"You Are Cool!" Part 1

When my sister was an adolescent she started berating me because I didn't like the Beatles.
She loved them.
I would stop her by saying, "Yeah, Les, you are cool, and that would infuriate her and shut her up.
I would do it often enough that at some point she would say to me, "Mark, I am cool."
At which point I would point out to her that anyone who would say "I am cool" is automatically not cool.
That would infuriate her even more.
It occurred to me with some current events that there are more and more examples of people who think they are cool and are far from it.
Another way of expressing this is, "You feel way too good about yourself!"

Exhibit A: Donald Trump.
From that entrance he made descending on the escalator as he announced his candidacy, to every warped thought he has about anybody liking him, he certainly feels waaaay too good about himself.
He is not cool.
I can't imagine anybody, including himself, making the case that he is cool.

Exhibit B: Jonathan Schwartz
I have often brought myself to saying about the D.J. who represents the Great American Songbook, "Yes, Jonathan, you are cool!"
Now he is very knowledgeable about the subject and tells some great stories, but there is always a major element of namedropping.
Just yesterday, on his radio show, he did a tribute to Richard Rodgers on his 113th birthday.
At what point did a 113th birthday become something to celebrate?
Jonathan used this as an excuse to tell a lot of anecdotes about Rodgers, or "Dick," as he referred to him, since he knew him as a child.
So it was "Dick" this and "Dick" that; you never heard so much Dicking in your life.
And his live studio audience were all current cabaret singers who were fawning over everything he said because they wanted him to play their records.
Yeah, Jonathan, you are cool!

Exhibit C: A group of not-cool people.
I love buying and wearing athletic uniforms from various teams.
I very much understand people who do that.
What I don't for the life of me understand is why people buy athletic uniforms that have some famous athlete's name on the back.
It's one thing to identify with a team; it's another to identify that specifically with that person.
It's as if you think you are him.
I think that what I do is fairly cool and what they do is not cool at all.
I'm embarrassed to be at a game with them.

I've got several more exhibits and it will have to wait until next time.

-----------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download it.
They can be downloaded on IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is that you can't sign one.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

*****

A Tale of Two Hospitals

When they brought me to the first hospital I went to after my stroke, I experienced much dismay.
A dismay I did not express when previously writing about it.
They were helping me on the road to recovery to some extent,
but there were a lot of downsides.
The main one being the quality of the food.
It was, to put it charitably, institutional food, and I could not eat a drop of it.
I felt I needed all sorts of excuses to not eat their food.
I had my wife bring in boxes of shredded wheat and raisins and all I required of them was skim milk, which they provided.
Whenever I had dinner, it was because she brought it for me.
This hospital is considered the premier hospital for the kind of illness I had.
So, of course, I considered this inexcusable.
There was a great deal of impersonality from the therapists.
I knew they were helping me somewhat, but it seemed that they did not care particularly.
Again, I found this somewhat disconcerting.
My most vivid memory of that place is how many MRIs I had to go through.
Every time they did one I felt one I felt like I was reliving the opening credits of Ben Casey, where all you saw were the hospital lights overhead.
The only other upside was that I had a private room.
The next step was to move me to a sub-acute facility.
My attitude was "Oh, my God, how much worse can it be?"
As it turns out it was far better in many ways.
The level of caring by the therapists has been awesome and I am recovering much more rapidly than anyone had expected me to.
I am using a walker and I am just days away from being able to use a cane.
Which was kind of where I was when I had the stroke.
These people understand their reputation.
They know that they are Avis to the other hospital's Hertz.
So they are striving constantly to prove that they should be number one.
They also certainly accomplished that in terms of the level of food that they serve.
It is downright edible.
I know we are still dealing with food in an institution, but it is of far higher quality.
And it is served very attractively, making you think that it is far higher than it actually is.
Not that this place is without its dark side.
I do have to share a room with somebody; there are no private rooms here.
That is not really unpleasant, except for the fact that we share a very small bathroom,
and any time one of us makes a mess, no one is rushing to clean it up.
So I find myself in the awkward position of having to clean up his mess.
This shouldn't happen; that is their job.
As I do go to dinner in the dining room most of the time, occasionally there will be an experience where someone who really shouldn't be in public goes there too and behaves wretchedly.
Yesterday, one of the patients who I see there very often, and who spends most of his time coughing his brains out, hacking up phlegm, sat down at my table,where I was by myself.
He seemed to have no awareness that he was violating my rights.
Maybe it was like this at the other hospital, too, I just didn't get a chance to find out.
So I actually complained to the nurses about him and he was immediately placed at another table.
But, again, why did I have to complain? Why did I have to take the initiative?
They saw what was going on!
How did it become my responsibility to get rid of him?
At least no one thought I was out of line by complaining.
The nurses are usually very pleasant and usually try to please you.
Another chink in the armor --- there are all these little black foofies all over the place in the room.
They make the beds everyday.
New sheets and everything.
And I know I didn't bring them with me from home.
We don't have any little black foofies at home.
It's something this hospital provides.
I don't know why, and I don't know how to get rid of them.
The other one didn't have them.
It's really been starting to bug me.
One last fly in the ointment: there is a woman who works here whose job is the job of a professional cheerleader.
She talks to the patients as if they were nine years old.
Now a lot of people need a person like this; they need to be talked to as if they were nine years old.
But I am not one of them.
The only reason I put up with her is that she bought both of my books.
That buys a lot of good will.
They actually let me do one of my "library appearances" here.
Which I needed to do to test out my voice, which is coming back strong.
It went over very well.
I expect to get out of here and go home in about a week and a half.
I am doing everything I can to accelerate the process.
The end is in sight, but I am beginning to feel like a prisoner here.

