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Thursday, August 31, 2017

Animal Acts. Part One.

Going back to the Ed Sullivan Show days, I have always been a sucker for animal acts.
Ed Sullivan, beginning next Monday, is beginning an extended run with his reruns on the Decades channel.
The unicyclist, Topo Gigio, the guy spinning the plates, I loved them all.  but mainly I loved the live animal acts.
Berosini's Orangutans, the dog acts, Bertha The Elephant, who would balance precariously on a little ball, the performing seals, the Marquis Chimps, I couldn't get enough of them.
It never occurred to me that these animals were perhaps all being uniformly abused in order to get them to do their tricks.  It might have affected my enjoyment of them.
The first story I'm going to tell you, I recently overheard Andrea Martin reading from her book of memoirs, tell it to Nathan Lane on a YouTube interview. 
I'm only telling you this because I have known this story over twenty years, and have always intended to tell it here.  It has been sitting in my files ever since I started this here blog.  I'm sure I knew about it first, so I claim prior ownership to it.
Here goes:  The Marquis Chimps were booked to appear on the Ed Sullivan Show in the 50s.
Sullivan was  very controlling about the content of his show.
Once, in masterstroke of showmanship, he decided to cut three minutes out of their eight minute routine.
If that's what the boss wants, that's what he gets.
How would you like to be the stage manager who has to tell Mr. Marquis that he has to tell his
Chimps that they have to cut three minutes?
Stage Manager:  Mr. Marquis, you have to tell your apes that they have to cut three minutes.
Mr. Marquis:  Are you crazy?  I can't just have them cut three minutes!
Stage Manager:  Why not?
Mr. Marquis:  Why not??!!  Why not??!!  These are apes!!  They're not human beings!!  Their entire
act is based on repetition.!!  They only know how to their act one way!  They can't just cut three minutes!
Stage Manager:  Well, what do I tell Mr. Sullivan??
Mr. Marquis:  Tell him that, while I sympathize, we're still dealing with apes, here!
Stage Manager:  Oh, he's not going to like this.
Mr. Marquis:  No, I don't suppose he would....Wait, I may have an idea!
Stage Manager:  Anything!  I'm desperate!
Mr. Marquis:  Well, this is pretty desperate.  Can we have the curtain closed three minutes before
the Chimps appear?
Stage Manager:  Sure.  They're going on right after Tony Bennett.
Mr. Marquis:  Gee...I always liked him...can I have The Chimps start their act behind the curtain
three minutes before you raise the curtain on them?
Stage Manager;  Sure.
Mr. Marquis:  Okay.  Just make sure that Tony finishes his song exactly on time.
That's something a human being can handle, right?
Stage Manager:  Consider it done.
And that's what they did.  When they opened the curtain on the chimps,  they were somewhat dazzled by the sudden glow of extra light,  but being the troupers that they were they just continued their act from that point, it  and it went off without a hitch.
Next time another "animal acts" story totally from my own memory.

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My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.,
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@comcast.net
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

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Thursday, August 24, 2017

All Herbed Up.

The actor and radio personality Jay Thomas died today.
This makes me very sad.
He was hilarious.
He was perhaps best remembered for his annual Yuletide appearances with Letterman, where he told his oft-praised story of having had to shepherd Clayton Moore, TV's Lone Ranger.
This was in the 70s.
He was a local deejay, I think in North Carolina.
He was covering the opening of a car dealership and Clayton Moore, in full Lone Ranger regalia,
was on hand to sign autographs.
At the end of the event, Clayton was expecting transportation back to The Red Roof Inn.
But he was left stranded.  Jay and his a friend, of his, a hippie looking type, offered assistance.
The two of them got into a brouhaha with another driver.
Jay described them both he and his friend as being all herbed up.
That line particularly made Letterman laugh.
And, as usual, The Lone Ranger came to their rescue and saved the day.
I can't do justice to the story, much less tell it as well as Jay Thomas did.
Letterman always referred to it as the best story ever told on television .
You need only go to YouTube, where many year's worth of this story are told.
Go get a good laugh and check it out.  Particularly today.
It was always the highlight of the Christmas season for me
That, and Paul Shaffer doing his annual impression of Cher singing "Oh, Holy Night".
The year that Letterman announced his retirement, and Thomas told his Lone Ranger story, Letterman turned to Thomas and said "I'm never going to see you again, am I".
And Thomas said "Nope.  You never will."
And he was right.
I met him once, and had lunch with him, trying to twist his arm to appear in my play.
He liked the play a lot, but he was out of my price range.
I needed him to work for free.
That wasn't good enough.
I guess I can't blame him.
I miss him already.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.,
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@comcast.net
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Monday, August 21, 2017

Jahlouyish!

