The OTN. 2.

Well!
Not only are we generating an enthusiastic response to the OTN, but some controversy as well.

I received an e-mail from the great writer and blogster Mark Evanier:

"Okay, Rothman. Explain to me how "Harrigan and Son" could have been a
comedy knockoff of "The Defenders" when it debuted a year earlier."

I responded thusly:

"Simple.
Some weasel at ABC saw the original two-part "The Defender", which aired on "CBS's "Studio One In Hollywood" in
19-friggin'-57.
Two hours worth. Same premise. Same characters.
Three years before "Harrigan and Son"
Written by Reginald Rose, who was the creative muscle on what then became "The Defenders"
Starring, as the Prestons, Ralph "FDR" Bellamy, and Billy "Priceline" Shatner.
The weasel at ABC was impressed, and thought it could be knocked off comedically.
Okay, it's not likely, but it is plausible.

Rothman"

I do not go down without a fight. We needed Ruby Goldstein to separate us.

Your comments and suggestions have been most welcome.
And quite accurate.
But I still have plenty of nominees left to offer up.

I've got two today:

Around 1963, James T. Aubrey was named head of programming at CBS.
James T. Aubrey was known as the biggest prick in Hollywood at the time.
He was also known as "The Smiling Cobra"
He fired people with a big smile on his face.

One of his first acts as head of programming was to get into bed with, figuratively and probably literally, with the actor Keefe Brasselle.
Anyone remember Keefe Brasselle?
His big credit was that he starred as Eddie Cantor in the biopic "The Eddie Cantor Story".
It had come out in subsequent years that he had come out as gay.
So he probably had first hand knowledge of just how big a prick Aubrey had, er, was.
He wrote a thinly veiled, malicious, pure fiction of life at CBS, called "The CanniBalS"
His caps, not mine.
Subtle, hah?
Aubrey rewarded Brasselle with his own variety hour, "The Keefe Brasselle Show"
I remember seeing it.
It was an ego excursion.
I know a couple of writers with extensive variety show credits who worked on that show.
They described it as the low point of their careers.
They described it that way over and over again.
At the drop of anything.
Aubrey also offered Brasselle the opportunity to produce, or at least have his name listed in the credits as producer, on three other series that same year: "The Baileys of Balboa", "The Cara Williams Show, and "The Reporter".
Maybe it had to do with Brasselle flaunting his alleged Mafia connections.
The first two are certainly obscure, but do not deserve any consideration
"The Reporter" was set in New York, and I think was shot in New York, and had quality talent associated with it.
Jerome Weidman was the writing muscle on "The Reporter", and it starred Harry Guardino, always an interesting actor.
Another show that came out of Aubrey's stable that same year was "Mr. Broadway"
"Talent Associates, David Susskind's production company produced "Mr. Broadway"
Susskind always produced quality goods.

Craig Stevens. as we have well established, was a boring actor. And he played Mr. Broadway, in which he played a press agent.
I don't know if he was as boring as he was on "Peter Gunn".
I think I only saw "The Reporter" and "Mr. Broadway" once.
And my memories of them are very vague.
The only other press agent I recall being portrayed was Sidney Falco, at his greaseballiest, by Tony Curtis, in "Sweet Smell of Success", one of the great movies.
And he was brilliant.
I'm sure Stevens was far more upscale, thus far more boring.
Both shows went thirteen weeks and out.
"The Keefe Brasselle Show" lasted for less than that.
And it inflicted so much pain on those writers.
Imagine if it had gone a full thirteen.
Brasselle quickly faded from the scene after that, which perhaps casts doubt on his alleged Mafia connections.
Both of these dramatic series provide a major curiosity factor for me.

Those are todays entries.
I'm looking forward to more of yours.

Mark Rothman
CEO of OTN.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not
e-books. But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one. If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

The OTN.

I have mentioned several times here that I believe that THIS is the Golden Age of Television.
Primarily because, as I have said, we have virtually everything that has ever been on available to us.
Well, that statement isn't quite as accurate as I would like it to be.
There were comments after my last post, because I made a passing reference to the series "The Eleventh Hour", that some shows just seem to be lost.
Beneath just about everybody's radar.
Shows that were worthy of our attention then, and are most-likely worthy of it now.
This commentor suggested that we form the OTN.
The Obscure Television Network.
Please bear in mind that this is probably an exercise in complete fantasy.
Who knows if these shows are even available to be shown?
Who knows if there is even an audience for such a network?
Beyond the readers of this blog, I seriously doubt that there is enough of a viewership to make it a profitable venture.
And I'm not even so sure about you guys.
But I would certainly be a devoted viewer of such a network.
Therefore, I, along with your assistance, am going to attempt to make the case for shows that deserve to be on the OTN.
This will take at least several posts, and I welcome your suggestions in the comment section as we go, and I will respond to them.
If you don't feel like suggesting, I don't mind carrying the load myself.

