The actor Don Keefer died the other day, at the age of 98.
Nice run.
He had a huge list of TV credits, usually playing a rather amiable weakling.
I first became aware of him on the early 60's sitcom "Angel", which starred a very amiable French starlet named Annie Farge.
Keefer played her very amiable next door neighbor.
Doris Singleton played his not so amiable wife.
Keefer knew his way around comedy, and was very good on "Angel".
I'm probably the only person who remembers Don Keefer from "Angel".
But he is remembered vividly, if not by name, but by his face, for one of his other TV roles.
In an episode of "The Twilight Zone", he was one of a handful of people who were subject to young Billy Mumy's whims, where he was capable of "wishing" for things to come true.
Usually it was a matter of "Wishing them to the cornfield", where their heads would be sticking out from a long corn stalk.
More unique, and more frightening, was what happened to Keefer.
Mumy "wished" Keefer would become a Jack-in-the Box.
And he did.
There was Keefer's frozen smiling face, sitting on top of the spring of a Jack-in-the Box.
It was one of the most frightening things I'd ever encountered in my young life.
A total freakout.
I can never watch that episode of "The Twilight Zone " again.
I once had a table at my local Comic-Con, where I sat right next to a now grown Billy Mumy.
I mentioned Keefer and the Jack-in-the-Box. And how it freaked me out.
He said "Yeah. I get that a lot."
At least this freakout was somewhat rational.
I mean, let's face it.
It was a really horrifying image.
But there have been a couple of others that have bordered on the truly irrational.
In the early 1930's, in the opening credits of many Warner Brothers' movies, even before the big "WB" would come lurching at you, it would be preceded by this forming atom, or proton, or something, where dots would be circling around round rings, with what sounded like a bongo drum accompaniment, forming, on the beat, with a cymbal, the letters "A---A---P", against a black background.
It stood for "Associated Artists Productions"
I haven't seen it since I was a teenager, but when I did, it made me run from the room.
I don't know why, but it just freaked me out.
It probably still would.
I hope I'm never in a position to be tested again.
I don't think I'd pass.
The third freakout was not mine, but my daughter's.
It was yet another tribute to my truly terrible fathering skills.
My only previous experience with little girls was as my sister's older brother.
And I treated her mercilessly.
Thus, I treated my daughter like I treated my sister.
I am not proud of this.
My daughter was a huge fan of "The Muppet Show".
On one episode, Harry Belafonte was the guest star.
During the course of the episode, he sang an African song called "We Come From De Fire"
He was surrounded by various Muppets, all wearing scary-looking African masks, and singing along with him.
This freaked my daughter out completely, and, this already being the age of the VCR, I had recorded it.
And showed it to her at every opportunity.
I suppose I thought "Why should I be the only one to suffer?"
And I suppose it's too late for an apology, since it's 29 years later, but I'm sorry, kid.
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman
*****
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Friday, September 26, 2014
Goodson-Todman---A Pretty Fair Output, Huh?
Beat the Clock (1950–1961, 1969–1974, 1979–1980)
The Better Sex (1977–1978)
Blade Rider
Blockbusters (1980–1982, 1987)
Branded (1965–1967)
Broken Sabre
By Popular Demand (1950)
Call My Bluff (1965)
Card Sharks (1978–1981, 1986–1989)
Choose Up Sides (1956)
Concentration (1973–1978, 1987–1991)
The Don Rickles Show (1968–1969)
Double Dare (1976–1977)
Family Feud (1976–1985, 1988–1995)
Get the Message (1964)
Goodyear Theater (1957–1960)
He Said, She Said (1969–1970)
It's News to Me (1951–1953, 1954)
I've Got a Secret (1952–1967, 1972–1973, 1976)
Jefferson Drum (1958–1959)
Judge for Yourself (1953–1954)
Las Vegas Beat
Make the Connection (1955)
Match Game (1962–1969, 1973–1982, 1990–1991)
Mindreaders (1979–1980)
Missing Links (1963–1964)
The Name's the Same (1951–1954, 1954–1955)
Now You See It (1974–1975, 1989)
Number Please (1961)
One Happy Family (1961)
Password (1961–1967, 1971–1975)
Password Plus and Super Password (1979–1982, 1984-1989)
Philip Marlowe (1959–1960)
Play Your Hunch (1958–1963)
The Price Is Right (1956–1965, 1972–present)
The Rebel (1959–1961)
The Richard Boone Show (1963–1964)
Rider Beyond Vengeance
Say When!! (1961–1965)
Showoffs (1975)
Snap Judgment (1967–1969)
Split Personality (1959–1960)
Tattletales (1974–1978, 1982–1984)
That's My Line (1980–1981)
To Tell the Truth (1956–1968, 1969–1978, 1980–1981, 1990–1991)
Two for the Money (1952–1956, 1957)
What's Going On? (1954)
What's My Line? (1950–1967, 1968–1975)
The Web (1950–1954)
Winner Take All (1948–1950, 1951, 1952)
This is a list of the shows that Mark Goodson and Bill Todman produced and got on the air for TV.
It doesn't even include unsold pilots.
I don't know if anyone else can even come close to matching that record for number of different shows produced.
Oh, there was the occasional Prime Time dramas or comedies, but most of them were Game Shows, of varying degrees of success.
Except for certain glaring exceptions, the game shows were of a very high standard.
Goodson and Todman, particularly Goodson, who was the brains of the outfit, were enormously influential on the tastes and the viewing habits of the American public.
In some ways, they still are.
I'm going to attempt to weave my way through this list, and comment on some of these shows.
This will be my go-to topic when I have nothing else of significance to write about.
I wrote a little about "To Tell The Truth" last time, when I wrote about Polly Bergen.
It was easily the most clever, well-crafted, and interesting game show ever.
Some of their shows created catch-phrases.
"To Tell The Truth" had one.
When they were ready to reveal the non-liar, Bud Collyer, the host, would say "Will the real ______ ________ please stand up?!
In the early 60's, in California, there was this noted Death Row inmate at San Quentin named Caryl Chessman.
He was eventually executed in the gas chamber, and subsequently cremated.
Shortly after this occurred, my sixteen year-old cousin Howie, with his usual flair for showmanship, set up three filled ashtrays on his kitchen table, and announced "Will the real Caryl Chessman please stand up?!"
Ahh...memories....
On the other end of the spectrum was "Beat The Clock", easily the most stupid game show ever.
It was all about stunts, and making the contestants look foolish.
And giving away clock-radios. Occasionally a black-and white TV.
Bud Collyer was the host there, too.
The premise was way simple: perform the stunt in the allotted time given you by the clock.
Maximum of sixty seconds.
I knew one of the "writers" on "Beat The Clock"
Writers. He was paid to come up with the stunts, and try them out in his office with the other "writer" to see if it could be performed in the allotted time.
The stunts usually involved balloons and gyrations.
In an office.
Grown men.
This was one step up from elephant-shit shoveling on the show business spectrum.
Albert Brooks, at parties, used to break out a piece of material called "Bud Collyer's funeral".
Collyer had passed away in the late 60's, so this was a re-creation.
