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Thursday, March 20, 2014

Calculations.

I went out for lunch with one of my friends here in Detroit last week at one of those restaurants that had lanterns over each table.
Kind of an upgraded Applebees, with better food.
The miracles of the 21st Century have eliminated two of my biggest weaknesses in life:
The GPS, which has neutralized my lack of any sense of direction behind the wheel, and my newly acquired app for a restaurant tip calculator, eliminating my inability to figure out how much of a tip  to leave, based on service received.
This week, the Malaysian Airliner is the top news story.
Last week, at the restaurant, it was the Ukraine.

I love intelligent verbal sparring with waitresses.
Call me sexist if you must, but I don't derive the same enjoyment verballizing with waiters, nor do they with me.
The young waitress we had that day was sharp as a tack.  We were making each other laugh repeatedly.
Part of good waitressing is how good a show you can put on.
It's not just about schlepping out food.
And she was brilliant at it.
We were having a grand old time.
I had already set her at 22% on my tip calculator
Then, I said to my friend, in front of the waitress,  You know what bugs me about this whole Ukraine situation?  It's knocked Chris Christie off the front page."
I consider the whole Chris Christie story just about the most compelling story of the last few years.
Perhaps not the most important, but certainly the most compelling.
It's classic Good Guys vs. Bad Guys.
You can't beat it.
And it's still unraveling.  Nothing should knock it off the front page.
This very sharp, very intelligent waitress stared at me and asked "Who's Chris Christie?
She hadn't a clue.
Then I asked "Do you  know what the Ukraine is?
She stared at me blankly.
I said "You know.  A  crane.  A bird.  And it goes  "Ooh, ooh".  Just like Gunther Toody."
Like I had a prayer with that one.
I learned the hard way that intelligence doesn't necessarily translate to knowledge.
And in this case, to have no respect for knowledge.
And this may seem a little harsh, but my only recourse was to roll down  my tip calculator to 13%.

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My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not
e-books. But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one. If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.

And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

*****

3 comments:

  1. That was very funny. However, we both know you were actually a little more generous than that. Great afternoon.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes. I was outed by my lunch companion. As was stated in John Ford's "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance"---"When the legend is more interesting than the truth, print the legend."

    ReplyDelete
  3. There is a chance you are eligible for a complimentary Apple iPhone 7.

    ReplyDelete

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About Me

Hi. I am, according to my Wikipedia entry,(which I did not create) a noted television writer, playwright, screenwriter, and occasional actor. You can Google me or go to the IMDB to get my credits, and you can come here to get my opinions on things, which I'll try to express eloquently. Hopefully I'll succeed. You can also e-mail me at macchus999@aol.com. Perhaps my biggest claim to fame is being responsible, for about six months in 1975, while Head Writer for the "Happy Days" TV series, for Americans saying to each other "Sit on it."