That was the way my grandfather, of heavy Yiddish extraction, pronounced the name "Jerry Lewis".
And it was always said with oodles of affection.
My Grandpa Joe loved him some "Jahlouyish".
Nobody could make him laugh harder that Jahlouyish.
At least until I was twelve, at which, at which point, in 1960, he died.
And he made me laugh almost as hard at 13..
In many respects, he still does.
What was funny about him has always been funny.
And it included absolute genius.  He was a pioneer of what could be done wih the camera.
He was an extraordinary physical comedian, with unmatched timing.
I was always impressed with the way he could raise the level banality of conversation to an art form.
Creating and adding new levels of nonsense to the language.
In the movie "The Errand Boy", my personal favorite by a lot.  (There isn't even a close second.),
there is a sequence where the wonderful actor Del Moore plays the announcer at a movie premiere.
He rattles off a series of recent "Paramuitual Pictures" hits.
They are "Hot Heat", "Heaven is Far", and "So?.
The last one accompanied by a wonderful arm shrug.
Jahlouyish was capable of letting other actors let laughs.
What is also wonderful about "The Errand Boy" is that it is never hampered by a plot.
It is a series of bits.
The same is true of "The Bellboy", but that suffered by Mr. Louyish deciding to not to speak.
"The Errand Boy" introduced us to the wonderful names Mr. Wobbidnotley.  Mr. Bape Wosenthal,
Mr. Fermidnin, and of course, Jah's characters name, Morty S. Tashman, a send-up of Frank Tashlin.
His previous frequent director.
Probably the best and most notable charcter name was given to the well known opera singer Helen Traubel, who played the proprietress of the Girls boarding school in "The Ladies Man".  Her name was Mrs.Helen Wellenmelon.  If you don't think that's funny, there's no hope for you.
There are unfortunate comparisons to be drawn between Jahlouyish and Donald Trump.
This is a sad thing to contemplate.
There seems to be almost no middle ground between those who hate Trump, and those who hate Jahlouyish.  Of course, those who hate Trump are right.  I am certainly aware of his flaws, and I realize that Louyish wasn't perfect.  But we know that at least he was funny. So I fall somewhere in the middle.
Jahlouyish is guilty merely of personal excesses, and perhaps mistreating his staff.
His movies with Dean don't hold up well.  Dean was usually cast as the oily villain who was handed a series of forgettable songs to be sung to the leading lady, driving all of us 9 year olds to get refills on popcorn at the refreshment stand.  Dean was  not treated well in those movies.
I've already had the thought that if Jerry and Dean meet up in the afterlife, would Dean still not want to talk to Jerry?
But their appearances on "The Colgate Comedy Hour hold up great
"The Nutty Professor" is very uncomfortable to watch.  It cuts a little too close the bone.
He seems a little too close to his alter ego, Buddy Love, in real life.
He certainly made his share of forgettable movies, and not everything in The Errand Boy" is great, but there is so much that is: his typewriter pantomime which with his death makes the typewriter totally obsolete, his Count Basie pantomime, pretending to be the boss is brilliant, his other great character names in other movies, Herbert H. Heebert, Stanley Belt, Professor Julius Kelp, Willard Woodward, Wilbur Hoolick, Norman Phiffler, this all reflects a body of work.
If you haven't seen "The Errand Boy" and need convincing, please reserve judgement and seek it out.
Oh, and did I mention "Hey Lay-dee!!!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.,
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@comcast.net
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

The Best Dolly Levi and the Best Shirley Maclaine I Ever Saw.