With the clock ticking, the pall-bearers would attempt to get Bud's coffin planted in the ground in under sixty seconds.
They succeeded, and all received clock-radios.
"Til next time....
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman
*****
The Better Sex (1977–1978)
Blade Rider
Blockbusters (1980–1982, 1987)
Branded (1965–1967)
Broken Sabre
By Popular Demand (1950)
Call My Bluff (1965)
Card Sharks (1978–1981, 1986–1989)
Choose Up Sides (1956)
Concentration (1973–1978, 1987–1991)
The Don Rickles Show (1968–1969)
Double Dare (1976–1977)
Family Feud (1976–1985, 1988–1995)
Get the Message (1964)
Goodyear Theater (1957–1960)
He Said, She Said (1969–1970)
It's News to Me (1951–1953, 1954)
I've Got a Secret (1952–1967, 1972–1973, 1976)
Jefferson Drum (1958–1959)
Judge for Yourself (1953–1954)
Las Vegas Beat
Make the Connection (1955)
Match Game (1962–1969, 1973–1982, 1990–1991)
Mindreaders (1979–1980)
Missing Links (1963–1964)
The Name's the Same (1951–1954, 1954–1955)
Now You See It (1974–1975, 1989)
Number Please (1961)
One Happy Family (1961)
Password (1961–1967, 1971–1975)
Password Plus and Super Password (1979–1982, 1984-1989)
Philip Marlowe (1959–1960)
Play Your Hunch (1958–1963)
The Price Is Right (1956–1965, 1972–present)
The Rebel (1959–1961)
The Richard Boone Show (1963–1964)
Rider Beyond Vengeance
Say When!! (1961–1965)
Showoffs (1975)
Snap Judgment (1967–1969)
Split Personality (1959–1960)
Tattletales (1974–1978, 1982–1984)
That's My Line (1980–1981)
To Tell the Truth (1956–1968, 1969–1978, 1980–1981, 1990–1991)
Two for the Money (1952–1956, 1957)
What's Going On? (1954)
What's My Line? (1950–1967, 1968–1975)
The Web (1950–1954)
Winner Take All (1948–1950, 1951, 1952)
This is a list of the shows that Mark Goodson and Bill Todman produced and got on the air for TV.
It doesn't even include unsold pilots.
I don't know if anyone else can even come close to matching that record for number of different shows produced.
Oh, there was the occasional Prime Time dramas or comedies, but most of them were Game Shows, of varying degrees of success.
Except for certain glaring exceptions, the game shows were of a very high standard.
Goodson and Todman, particularly Goodson, who was the brains of the outfit, were enormously influential on the tastes and the viewing habits of the American public.
In some ways, they still are.
I'm going to attempt to weave my way through this list, and comment on some of these shows.
This will be my go-to topic when I have nothing else of significance to write about.
I wrote a little about "To Tell The Truth" last time, when I wrote about Polly Bergen.
It was easily the most clever, well-crafted, and interesting game show ever.
Some of their shows created catch-phrases.
"To Tell The Truth" had one.
When they were ready to reveal the non-liar, Bud Collyer, the host, would say "Will the real ______ ________ please stand up?!
In the early 60's, in California, there was this noted Death Row inmate at San Quentin named Caryl Chessman.
He was eventually executed in the gas chamber, and subsequently cremated.
Shortly after this occurred, my sixteen year-old cousin Howie, with his usual flair for showmanship, set up three filled ashtrays on his kitchen table, and announced "Will the real Caryl Chessman please stand up?!"
Ahh...memories....
On the other end of the spectrum was "Beat The Clock", easily the most stupid game show ever.
It was all about stunts, and making the contestants look foolish.
And giving away clock-radios. Occasionally a black-and white TV.
Bud Collyer was the host there, too.
The premise was way simple: perform the stunt in the allotted time given you by the clock.
Maximum of sixty seconds.
I knew one of the "writers" on "Beat The Clock"
Writers. He was paid to come up with the stunts, and try them out in his office with the other "writer" to see if it could be performed in the allotted time.
The stunts usually involved balloons and gyrations.
In an office.
Grown men.
This was one step up from elephant-shit shoveling on the show business spectrum.
Albert Brooks, at parties, used to break out a piece of material called "Bud Collyer's funeral".
Collyer had passed away in the late 60's, so this was a re-creation.
With the clock ticking, the pall-bearers would attempt to get Bud's coffin planted in the ground in under sixty seconds.
They succeeded, and all received clock-radios.
"Til next time....
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman
*****
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Polly Bergen: I Miss Her Already.
Polly Bergen died this past week.
She was an enormously attractive and talented woman.
I'm sure most of you know who she was.
But then, most of my readers are over forty.
Anyone under forty has trouble remembering who Bob Hope was.
Polly Bergen was a great singer.
She was a great actress.
And she was a great game-show panelist.
When she was a regular panelist on Goodson-Todmsn's "To Tell The Truth", which is where I first saw her when I was ten years old, she combined those latter two talents.
Aside from being lovely to look at, and theoretically delightful to know,, she was the only panelist ever to appear on that show to create a persona for herself.
Every other panelist was essentially an extension of his or her personality, with the possible exception of Robert Q. Lewis, who, on the air, was merely unctuous, but off the air, was a total prick.
Polly Bergen, on "To Tell The Truth", played it totally flighty and ditzy, something I'm given to understand she was not at all.
Goldie Hawn, on "Laugh-In", played it totally flighty and ditzy, something she was not at all.
Polly Bergen was to "To Tell The Truth" what Goldie Hawn was to "Laugh-In"
And was just as adorable at it.
She left "To Tell The Truth" after only a few years, to be replaced by Peggy Cass, who was exactly what she seemed to be.
And I don't think she ever did a game show again.
I think she thought she was on the verge of a budding movie career.
She had a starring role in a piece of fluff called "Kisses For My President", playing, of all things, the first woman president.
And it was all played for laughs and silliness.
That seems appropriate.
I mean, really.
A woman president?
"To Tell The Truth was a really well constructed game show.
It required the panelists to be mentally alert at all times.
It required the "liars" to be mentally alert at all times.
It created a fascination for the audience for them to figure out who was lying.
I, of course, being the worst poker player in the world, could never have been a "liar" on "To Tell The Truth".
And I could never figure out who was lying.
It was one of those rare game shows that I thought was smarter than I was.
Goodson and Todman were such major purveyors of entertainment in the twentieth century that it is not fair to dwell on just "To Tell The Truth".
Next time, and perhaps the time after that, I'm going to take a more extensive overview of Goodson and Todman's output over the years.
R.I.P. Polly.
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman
*****
She was an enormously attractive and talented woman.
I'm sure most of you know who she was.
But then, most of my readers are over forty.
Anyone under forty has trouble remembering who Bob Hope was.
Polly Bergen was a great singer.
She was a great actress.
And she was a great game-show panelist.
When she was a regular panelist on Goodson-Todmsn's "To Tell The Truth", which is where I first saw her when I was ten years old, she combined those latter two talents.
Aside from being lovely to look at, and theoretically delightful to know,, she was the only panelist ever to appear on that show to create a persona for herself.
