This Is Where I Came In.

"This is where I came in"

This is an expression that people used to say all the time.
Now, it's only an expression that only old people say all the time.
It essentially means "Don't go any further. You're starting to repeat yourself."
But that was it's figurative meaning.
It's literal meaning hearkens way back to the days when you went to the movies
any old time.
Not necessarily when the movie started.
Maybe in the middle.
Maybe towards the end.
And then you'd start watching it from the beginning, because movies ran continuously
in those days.
With maybe even a cartoon or a short subject thrown in.
Or maybe it was part of a double feature.
For you youngsters out there, a double feature meant that you got two movies for the price
of one.
And when you got to the point in the movie that you came in late for, you'd get up, and say
to yourself "This is where I came in"
It's not like today, when they only let you enter the theater at the beginning of the film,
showing you way too many previews beforehand, and then the theater, usually in a multiplex,
empties out for at least a half-hour.
Actually, I think that this is an improvement.
I hate to tell you how many times my mother dragged me to the movies when I was a kid,
only to show up right in the middle of the picture, not knowing what the hell was going on
because I didn't know what preceded it.
And then she'd say "this is where we came in", and we'd leave.
If you ever say "This is where I came in" these days, it's got to make you at least 50.

So it's an expression that people used to say all the time.
Now, it's only an expression that only old people say all the time..........
Wait a minute.
This is where I came in.

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My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.


******

The Men Of Livonia.

Livonia is a very nice suburb of Detroit, here in Michigan.
Until I lived here, I'd never heard of it.
It first came to my attention prominently when my wife and I were riding in the car with the radio on.
We were listening to Dionne Warwick's recording of "I'll never fall in love again"
After she reached a particular lyric, my wife commented that it always seemed to be an odd
choice of phrase.
She was referring to Dionne's singing:
"What do you get when you kiss a guy?
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
After you do, the men of Livonia....."

I had to point out that the actual lyric was "After you do, he'll never phone ya"
My wife had been harboring this deranged illusion ever since the first time she heard the song,
in the sixties.
I felt the need to call attention to the ludicrousness of her thought process, the inherent
senselessness of what she thought she heard, and that who, outside of Michigan, had ever heard of
Livonia?
The point was made, and the illusion was finally eradicated.

This led me to remind myself of several other butchered interpretations of popular songs,
exclusively by members of my family.

The earliest one that I can recall was when my seven year old sister was called upon to give her first, and ultimately her last public singing performance at my Bar Mitzvah, with her rendition of
"Do, Re, Mi", from "The Sound of Music"
It included her use of the line "Sew, ulneeda pulling thread"
Okay, she was seven.
Some slack should be cut.

But at around the same time, my mother, Bella, was around forty.
My father had bought a Mercedes-Benz with a diesel engine, which he promply turned into a taxicab.
Ever the innovator.
We all coined a nickname for it: "The Mercediesel".
She then purchased the original Broadway Cast Album of that self-same show, "The Sound of Music"
On it, there was this charming song called "How Can Love Survive?"
I don't believe that this song survived it's way into the movie.
It was sung as a duet by Kurt Kasznar and Marion Marlowe.
It contained the following lyrics:

"No rides for us on the top of a bus
In the face of the freezing breezes
You reach your goals in your comfy old Rolls
Or in one of your Mercedes-es!"

As soon as she heard that lyric, there was no convincing Bella that Kurt was NOT singing
"Mercediesels"
Never mind that "The Sound of Music" took place in the 1930's, when there probably were no
diesel-engined Mercedes.
Never mind that we, in fact, coined the term "Mercediesels"
Bella was convinced, and remained convinced, all the way to her grave, that it was "Mercediesels"

Back to my sister, about six years later, which would make her thirteen, to all you mathematicians
out there.
At some point, out of the blue, my sister asks me "Mark, does minjulepa mean oss?"
A few words of explanation are in order.
"Oss" was my sister's consciously amusing way of saying the word "ass".
Whenever she was asked a question that would begin with the word "Where?",
her response would more than likely be "Up oss".
Or, literally, "up your ass".