The year was 1958.
So it doesn't involve the musical "Hello, Dolly!"
That didn't exist until 1964.
There was a movie based on its source material, "The Matchmaker".
With a lovely score.  But no songs.
You didn't need them.
There was no Carol Channing, no Pearl Bailey, and certainly no Bette Midler.
No, before all of them there was the "The Matchmaker".
And its star "Shirley "Hazel" Booth."
And she was better and the movie was better than any production of "Hello Dolly" ever was.
As those of you who know my general feelings about Ms. Booth, and how I couldn't bear to watch
"Hazel", it came as more than just a mild shock to witness just how wonderful she was in
"The Matchmaker".  There was no shortage to her charm.  And the supporting cast was dazzling.
Paul Ford as Horace Van Der Gelder, who had far more to do than any of the Van Der Gelders in the musical, and every moment he had was great.
Anthony Perkins was Cornelius Hackle and almost stole the movie.
Robert Morse was Barnaby Tucker.  Pretty hard to beat.
If she wasn't busy doing "Hazel" she should have done "Hello Dolly".
There was wonderful use of "breaking the fourth wall".
Having the characters directly addressing the audience.
Preceding "House of Cards" by about fifty years.
Ms. Booth had done two previous musicals on Broadway.  I have both cast albums, and she was marvelous in both of them.
Check out the cast album of "A Tree Grows In Brooklyn"  The whole score is sensational and Ms. Booth is even better.
But Shirley Maclaine was, in "The Matchmaker" at the top of her game as Irene Molloy.
Every scene she had made you want to cry for her.  Absolute perfection.
And in the same year,  she was equally superb in a movie called "Some Came Running".
Wow, was she good in that.  She played a tramp who was in love with  Frank Sinatra.
It was mentioned by Ms. Maclaine herself that Sinatra had James Jones' novel re-written so that Shirley's character would be murderded at the end, in order to guarantee her an Oscar nomination.
She didn't get one, Martha Hyer got one for the same picture.  Were they watching the same movie?, Martha Hyer was a cold fish, and played it ,that way.  And it  certainly didn't require her getting murdered to get it. It just required her to be married to Hal Wallis who was a major big shot in Hollywood..
All of her Shirley's earlier scenes warranted a win.  Not just a nomination. She got neither.
Talk about breaking your heart.
Wendy Hiller won for "Separate Tables".  Who remembers her or it?
I used to live in Malibu, in a condo complex.  I knew that Shirley Maclaine  lived there too.
I'd always hoped I'd run into her at the pool, so I could tell her how much I loved what she did in
"Some Came Running".  That never happened.
Anyway, 1958.  Quite a year.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.,
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@comcast.net
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

When Is A Joke You Wrote 47 Years Ago, Not A Joke You Wrote 47 Years Ago?

When I was in college, I got involved in writing sketches for annual college shows that were very well attended.
In 1970, it was our task to write a takeoff on Ted Mack's Original Amateur Hour.
The sketch included a glee club performing a medley of Rodgers and Hammerstein songs.
The joke was that each member of the glee club simultaneously sang a different Rodgers and Hammerstein song.
It was pretty funny, and as far as I know, original.
Even then we always prided ourselves on being original.
There had to be a winner, and the winner that night was a soloist who, on slide-whistle, performed
Schubert's Unfinished  Symphony, with the finish that he himself wrote just for this occasion.
He played Schubert's Unfinished Symphony with a flourish, and ended with "Shave and A Haircut,
Two Bits".
It brought down the house, and we were very proud of ourselves.
For 47 years.  It was a great joke.
Little did I know that five years previously, on the Danny Kaye Show, when he played the German
Conductor, he did the exact same joke.  "Shave and a Haircut, Two Bits".
They run the old Danny Kaye show on JLTV, a cable station, here, and I saw it for the first time last
week.
I didn't see it in 1965,  I used to watch "I Spy", which was on opposite Danny Kaye.
So I couldn't have seen it then.
52 years ago.  "Unfinished Symphony" and "Shave and a Haircut, Two Bits".
We must have come about it independently.  But he did it first, with a full orchestra.
As he announced the set-up for the bit, I held my breath hoping that they paid it off a different way.
But no chance.  And it was just as funny.
So was my version original?
Well at least his didn't have a slide-whistle.  And I think that made it funnier.
That's all I have to cling to.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.,
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@comcast.net
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

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About Me

Hi. I am, according to my Wikipedia entry,(which I did not create) a noted television writer, playwright, screenwriter, and occasional actor. You can Google me or go to the IMDB to get my credits, and you can come here to get my opinions on things, which I'll try to express eloquently. Hopefully I'll succeed. You can also e-mail me at macchus999@aol.com. Perhaps my biggest claim to fame is being responsible, for about six months in 1975, while Head Writer for the "Happy Days" TV series, for Americans saying to each other "Sit on it."