Every other panelist was essentially an extension of his or her personality, with the possible exception of Robert Q. Lewis, who, on the air, was merely unctuous, but off the air, was a total prick.
Polly Bergen, on "To Tell The Truth", played it totally flighty and ditzy, something I'm given to understand she was not at all.
Goldie Hawn, on "Laugh-In", played it totally flighty and ditzy, something she was not at all.
Polly Bergen was to "To Tell The Truth" what Goldie Hawn was to "Laugh-In"
And was just as adorable at it.
She left "To Tell The Truth" after only a few years, to be replaced by Peggy Cass, who was exactly what she seemed to be.
And I don't think she ever did a game show again.
I think she thought she was on the verge of a budding movie career.
She had a starring role in a piece of fluff called "Kisses For My President", playing, of all things, the first woman president.
And it was all played for laughs and silliness.
That seems appropriate.
I mean, really.
A woman president?
"To Tell The Truth was a really well constructed game show.
It required the panelists to be mentally alert at all times.
It required the "liars" to be mentally alert at all times.
It created a fascination for the audience for them to figure out who was lying.
I, of course, being the worst poker player in the world, could never have been a "liar" on "To Tell The Truth".
And I could never figure out who was lying.
It was one of those rare game shows that I thought was smarter than I was.
Goodson and Todman were such major purveyors of entertainment in the twentieth century that it is not fair to dwell on just "To Tell The Truth".
Next time, and perhaps the time after that, I'm going to take a more extensive overview of Goodson and Todman's output over the years.
R.I.P. Polly.
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman
*****
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Rothman's Guide To Hotel Etiquette. Part Two.
Picking up from last time:
If you want to sleep in, make sure that you put the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, so you can provide the non-English-speaking housekeeper the opportunity to ignore it, bang on your door, and yell "Housekeeping!!", which, of course is the only word she knows in English, waking you up at the ungodly hour of 10 AM.
This forces you to yell back "Later please!!!!.
That is, if you want to be polite.
If you don't, it is certainly acceptable to leave off the "please".
Then, at 1 PM, when the front desk calls you to ask if you want your room cleaned, you have every right to say "Of course!
Whaddya think? That I'm a slob or something?? Send 'em right up!"
Then, when they still haven't showed up at 4pm, feel free to call down again and say "I'm still waiting!!!
This reminds them that your room hasn't been cleaned yet.
Then, when the housekeeper shows up at 4:45pm, feel free to rant that if she had shown up at 4:05, I would be leaving the room and be out of her way.
But since it's 4:45, I have to stay here to watch Keith Olbermann. So it's your fault.
Don't worry about hurting her feelings.
Not only can't she speak English, she can't understand it either.
So, no harm, no foul.
One of the reasons I want to sleep in late is that they serve a very early free hot breakfast downstairs, which I get up for and avail myself of, before I go back to sleep.
Now some of these hotels have very good hot breakfasts.
They have an omellete station, and a waffle machine.
Or at least one of the two.
Of course, the one I'm currently staying at has neither.
This gives me the opportunity, already knowing the answer, to ask the front desk, "Where's the waffle machine?" and "Where's the omellete station", and enjoying their sheepish grins as they tell they don't have them.
Then, when you tell them that you've stayed at cheaper hotels that do, you know they're not going to say "Then why don't you stay there?"
Because, as I indicated, they're trained to smile and shrug, and nothing else.
Back to the ones that DO have omellete stations.
This matters to me, because I don't want to put the cholesterol associated with egg yolks in me.
At omellete stations, they invariably have egg-whites or Egg Beaters available.
As opposed to the mushy, bland, cholesterol-loaded scrambled eggs available where I'm currently residing.
There is a downside to omellete stations, but merely a minor one.
Each one that I have encountered has a tip glass on the counter.
And there are always a few bucks already in it.
This is, of course, a scam.
He put the few bucks in the glass himself to encourage other poor saps to kick in.
I have proof of this.
I am often the first one down there for breakfast.
And there are already a few bucks in the tip glass.
So where did they come from?
Of course I find this offensive.
I mean, this is the man's job.
To make omelletes.
At a buffet.
A buffet I'm already paying good money for.
He's simply frying the omellete, putting it on a plate, and handing it to me.
He's not bringing it to my table and serving it to me.
Just handing it to me.
Unlike the "waitresses" whose only job is to pour me coffee, who I don't tip either.
But of course, I hold my tongue.
Because I am always multi-tasking.
Getting my juice, making a waffle (Okay, so I'm not a fanatic about cholesterol.), and if I say something about the tip-glass-scam, I leave myself open to the omellete-maker spitting in my eggs.
So I hold my tongue.
I do make a minor attempt at not holding my wrath when some slob waiting for his omellete ahead of me puts a couple of bucks in the tip glass, and hearing the omellete maker say "Thank you, sir."
Then, when the omellete maker turns back to work on my eggs, I boldly sneer at that slob because he is about to make me look cheap for NOT doing it.
Back to where I am staying now.
Most hot breakfast buffets at these places have conveyor belt toasters, enabling everyone to toast their bread or bagels at the same time.
This is very good.
Where I'm staying now, there is this one four-slice toaster.
It means that you have to wait for others to finish their toasting before you can start yours.
This is very bad.
Yesterday, I had a bagel that needed toasting.
I went to the four-slice toaster.
There were four bagel halves filling it, being toasted.
So I waited.
And I waited.
The bagel slices had stopped toasting, but they hadn't popped up.
I waited a full fifteen minutes.
I think that fifteen minutes, under the circumstances, is more than enough waiting time.
Then, I popped up the slices.
They were about two-thirds toasted.
Enough to satisfy me.
So I took them.
I appropriated them as my own, and placed my soggy scrambled eggs upon them.
I began to eat them.
About five minutes later, a ten-year old girl went to the toaster, and discovered that her bagels were gone.
I discerned this because she came rushing back to her table, coincidentally located next to mine, and exclaimed to her mother, "Mommy! Somebody took my bagels!!"
She was willing to let her bagels sit in that four-slice toaster a full twenty minutes, for Chrissakes!
I was pleased to see that it was a little girl.
It at least meant that she was young enough to learn an important life lesson:
When there is only one four-slice toaster, it is inconsiderate to leave your bagels unattended.
Most adults, excluding myself, of course, are far too set in their ways to learn anything.
As I was eating the kid's bagels, I was grinning like a Cheshire cat.
So you can turn lemons into lemonade.
I guess that's about it.
Once again, I'll close where I left off in the song:
"When the steeple bell
Says "Good night, sleep well,"
We'll thank the small hotel together
And when the steeple bell
Says "Good night, sleep well,"
We'll thank the small hotel......together!!!
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman
*****
If you want to sleep in, make sure that you put the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the door, so you can provide the non-English-speaking housekeeper the opportunity to ignore it, bang on your door, and yell "Housekeeping!!", which, of course is the only word she knows in English, waking you up at the ungodly hour of 10 AM.
This forces you to yell back "Later please!!!!.
That is, if you want to be polite.
If you don't, it is certainly acceptable to leave off the "please".
