There's Johnny. 4.

Okay.
Cut to: seventeen years later.
I am in my "Odd Couple" office on the second floor of building H on the Paramount lot.
Downstairs, offices were set up for Carson Productions, Johnny's production company.
On my way to lunch, every day, I'd pass by the Carson Productions offices.
Never seeing hide nor hair of Johnny.
Months into the process, as I was headed for the commissary, I passed right by the entrance door to Carson Productions, and coming out of it, big as life itself, was Johnny.
This was a rare sighting.
He almost never came to his production office.
I figured that I had a story to tell him that he might find interesting and amusing.
So I engaged him in conversation, told him about the time when I was an eleven year old fetus and I asked him for his autograph and presented him with my mother's torn envelope and stubby pencil, and he, upon receiving these items, replied "....neat!"
I thought I told it rather engagingly.
He seemed interested.
He seemed amused.
He seemed very much like Johnny Carson.
He was very pleasant about it.
I came back from lunch.
Johnny was long gone.
A couple of hours later, one of Johnny's production company assistants, who knew me, and from Johnny's description had no trouble putting two and two together, confronted me.
"You talked to Johnny, didn't you?!"
I admitted that I had.
"Well, you know what it is that you did?!"
I had to admit that I didn't.
"You just simply depressed the hell out of Johnny! That's what you did!"
At that moment, I searched my soul, and couldn't for the life of me figure out what I could have said that would have depressed the hell out of Johnny.
She continued----"Here you are, this fully grown adult (She was being kind. I was a fully overgrown adult.), and you tell him how you asked him for his autograph when you were a child! (I almost corrected her and said "fetus", but in the state she was in, I didn't think that would help.) You made him feel ancient! Like he was a hundred years old!"
All I could say was that it was certainly not my intent to do that.
And I figured, however famous I'd ever become, I'd blown the only chance I ever had to appear on "The Tonight Show"
My best shot would be one of those nights that David Brenner was hosting.

In reference to my father appearing on "Who Do You Trust?", a couple of ironies:
Four years later from about 1963 to 1966,, my father became Johnny's limo driver on the Tonight Show.
"Who Do You Trust" had never been brought up again.
And a couple of years after that, he did most of the limousine work for The Merv Griffin Show, which was broadcast from the Little Theatre on 44th Street, where "Who Do You Trust" had been broadcast from.
Show business can be a small town.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

There's Johnny. 3.

Okay.
I left off on this one telling you about my approaching Johnny Carson at the foot of the stage at the Little Theatre on 44th Street, just off Times Square, in 1959, with my crummy torn envelope, and my stubby pencil, to get his autograph. And Johnny, taking one look at what he was being handed, and saying to a couple of his staff members ".....neat!"
This, of course, left an indelible mark on me, as it would on any eleven year old.
Meanwhile, my mother was mercilessly schmoozing the interviewers, in the best Willy Loman tradition, to get herself booked as a contestant on Johnny's game show, "Who Do You Trust?"
Well, she won the day.
She was asked to come back, with my father, in exactly one week, so they could appear as contestants.
My father had no problem skipping work, as he was a cab driver who was on strike.
This was why they were booked.
My father was topical.
At least in New York, where the cab drivers were on strike.
They wanted a reaction from a typical New York cabbie.
A crude reaction from a typical New York cabbie.
What's the opposite of the word ""non-plussed""?
I guess it's "plussed"
That described my mother.
She was plussed.
She had done all the grunt work to get them booked on the show, and they were only interested in my father.
It didn't go down too well.
They asked me if I wanted to come along.
That's roughly akin to asking me if I wanted to continue breathing.
So I was there, one week later, backstage at the Little Theatre on 44th Street, just off Times Square.
From the moment the invitation by the show was extended until the following week, my mother watched the show religiously the following Monday through Thursday, as it was broadcast live on ABC at 3:30pm.
She had a vested interest.
The couple that won the most money in the quiz every day had a chance at the Jackpot Question.
The Jackpot Question started out at $200.
An additional $100 was added every day until somebody won the jackpot.
It was a scrambled name anagram game.
Usually pretty easy.
Easy enough for my mother to nail it every day.
But for some reason, everyone kept missing it, allowing the jackpot to build and build.
I'll never forget watching the show on TV that Thursday.
The day before my parents were to make their appearance.
The jackpot was $3100.
Enormous money for an afternoon quiz show in those days.
You never saw anyone rooting for people to fail as much as my mother did when that Thursday couple missed the $3100 question.
This caused my mother, to create a self-composed ditty called "We've Got a Chance", polka'd and mamboed, and cha-cha'd, and Rocketted around the house.
Of course, they'd still have to beat out the other couples, but for my mother, as smart as she thought she was, this was already a done deal.
So we get to the Little Theatre around noon on Friday, and my parents were immediately handed scripts to learn.
This was not to be an ad lib interview.
We learned that this was standard procedure on this show..
As we had heard that it was standard procedure on "You Bet Your Life", Groucho Marx's quiz show.
My parents were there to basically play straight for Johnny, who had most of the snappers.
I suppose that's fair.
It WAS his show.
My mother was non-plussed by this.
She was plussed when she realized that my father had most of the lines.
All that fine acting that my mother had put into those P.T.A. Show appearances that she had made was going down the sewie hole.
But she was powerless to do anything about it.
My father was a bit plussed when he was asked to overdo his New York accent, and sound less educated than he was, which wasn't much in the first place.
But he was a good sport about it.
After all, there was a potential $3200 to be made that day.
The show started, the first couple came on and tanked in their quiz.
Then my parents came on, my father did his crude cabbie, set up Johnny very well, and then my father singlehandedly nailed the quiz.
My mother stood there, doing her best impression of a frozen guppy.
Although uneducated, my father was very well read.
He did the New York Sunday Times Crossword Puzzle in ink.
Sometimes, just to show off, he did it in India Ink.
So he was quite knowledgeable.
The third couple didn't stand a chance.
Thus, my parents were headed for the jackpot question.
$3200..
They revealed the board for them. It read DR H CLEAN.
The clue was "former governor".
They stared at it.
As did I.
None of us had a clue.
Time was up.
Johnny had to tell them the answer: Chandler.
You know---the former baseball commissioner. Happy Chandler.
The man almost as responsible as Branch Rickey for getting Jackie Robinson into the major leagues.
"Former governor". What a crappy clue. How about "former baseball commissioner"?
No. Then they might have had to give away the money.
So my parents went home with the $280 they won in the quiz.
But no $3200.
There were no polkas that night.
No mambos.
No cha-chas.
No Rocketting.
Not even a gavotte.
Nothin'.