So I bewilderedly wrestled with the question "Does minjulepa mean oss?"
Then she put it into context.
"You know, like in the song---"You give my old minjulepa kick, Mame"
I had to explain, not unpatronizingly, what a mint julep was, and how ungrammatical it
would have been if minjulepa DID mean oss.

It's as if you were singing "You give my old oss kick".
There was no room left for an "a".

I am also guilty of lyric butchery in the same manner, and of course, my sister has never let me
hear the end of it.
When I heard Janis Joplin sing "Me and Bobby McGee" for the first time, I questioned my sister
as to whether Janis was singing "Breathin's just another word for nuthin' left to lose",
or "Freedom's just another word for nuthin' left to lose".
My sister let me have it between the eyes.
"Breathin'?" "Breathin'?" What are you, a moron?

Now, I maintain that this example doesn't hold a candle to minjulepa or Mercediesels.
And it's not as if I was certain that it was "Breathin'"
I was just questioning it.
I think a case can actually be made for "Breathin'"
Not a very good one.
"Freedom" is certainly a vast upgrade.
But I confess to having had my doubts.

I don't usually solicit comments for the Comments section, but I'm somewhat curious as to
whether my family was unique in this regard, or whether examples like this are rampant among
my readers.
If so, I'd like to hear yours.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.


******

Tying Up Loose Ends.

Speaking of all things Stooge-related, Kevin Pollak, on his Chat Show podcast recently, told a story which was totally fabricated.
Not that he did not bear witness to the story as it was told, but that the story he heard told was too funny to have any chance of being true.
When Pollak was younger, he was given the privilege of being invited to sit at the comedians table at the cafe portion of the Hollywood Improv, where Albert Brooks was holding court.
Albert Brooks' father was named Harry Einstein.
Harry Einstein's professional name was Parkyakarkus.
As Parkyakarkus, he was a very successful radio and film comedian, often working with Eddie Cantor.
Adding two and two together, this made Albert Brooks' given name Albert Einstein.
I'm sure the more well-known Albert Einstein would have conceded that Brooks was smarter than he was.
At least when it came to comedy.
So Pollak is listening to Brooks tell this story that night at the Hollywood Improv.
Pollak, who does a great Albert Brooks impression, tells it in the first person on his podcast:

"So I go to Forest Lawn Cemetery to visit my father's grave.
And I talk to him.
I tell him how much I miss him, and what a big influence he's been on my life.
I truly loved my father.
Now, directly to the left of my father's grave is the grave of Larry Fine, of the Three Stooges.
The headstone wasn't there last year.
He'd just been dead about a year.
But the headstone was there now.
So I then say a prayer in Hebrew to honor my father.
All of a sudden, seemingly from out of nowhere, Moe Howard appears, and walks up to
Larry Fine's grave.
Moe Howard just stands there, quietly, perhaps reverentially.
He just stands there.
For quite a while.
Then, suddenly, he almost literally explodes.
He pounces onto the turf in front of the headstone, and begins poking two fingers into the turf.
And, into the earth, he shouts 'Putz! How am I going to get work as a single?' "

I also caught up with Keith Olbermann when he made his appearance with Letterman.
He was extremely obtuse, and not at all forthcoming about his problems with Current TV and
why he got fired.
He kept referring to himself as a ten million dollar chandelier that did not fit it's surroundings.
Yet he seemingly took responsibility for what went wrong.
Not enough that he's not suing their collective brains out.
It seemed quite disingenuous.
He explained that he'd had a lot of throat problems, which accounted for his many absences,
but during the run of his show there, nobody, no substitute host, nor he, ever offered any excuse for his absences relating to health problems.
We were not getting anything close to the full story here.