Then, at 1 PM, when the front desk calls you to ask if you want your room cleaned, you have every right to say "Of course!
Whaddya think? That I'm a slob or something?? Send 'em right up!"
Then, when they still haven't showed up at 4pm, feel free to call down again and say "I'm still waiting!!!
This reminds them that your room hasn't been cleaned yet.
Then, when the housekeeper shows up at 4:45pm, feel free to rant that if she had shown up at 4:05, I would be leaving the room and be out of her way.
But since it's 4:45, I have to stay here to watch Keith Olbermann. So it's your fault.
Don't worry about hurting her feelings.
Not only can't she speak English, she can't understand it either.
So, no harm, no foul.
One of the reasons I want to sleep in late is that they serve a very early free hot breakfast downstairs, which I get up for and avail myself of, before I go back to sleep.
Now some of these hotels have very good hot breakfasts.
They have an omellete station, and a waffle machine.
Or at least one of the two.
Of course, the one I'm currently staying at has neither.
This gives me the opportunity, already knowing the answer, to ask the front desk, "Where's the waffle machine?" and "Where's the omellete station", and enjoying their sheepish grins as they tell they don't have them.
Then, when you tell them that you've stayed at cheaper hotels that do, you know they're not going to say "Then why don't you stay there?"
Because, as I indicated, they're trained to smile and shrug, and nothing else.
Back to the ones that DO have omellete stations.
This matters to me, because I don't want to put the cholesterol associated with egg yolks in me.
At omellete stations, they invariably have egg-whites or Egg Beaters available.
As opposed to the mushy, bland, cholesterol-loaded scrambled eggs available where I'm currently residing.
There is a downside to omellete stations, but merely a minor one.
Each one that I have encountered has a tip glass on the counter.
And there are always a few bucks already in it.
This is, of course, a scam.
He put the few bucks in the glass himself to encourage other poor saps to kick in.
I have proof of this.
I am often the first one down there for breakfast.
And there are already a few bucks in the tip glass.
So where did they come from?
Of course I find this offensive.
I mean, this is the man's job.
To make omelletes.
At a buffet.
A buffet I'm already paying good money for.
He's simply frying the omellete, putting it on a plate, and handing it to me.
He's not bringing it to my table and serving it to me.
Just handing it to me.
Unlike the "waitresses" whose only job is to pour me coffee, who I don't tip either.
But of course, I hold my tongue.
Because I am always multi-tasking.
Getting my juice, making a waffle (Okay, so I'm not a fanatic about cholesterol.), and if I say something about the tip-glass-scam, I leave myself open to the omellete-maker spitting in my eggs.
So I hold my tongue.
I do make a minor attempt at not holding my wrath when some slob waiting for his omellete ahead of me puts a couple of bucks in the tip glass, and hearing the omellete maker say "Thank you, sir."
Then, when the omellete maker turns back to work on my eggs, I boldly sneer at that slob because he is about to make me look cheap for NOT doing it.
Back to where I am staying now.
Most hot breakfast buffets at these places have conveyor belt toasters, enabling everyone to toast their bread or bagels at the same time.
This is very good.
Where I'm staying now, there is this one four-slice toaster.
It means that you have to wait for others to finish their toasting before you can start yours.
This is very bad.
Yesterday, I had a bagel that needed toasting.
I went to the four-slice toaster.
There were four bagel halves filling it, being toasted.
So I waited.
And I waited.
The bagel slices had stopped toasting, but they hadn't popped up.
I waited a full fifteen minutes.
I think that fifteen minutes, under the circumstances, is more than enough waiting time.
Then, I popped up the slices.
They were about two-thirds toasted.
Enough to satisfy me.
So I took them.
I appropriated them as my own, and placed my soggy scrambled eggs upon them.
I began to eat them.
About five minutes later, a ten-year old girl went to the toaster, and discovered that her bagels were gone.
I discerned this because she came rushing back to her table, coincidentally located next to mine, and exclaimed to her mother, "Mommy! Somebody took my bagels!!"
She was willing to let her bagels sit in that four-slice toaster a full twenty minutes, for Chrissakes!
I was pleased to see that it was a little girl.
It at least meant that she was young enough to learn an important life lesson:
When there is only one four-slice toaster, it is inconsiderate to leave your bagels unattended.
Most adults, excluding myself, of course, are far too set in their ways to learn anything.
As I was eating the kid's bagels, I was grinning like a Cheshire cat.
So you can turn lemons into lemonade.
I guess that's about it.
Once again, I'll close where I left off in the song:
"When the steeple bell
Says "Good night, sleep well,"
We'll thank the small hotel together
And when the steeple bell
Says "Good night, sleep well,"
We'll thank the small hotel......together!!!
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman
*****
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Rothman's Guide To Hotel Etiquette. Part One.
My wife and I are in Chicago, staying at a hotel, and living out of suitcases.
This is a condition that will last for several weeks.
I will get into the whys and wherefores at a later date.
I have spent much time in my life in hotels, and thus, I feel eminently qualified to offer helpful hints on how to conduct yourself to maximize your pleasure when staying at such establishments.
First, when you make your reservations make sure they have precisely what you are looking for.
That way, there will be no unpleasant surprises once you arrive.
I have become somewhat handicapped within the last year.
I use a cane when I walk, or hobble.
I have practically become a full-time hobbler.
So I make sure I ask for a room near the elevator to cut down on the hobbling.
Thus, when I check in, there is no reason to even ask the clerk whether or not the room is near the elevator.
It would be unseemly and embarrassing to ask, only to be met with "Heck, you asked for it didn't you?".
No sense bestowing that kind of shame on either one of us.
So after my wife loads up several of those luggage carts that are strewn about in the lobby, (I can't help, I'm too busy hobbling. And it's mostly her stuff anyway. She over-packs.) we go up to the room on the elevator.
And trudge our way all the way down to the end of the hallway, as far away from the elevator as one can get, where our room awaits.
When this situation arises, and it often does, loud expletives are appropriate in the hallway.
The walls are pretty thick.
The other guests can't hear you anyway.
You get to the room, and the question arises: Do we want to stay here, or force them to move us to a room closer to the elevator?
As my wife would have to shoulder the move, I leave it to her to make the decision.
And she usually opts for staying in the room we were given.
She and I both know what this will lead to: My immediately getting on the phone with the Front Desk, and chewing that person out for assigning us this room, even though he or she was probably not given the memo.
They will usually ask "Would you like us to change your room?
I, knowing the answer before the question is asked, say "No. It's too inconveeeenient! We'll just have to make do!!"
This begs the question "Then why bother to make the call in the first place?"
Simply because it makes me feel better.
As I said going in, the idea is to maximize your pleasure.
One of the supreme pleasures is berating the help.
They are trained to keep smiles on their faces while being berated, which makes it even more fun.
Sometimes when you make the reservation, there are some things you just assume.
Like that there is free Wi-Fi.
Then, when you find out that there isn't, which has become a rarity, you have a GREAT reason to berate the help.
"Eleven bucks a day just for Wi-Fi? What's so special about your God-damned Wi-Fi that it's worth eleven bucks a day?
