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Monday, April 6, 2009

Return To The Nude Beach

No, I haven't gone back to the Nude Beach.
I'm just returning to the subject matter.
And really just one aspect of it.
I've learned something rather interesting, and, to me, highly amusing about this blog.

I have a rather sophisticated stat counter for it, which tells me many things about the readers of this here blog.
It tells me how many hits I receive a day, where in the wide world they come from, where, if anywhere they were referred from, how long they stay on line, which articles they entered and exited on, which articles they were seeking out if they did a search, all sorts of stuff.

Here's the fact worth mentioning:
The most popular article that I've posted thus far is one of the first I wrote.
The one about my experiences at the Nude Beach at Lake Tahoe.

It has received more visits than any other article by far.
This in itself is not fascinating.

What is fascinating is that every visit I've received to that article since it was published in January was as a result of a Google search for "Nude Beach".

Okay. That's still not fascinating.
What's fascinating is that:
EVERY SEARCH AND VISIT TO THAT ARTICLE HAS COME FROM A FOREIGN COUNTRY.
Usually from the Far East. Cambodia, Korea, China, Burma, Japan.
Often from Germany. Sometimes from Scandinavia.
AT LEAST ONCE A DAY. EVERY DAY.
I don't know why. Are they nude beach-starved around the world?

Most of my other articles are only rarely specifically sought out. But when they are, it's usually by Americans.

The foreign Nude Beach visitors usually don't stay long on the website.
From what I can determine, probably not even long enough to stay for the punchline.
And they only rarely return.

I have this image of all these foreigners clicking on this article and being invariably disappointed that there are no pictures.
Don't anybody get excited. I'm not putting any up.

But in order that our fellow members of the United Nations at least have the opportunity to read the original article, I'm going to print it again here.
If I don't, they might just be routed to this article.

And without the story attached to it, it's certainly not worth it.
If you haven't read it, I'd suggest that you do, as it contains probably the funniest punchline of any article I've put up.
Just don't expect any pictures.

Beginning today, a new daily feature of this blog will be the listing of yesterday's Nude Beach article hits, and where they're from:

Yesterday's sightings:


Riyadh, Ar Riyad, Saudi Arabia (Ettihad Etisalat)
Seoul, Seoul-t'ukpyolsi, Republic of Korea, (Hanvit Broadcasting Co.,ltd.)

I can assure you. the hits will keep on coming.

And all you Americans, don't start doing Google Nude Beach searches to reach this site just to prove me wrong. It would only make me think less of you.


The Nude Beach

I consider myself to be an expert on Nude Beach Behavior.
I spent the better part of the '90's living at Lake Tahoe, spending the better part of ten years at it's nude beach.
It's actually a clothing optional beach, which can present some problems.
There is usually some unspoken resentment by the nudists towards the people who wear at least a bathing suit.
Being the conformist that I am, I usually went with the daily majority.
If there were more naked people than not, my pants would come off.
If they were outnumbered, I'd keep them on.
Through experience, I have learned that there are two reasons, or a combination of two reasons, why people go to the nude beach.
It has nothing to do with not wanting a tan line, or to be totally at one with nature.

It's to see or be seen by members of the sex that interested them, naked.
In my case, it has been to see as many women in that state, starting out dressed, and ending up undressed.

I have found nudists to be a generally wierd lot.
Many are very uptight at being stared at, which begs the question:
"Then why are you dropping your drawers in public?".

The question "What are you lookin at?" is one I've heard far more often than you might think.

It's really not sexual.
I've never experienced an erection there, nor have I ever seen any male experience one.
Perhaps it's the elephant in the room (or the lake), but it has never been an issue.
I once witnessed a young couple having an enormous heated verbal exchange, ending in them not talking to each other.
Naked.
I found this dynamic hilarious.

I once saw The Amazing Kreskin, the "mentalist", at the nude beach.
I didn't know him, but that didn't stop me from going up to him and saying "Hello Kreskin".
He, in full Kreskin voice, refused to admit that he was, indeed, Kreskin.
Indeed he was.
But, for the record, he wasn't all that Amazing, if you get my drift.

I've written an entire screenplay, and an entire play at the nude beach.
It's a very good test for you as a writer.
If you can concentrate on the page, with all the pulchritude around you, you must really be on a roll, and really be on to something.

Being somewhat averse to sand, I would usually pump up a life raft, take it out on the water, armed with my yellow legal pad and a pen, and write.

One day, I was out on my raft, writing away, and I noticed a young couple in ther 20's descending the huge incline leading to the floor of the nude beach.
The girl was absolutely gorgeous.
They planted themselves directly in front of where I had left my bag of stuff.
They began disrobing.
The girl had a phenomenal body.
She sat down, completely naked, and removed from her beach bag an enormous black bonnet, with a huge brim, and bows enabling her to tie the bonnet around her neck.
She put it on her head, and tied the bow.

From the neck up, she looked like Renoir portrait.
In a master shot, she looked ridiculous.

So I'm sitting out there on the raft, and I'm thinking " I've got the line.
All I need is the opportunity to use it".

At around 3pm, the Lake started getting choppy.
This was a common occurence around this time of day.
This made it impossible to keep writing.
So I paddle my way to shore, and plant myself directly behind the girl with the bonnet.

And I'm waiting for the opportunity. And I'm waiting. And I'm waiting.
Finally, she starts to untie the bow and remove the bonnet.
The opportunity was at hand.
I said, out loud, "Don't take off the hat! It makes the whole outfit!"

The fifteen or so people within earshot laughed hysterically.

Never will I be better set up for a one-liner.


*****
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(From April 2014)  Not too long ago, I was made aware of a website called Kickstarter.com
I'm sure many of you have heard of it.
I figure that this is the last chance for me to get a movie that I wrote made.
Being a sequel to "Network", it's called, appropriately enough, "Another Network".
I'm trying to raise $225,000 to get it made well.
I implore you, I beseech you, to at least go to Kickstarter.com, type in "Another Network" where it says Search Projects, click on it, watch the fifteen minute video of me being interviewed about it (rather entertainingly, I think), read the details provided, and if you feel at all generous towards me, make a pledge to help me get this movie made.
If I don't reach my goal, it won't cost you a thing.
If I do, your pledge will be activated.
And think about how happy you'll be.
At least for me.
And how happy this relatively old man will be if you come through.
And I promise you that I will make it my business that this movie gets seen.
And that you will be proud to be a part of it.

Also,, my books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

2 comments:

  1. Did the girl in the bonnet laugh?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I only saw her from the back, so I don't know.

    ReplyDelete

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About Me

Hi. I am, according to my Wikipedia entry,(which I did not create) a noted television writer, playwright, screenwriter, and occasional actor. You can Google me or go to the IMDB to get my credits, and you can come here to get my opinions on things, which I'll try to express eloquently. Hopefully I'll succeed. You can also e-mail me at macchus999@aol.com. Perhaps my biggest claim to fame is being responsible, for about six months in 1975, while Head Writer for the "Happy Days" TV series, for Americans saying to each other "Sit on it."