Here are the rules, as set forth by the New York State Athletic Commission.
The referee for your main event is Ruby Goldstein:

We are only dealing with shows that have simply disappeared from the airwaves since their initial runs.
There should be some quality, and/or curiosity, and/or nostalgia value to these shows.
It doesn't matter how few episodes were made of any series.
Showing up in the bowels of YouTube for one or two episodes doesn't eliminate a show from consideration.
A show coming out on DVD does not eliminate it from consideration.
I won't present them in any order of preference.
Except for today.

Thus, I'll toss out the first pitch, the first show, today.
The daddy of them all.
The daddy of lost shows.
"The Defenders"

It has been a major mystery, one I hope one of our readers can help straighten out, as to why this show has completely vanished.
I've heard tales of legal problems, but don't you think enough time has gone by that this stuff can be resolved?
When it was on, beginning in the early 60's, it won every Emmy Award you can imagine.
And it deserved every one it received.
It starred E.G. Marshall and Robert Reed as father and son defense attorneys.
They were both wonderful.
No wonder Robert Reed felt like he was slumming when he was doing "The Brady Bunch"
There was also a comedy knockoff of "The Defenders"
Another Father-and Son law firm: "Harrigan and Son"
Pat O'Brien, and the forgettable Roger Perry.
Pat O'Brien was much better when he played Jimmy Cagney's friendly neighborhood priest in all those Warner Brother gangster films.
Lost as it also might be, I would not put "Harrigan and Son" on the OTN.
I look forward to your input.

Mark Rothman
CEO of the OTN.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not
e-books. But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one. If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Getting Your Kicks.

When I was an adolescent, I thought that "Route 66" was absolutely THE coolest show.
Two guys, in their twenties, tooling around the country in their new Corvette.
Every year, a new Corvette.
They survived by taking odd jobs, so how they could afford a new 'Vette every year is a question worth examining.
They must have talked their way into some great trade-ins.
They drove to that driving theme music of Nelson Riddle's.
For me, it was also quite exotic.
See, I had never been outside the Tri-State area of New York, New Jersey, and Connecticut until I myself was in my early twenties.
So all these places they drove to were the equivalent of another solar system.
Since so much of it was shot on the streets of whatever city they were in, it was like I was actually visiting these places.
Little did I realize that none of them were as good as anything in the Tri-State area.
Nor did I realize at the time that it was the sister ship to "Naked City"
The muscle on both shows was its Executive Producer, Herbert B. Leonard.
He shuttled directors back and forth to work on one show or the other.
I think it was part of their deals.
The writing overlapped from one show to the other as well.
But Herbert B. Leonard was the ringmaster.
Rita Moreno once volunteered the information that Herbert B. Leonard was an absolute genius.
She appeared in the movie "Popi", which Leonard produced.
Arthur Hiller directed it, but according to Rita, Leonard saved it.
There were a group of kids in it who simply could not act, and using every editing trick in the book, Leonard managed to get acceptable performances out of them.
I didn't watch "Naked City" when it was first on in Prime Time.
Bob Newhart had his first variety show, the one he won an Emmy for just after it was cancelled, and it was on opposite "Naked City" in 1961.
In 1962, a new series "The Eleventh Hour", the first series to deal with psychiatry, was on opposite "Naked City"
And as I was concerned more with my own mental health than another cop show, I opted for "The Eleventh Hour"
So I didn't realize that "Route 66" and "Naked City" were even second cousins.
If I had, things might have been different.
They're running "Route 66" on MeTV, and it is currently my second favorite dramatic show that they run.
The only problems are that the writing is a little too poetic and artsy-fartsy for my taste.
Funny how this didn't bother me when I was an adolescent.
Also, at some point, they lost George Maharis, who definitely added some paprika to the proceedings.
They are currently showing episodes where Maharis had abandoned ship, I think because of health reasons, and Martin Milner became a solo act.
Later on, they added Glenn Corbett to fill the passenger seat.
Glenn Corbett was a complete stiff, and the show suffered for it.
Later on, he died and became an even bigger stiff.
But not enough has been said about Martin Milner.
He was a wonderful actor.
Good enough to go solo on "Route 66" for as long as he did.
And he turned in some wonderful performances.
Catch him in a five minute hilarious turn as an M.P. in the movie "Mister Roberts"
This, of course, was before he allowed himself to be turned into a Jack Webb-style emotionless actor on "Adam-12"
On this show, he gave Glenn Corbett a run for his money.
The thing about fifty or so years of perspective is that both Milner and Maharis are both into their 80's now.
I'm sure the Corvettes have aged better than they have.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not
e-books. But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one. If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

THE Abram S. Ginnes.