Hell, you can go to any Starbucks and get free Wi-Fi.
And they're making a fortune!
With rotten coffee!
How do you expect to keep up with that?
You can't!
Keep charging eleven bucks for Wi-Fi and this place will be out of business!
And you'll be out of a job!
And standing on breadlines!"
This is just one example of how you can handle the non-free Wi-Fi situation.
Next time, more pointers.
Meanwhile, I'll leave you with a song, with a nod to Rodgers and Hart:
"There's a small hotel
With a wishing well
I wish that we were there together
There's a bridal suite
One room bright and neat
Complete for us to share together
Looking through the window
You can see that distant steeple
Not a sign of people -- who wants people?......."
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman
*****
This is a condition that will last for several weeks.
I will get into the whys and wherefores at a later date.
I have spent much time in my life in hotels, and thus, I feel eminently qualified to offer helpful hints on how to conduct yourself to maximize your pleasure when staying at such establishments.
First, when you make your reservations make sure they have precisely what you are looking for.
That way, there will be no unpleasant surprises once you arrive.
I have become somewhat handicapped within the last year.
I use a cane when I walk, or hobble.
I have practically become a full-time hobbler.
So I make sure I ask for a room near the elevator to cut down on the hobbling.
Thus, when I check in, there is no reason to even ask the clerk whether or not the room is near the elevator.
It would be unseemly and embarrassing to ask, only to be met with "Heck, you asked for it didn't you?".
No sense bestowing that kind of shame on either one of us.
So after my wife loads up several of those luggage carts that are strewn about in the lobby, (I can't help, I'm too busy hobbling. And it's mostly her stuff anyway. She over-packs.) we go up to the room on the elevator.
And trudge our way all the way down to the end of the hallway, as far away from the elevator as one can get, where our room awaits.
When this situation arises, and it often does, loud expletives are appropriate in the hallway.
The walls are pretty thick.
The other guests can't hear you anyway.
You get to the room, and the question arises: Do we want to stay here, or force them to move us to a room closer to the elevator?
As my wife would have to shoulder the move, I leave it to her to make the decision.
And she usually opts for staying in the room we were given.
She and I both know what this will lead to: My immediately getting on the phone with the Front Desk, and chewing that person out for assigning us this room, even though he or she was probably not given the memo.
They will usually ask "Would you like us to change your room?
I, knowing the answer before the question is asked, say "No. It's too inconveeeenient! We'll just have to make do!!"
This begs the question "Then why bother to make the call in the first place?"
Simply because it makes me feel better.
As I said going in, the idea is to maximize your pleasure.
One of the supreme pleasures is berating the help.
They are trained to keep smiles on their faces while being berated, which makes it even more fun.
Sometimes when you make the reservation, there are some things you just assume.
Like that there is free Wi-Fi.
Then, when you find out that there isn't, which has become a rarity, you have a GREAT reason to berate the help.
"Eleven bucks a day just for Wi-Fi? What's so special about your God-damned Wi-Fi that it's worth eleven bucks a day?
Hell, you can go to any Starbucks and get free Wi-Fi.
And they're making a fortune!
With rotten coffee!
How do you expect to keep up with that?
You can't!
Keep charging eleven bucks for Wi-Fi and this place will be out of business!
And you'll be out of a job!
And standing on breadlines!"
This is just one example of how you can handle the non-free Wi-Fi situation.
Next time, more pointers.
Meanwhile, I'll leave you with a song, with a nod to Rodgers and Hart:
"There's a small hotel
With a wishing well
I wish that we were there together
There's a bridal suite
One room bright and neat
Complete for us to share together
Looking through the window
You can see that distant steeple
Not a sign of people -- who wants people?......."
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman
*****
Thursday, September 11, 2014
My Nomination For The Worst TV Commercial Of At Least The Last Three Decades.
This leaves me open to exclude "Please don't squeeze the Charmin."
Not that I necessarily need to.
This one is probably worse.
"Charmin", with Mr. Whipple, bad as it was, was merely grindingly annoying.
The one I will nominate is openly, actively, mind bogglingly offensive.
And even more pointless.
At least "Charmin" sold a lot of toilet paper.
At least to my mother.
I can't imagine that this commercial helps sell anything to anybody.
With Tivo, at least I am capable of zipping through most commercials.
So my level of exposure to them is relatively minimal.
But I'm given to multi-tasking when the TV is on, which leaves me far too vulnerable.
So here goes:
There are quickly moving abstract images on the screen.
Quick cuts.
There are pictures of cars..
And the soundtrack is a British-voiced vocal, performed by what sounds like a punk-rock singer, accompanied by a loud, loud punk-rock band, singing a version of the song "My Way"
You know. "My Way".
Frank Sinatra.
Written by the world's worst successful lyricist, Paul Anka.
That "My Way".
Actually, the first few times I heard it, I didn't even realize that it was "My Way" that was being sung.
That's how distorted it was.
This may have actually been an improvement, but only in that regard.
In discussions with people I know who are younger than myself, I learned that this soundtrack was not recorded specifically for this commercial.
It turns out that this was an enormous hit record for Sid Vicious and the Sex Pistols, recorded over thirty years ago.
And that's what I heard.
It is a complete assault on the ears, and has turned me into a quick-draw artist with the remote.
About the original 'My Way": The story goes that when Anka first played and sang it for Sinatra, Sinatra mulled it over, knowing that it was complete shit, but also knowing that it would be a zillion seller for him, and give him a permanent way to close his act when he made personal appearances.
That it would be his self-described personal anthem.
So Sinatra, being right on all counts, recorded it.
Anka also created another set of lyrics for it, so he could sing it himself, about Sinatra: "His Way".
It contained the lyrical phrase "not in a whiz way" to get to "He did it his way"
I swear to God.
Imagine Sinatra's distress when he heard Sid Vicious's version of it.
"How dare he?"
"This is MY god-damned song!!"
It was probably worse than my distress when I first heard it.
And here's the kicker: Until the very end of it, we didn't know that it actually was a commercial for a car.
The Acura.
Considered to be by many the most white-bread car of all.
So who was this commercial aimed at?
Kids who listened to Punk Rock Music in the seventies and eighties who are now white-bread older adults.
This commercial preaches to the choir.
People who already have Acuras, or would buy one anyway.
It's not going to get kids or black people to buy an Acura.
So what's the point?
And here's an even better kicker:
The voice-over at the end of the commercial, saying something like "Acura. You should buy one." was done by Jonathan Schwartz.
He can deny it if he wants, but it was him.
I know this because I have listened to him on the radio for many, many years.
I know that voice.
He does many voice-overs.
He has been the voice for the Sinatra station on Sirius Satellite Radio.
He is the foremost authority on all things Sinatra.
He loves all things Sinatra, except Sinatra as a human being.
He has been quoted as thinking he was a monster.
He had personal run-ins with Sinatra when he openly criticized Sinatra's Trilogy Album.
It was rumored that Sinatra even sent his goons after him.
He probably thought that "My Way" was shit too, but was smart enough in this instance to keep his mouth shut.
Schwartz has been the Keeper of the Flame of the Great American Songbook.
