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Friday, August 12, 2016

Ordering Things From The TV.

It has long been my ambition to have enough money so that if I see any ad on TV, that I could simply dial the toll-free number and order the product in question.
I've had enough money to do that for quite a while.
But I never indulged myself in that endeavor until about three weeks ago.
There was a product, that, if it worked, would actually upgrade my life quite a bit.
You may have seen this ad.
It's for the Get-Up-And-Go Cane.
I've been using a cane since even before my stroke, a year-and-a-half ago.
And the one thing I haven't been able to do is lift myself up from a seated position without help.
This Get-Up-And-Go Cane would seem to be a godsend.
Forty bucks.  Seems worth it.
I call the number,  I order it.
A week-and-a-half goes by.
No cane.
But I get a call from some woman from a foreign land thanking me for my order and in gratitude, they are sending me a pair of diamond earrings.
I said "Fine, just put it in the box" . 
She said no, we have to ship it separately".
I said "And who pays for shipping?"  She says "You do".
I said "don't send it.".
Okay, I'm dealing with racketeers.
I call back the toll-free number, and after about twenty minutes on hold,  I speak to a live agent
(most likely from India).
I'm told that my credit card has been declined.
This begs the question "Why didn't anyone call me to let me know that the card has been declined?"
and "Why are you offering me jewelry". 
They had no satisfactory answer for either question.
But I still wanted this cane.  So I gave them another credit card, and had them transfer me to the person who approves the credit cards.  (Another twenty minutes on hold).
This obvious foreigner tells me that the card has been approved, and that the cane will arrive within two and three business days.
Three business days came and went.
On the fourth business day, I call back (another twenty minutes on hold) and am told that I placed four orders for this cane, which begs the questions "Where did they come up with four orders?" and "Why would anyone order more than ONE of  these canes." 
So they cancelled TWO of the four canes. 
That's the best that they could do, because they both had been shipped.
And one was sent using the credit card they had told me was declined.
This fell on deaf ears.
They said that upon delivery, I could decline one of them and would not be charged for the second one. 
And it would take at least seven more working days before the cane would arrive.
So I waited and waited, and true to their word, at the end of the seventh day, one package containing
the Get-Up-And-Go cane arrived. 
I guess that in the interim, they realized that one of them was ordered with a credit card that they had declined.
I open the box, and assemble it.
What do you know?
It doesn't work.
I can't lift myself up with it.
It does make it easier for me to raise myself up from a seat where I have a table to hold on to.
Is that worth forty bucks?
I suppose.
That's why I'm not sending it back.
But it's certainly not what I paid for.
Was it worth the hassle?
It certainly was not.
Do I feel ripped off?
I certainly do.
Be careful what you wish for.
You might just get it.

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My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@comcast.net
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

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Hi. I am, according to my Wikipedia entry,(which I did not create) a noted television writer, playwright, screenwriter, and occasional actor. You can Google me or go to the IMDB to get my credits, and you can come here to get my opinions on things, which I'll try to express eloquently. Hopefully I'll succeed. You can also e-mail me at macchus999@aol.com. Perhaps my biggest claim to fame is being responsible, for about six months in 1975, while Head Writer for the "Happy Days" TV series, for Americans saying to each other "Sit on it."