I've been looking for a hook to write about "the TV series "Naked City", which is my favorite series that is currently appearing on MeTV.
And perhaps my favorite TV series of all time.
Certainly my favorite dramatic series.
And this morning, it was staring me in the face.
On the Google alt. obituaries website, there it was.
The obituary of Abram S. Ginnes.
Yes, THE Abram S. Ginnes.
It said that he died on Saturday at the age of 91.
Abram S. Ginnes was a blacklisted writer in the 1950's.
When the storm had past, he wrote a whole slew of episodes of "Naked City"
Under his own name.
Abram S. Ginnes.
"Naked City was a class act all the way.
The writing, the use of music, the great exterior photography capturing New York City in the early 1960s....
The writing was probably its classiest element.
In the obituary, it was mentioned that it was virtually an anthology series, with the police elements virtually crammed in.
I suppose this is true. But it was done seamlessly.
Ginnes in particular did some great cramming.
He also came up with very exotic titles for each episode he wrote.
As did the other episode writers.
"Naked City was known for its exotic titles.
Here are some that Ginnes provided:

"The Night the Saints Lost Their Halos"
"Let Me Die Before I Wake"
"The One Marked Hot Gives Cold"
"...And If Any Are Frozen, Warm Them!..."
"Memory of a Red Trolley Car"
"...And By the Sweat of Thy Brow..."
"Kill Me While I'm Young So I Can Die Happy"
"A Horse Has a Big Head - Let Him Worry!"
"King Stanislaus and the Knights of the Round Stable"
"Robin Hood and Clarence Darrow, They Went Out With the Bow and Arrow"
"No Naked Ladies in Front of Giovanni's House!"

At 91, Ginnes outlived all the cops who were regulars on "Naked City"
Including Paul Burke.
The last time I saw Paul Burke on TV was really sad.
I was here in Detroit, watching TV, and there was this commercial for a local furniture store.
The spokesman doing the pitch for the sofas and recliners was Paul Burke.
Paul Burke, who was first billed in "Naked City" and "Twelve O'Clock High", had a receding hairline and was hawking furniture for this store.
And it wasn't like "Hi, I'm Paul Burke. You know, from "Naked City" and Twelve O'Clock High, and I'm here to tell you about this wonderful furniture that will be on sale through the weekend."
No, he just appeared.
As if maybe you didn't know who he was.
This was in the nineties.
He was a TV star in the sixties.
I guess you gotta eat.

I have since gone to Abram S. Ginnes's IMDB page.
There, it indicated that Abram S. Ginnes died in 2006. At age 91.
If so, I don't know why this obituary appeared today.
But it certainly has served its purpose.
Paul Burke died in 2009, so I guess the jury is out on who outlived who.
But at least Abram S. Ginnes had more longevity.
And he never had to do furniture commercials.
As far as I know.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not
e-books. But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one. If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

All Style, And Less Than Any Substance. 2.

Imagine it's 1959, and you are Blake Edwards.
You have a meeting with the head of series development at CBS.
You are invited into the room, where four or five executives are seated, and stand to greet you.
Everybody sits, and you go into your pitch:

Edwards: Fellas, I have this years big hit action show for you right here in my pocket.
I did it last year for NBC with "Peter Gunn", this year. I can do it for you.

Exec: Will there be violence? We love violence!

Edwards: Ohhhh, there'll be violence. Exactly like on "Peter Gunn" We'll be in shadows much of the time, our hero will be constantly surrounded by cardboard villains who have the drop on him. He'll finesse his way out of it. This will lead to fistfights, where he is outnumbered, shootouts where he never has a weapon, yet always emerges unscathed.

Exec: Will the hero have an exciting name, like Peter Gunn?

Edwards: Ohhhh, the excitingest.

Exec: Good. Because Craig Stevens is pretty boring. He needed an exciting name like Peter Gunn.

Edwards: Hey! Don't you think I've thought of that? Peter Gunn has been in the Top Ten all year with a boring leading man.
We surrounded him with interesting supporting characters, and shot him in semi-darkness. That did the trick.
And this show has an exotic locale. A gambling ship. Located just outside the twelve mile limit, where gambling is legal.

Exec: So the hero is not a detective. So where does the violence come in?

Edwards: People are always trying to rob the ship. Or people on the ship.

Exec: But the cops have no legal juristiction. So who helps him?

Edwards: He has a friend on the police force who helps him

Exec: Is this the kind of thing that happens in life?

Edwards: Life? What life? This is television!

Exec: Tell me more.

Edwards: Remember the movie "Mr. Lucky"?

Exec: Oh, yeah. In the forties. It had Cary Grant.

Edwards: And he had a gambling ship.

Exec: Don't tell me you got Cary Grant?! It's a deal!

Edwards: Well, not exactly.