His father was Arthur Schwartz, who wrote wonderful popular music from the forties and fifties.
And Jonathan worships him.
So I envision one of two scenarios about Schwartz taking this voice-over gig, neither of which making him look or feel good about himself:
1) He saw the commercial that he was to apply his voice to, sold out and took the check, or
2) He just came in, not seeing the commercial, got in the recording booth, said his two lines, took the check, and went home, having no idea what he was lending his voice to.
I prefer to think it was the latter.
And I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when he saw the commercial for the first time.
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman
*****
Not that I necessarily need to.
This one is probably worse.
"Charmin", with Mr. Whipple, bad as it was, was merely grindingly annoying.
The one I will nominate is openly, actively, mind bogglingly offensive.
And even more pointless.
At least "Charmin" sold a lot of toilet paper.
At least to my mother.
I can't imagine that this commercial helps sell anything to anybody.
With Tivo, at least I am capable of zipping through most commercials.
So my level of exposure to them is relatively minimal.
But I'm given to multi-tasking when the TV is on, which leaves me far too vulnerable.
So here goes:
There are quickly moving abstract images on the screen.
Quick cuts.
There are pictures of cars..
And the soundtrack is a British-voiced vocal, performed by what sounds like a punk-rock singer, accompanied by a loud, loud punk-rock band, singing a version of the song "My Way"
You know. "My Way".
Frank Sinatra.
Written by the world's worst successful lyricist, Paul Anka.
That "My Way".
Actually, the first few times I heard it, I didn't even realize that it was "My Way" that was being sung.
That's how distorted it was.
This may have actually been an improvement, but only in that regard.
In discussions with people I know who are younger than myself, I learned that this soundtrack was not recorded specifically for this commercial.
It turns out that this was an enormous hit record for Sid Vicious and the Sex Pistols, recorded over thirty years ago.
And that's what I heard.
It is a complete assault on the ears, and has turned me into a quick-draw artist with the remote.
About the original 'My Way": The story goes that when Anka first played and sang it for Sinatra, Sinatra mulled it over, knowing that it was complete shit, but also knowing that it would be a zillion seller for him, and give him a permanent way to close his act when he made personal appearances.
That it would be his self-described personal anthem.
So Sinatra, being right on all counts, recorded it.
Anka also created another set of lyrics for it, so he could sing it himself, about Sinatra: "His Way".
It contained the lyrical phrase "not in a whiz way" to get to "He did it his way"
I swear to God.
Imagine Sinatra's distress when he heard Sid Vicious's version of it.
"How dare he?"
"This is MY god-damned song!!"
It was probably worse than my distress when I first heard it.
And here's the kicker: Until the very end of it, we didn't know that it actually was a commercial for a car.
The Acura.
Considered to be by many the most white-bread car of all.
So who was this commercial aimed at?
Kids who listened to Punk Rock Music in the seventies and eighties who are now white-bread older adults.
This commercial preaches to the choir.
People who already have Acuras, or would buy one anyway.
It's not going to get kids or black people to buy an Acura.
So what's the point?
And here's an even better kicker:
The voice-over at the end of the commercial, saying something like "Acura. You should buy one." was done by Jonathan Schwartz.
He can deny it if he wants, but it was him.
I know this because I have listened to him on the radio for many, many years.
I know that voice.
He does many voice-overs.
He has been the voice for the Sinatra station on Sirius Satellite Radio.
He is the foremost authority on all things Sinatra.
He loves all things Sinatra, except Sinatra as a human being.
He has been quoted as thinking he was a monster.
He had personal run-ins with Sinatra when he openly criticized Sinatra's Trilogy Album.
It was rumored that Sinatra even sent his goons after him.
He probably thought that "My Way" was shit too, but was smart enough in this instance to keep his mouth shut.
Schwartz has been the Keeper of the Flame of the Great American Songbook.
His father was Arthur Schwartz, who wrote wonderful popular music from the forties and fifties.
And Jonathan worships him.
So I envision one of two scenarios about Schwartz taking this voice-over gig, neither of which making him look or feel good about himself:
1) He saw the commercial that he was to apply his voice to, sold out and took the check, or
2) He just came in, not seeing the commercial, got in the recording booth, said his two lines, took the check, and went home, having no idea what he was lending his voice to.
I prefer to think it was the latter.
And I would have loved to be a fly on the wall when he saw the commercial for the first time.
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman
*****
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Burying The Lead.
So this second video of Ray Rice beating up his wife has turned up.
This time, from inside the elevator.
And he clearly knocks her out with a round-house right.
One punch.
Now, everybody is up in arms about how lenient the NFL and the Baltimore Ravens had been.
And how what they're doing now is too little, too late.
BAD NFL!!
BAD Baltimore Ravens!!
BAD Ray Rice's wife for being complicit in the cover-up!
And of course, BAD Ray Rice!!
How about BAD Atlantic City Police Department??!!
How about BAD Atlantic City District Attorney's office??!!
No wonder Atlantic City is going to hell in a hand-basket.
I haven't heard anything about any further arrest of Ray Rice based on this new evidence.
I haven't heard anything from the D.A. about filing new charges.
Why isn't Ray Rice at least temporarily behind bars right now?
There is undeniable proof that he committed aggravated assault on this woman.
Isn't that the lead in this story?
The book should be thrown at him, whatever was agreed upon before..
Speaking of books, I write books.
If I happened to beat the shit out of my wife, no great power like the NFL would help me.
The only reason they helped Ray Rice is because there was money involved.
But as we all know, the NFL is big business.
And big business is corrupt.
So what's the surprise?
So if it was me, instead of him, I would most-likely be doing a major stretch in the slammer.
Fortunately I have no worries on that score, because if it ever came to it, my wife could beat the shit out of me.
Hell, just about ANYBODY could beat the shit out of me.
But if I was ensconced in the slammer because of something like this, I could still write.
You can't take away my pad and pencil.
Or my Writer's Guild Card.
As long as I kept up on my dues.
And theoretically, I could still make a living at my chosen profession.
If Rice was in the slammer, it would be difficult for him to suit up.
So that's how I see it.
Unless there are no new charges brought against Ray Rice, what right does anyone have to prevent him from earning his livelihood?
This is not Donald Sterling we're talking about here.
He did not commit a crime.
The NBA is a private club.
They can expel owners all they want.
Sterling walked away with billions of dollars.
It did not exactly effect his livelihood.
Back to books: In the fifties, the acclaimed writer Norman Mailer drunkenly stabbed his then-wife.
Nearly killed her.
He was known for his violent temper.
The wife didn't press charges.
She was probably scared shitless of him, just like Mrs. Rice.
He pled guilty anyway, and got a suspended sentence.
The judge was probably scared shitless too.
And there might have been mitigating circumstances here.
He was drunk.
It was just a pen-knife.
But who knows?
There was no videotape of that event.
But nobody got up in arms that Norman Mailer shouldn't be able to write again.
And he wrote plenty.
And sold a lot of books.
Here, we have graphic evidence.
We have videotape.
A lot has been made of whether or not the NFL saw the second tape before yesterday.