Next time, my final encounter with Johnny, some seventeen years later.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

  .
     

Where I Was Then, Where I Am Now.

As we are arriving at the 150th anniversary of Lincoln's Gettysburg Address, and the 50th anniversary of the JFK assassination, I'm starting to feel a little foolish devoting this day to the story of my parents appearing on "Who Do You Trust?" with Johnny Carson.
I think that can probably wait until next week.
The only thing that stood in my way was that I didn't think I had anything to add to the discussion of these momentous events.
I'm half right.
As far as the Gettysburg Address is concerned, I got nuthin'.
I mean, who am I, Doris Kearns Goodwin?
And I didn't think I had much to add about the JFK assassination, until very recently.
Where was I when I heard the news?
I was home from my senior year in High School.
I has early session, which meant that I was home by about 1:30pm, and already planted in front of my TV.
I was watching the Least Objectionable Programming: a rerun of the sitcom "Bachelor Father", which was being shown by the NBC affiliate.
No "As the World Turns" for me.
They broke into the show at about 1:40pm with the bulletin.
But it wasn't Walter Cronkite.
I didn't see what he did until years later.
I got the news from NBC stalwarts Frank McGee and Chet Huntley.
Nothing out of the ordinary here.
In my college days, after the assassination, I was a pretty rabid conspiracy nut.
The rabble rousing author of "Rush To Judgment", Mark Lane, appeared to give a lecture at my Alma Mammy, Queens College.
And he certainly roused some rabble.
Between Jim Garrison, Mort Sahl, and Oliver Stone, I developed a major rooting interest that Oswald was framed, and there were conspiracies right and left, literally.
I was not exactly open-minded.
I bought in.
But after a long while, trying to re-open my mind, I realized that these folks had at least as much of an axe to grind as those, like Vincent Bugliosi, and the Warren Commission, also had to prove that Oswald was the only shooter.
As a result, I can't really put much stock in the ""Oswald was the lone gunman" theory, just as I can't put much stock in the "Oswald may not have been involved at all" theory.
I recently watched a documentary called "JFK: The Smoking Gun", which put forth the theory that Oswald was on the sixth floor of the School Depository Building, fired at Kennedy, but probably didn't deliver the fatal shot.
The crux of this case is that from all audio recordings of the event, and from overwhelming eyewitness testimony, the time between the second and third shots was almost instantaneous.
This precludes Oswald having the time to take the third shot.
So somebody else had to do it.
This one point has, to my knowledge, not been refuted.
This is the cake upon which icing can perhaps be applied.
The icing has taken the form of many eyewitnesses smelling powder burns on ground level, a Secret Service Agent in the car behind JFK, wielding a more explosive rifle in the direction of JFK, with pictures to back it up.
It was put forth that this was most-likely an accident, but still threatening to be a major embarrassment to the Secret Service.
The autopsy in Dallas was botched because the Secret Service made every effort to prevent the doctors from performing it.
Witnesses claimed that it was all very suspicious.
So while it seems that the jury is still out as to whether there was a conspiracy to kill JFK, there seems to be very little doubt that there was a conspiracy by the Secret Service to cover up what actually happened, which was certainly less than flattering.
When confronted with this theory, Vincent Bugliosi wielded his axe by saying that the Secret Service
agent sued the author of the book that the documentary was based on, and it was settled out of court.
As if that was an admission of guilt by the author.
The other side of that coin is if the Secret Service agent had such a good case, why did he settle?
Settlements cut both ways and prove nothing.
That was all that Bugliosi had.
He had nothing to refute that the second and third shots coming into too rapid a succession.
This theory is certainly less glamorous than anything involving intrigue.
So my mind is open enough to accept the "Smoking Gun" theory purely because I haven't heard anything that makes more sense on that one issue.
And I haven't heard any kind of a strong case to indicate that Oswald wasn't involved
If I do, I'm more than happy to reconsider everything.
It makes all sorts of sense that Oswald was directly involved, at least in the attempted murder of JFK.
After that, it seems to be all conjecture.
But to stamp it "Case Closed" truly seems to be premature.
If anything should welcome comments, it should be this article.