Exec: Oh.

Edwards: But we got the next best thing! A guy who is a dead ringer for Cary Grant!

Exec: Is he any good?

Edwards: What good? Is Craig Stevens any good? We'll get Henry Mancini to do the music, give it a great theme song, just like Peter Gunn, and we'll surround him with interesting, funny supporting actors, just like Peter Gunn. And it's got gambling! Just like "Casablanca!
What other show has gambling?

Exec: You've got a firm thirty-nine on the air this fall!

And so, "Mr. Lucky", the series, was born.
And died after those thirty-nine episodes.
Edwards did deliver on interesting supporting actors.
He brought Ross Martin to our attention for the first time.
He was charming as hell, and this was before the days that anyone knew that he could play ANYTHING.
Pippa Scott was Lucky's harebrained heiress girlfriend, and was delightful.
But the show really had no reason to exist.
John Vivyan, who played Lucky, was a complete cipher who came from nowhere and went nowhere fast.
I watched, quite recently, the Cary Grant version of Mr. Lucky.
It was far better.
Because it was about something.
It was about a conman wrestling with his conscience.
And only one scene in it took place on the gambling ship.
And, well, it had Cary Grant.
On the series, most of the scenes took place aboard ship.
The series was about a nice guy, wrestling with thugs.
It was about nothing.
Towards the end of its brief run, it wasn't even about gambling anymore.
Some chickenshit at the network thought that the show might be corrupting Americas youth by making a hero out of a gambler.
So they turned his floating casino into a floating restaurant.
This ransacked the show of whatever guts it might have had, which wasn't much to begin with.
And after thirty nine or fewer episodes, it went the way of all flesh, as did John Vivyan.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not
e-books. But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one. If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

All Style, And Less Than Any Substance.

Once upon a time, in the late 50's, early sixties, there was this half-hour series where the leading character helped solve crimes.
This series happened to have one of the worlds most boring leading men starring in it.
The producer, Blake Edwards, must have been aware of this, because he did everything to camouflage this problem.
He gave the leading man an interesting character name.
He surrounded the actor with other actors far more interesting than he was, to possibly deflect the boredom emanating from the lead actor.
These other actors were capable of making you laugh, or at least chuckle.
Something the leading man was not capable of.
The series was totally formulaic.
The leading actor was not particularly proficient at solving crimes.
The show was always shot in film-noir shadows. probably to hide just how boring the lead actor was.
About twenty minutes into the show, the invariably cardboard villains invariably got the drop on the leading man, who was always unarmed and out manned.
He could have easily been shot dead in just about any episode.
But he always managed to overwhelm the odds by finessing his way out of things by throwing some substance in the villains faces, and applying some karate moves on them.
This invariably led to a shootout, where he was invariably out gunned, yet never even injured, and a fistfight where he invariably prevailed.
Usually with some police help.
Blake Edwards helped provide more interest by offering up a really great jazzy score, and phenomenal theme music by Henry Mancini.
If you haven't guessed by now, the show I'm talking about was "Peter Gunn" starring Craig Stevens.
Sorry, Craig.
As to the supporting actors, Herschel Bernardi was an interesting cop.
Lola Albright was an interesting singer and girlfriend.
Hope Emerson was an interesting battleaxe nightclub proprietress.

With different supporting actors, all of the above could describe another show.
The "sister-ship" to "Peter Gunn"
Did I say "Once upon a time"?
I meant "Twice upon a time"
The same time.
Exact same problems.
The exact same solutions.
I'll delve into that one next time.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not
e-books. But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one. If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

That Is Yet Even More My Desire.

In 2009, when I first started this blog, I wrote about watching a rerun episode of "Make Room For Daddy" in 1976.
The episode was first shot in 1959.
It made a major impact on my life at the time.
I have been watching and writing a lot about "Make Room For Daddy" recently, since I rediscovered it on MeTV.
With Annette Funicello's recent passing, MeTV did an entire Sunday afternoon tribute to Annette Funicello.
She appeared in a chunk of episodes of "Make Room For Daddy", and I think that yesterday, they may have shown all of them.
The episode in question that I saw in 1976 was one of those episodes.
She played a foreign exchange student who lived with Danien and his family.
And I took the opportunity to watch this episode again.
Thirty-seven years later.
And it had even more of an impact yesterday than it did thirty-seven years ago.

Here's the original article.

That Was My Desire:

I'm going tell you a story about the casting of "Laverne and Shirley" that no one involved in the production of that show, or anyone else, has ever been aware of.

Because I've never told anybody about it before.

As most of you who are familiar with the series know, we cast the wonderful comedian Phil Foster as Laverne's father, Frank DeFazio.
We knew it would be a good idea to have an interesting actor to play Laverne's gruff father.
Someone, ideally, who would bring out Laverne's softer side, by being much tougher than she was. Someone who had a certain earthy charm, too.