How come nobody is asking the police whether or not THEY saw the second tape.
They have no good answer.
Either way, the case should be re-opened.
There's certainly enough to give Rice much more than a slap on the wrist.
In court.
But if he continues to get away with it legally, that's criminal.
Except he's not the one committing the crime.
At least not this one.
The Gendarmes are.
And if it stays that way, he should be allowed to play football, just like Norman Mailer was allowed to keep writing books.
The story here is that Ray Rice must be arrested, prosecuted, convicted, and forced to break rocks with a sledgehammer for many years.
If he only serves a couple of years, and breaking rocks with a sledgehammer hasn't ruined him for football, he should be allowed to play again.
Why does a league policy have to be in place?
All you need is actual police.
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman
*****
This time, from inside the elevator.
And he clearly knocks her out with a round-house right.
One punch.
Now, everybody is up in arms about how lenient the NFL and the Baltimore Ravens had been.
And how what they're doing now is too little, too late.
BAD NFL!!
BAD Baltimore Ravens!!
BAD Ray Rice's wife for being complicit in the cover-up!
And of course, BAD Ray Rice!!
How about BAD Atlantic City Police Department??!!
How about BAD Atlantic City District Attorney's office??!!
No wonder Atlantic City is going to hell in a hand-basket.
I haven't heard anything about any further arrest of Ray Rice based on this new evidence.
I haven't heard anything from the D.A. about filing new charges.
Why isn't Ray Rice at least temporarily behind bars right now?
There is undeniable proof that he committed aggravated assault on this woman.
Isn't that the lead in this story?
The book should be thrown at him, whatever was agreed upon before..
Speaking of books, I write books.
If I happened to beat the shit out of my wife, no great power like the NFL would help me.
The only reason they helped Ray Rice is because there was money involved.
But as we all know, the NFL is big business.
And big business is corrupt.
So what's the surprise?
So if it was me, instead of him, I would most-likely be doing a major stretch in the slammer.
Fortunately I have no worries on that score, because if it ever came to it, my wife could beat the shit out of me.
Hell, just about ANYBODY could beat the shit out of me.
But if I was ensconced in the slammer because of something like this, I could still write.
You can't take away my pad and pencil.
Or my Writer's Guild Card.
As long as I kept up on my dues.
And theoretically, I could still make a living at my chosen profession.
If Rice was in the slammer, it would be difficult for him to suit up.
So that's how I see it.
Unless there are no new charges brought against Ray Rice, what right does anyone have to prevent him from earning his livelihood?
This is not Donald Sterling we're talking about here.
He did not commit a crime.
The NBA is a private club.
They can expel owners all they want.
Sterling walked away with billions of dollars.
It did not exactly effect his livelihood.
Back to books: In the fifties, the acclaimed writer Norman Mailer drunkenly stabbed his then-wife.
Nearly killed her.
He was known for his violent temper.
The wife didn't press charges.
She was probably scared shitless of him, just like Mrs. Rice.
He pled guilty anyway, and got a suspended sentence.
The judge was probably scared shitless too.
And there might have been mitigating circumstances here.
He was drunk.
It was just a pen-knife.
But who knows?
There was no videotape of that event.
But nobody got up in arms that Norman Mailer shouldn't be able to write again.
And he wrote plenty.
And sold a lot of books.
Here, we have graphic evidence.
We have videotape.
A lot has been made of whether or not the NFL saw the second tape before yesterday.
How come nobody is asking the police whether or not THEY saw the second tape.
They have no good answer.
Either way, the case should be re-opened.
There's certainly enough to give Rice much more than a slap on the wrist.
In court.
But if he continues to get away with it legally, that's criminal.
Except he's not the one committing the crime.
At least not this one.
The Gendarmes are.
And if it stays that way, he should be allowed to play football, just like Norman Mailer was allowed to keep writing books.
The story here is that Ray Rice must be arrested, prosecuted, convicted, and forced to break rocks with a sledgehammer for many years.
If he only serves a couple of years, and breaking rocks with a sledgehammer hasn't ruined him for football, he should be allowed to play again.
Why does a league policy have to be in place?
All you need is actual police.
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman
*****
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Conflicted.
Okay.
So since I put up my last article on Tuesday, Joan Rivers has died.
I did have some serious misgivings about posting the article in the first place, knowing that her death might be imminent.
But since she was still with us, and I thought I had some valid things to say, I went ahead and wrote it, and published it.
I knew that I might have a very narrow window of time, because if she was already dead, I NEVER would have published it.
Whatever I thought of Melissa Rivers, it would have been too soon.
Now, she is a grieving daughter, who had to make the heart-rending decision about whether or not to keep her mother on life support.
Melissa Rivers is most-likely a very decent human being, with the same human failings that we all have.
This is exactly how I would describe myself.
So even though I took a major crap on her on Tuesday, let me take this opportunity to extend my sympathy to her at this time.
Maybe she deserved better than what I imposed upon her.
Maybe she didn't.
I don't know for sure.
But I've never been conflicted about anything I've written before, and this has stopped me in my tracks.
I don't know if I'm a better person for it, but if I am, I have Melissa to thank.
I don't regret a word of what I wrote.
How's that for conflicted?
Anyway, I wish her nothing but the best in the future.
And I'm very pleased that I was as genuinely complementary about her mother as I legitimately felt.
What I'd written on Tuesday was done with my knives sharpened, and in perhaps questionable taste.
Which describes the way Joan Rivers conducted herself on stage consistently.
So, except for the fact that I was attacking her own flesh-and-blood daughter, I think she might have been sympatico.
Well, probably not.
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman"
*****
So since I put up my last article on Tuesday, Joan Rivers has died.
I did have some serious misgivings about posting the article in the first place, knowing that her death might be imminent.
But since she was still with us, and I thought I had some valid things to say, I went ahead and wrote it, and published it.
I knew that I might have a very narrow window of time, because if she was already dead, I NEVER would have published it.
Whatever I thought of Melissa Rivers, it would have been too soon.
Now, she is a grieving daughter, who had to make the heart-rending decision about whether or not to keep her mother on life support.
Melissa Rivers is most-likely a very decent human being, with the same human failings that we all have.
This is exactly how I would describe myself.
So even though I took a major crap on her on Tuesday, let me take this opportunity to extend my sympathy to her at this time.
Maybe she deserved better than what I imposed upon her.
Maybe she didn't.
I don't know for sure.
But I've never been conflicted about anything I've written before, and this has stopped me in my tracks.
I don't know if I'm a better person for it, but if I am, I have Melissa to thank.
I don't regret a word of what I wrote.
How's that for conflicted?
Anyway, I wish her nothing but the best in the future.
And I'm very pleased that I was as genuinely complementary about her mother as I legitimately felt.
What I'd written on Tuesday was done with my knives sharpened, and in perhaps questionable taste.
Which describes the way Joan Rivers conducted herself on stage consistently.
So, except for the fact that I was attacking her own flesh-and-blood daughter, I think she might have been sympatico.
Well, probably not.
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman"
*****
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Rollin' On The Rivers.
Joan Rivers has been nothing but an amazingly talented woman.