Next time, back to "Who Do You Trust?", for which I'll do a bit of a recap to remind you folks of where I left off.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

There's Johnny. 2.

I've had a few personal encounters with Johnny Carson over the years.
The first one was in the summer of 1959.
I'll help you with the math.
I was eleven years old.
Fairly tall for an eleven-year-old, but still an eleven-year old.
This pretty much translates to: I was a fetus.
My mother took me to a live afternoon broadcast of the game show "Who Do You Trust?"
"Who Do You Trust?" was hosted by Johnny.
The show was done at the Little Theater on 44th Street, near Times Square, right next to the big
St. James Theatre on 44th Street.
The musical "Flower Drum Song" was playing at the St. James.
The things you remember.....
Ed McMahon had already been broken in as Johnny's announcer, and told the studio audience that if anyone would like to apply to be a contestant, to stick around for an interview after the broadcast.
Being the uncured and incurable ham that my mother was, she already began planning to apply.
As a contestant.....and applying an extra ton of makeup on an already made up face.
She figured that she would recruit my father, whether he wanted to be recruited or not, because
"Who Do You Trust" required couples.
The show ended, and my mother was attempting her mad dash from the balcony, where we were seated, to the lower level, to be interviewed.
I noticed that Johnny sat at the foot of the stage, graciously signing autographs.
I suddenly got my Jones on to get Johnny's autograph.
But, not being a writer yet, I did not have the requisite pen and paper needed to accomplish my mission.
This was a classic case of my mother having bigger fish to fry, and not wanting to be bothered.
But she indulged me.
At least to the point of giving me a pencil that barely had a point, and handing me an envelope that had already had some writing on it.
She at least took the time to tear off the part of the envelope that had the writing on it, and hand me the rest.
I, being a fetus, saw nothing wrong with this arrangement.
My mother went down for her interview, and she was selling like crazy.
And for whatever reason, they were buying.
It all had to do with the fact that my father was a cab driver, and at that precise moment, the New York City cab drivers were on strike.
So Mother and Dad were topical.
Meanwhile, I was waiting my turn patiently in line to get Johnny's autograph.
Finally, it was my turn.
I handed Johnny my pencil that barely had a point, and the torn piece of envelope.
Johnny, surrounded by a couple of female members of his staff, did one of his now famous takes, and summed up the situation with one word, as he smirked ".....neat!"
I was at least unfetus-like to realize that I had experienced utter humiliation.
By a master.

Next time, backstage at 'Who Do You Trust?", as my father went on to attempt to represent the cab drivers of New York City, and attempt to win lots o' money for all concerned.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

There's Johnny.

