am now here to lay claim to that title.
I did something the other day that I consider to be unmatched in its idiocy.
I am in L.A., after flying in on July 4th.
I live in Malibu, and arrived early enough to realize that if I attempted to drive my black Mitsubishi rented car just after I picked it up, I would be facing some pretty heavy beach traffic.
So I stopped at one of my favorite restaurants along the way.
By the time I got out, the beach traffic would have subsided, and I could breeze home.
Only one problem:
I went into the restaurant's parking lot, and there was no black Mitsubishi where I had parked it.
The car was stolen. There was no other explanation.
And it contained very valuable things.
Like two computers, priceless DVDs, and , oh, by the way, MY ONLY SET OF KEYS TO MY HOME IN MALIBU.
I had the restaurant call the police.
I attempted to have them show me the closed-circuit videotape of the parking lot to see if their could be any leads.
Of course, with it being July 4th, the man in charge of displaying the videotapes was off that day, and unreachable.
I was fuming, and let everybody know it.
The restaurant personnel, other patrons, everybody.
Finally, after about forty-five minutes, the police still not having arrived, the manager suggested to me that the car that was in the space I told him I had parked in had been there since before I had arrived.
"Impossible!" I exclaimed. "This is a light grey car. Mine was black!"
But just for the heck of it, I decided to humor him.
I went outside to the light grey car and examined it.
It was a Mitsubishi.
With my travel bag in the back seat.
Where I had left it.
I had not rented a black car.
I had rented a light grey car.
I went back into the restaurant, apologized to all profusely, all was forgiven, and I felt more relief than stupidity.
It was only later that the pure idiocy of what I had done sank in.
The only words I can offer in my defense is that I only had the car for about fifteen minutes, had been shown several black ones before I made my choice, and all cars these days look alike.
If this was 1955, and I had rented a two-tone Buick Roadmaster, I couldn't have possibly mistaken it for anything else.
But that's really giving me all the best of it, which I don't deserve.
If you ever had any respect for me, now's the time to reconsider.
Move over, Jerry and George.
Make way for Rothman, Lord of the Idiots.

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My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Shrinks On The OTN.

Two more entries for the OTN today:

They are contemporaries of each other, from the early 1960's.
One ran one season, the other ran two.
One, I watched a season's worth,, and the other, I watched an episode's worth.
They were both about psychiatry.
One was "The Eleventh Hour"
It starred Wendell Corey as the main psychiatrist.
I only watched one of it's two seasons because it was on opposite "The Danny Kaye Show" for the other.
One had to choose, and this one chose Danny.
But it was again Sophie's Choice, as "The Eleventh Hour was very well done.
It was very well written and well played.
I remember an episode where Tony Dow (yes, Wally Cleaver, in one of his few non-Wally Cleaver roles) impregnated his young girlfriend.
Ruth Roman played his mother.
When confronted by the girl's mother, Ruth uttered the immortal line, "It takes two to tango, toots!"
You gotta love it.
I'd love to have the opportunity to love it again.
On the OTN.

The other show was "Breaking Point"
It aired for one season in 1963, on ABC.
Monday nights at 10pm.
It starred an actor named Paul Richards as the main psychiatrist.
At least, he was the first-billed psychiatrist.
It was a spinoff of "Ben Casey" and shared many of its production values and personnel.
At least what I could tell from only seeing one episode.
The one episode was only seen because the other two networks had better choices in my home.
"East Side, West Side", which starred George C. Scott as a social worker, and was superior stuff to just about anything, and "Sing Along With Mitch".
If you'll recall, the latter was a must-see show for my mother, and it was one which my mother made me sing along with.
But a lot of times, I caught a break on Monday nights, because Mitch had already been moved from Friday nights at 8pm.
By 10pm, my mother was usually hitting the road to dreamland, because she had to get up early to go to work.
So I was able to watch "East Side/West Side".
Then, one week, "East Side/West Side" was pre-empted, my mother was already asleep, and that's when I got to sample "Breaking Point"
It made me want to see more of it.
But not as much as I wanted to see George C. Scott control his temper on "East Side/West Side"

So obviously, one episode of "Breaking Point" was not enough for me.
And that's why we should have the OTN.

Mark Rothman, CEO of the OTN.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

....And No More Ribbons, Either.

We'll get back to the OTN soon, but I experienced something so dismaying yesterday that I think it is more worthy of your attention today.
I was reading the great Mark Evanier's blog yesterday, and he posted about eight minutes of comedian Lenny Schultz's act.
I was vaguely aware of Lenny Schultz, who has been around since the seventies, but this concentrated eight minutes of Lenny Schultz made me appreciate him like I never did before.
And he made me laugh uproariously.
One of the things he did was record pantomimes.
Lenny is obviously a disciple of Jerry Lewis, who turned record pantomimes into an art form.
It's the way he started his career.
And he turned it into a high art form.
He was magnificent at it.
Four examples of it immediately come to mind:
1-His miming of a Carmen Miranda record, fruit on his head and all, in one of his early movies with Dean,
2-His miming of Mario Lanza singing "Be My Love", which I saw him do on "The Colgate Comedy Hour", among other places.
3-His "Chairman of the Board" pantomime to a Count Basie recording in, I think, "The Errand Boy", and, for me, the coup de grace,
4-His pantomiming of Leroy Anderson's "The Typewriter Song", which he performed or showed film or tapes of on virtually all of his telethons.
This one was unsurpassed.
It was in a league with the best of Chaplin and Keaton.
After I saw the clips of Lenny Schultz, I got into my car for a long drive to appear at a library here in Michigan to sell my books.
I put a CD in the player. It was a CD of Leroy Anderson's music. He was also known for composing "Sleigh Ride", "The Syncopated Clock", and "The Blue Tango", among others.
They were usually compositions that used novelty elements, such as an actual typewriter in "The Typewriter Song"
So I'm listening, and enjoying, and the orchestra goes into "The Typewriter Song"
And all of a sudden, I get depressed.
Because it is occurring to me that as time passes, fewer and fewer people will have any awareness of what a typewriter is, much less what it sounds like.
Now, it won't matter for posterity's sake that nobody remembers Carmen Miranda. Jerry Lewis's miming of her is still hysterical without that knowledge.
There will always be Chairmen of the Boards.
You don't have to know Mario Lanza to find "Be My Love" hilarious.
But once Jerry Lewis goes, and not that much more time goes by, his ultimate pantomime, "The Typewriter Song", will be as extinct as the dodo bird.
Because NOBODY WILL KNOW WHAT A TYPEWRITER IS!
Except maybe for some younger people who watch "Madmen"
And even there, you don't even hear the sound of the keyboard that often.
So young people probably think that these are simply early computers.
Most comedy is timeless, and it's a drastic shame that Jerry Lewis doing "The Typewriter Song" won't be.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******