And most important, someone who was really funny.
He'd fit in nicely as the owner of the local hangout, the pizza parlor-bowling alley, the Pizza Bowl.
It would help give us a funny place to go outside of the girls' apartment, and their work.

Garry Marshall and I both had Phil Foster in mind.
Garry was always very loyal to comedians who helped him get started writing comedy.
Phil was one of those.

There were other powers-that-be that were more resistant to the notion.
And not without decent reason.

Garry and I both thought Phil had all the necessary qualities.
He certainly was interesting.

I think "interesting" is what differentiates a good actor from an ordinary one.

I know a former actor who has now carved a modest niche in other areas of show business who pontificates about how you're not really an actor unless you always know your lines inside and out, never miss your blocking, and always hit your marks.
I've seen this guy's work. He claims to have always known his lines inside and out, never missed his blocking, and always hit his marks. I’ll take him at his word.
But that didn't prevent him from being continually, relentlessly boring whenever on stage and screen.
I'm pretty sure that's why he's a former actor.

Phil Foster never knew his lines, never knew his blocking, never hit his marks.
And he constantly mumbled. But he was relentlessly interesting.
To me, that's much more important.

Billy Wilder, describing working with Marilyn Monroe on a couple of great movies, acknowledged that she never knew her lines and never hit her marks.
He said "I've got an Aunt Minnie, who could come in here, know all her lines, and always hit her marks. But nobody would pay good money to see my Aunt Minnie. 'Cause she's not so interesting".

Jackie Gleason's idea of "Blocking" when he was shooting "The Honeymooners", was to tell the director "Just tell the guy on Camera One to point it at me, and follow me wherever I'm going."
And it didn't matter where he went, because he was INTERESTING.

Phil's mumbling was the cause of everyone else's misgivings.
It was a little daunting.

He had mumbled his way through an episode of the Odd Couple, and I found it and him adorable, though a little scary.

I knew Garry needed support on this one, and I campaigned hard for Phil.
The others involved in the decision had pretty high regard for my casting sense.
And there wasn't really a good second choice.

We saw some lulus along the way.
One was former Heavyweight contender Lou Nova, who was once knocked out by Joe Louis.
He plowed through his audition with a grin on his face, as if he owned the room.
But he had nary a clue about what he was doing, or where he was, for that matter.
As if Joe had just punched him in the head.
And he was one of the finalists.

Phil was looking better and better.
I went to the mat for Phil. "I know he mumbles. We'll make it work for us", I half-believed.

We signed him, and I think he was a major asset to the show.

About a week and a half after we signed Phil, I was at home, watching TV.
There was a rerun of an old episode of Make Room for Daddy on, from the late 50's, starring Danny Thomas.
I used to watch that show every week when I was a kid.
The guest on the show that night was Frankie Laine, the great singer.

You know, "Mule Train", "That's My Desire", "Jezebel". Frankie Laine.

He appeared as himself.
He was wonderful.
He had a lot of dialogue.

Funny, charming, enormous presence, Italian, like Laverne, maybe not all that gruff, but INTERESTING.
In the mid 1970's, he was about the same age as Phil. And he didn't mumble.
He wasn't doing all that much those days.
And he was a 50's icon.
"Laverne and Shirley" took place in the 50's.

He would've been great. We missed a bet.

Timing is everything.
If I'd seen that episode of Make Room For Daddy two weeks prior, I would have yelled "Stop the Presses!" no matter how much I'd campaigned for Phil Foster.
But the boat had sailed.
It was a done deal.
No point in even bringing it up.
So I never did.
Until now.

Getting Frankie Laine to play Laverne's father.

That was my desire.

My unrequited desire.


*****

Watching this episode yesterday, I was struck by just how wonderful Frankie Laine was doing comedy with impeccable timing.
And how right I was to begin with about regretting not having the opportunity to cast him as Laverne's father.
He was really great.
Far better than I originally remembered.
And would have been really great on "Laverne and Shirley"
A fat lot of good it does sometimes to be right.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not
e-books. But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one. If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

A Week That Has Turned Me Into An Obituary Writer.

It has been happening in droves.
First, my cousin Howie, then Annette Funicello, and now, two more today.
The first is Jonathan Winters, the many times acclaimed comedy genius.
One of those rare comedians---a man who did not need writers.
Ever.
He was astounding.
He was inspirational.
Many current comedians credit him for their interest in pursuing comedy in the first place.
He was, of course, the direct antecedent of Robin Williams, and played Williams' son on "Mork and Mindy"
The main difference was that Winters was always completely original, and never repeated himself.
Whereas it has been well documented that Robin has stolen others' material and repeated the stuff constantly.
My two favorite venues for him were "The Jack Paar Show", where Jonathan allowed Paar to hand him various objects, one at a time, and Winters would then proceed to do many comedic variations on each object.
Paar expressed genuine awe of this, and Winters made him, and me, constantly hysterical.
Paar was a great straight man for comedians in general, but particularly for Winters.
The other favorite venue for Winters was the movie "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World"
Winters stole that movie almost singlehandedly.
Along with, of all people, Ethel Merman.
They were the Bonnie and Clyde of that movie.