I've just recently finished reading the new biography of Johnny Carson, written by his former attorney, Henry "Bombastic" Bushkin.
As I began reading it, I also read Mark Evanier's comments on it on his blog.
He implied that it was rather self-serving, and didn't put Johnny in a particularly attractive light.
I tend to agree, but I think it might have been a little more complicated than that.
Mark mentioned that, although Bushkin had promised never to make public any of his dealings with Carson as long as Johnny was alive, apparently this promise did not extend to after Johnny's death, and that this seemed like Dirty Pool.
Perhaps it is.
That being said, I should point out that I found it to be a rather compelling read.
And I wasn't at all surprised at the portrait of Johnny painted by Bushkin.
It seemed to be an extension of the public perception that many of us have had of Johnny.
It was not necessarily unsympathetic towards him.
And Bushkin copped to some personal blame in the deterioration of their relationship.
He was somewhat self-effacing.
Where I found major fault with the book was in something Mark Evanier did not bring up.
Bushkin had no trouble whatsoever trashing almost all the women in Carson's life, and at least one in his own.
He did this with virtually effortless abandon.
And these women are still alive, all with very little recourse at their disposal.
He describes adulterous affairs that Johnny had with Ann-Margret, whose husband, Roger Smith, is still alive.
Ya think he'd like to read about this?
He describes his own onetime ongoing affair with Joyce DeWitt while he was still married.
D'ya think she likes the idea of being outed as being an accessory to adultery?
I checked the "Acknowledgements" section at the end of the book.
Joyce DeWitt was not acknowledged.
Nor were any of Carson's wives.
Bushkin also goes into a detailed story about how Johnny's second wife was having an ongoing affair with Frank Gifford while she and Johnny were still married.
Hasn't Frank Gifford had enough public grief on this score?
Did he really have to be outed by Bushkin?
Couldn't it have been left at "famous former football player"?
Yes.
I'm outing them now.
But Bushkin's book is on the New York Times Best Seller List.
I am but a mere drop of rain in the Atlantic Ocean in comparison.
What was it that Shakespeare said about lawyers?
I don't remember, but I know it wasn't good.
Maybe someone out there will remind me.

More about Johnny next time.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

This Year's Richie Cunningham.

Ron Howard, as we know, was the first-billed star on "Happy Days".
When "Happy Days went 3-camera live-audience, he very quickly turned into the first-billed star in name only.
Henry Winkler became the most important star on "Happy Days", as the show, which got okay ratings beforehand, suddenly went through the roof.
A very similar situation exists this year.
This and next week, barring anything earth-shattering, will be devoted to two Johnnies.
One is the subject of today's article.
He is Johnny Galecki, of "The Big Bang Theory"
The other Johnny is Johnny Carson, whose biography by Bombastic Bushkin I have just completed reading.

Okay. Johnny Galecki.
The parallels between him and Ron Howard are substantial, but far more gruesome.
As gruesome as it can be for someone pulling down as much of the big TV money as he is.
Johnny Galecki has always been the first-billed star of "The Big Bang Theory".
And Jim Parsons keeps winning well-deserved Emmys for it in the "Best Actor in a Comedy Series" category.
Jim Parsons acts rings around Johnny Galecki.
Jim Parsons acts rings around just about anybody.
Jim Parsons is the equivalent of "The Fonz"
Jim Parsons is the reason a lot of people watch "The Big Bang Theory".
Simon Helberg is a lot funnier than Johnny Galecki.
Kaley Cuoco is a lot funnier than Johnny Galecki.
Mayim Biyalik is a lot funnier than Johnny Galecki.
The actress who plays Simon Helberg's wife is much funnier than Johnny Galecki.
The Indian actor who plays Raj is much funnier than Johnny Galecki.
And they're all given a lot more funny things to do than Johnny Galecki.
This isn't to necessarily imply that Johnny Galecki isn't or can't be funny.
In previous years, he was, in fact, pretty funny.
But the series just doesn't seem to be going his way anymore.
When Ron Howard faced this situation, it really didn't bother him very much.
He was totally grounded, and was totally thrilled to be associated with a hit of "Happy Days"' magnitude.
Also, he kind of had one foot out the door, because he was seriously pursuing a directing career.
I have no idea what else Johnny Galecki might be pursuing, but whatever it is, it'll probably be an uphill climb.
Johnny Galecki, faced with this situation, DOES seem to be bothered very much.
He's appeared with Letterman a couple of times, and Dave, never missing an opportunity to go for the jugular, asked him how he felt about Jim Parsons walking off with all those Emmys.
Galecki seemed to be squirming in his seat whenever asked.
Ron Howard left "Happy Days" before it ended, and was not missed.
I'm pretty sure the same fate would befall Galecki if he left.
I don't know what his deal is, but if he could be dropped like a hot potato, and he caused the least bit of trouble about his situation, it could be the last we see of him.
Because as little an impact as he has made on the show, the show is so popular that it may have typecast him.
So it's probably in his best interests to at least appear to be a happy camper, because right now, he's in the most upscale camp on the planet.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

The Lord Mayor Of The Idiots.