-----------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download it.
They can be downloaded on IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is that you can't sign one.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

*****

One Of The Most Delightful Sundays I've Ever Spent.

Yes. After having a stroke and everything.
A great day betting on baseball.
And then, I had a dilemma.
The Tony Awards were on that night.
Head-to-head against the NBA finals.
Game One was one of the great games.
And I have money on the Cavs for the series.
And I am still in the hospital, where I don't have access to TiVo.
So whatever choice I made, it meant I wasn't going to see the other one.
My wife was going to sit here and watch it with me, whatever one I chose.
And I was generally more inclined to watch the Tony Awards, as was she.
So the decision was made.
We watched the Tony Awards with occasional flipping to the game during commercials.
I was immediately taken with what I saw on the Tony Awards,
realizing that there were so many shows that had not opened yet the last time I was in New York,
and that I wanted to see all of them, with the occasional passes of seeing the game during commercials,
did not give me the flavor of the game.
I am sharing the room that I am in with one other person.
And he had his TV set tuned to something completely other.
I didn't feel I had the right to say to him:
"Hey, how about putting on the game, so I could see that, too?"
Then, in the second quarter, purely on his on volition, he turned on the game.
At which point I separated the curtain between us, and was able to see both the game and the Tony Awards at the same time.
This is something I never would have done if I was home.
If I was home, I would have TiVoed the one and watched the other live.
So this, in fact, was even better.
No, not worth the stroke. I'm just saying...
Did I mention that the Tony Awards was uniformly fabulous?
Just about every musical number they did from every show was magnificent.
Kristin Chenoweth and Alan Cumming were wonderful hosts; there was humor everywhere.
And there was practically no appearance by Nathan Lane, even.
But Larry David was there, and was totally hilarious.
I am planning my next trip to New York as soon as I am well enough to go.
It was a gift when I really needed one.
Yes, there were glitches.
You couldn't see the Memorial Reel. It was too small. But I'm just quibbling.
And after Tony's ended, I was able to concentrate solely on the NBA Finals.
which they went into overtime for the second time in a row.
Except, this time, the Cavs held on and pulled it out, something that nobody expected to happen.
Another gift.
That's some lot of gifts over the course of about three hours.
So we were able to turn a liability into an asset.
I can only wish you those kind of days.

P.S. I am feeling better day after day and able to do more things by myself.
Just today I was able to stand in the bathroom and shave myself
without having to hold on to anything.
This is major.
I appreciate all of your thoughtfulness and your kindness, and, once again, I will try to keep up the communication at this source.
Watch This Space.

-----------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download it.
They can be downloaded on IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is that you can't sign one.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

*****

Burying Another Lead

When I started talking about the stroke, I realized that there is key information I didn't tell you up front that is significantly more interesting than the stroke itself.
The stroke happened about a month ago at the end of April.
It was on a Saturday morning.
I'd had an MRI scheduled at the local hospital that morning for a minor backache that had practically vanished at that point.
But I had the appointment anyway, so, like a good boy scout, I went.
My wife was on a flight on the way back from a trip to India on business, so I was all alone in the house, and feeling very strange.
I had almost no balance and walking was extremely difficult.
Any sane human being at that point would have called an ambulance to take them to the hospital.
But me, being the schmuck that I was, I had no real sense of just how damaged I was at the time.
I attempted to guts it out by driving the mile or so to the hospital.
So I got behind the wheel, opened the garage door, started the engine, and drove.
My driving was no worse than it usually is.
This is an extremely accurate comment on my ability to drive to begin with.
Horrible.
I parked in one of the handicap spaces, right in front of the hospital, and practically crawled to the main entrance, where I virtually flopped down in front of the people who admit you.
They immediately saw the problem.
I didn't even get to mention the MRI to them.
It was certainly not high on my priorities at that point.
They glommed on to what the problem was, and I was quickly diagnosed with having had a stroke.
I was also met with incredulity, because I had driven myself to the hospital without any assistance.
That in itself in their eyes should have left me for dead.
As it turns out, I have been very lucky, and the stroke was a very minor one.
My speech is practically fully restored.
My walking is a work in progress, but we are all very optimistic about it.
Around here, I am considered to be this week's walking miracle. Or at least hobbling miracle.
I'll be happy to accept that title.
I am improving every day and the prognosis is very good for a full recovery.
I am still in a hospital, not the one I was in a few weeks ago, but a sub-acute facility.
Next time I am going to write about this facility, because I am very content with what they are doing here, and I need to describe the difference between where I started out and where I am now.
I hope to be writing more and more frequently as things improve.

-----------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download it.
They can be downloaded on IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is that you can't sign one.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

*****