Jonathan was by all accounts a very unstable person.
He spent time in a mental institution.
His entire improvisational approach seemed quite unstable.
Perhaps he needed that to fuel the fire.
One of the producers on "The Odd Couple" was a writer on Jonathan Winters' variety show in the 60's.
He told us that most of the time, Jonathan was surly and moody.
But then, hanging around with this producer made a lot of us surly and moody.
So I really don't know how much credence to give to that statement.
All I know is that Jonathan Winters was a great and unique talent, and will be sorely missed.

The bells have also tolled for Mickey Rose.
At age 77.
Mickey Rose was one of the great comedy writers.
A particularly great joke writer.
Precisely the kind of writer that Jonathan Winters didn't need.
But precisely the kind of writer that "The Odd Couple" did need.
Because "The Odd Couple" was a haven for great joke writers.
It was a joke show. A show driven by jokes.
I had the extreme pleasure of working with Mickey Rose for a season on "The Odd Couple"
He was major fun to be around.
He had co-written Woody Allen's first two hit joke movies, "Take The Money and Run", and "Bananas"
He worked with us only a few years after that.
So we were always peppering him with questions about Woody Allen, which he was delighted to field.
He basically told us that there was more great stuff that Woody Allen threw away than most writers kept.
Mickey was a true eccentric.
Always smoking.
And he dressed in typical writers regalia: Sneakers, jeans, an open collared shirt.
He often punctuated this attire by putting on a full opera cape and a matching fedora.
And he didn't just confine himself to our offices this way.
He'd walk around the studio lot this way.
He'd accompany us to the commissary for lunch this way.
And he had this great laugh.
He found virtually everything funny, and would explode with this enormous high-pitched cackle.
His office was right next to ours, and you could hear him, sitting at his typewriter alone, cackling out loud at whatever jokes he wrote.
He was really not much of a storyteller, but he didn't have to be.
His joke writing ability much more than compensated for that.

It makes me very sad to think that his cackle is now stilled.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not
e-books. But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one. If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Mouseketeer Roll Call.

Ask not for whom the roll calls.
The roll called for the Mouseketeers.
As did the bells toll.
Career and life-longevity wise.
With the death this week of Annette Funicello, it only adds to the premature ends of most of the Mouseketeers.
Beginning with Jimmie Dodd, the Head Mouseketeer, who died at age 54.
Annette made it to 70, but spent the last twenty years confined to a wheelchair with MS.
The Mousketeers have completely wreaked havoc with the actuarial tables..
A life insurance salesman would be better off selling his product to the Navy Seals.
The list is staggering:

Don Grady, who did have some career success as one of "My Three Sons", died of cancer at age 68.

Bonnie Lynn Fields died of throat cancer at age 68.

Cheryl Holdridge died of lung cancer at age 64.

Tim Rooney, one of Mickey's boys, suffered from a muscle disease known as dermatomyositis, and died at age 59.

Karen Pendleton, following an automobile accident in 1983, was paralyzed from the waist down.

That's it as far as I know of for death and physical deterioration.

As far as career and life problems in general:

Mickey Rooney Jr., who suffered the general misfortune of being Mickey Rooney Jr., which in his case, meant a nonexistent career.

Paul Petersen, best known as Jeff, the sassy funny son on the Donna Reed Show, whose career went so far south that he, in a burst of masochism, decided to work as a Limo Driver to the stars.
He then became very active in an organization designed to protect child actors and support former ones.
Ya think he was traumatized?

Darlene Gillespie, who, in December 1998, was convicted in federal court of aiding her third husband, Jerry Fraschilla, to purchase securities using a check-kiting scheme. She was sentenced to two years in prison,but was released after serving only three months. In 2005, she and her husband were indicted on federal charges of filing multiple fraudulent claims in the settlement of a class-action lawsuit.
Just couldn't keep herself clean.

Doreen Tracy, who was only heard from after her Mousketeering when she posed bare-breasted, with the mouse ears on, in a spread in Gallery Magazine in 1976. Her way of celebrating the Bicentennial I suppose.
They were quite impressive.
The breasts, not the ears.
The kind that little boys always imagined that Annette had.

Quite a litany, wouldn't you say?

I suppose the most successful and most visible has been Bobby Burgess, who hooked up with the Lawrence Welk organization, and has appeared on that show and still appears at the Lawrence Welk Theater in Branson.
I SUPPOSE that's a step up from the rest.
I SUPPOSE..........