Well, not nothing.
Her standup is great.
Her acting ability is superb.
She appeared as herself in an episode of "Louie" for which she should have won an Emmy.
She wasn't even nominated.
This is a shame.
Yes, she has made a mockery of plastic surgery, and as a result, is very difficult to look at.
But unlike most, she is quite open about it.
Well, how can she not be?
I wish her a speedy recovery, if this is at all possible.
Her daughter, Melissa Rivers, has been nothing.
Period.
Many moons ago, on this blog, I introduced the term "nuchshlepper", a Yiddish term meaning "One who rides the coat-tails of others for his or her success.
I'm not digressing here.
I have a point.
In an episode of the original "I Love Lucy", for God-knows-what reason, Lucy was trying to impress some people that she was a member of foreign royalty.
So she and Ethel were trying to come up with an appropriate sounding title for her.
They played around with the word "Maharani", and "Princess", and came up with a mythical kingdom, and ended up with "The Maharincess of Frannistan"
You can't get much more appropriate than that.
I maintain that Melissa Rivers is the Maharincess of Nuchshlepperstan.
Her "career", such as it is, has been totally derived from being Joan Rivers' daughter.
This ain't no Liza Minnelli we're dealing with here.
You know.
Someone who is genuinely talented, whomever she's related to.
I used to watch the Rivers' "reality" show, and could never fathom why Melissa would put up with all of Joan's meddling, and outrageous behavior towards her.
But once you factor in all of Melissa's dependency on Joan for her livelihood and lifestyle, it all falls into place.
Nobody is praying harder for Joan's complete recovery than Melissa.
Because when Joan hangs it up, that, for the most part, is the last we'll see of Melissa on the airwaves.
At least on the airwaves I watch.
Which will be particularly painful for her, since she is an out-and-out media whore.
In all fairness, I thought the same thing about Fran Drescher after she did "The Nanny" with that voice of hers.
And she has managed to show up in some places.
So my track record about such things is not impeccable.
I believe that since Joan has stopped doing the "Red Carpet gigs, so has Melissa.
Melissa will be relegated to the Home Shopping Network, where she will be hawking Joan's lines of jewelry, cosmetics, perfumes, skin-tighteners, and whatever other crap there is to hawk.
Or maybe she'll try another one of those "Help Me! I'm a Celebrity, and I'm Stuck in the Jungle, and I'm Eating Worms, and I Can't Get Outta Here!" shows.
The last refuge of D-Lister celebrities.
She'd better do it fast, because when Joan does hang it up, Melissa will already be on the F-list.
None of this is my main bone of contention with Melissa.
This is:
Her name was Melissa Rosenberg.
Rosenberg was her father's name.
Yes, he committed suicide, and maybe she resented him for it.
But changing her last name to Rivers was the ultimate act of cashing in.
The ultimate act of nuchshlepperdom.
Or maybe it was just too "Jewy" for her.
I might be taking this rather personally, because when I got divorced, over twenty years ago, my eleven year old daughter, in an act of utter hatred, immediately got her name changed to her mother's maiden name.
One decidedly less "Jewy".
And I got a call from my ex, asking me to sign a paper that would sanction this slap in the face.
That was her parting shot.
I have resented this ever since.
And I have not seen my daughter ever since.
And not necessarily by my choice.
Perhaps Melissa asked Joan if the name change would be all right.
And perhaps Joan was flattered, and regarded it as a good business decision on her part.
And perhaps Edgar Rosenberg is still rollin' over in his grave as a result.
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman"
*****
Well, not nothing.
Her standup is great.
Her acting ability is superb.
She appeared as herself in an episode of "Louie" for which she should have won an Emmy.
She wasn't even nominated.
This is a shame.
Yes, she has made a mockery of plastic surgery, and as a result, is very difficult to look at.
But unlike most, she is quite open about it.
Well, how can she not be?
I wish her a speedy recovery, if this is at all possible.
Her daughter, Melissa Rivers, has been nothing.
Period.
Many moons ago, on this blog, I introduced the term "nuchshlepper", a Yiddish term meaning "One who rides the coat-tails of others for his or her success.
I'm not digressing here.
I have a point.
In an episode of the original "I Love Lucy", for God-knows-what reason, Lucy was trying to impress some people that she was a member of foreign royalty.
So she and Ethel were trying to come up with an appropriate sounding title for her.
They played around with the word "Maharani", and "Princess", and came up with a mythical kingdom, and ended up with "The Maharincess of Frannistan"
You can't get much more appropriate than that.
I maintain that Melissa Rivers is the Maharincess of Nuchshlepperstan.
Her "career", such as it is, has been totally derived from being Joan Rivers' daughter.
This ain't no Liza Minnelli we're dealing with here.
You know.
Someone who is genuinely talented, whomever she's related to.
I used to watch the Rivers' "reality" show, and could never fathom why Melissa would put up with all of Joan's meddling, and outrageous behavior towards her.
But once you factor in all of Melissa's dependency on Joan for her livelihood and lifestyle, it all falls into place.
Nobody is praying harder for Joan's complete recovery than Melissa.
Because when Joan hangs it up, that, for the most part, is the last we'll see of Melissa on the airwaves.
At least on the airwaves I watch.
Which will be particularly painful for her, since she is an out-and-out media whore.
In all fairness, I thought the same thing about Fran Drescher after she did "The Nanny" with that voice of hers.
And she has managed to show up in some places.
So my track record about such things is not impeccable.
I believe that since Joan has stopped doing the "Red Carpet gigs, so has Melissa.
Melissa will be relegated to the Home Shopping Network, where she will be hawking Joan's lines of jewelry, cosmetics, perfumes, skin-tighteners, and whatever other crap there is to hawk.
Or maybe she'll try another one of those "Help Me! I'm a Celebrity, and I'm Stuck in the Jungle, and I'm Eating Worms, and I Can't Get Outta Here!" shows.
The last refuge of D-Lister celebrities.
She'd better do it fast, because when Joan does hang it up, Melissa will already be on the F-list.
None of this is my main bone of contention with Melissa.
This is:
Her name was Melissa Rosenberg.
Rosenberg was her father's name.
Yes, he committed suicide, and maybe she resented him for it.
But changing her last name to Rivers was the ultimate act of cashing in.
The ultimate act of nuchshlepperdom.
Or maybe it was just too "Jewy" for her.
I might be taking this rather personally, because when I got divorced, over twenty years ago, my eleven year old daughter, in an act of utter hatred, immediately got her name changed to her mother's maiden name.
One decidedly less "Jewy".
And I got a call from my ex, asking me to sign a paper that would sanction this slap in the face.
That was her parting shot.
I have resented this ever since.
And I have not seen my daughter ever since.
And not necessarily by my choice.
Perhaps Melissa asked Joan if the name change would be all right.
And perhaps Joan was flattered, and regarded it as a good business decision on her part.
And perhaps Edgar Rosenberg is still rollin' over in his grave as a result.
********
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube, and my 4-hour interview at the Television Academy's Emmy TV Legends Website.
Here's the link:
http://www.emmytvlegends.org/interviews/people/mark-rothman"
*****
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