I don't know what's going to happen with Keith, but I think it's a fairly good bet that he can go
just about anywhere, and begin poking two fingers just about anywhere, and say to himself-------
"Putz! How am I going to get work as a single?"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.


******

Now Kids, Remember. The Stooges Are Trained Professionals.

That's what Officer Joe Bolton, who entered the set swinging his billy club on each episode of
the Three Stooges reruns on WPIX, Channel 11 in New York, would say to all the kids who were watching.
Many of whom took matters into their own hands by attempting to poke each other's eyes out.
This would take place after witnessing the Stooges do it in their films.
It was primarily a matter of nobody wanting to get sued.

Woo-WOO-Woo-Woo-Woo-Woo!

I'm certain that much damage was done along the way.
But that generation for the most part survived.

Hey Porcupine!

Now, a new movie is going to be opening really soon, that seems to be claiming to be in exactly
the same spirit as the originals, except without the original Stooges, all of whom are long since dead.

Spread Out!

Is this a good idea?
I suppose that it depends on what you thought of the Three Stooges to begin with.
I never thought much of them.

Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!

It has often been maintained that the Three Stooges always appealed far more to men than they did to women.
This makes sense.
Men seem to be much more attracted to gratuitous violence.
I guess my feminine side emerges here.
I never found the Three Stooges to be appealing or remotely funny.
So why did I watch it as a teenager?
Because it was the least objectionable programming.
That's why I ever took a gander at "My Little Margie".

Moe, Larry, the cheese!

When you don't find them to be remotely funny, the violence that was inflicted primarily
and invariably by Moe upon the others seemed literally painful.
Accentuated by quite jarring sound effects.
It all just seemed mean-spirited for it's own sake.

Why, you numbskull!

The Three Stooges always seemed to be funnier when you talked about them and what they did, than when you actually saw them.

Soitenly!

So is the movie actually a good idea?
Perhaps not aesthetically, but there are soitenly a lot of 14 year-old boys who love them, and are,
of course, after all, the motion picture industry's main target audience.
So it seems to be a good idea at least financially.

I'm a victim of soicumstance!

And it might even be funny.
It has oft been said that the Stooges never met a script that they would turn down.
This thing is helmed by the Farrelly Brothers.
Maybe no one would turn it down.

I try to think, but nothing happens!

Larry David and Jane Lynch are appearing in it.
That's quite an imprimatur.
The Brady Bunch Movie proved that in the right hands, something that was never funny CAN be.

Rrrowf! Rrrowf!"

There are purists out there who think that this is sacrilege.

That nobody should dare play the Stooges except the originals.
This is nonsense.
I saw a Broadway Show in the 80's called "A Day In Hollywood/A Night In the Ukraine".
The entire second half was devoted to a new Marx Brothers Musical.
I welcomed the notion, and had no trouble accepting new actors playing Harpo, Chico, and Groucho.
Except for the fact that the actor playing Groucho, David Garrison, sounded nothing at all like
Groucho, but instead sounded exactly like Edward G. Robinson.
But it still worked.

Nyah-ahh-ahh!

Moe and Curly are probably the most singularly famous names there are.
How many other Moe's do you know?
How many does anybody know?
Moe Greene from "The Godfather"?
That's stretching things a bit.
Curly from the musical "Oklahoma"?
Hardly.
There are plenty of Larrys, but no Curlys and no other Moe.
Except maybe Five Guys Named Moe.
That's also stretching things a bit.
And of course, there has never been another Shemp.

Okay, I guess Curly was funny. But Shemp, like the others, never was.
Quoting the Three Stooges is funny.
Which is probably why I've interspersed this essay with their quotes.

So maybe a Three Stooges Movie is a good idea. Maybe not.
I leave you with one thought:

B-A-bay, B-E bee, B-I biddy bye, B-O bo, biddy bye bo B-U boo,biddy bye bo boo!


------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
You might want to check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.


******