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not
e-books. But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one. If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Saint Howie.

My cousin Howie died last week.
He was six years older than me.
71.
Way too young to go, in my opinion.
He and I were very close.
Even though when I was six and he was twelve, in a two-family bungalow that our families shared in the Catskills in 1953, he did everything he could to tease and scare the living bejeezus out of me.
But then, when I was twelve and my sister was six, I behaved likewise towards her.
I guess it's what kids did, and probably still do.
We all got over it, and Howie became the relative that I spent the most time with in my adult life.
By choice.
He was a lifelong two pack-a-day smoker.
Something I was always on him about.
"Some day this is going to kill you!"

There was this movie that came out in 1979 called "Saint Jack"
It starred Ben Gazzara, and was directed by Peter Bogdanovich.
It was essentially a character study about Jack, a pimp, nightclub owner, and restauranteur who lived in Singapore.
The movie was about how everybody who met him loved him and wanted to hang around with him.
Howie was a low-rent version of Saint Jack.
He was one of the most gregarious, fun-loving, funny human beings I've ever encountered.
He had the mind of a professional comedy writer. But not the discipline.
He once said to me about his friend Paul, who had had a very easy time of things because his father had supported him handsomely, that "Paul has gone through his entire life by cab"
I have stolen that line whenever it was appropriate to do so.
And, like Jack, Howie spent his share of life on it's seamier side.
He was a blackjack dealer in Las Vegas, graduating to pitboss.
That dried up on him, and he made a very successful living selling porno tapes.
This was when you could make a very successful living selling porno tapes.
The Internet kind of dried that up for him.
I guess you could call him a con man.
But a very good-natured one.
He could never con anyone who would be hurt by the con.
He'd only con other con men.
It was something he had a talent for.
Connected to this was his other major talents: bragging and bullshitting.
The two were intertwined.
A lot of the bragging and bullshitting had to do with his exploits with women.
Judging by the women I knew of that were in his life, it was MAJOR bullshitting.
He was a bullshit artiste.
Watching him bullshit was like watching Picasso at the easel.
You were just in awe.
It was his sport.
And the bullshit was always totally transparent.
He never fooled anyone.
I think he knew that he never fooled anyone.
I think he knew that you knew that he never fooled anyone.
But he seemed to derive such pleasure from it.

When we were still living in New York, he in Brooklyn, which accounted for his thick Brooklyn accent, he told me about how he knew the actor-comedian Art Metrano.
Art Metrano was perhaps best known for going on variety shows and doing a phony magician's act, while accompanying himself musically to the tune "Fine and Dandy"---"Dah dah dah dah, dah dah dah dah dah...."
Howie claimed that he knew him, and went into an elaborate, hilarious story about him.
Cut to: about ten years later.
I hired Art Metrano to appear on one of my sitcoms.
I mentioned to Art that we know someone in common.
I mentioned my cousin Howie's name.
The reply I got was "I never heard of him"
And I made the very, very, very foolish mistake of telling this to Howie.
He didn't defend himself.
He merely looked sheepish.
He had a look in his eyes that said "Why would you go to the trouble of calling me on my bullshit? Are some things not sacred?"
I felt terrible.
And I never made that mistake again.
He was like a big brother to me, always looking out for my interests.
And my interests continually needed looking out for.
The last time I spoke to him, he was living in Las Vegas, where he wasn't working, merely living on his Social Security checks.
He told me he was moving to the Far East. Just like Saint Jack.
But for Howie, it was the Philippines.
People had told him that he could live like a King there on a nickel.
He was quite jubilant about it.
I wished him well in his upcoming royal existence, and asked him if he was still smoking.
He was.
This past week, I got a call from one of my other cousins.
It turns out that actual con men, not good-natured ones, had been the people who told Howie he could live in the Philippines on a nickel.
And when he got there, they Shanghai'd him, robbed him of all his Social Security money, made him sign over the next checks he received, tied him up, tortured him, and left him for dead.
Just for his Goddamned Social Security checks.
Just because he wanted to make life a little easier for himself.
He died shortly thereafter in a Hospice, and the body is being brought back here to be cremated.
Right now, I would give up the next six years of my life to not end up like that.
I can only hope that they let him smoke right up to the very end.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not
e-books. But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one. If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Make Room For Danien. 2.

