From the title of this article, one might get the impression that I am about to go off on some wild tangent about something that really annoys me about something that really bugs me about something going on in the world.
Or at least in these United States.
And one would be correct.
And that I am about to take a crap on someone or ones, and/or something.
And one would be correct about that as well.
I am not, and have never been, a fan of Fast Food.
I have never needed my food to be particularly fast.
For me, slow and steady has usually been enough to win the race.
There are, and have been exceptions.
When I began my drive from Detroit to Chicago early Saturday morning to appear at the
Hollywood Collectors Show, I of course stopped off at the McDonalds right off the Interstate for two Egg McMuffins. I brought my own Orange Juice.
Tropicana. Which I like better.
But the Egg McMuffins are the only things I can eat off the overall McDonalds menu.
And I really enjoy them.
I tried a Big Mac once in my life, and couldn't get the smell of the alleged "meat" off of my hands for about two weeks, using lots of Boraxo in my attempts to succeed.
And for some reason, McDonalds stops serving Breakfast at 10:30am.
Because, as we all know, nobody EVER wants to have breakfast at 10:32 in the morning.
So it's only the Early Bird that is capable of catching the Egg McMuffin.
I guess somebody on the McD's corporate level figured out that no matter how many latecomers wanted an Egg McMuffin (which for some reason that I don't remember, I've always referred to as an Ed McMahon) it was better for them to clear the decks of breakfast items and start gearing up for the lunch crowd.
Let me once again iterate that I will never simply leave my house in the AM for the express purpose of getting my hands on Egg McMuffins.
It has always involved either a long-distance driving or flying situation, when I'm leaving early in the morning.
The actress Mai Britt, who was once married to Sammy Davis Jr., and is a good friend of mine, used to live in the Lake Tahoe area in the 90's, as did I.
She didn't do hardly any traveling in those days.
But she was ritualistic in seeking out the local McDonalds in the morning.
She craved the Ed McMahons.
It didn't matter to her whether or not they were fast food or slow food.
She just craved them.
And she'd wait as long as necessary, if necessary, which usually wasn't necessary.
With me, it was purely something I indulged in in transit.
There is another chain of Fast Food places that I have always been particularly partial to:
Subways Sandwich Shops.
The home of the Foot Long Heroes.
I've liked just about everything about it:
The quality of the food.
Their very low prices.
Kind of the Bizarro World Starbucks.
Don't get me started on Starbucks.
Subway's service had always been excellent---efficient and courteous.
I stopped off at a Subways on the way back from Chicago, at around the Indiana-Michigan border, and attempted to get my usual: A tuna fish hero, and a bottle of Diet Coke.
I love the Subways tuna fish hero.
The bottle of Diet Coke was no better or worse than any other I have tried.
But what ensued at this particular Subways on this particular day was totally dismaying, and unfortunately an indication of the way the world is going.
More about the ensuing next time.
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You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
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The McDonalds are at virtually every exit at every interstate highway in the country.
I like to be able to drive through and quickly get my hands on the McMahons.
One of the few times that speed comes in handy.
As is the case when I am attempting to catch a flight in the early AM.
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- mark rothman
- Hi. I am, according to my Wikipedia entry,(which I did not create) a noted television writer, playwright, screenwriter, and occasional actor. You can Google me or go to the IMDB to get my credits, and you can come here to get my opinions on things, which I'll try to express eloquently. Hopefully I'll succeed. You can also e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Perhaps my biggest claim to fame is being responsible, for about six months in 1975, while Head Writer for the "Happy Days" TV series, for Americans saying to each other "Sit on it."