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Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Report Card----"By The Sea"

Well, the last five movies I saw and did Report Cards on have been so good that I was starting to think that I was never going to have to see a bad movie again.
Then, I saw "By The Sea".
So much for that theory.
This movie is so dreadfully wretched that I am astounded that anyone would give them the money to make it, even though it had Brad Pitt and Angelia Jolie.
It was "written" and "directed" by Ms. Jolie.
I use quotes because it doesn't seem to be written or directed by anyone.

On to the scoring:

Is it interesting?

One of THE most boring movies I have ever seen.
F.

Compelling even?

The concept isn't even amusing to think about.
F.

Is it controversial?

Only in the sense that it got made.
F.

Is it a story worth telling?

There WAS no story.
F.

Is it good storytelling?

There WAS no story.
F.

Is it well written?

There was no writing. To quote Truman Capote, there was only typing.
F.

Is it well cast? Well played?

If it was anyone else, it wouldn't have been made, so no.
F.

Well shot?

It was very scenic, but so is a travelogue.
A.

Did the director put such a personal stamp on it so that no one else could have made it?

I think you can only do that with something of quality.
F.

How long does it take to establish the film's locale?

Immediately. But vaguely. It's a seaside resort in the Mediterranean. But we're never told when it takes place.
There is an old television set, but it's Europe. Pitt plays a writer with writer's block. And he has a typewriter.
Not a computer. Their car is a foreign sports car of indeterminate age. After I saw it, I went to IMDB. They said it took place in the 70s.
C.

Is it too long? Too short?

It was interminable. And I sensed that it would be in the first minute. My shit detector was in overdrive.
F.

Is it believable? Do you care about the characters?

No, and no.
F.

Is it predictable? Does it surprise you?

Only that it would end at some point. With about fifteen minutes left, it hinted at being about something.
Too little, too late.
F.

Do you think about it after you've seen it?

As soon as I'm done writing this I'm going to attempt to blot it out of my memory.
F.

Is it funny?

Maybe unintentionally, here and there.
F.

Would it have been worth the thirteen bucks it would have cost to see it in the movies?

They don't have enough money in the world to get me to sit through it again.
F.

Is it impressive?

Not ever.
F.

Overall grade: F.

A total vanity production, from top to bottom.
Avoid it like the plague.

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My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not
e-books. But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one. If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.

And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

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About Me

Hi. I am, according to my Wikipedia entry,(which I did not create) a noted television writer, playwright, screenwriter, and occasional actor. You can Google me or go to the IMDB to get my credits, and you can come here to get my opinions on things, which I'll try to express eloquently. Hopefully I'll succeed. You can also e-mail me at macchus999@aol.com. Perhaps my biggest claim to fame is being responsible, for about six months in 1975, while Head Writer for the "Happy Days" TV series, for Americans saying to each other "Sit on it."