"Make Room For Daddy" had tremendous longevity.
They turned out over 350 episodes.
Danien went through two wives.
Jean Hagen and Marjorie Lord.
I think the show got broader during the later, Marjorie Lord era.
She played things broader than did Jean.
Maybe that's what Danien wanted.
Maybe that's why he replaced Jean with Marjorie.
Both eras were plenty funny.
The earlier era, primarily because Rusty Hamer, who played his son, was probably the funniest kid actor of them all.
That was when he was a little kid.
When he got older, and taller, and less of a little kid, during the Marjorie Lord era, he was really not funny at all.
He wasn't the go-to kid for funny any more.
After "Make Room For Daddy" went off the air, he worked hardly at all, and he committed suicide in his early forties.
This certainly casts a pall over the proceedings.
Danien was always funny.
He had great timing.
In the later era, Sid Melton became the go-to guy for funny.
And he was, indeed, very funny.
Hans Conreid, as Uncle Tonoose, transcended both eras, and when he appeared, it was "Katie bar the door"
They made another great addition when they added Sid Melton.
They brought in Pat Carroll as his wife.
Pat Carroll is a GREAT comedienne.
I didn't realize just HOW great she was at the time.
I have since worked on three TV series with her, and always regarded her as a tremendous asset.
But looking back at her work with Danien, I now realize that she had it all working for her then.
She was constantly hilarious.
On MeTV, they are currently in the later era, where Pat Carroll and Sid Melton are a riot, and Rusty is not funny.
And there is a smattering of Uncle Tonoose here and there.
There was also Angela Cartwright, who played Rusty's younger sister in that later era.
Jerry Seinfeld seems to have gone to the Angela Cartwright school of acting.
Angela Cartwright would be given punchlines, and almost relentlessly smirk after delivering them.
Judicious editing might have spared her.
Watching these later shows on a daily basis presents a problem.
Virtually EVERY EPISODE involves the "I'll teach him, or her, a good lesson" form of scheming.
This is a lower form of sitcom storytelling.
It's "I Love Lucy" at it's worst.
And it has been a constant.
You know where these stories are going on page four.
They are redeemed somewhat by the mostly exuberant acting on display.
I'm hoping they go back to the first era soon, to see if it was always like that.

One thing about this show: It is one of the best to have on Tivo.
Watching it that way enables you to cut out all of Danien's sitting at home, playing the piano and singing, where it has been suggested that The Danny Thomas Orchestra has been brought in to back him up, or singing at his nightclub, where there is an actual orchestra, and the usual last five minutes of preachiness that is usually prevalent.
It cuts the show down to about fifteen minutes.
Except for when I can figure out where the scheming is going to come in.
Then, I delete it.
That usually cuts it down to five.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not
e-books. But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one. If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Make Room For Danien.

"Danien" is what Uncle Tonoose, played by the glorious Hans Conreid, called his nephew, Danny Thomas, on "Make Room For Daddy", now being shown on MeTV.
It's one of the shows I've been Tivoing there every day.
As a result, I have been, and will be, refering to Danny Thomas as "Danien"
I was once responsible for getting Hans Conreid cast on an episode of "Laverne and Shirley".
I was merely consulting on it at the time, and the Show Runner, aware of my extensive background in casting, said to me, "We have this part for a guest star in an upcoming episode. It's a part that is just perfect for Billy DeWolfe."
Remember Billy DeWolfe? He was hilarious, mustachioed, prissy, snooty, and put-upon.
He said things like "Nasty, nasty, nasty!"
Everything in threes.
He was a latter-day Franklin Pangborn.
I guess this requires you to remember Franklin Pangborn.
Franklin Pangborn had all of the attributes that Billy DeWolfe had.
But he started much earlier.
The early 30's probably.
He played hotel clerks, floorwalkers, florists, decorators....
You get the idea.
So the Show Runner on "Laverne and Shirley" told me about this perfect part for Billy DeWolfe.
The only problem in getting Billy DeWolfe is that he was already dead.
Or, as he would have put it, "Dead, dead, dead!"
So the Show Runner asked me who he should want because Billy DeWolfe was already dead, dead, dead.
Without batting an eyelash, I responded in jigtime, "Hans Conreid"
Not because he was typecast as that, although he certainly played that sort of role. but because he was brilliant, and could play anything.
So I go to the first reading the following Monday, and there he is.
Hans Conreid.
I was not without influence.
He played a night school science professor in an episode that had Laverne essentially dismantling a skeleton.
It was a great episode, made greater by Hans Conreid's performance.
He was a perfect foil.

Hans Conreid, as Danien's Uncle Tonoose, was easily the best thing about "Make Room For Daddy".
And this was a show that had a lot of good things.
And a lot of bad things.
It was probably THE show that I never missed an episode of.
At least when I was old enough that it wasn't on past my bedtime.
I did catch up with a lot of the earlier episodes when it was on in daytime syndication.
But at the time, I was only aware of, as Ed Norton would say, its good pernts.
Next time, I will discuss its good pernts and its bad pernts.
And unfortunately, with fifty years of perspective, the bad pernts are out-weighing the good.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not
e-books. But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one. If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******