I referred to myself a while back as the Lord of the Idiots when I wrote about thinking my rental car was stolen and calling the police when I was in L.A.
And it turned out that it was there, right in front of me, light grey when I thought it was black.
Continuing in that tradition, I just completed a series of articles about ending my idiotic addiction to "Saturday Night Live".
But I didn't feel that it was worthy of awarding me any new royal titles.
Then, today, something happened that I consider to be "royal title worthy".
The Triple Crown, or the Hat Trick, as it were.
And the title that I've chosen for myself is "Lord Mayor of the Idiots".
This does not mean that I have to forego my first title.
I can, with no trouble at all, carry one on each shoulder.

This morning, my wife asked me to bring my computer in from our bedroom to the kitchen, where her computer was.
She wanted to sync it up to hers in some fashion.
Me: Do I have to? It means unplugging and replugging everything.
She: What are you talking about? It'll just take a few minutes. You've got to have enough battery life for that.
Me: I don't have ANY battery life.
She: What do you mean, you don't have any battery life?
Me: Just what I said. This computer doesn't have any battery life.
She: You just got this computer three months ago. Why wouldn't it have any battery life?
Me: I don't know, but it doesn't.
She: What happens when you remove the power cord?
Me: There's no power. It goes to black, and stays that way. Until I put the power cord back in.
She: Well...that's not supposed to happen.
Me: I didn't think so either. But it does.
She: I think you should call your Technical Support people. They should straighten this out. You should have battery life.

The point was well made. I called my technical support people, who also had sold me the computer.
I immediately went on offense.

Me: (Once the amenities and the security clearances were out of the way) I have no battery life on this thing that you sold me!
Them: (After taking control of my computer, in their Indian accents, and running a series of tests) We don't detect any battery connected to the computer. Turn it over and see if there is one installed.
I oblige, and immediately notice that there is, in fact, no battery installed. Only a space where the battery would BE installed.
Me: There is none installed. It looks like you never sent me one.
Them: And you're just noticing this now?
Me: I never had to use the battery before this.
Them: You never wanted to?
Me: I wanted to, but I just assumed the damned thing had no battery life. There wasn't anything else in the box.
Them: Are you sure?
Me: Fortunately, I have the box right here in front of me. (For whatever reason, I hadn't thrown the box away.)
Them: Why don't you look to see if it's in there?
Me: Okay. I'll humor you, but it's not in there.

I opened the box.
I didn't see no goddamn battery.
Me: I don't see no goddamn battery! Send me a battery!
Them: Look closer.
Me: Okay. I'll humor you again. I'll look closer.

I looked closer. In the inner corner, I saw a little cardboard oblong. I opened it. There was the battery.
I suppose that would have been enough to add to my royal title, but then, it took me a good fifteen minutes to figure out how to install it properly.
It wouldn't fit, and of course, I then blamed them for sending me the wrong battery.
All it took to install it right was to close the lid on the laptop.
It then installed like a dream.
I then apologized profusely, but the guy couldn't hear me.
He was too busy laughing.
And I'm sure he told the whole office about the Lord Mayor of the Idiots, or perhaps the Maharajah of the Idiots, who didn't know he didn't have a battery.
And then they all went home and told the story to their families over their curry-filled dinners.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

The End Of An Error. 7.

To wrap this up, I will present a list of wonderful performers that SNL had the good taste to originally hire, and the bad taste to not have a clue what to do with.
Thus, they slipped through its fingers.
In alphabetical order.

1- Joan Cusack.

A truly gifted comedienne and actress.
A one season waste of her time.

2- Robert Downey Jr.

One season. Do I really need to comment?

3- Janeane Garofalo.

One season. A major talent, completely wasted.

4- Gilbert Gottfried.

A true force of nature.
SNL completely smothered that force.

5- David Koechner.

One of the funniest people ever.
I didn't know that from SNL.
One season.

6- Michael McKean.

We all know how good he is.
You couldn't tell from SNL.

7- Laurie Metlcalf.

Didn't even know who she was for the one season she did SNL.
What she is, is one of the great actresses and comediennes.

8- Colin Quinn.

A giant talent.
Relegated to Weekend Update, and seemed totally uncomfortable doing it.

9- Chris Rock.

Groomed to be a diminutive less funny Eddie Murphy.
He went on to run rings around Eddie Murphy.

10- Sarah Silverman.

One season. Didn't even know she was there.

11- Ben Stiller.

See Sarah Silverman.

I'm done, and I think the case has been made, at least to my satisfaction.


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My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays", and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

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