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Saturday, May 7, 2016

Buying New Shoes for the First Time in 24 Years.

Yes, that's right.
Up until two months ago I had not bought new shoes for 24 years.
It's not that I'm cheap, although Lord knows I am.
It's not that my shoes have gone out of style, which they haven't.
It's that 24 years ago I decided to go to Payless and buy 18 pairs of shoes.
Why would a person do such a thing? Well, in my case, it's because I can't buy shoes that have laces.
To put it quite simply, I cannot tie my shoes.
And I feel rather foolish attempting to tie my shoes in front of anybody, because it takes me a good half-hour to do it.
As Payless shoes are fairly durable, and cheap,and there are many varieties of Velcro shoes there, I thought, "Why don't I just take care of my shoe purchases for the rest of my life?"
So that is what I attempted to do.
Everything was going along swimmingly until a few months ago.
I was down to the last three pairs of shoes, but I was starting to develop trouble with my feet.
They had both gotten bigger.
And I thought to myself, "Well, there goes my lifetime achievement.
It ain't never gonna happen."
So my wife and I traipsed over to Payless.
It had been so many years since I was at Payless that I didn't realize that they had changed their signs, color scheme, their entire look.
The last time I visited Payless none of the employees there now had even been born.
I had other problems.
I used to wear an 11 triple-width, but now my right foot required a 13 triple-width and my left foot required a 12 triple-width.
With two different sized feet, I had to get a pair of size 13 and a pair of size 12.
Because you can't break up a set
And they only came in one color and one style.
Clodhopper. Black Clodhopper.
However, if you ordered by mail, you could get the white version.
Which is not nearly as Clodhopperish. I know because I ordered them.
But I still had to get two pairs.
I mentioned all of this to my sister, to see if this seemed unusual to her, and she regaled me with tales of her own growing feet.
Not too long ago she was a size 8.
A nice size foot for a nice size leg.
But recently, within a very short amount of time, her feet expanded to a size 9, then size 10, then size 10 1/2 wide.
I don't know how this blossoming has affected her but, she, herself refers to what she has as "clown's feet." She says she now has "clown's feet."
She says she wears "clown shoes."
I don't consider my shoes to be disproportionate to my overall leg.
Unlike her.
I guess I feel lucky that I was able to get so much use out of those size 11's.
So what if I now have to wear sizes 12 and 13?
I'm just glad they make them that big.

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My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@comcast.net

And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

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About Me

Hi. I am, according to my Wikipedia entry,(which I did not create) a noted television writer, playwright, screenwriter, and occasional actor. You can Google me or go to the IMDB to get my credits, and you can come here to get my opinions on things, which I'll try to express eloquently. Hopefully I'll succeed. You can also e-mail me at macchus999@aol.com. Perhaps my biggest claim to fame is being responsible, for about six months in 1975, while Head Writer for the "Happy Days" TV series, for Americans saying to each other "Sit on it."