Why I Can't Stand Chris Matthews Anymore, Part 3 or 4, I've Lost Count.

I'll be brief with this one.
Not only is he still calling out his guests for mispronouncing the name "Cheney", insisting that the family pronounces it "Cheeney", which isn't always the case (I've heard them pronounce it "Cheney") but now he consistently pronounces the word "Holocaust" as "Holly-caust"
Maybe Dick "Cheeney" pronounces it "Holly-caust"
In any case, Chris, shut up.

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My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download it.
They can be downloaded on IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is that you can't sign one.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

*****

Perhaps My Guiltiest Pleasure.

This is a truly embarrassing admission.
I am an unabashed fan of "Family Feud".
It's my favorite show.
I never miss it, which is almost impossible, as it is on almost constantly.
I have always loved the game itself, and have never claimed to be any better at it than anyone else, but I truly enjoy it when one of the contestants comes up with a particularly stupid answer.
This has been a truly long term addiction.
I've watched it from the 1980's in spite of Richard Dawson kissing all those women, through all the subsequent hosts who kept improving the experience.
Ray Coombs was quite entertaining before he committed suicide.
But nobody, I mean nobody is as good at hosting "Family Feud" as Steve Harvey.
He is as funny as anything.
In any context.
One thing that confuses me: they always offer the option to play or pass to whoever answers the tossup question.
I don't understand why anyone would opt to pass.
It is invariably a bad percentage move.
If that's your intent, why even try to answer the question?
You came to play, play.
I know that all the contestants are prompted to say "Good answer, good answer!" no matter how bad their teammates answers might be. And that's annoying, and only a small price to pay because they cop to it.
I'm constantly Tivoing it, so I always have at least twenty episodes on hand at any one time.
If you haven't checked in on it since Richard Dawson was kissing all the women, you all owe yourselves another go.
A word of caution: almost every question elicits some variation on the phrase "My dick" or My boobs" or both.
If this offends you, I suggest that you loosen up.
I promise you that it will be worth it.
And I say this with no shame.
That's how funny it is.

----------------------------------------------------
My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download it.
They can be downloaded on IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is that you can't sign one.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

*****

One Of The Great Jokes.

I am about to tell you what I consider to be one of the great jokes.
I would be surprised to learn that you are familiar with it, because I've never met anyone who has heard it before whenever I've told it .
Let me preface it by alerting you that it might be perceived as completely racist, sexist, with one of the filthiest punch-lines you'll ever hear.
If this puts you off, stop right here and come back next time.

Okay. Here goes.
It's Harlem in the 1930s.
Doctor George "Kingfish" Stevens is strolling down 125th Street.
As he passes the Apollo Theater, he encounters his good friend and colleague Andrew H. Brown.

Andy: Hello dere, Kingfish.
Kingfish: Ohhhh, hello dere brother Andy! It's been a while.
Andy: Yeah, I guess it has.
Kingfish: Are you feelin' all right, son?
Andy: Oh yeah. I feels fine.
Kingfish: Are you sure? Because you looks bad!
Andy: Well that's strange, because I feels good.
Kingfish: Well you may feels good, but you looks bad!!
Andy: This is beyond my comprehensiveness, because I feels good!
Kingfish: Son, you looks bad! And you can't take any chances with your health.
Look, my office is just a few doors down. Why don't you let me check you out.
So they head up to Doctor Kingfish's office and Andy gets a complete examination.
Kingfish can't find anything wrong with Andy.
Andy: I told you! I feels good!
Kingfish: That may be, but you still looks bad! Uh, maybe we's approaching this the wrong way.
Lemme look through the Encyclopedia of Medicine, dere. It's got all the answers!
Kingfish gets the Encyclopedia of Medicine from down off a high shelf.
He starts rummaging through it.
Kingfish: Let me see, dere...."Looks good, feels good"...
Andy: That's not it!
Kingfish: Oh yeah, you're right. Uh, "Looks bad, feels bad"...
Andy: That ain't it either!
Kingfish: Looks good and feels bad?
Andy: No, no, no! That's not it!!
Kingfish: You're right. It ain't. Oh wait a minute. Here it is. "Looks bad, and feels good"
Doctor Kingfish slowly lifts his head and stares Andy dead in the eye.
Kingfish: I wants you to brace yourself. Brother Andy...son...you a vagina!!
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If you liked it, tell your friends.
f you didn't, keep it to yourself.
But if you got this far, how could you not like it?
In any case, I don't want to hear any voices of protest.
You've all been warned.
And I just had a stroke.

-----------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download it.
They can be downloaded on IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is that you can't sign one.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

*****

When Life Imitates Art A Little Too Closely.

One more hospital story:

In my last hospital stay, I was easily placed in the coldest room in the hospital.
This was not by choice.
I was constantly asking for more blankets, and they were all thin ones, and never enough.
I was freezing every night.
Then, about two days before I checked out, everyone received warm, lush blankets.
The kind I wished I had for my entire stay.
I asked one of the nurses why, all of a sudden, we were getting these blankets.
I was told that there was going to be an inspection by someone who mattered, and after the inspection, they were going to be taken back.
I insisted that I keep mine, and they acquiesced.
This situation ran parallel to a scene in Billy Wilder's great "Stalag 17", where the Red Cross was going to inspect the American P.O.W. barracks, so the Nazis supplied the P.O.W.'s with fresh linens and blankets.
As soon as the Red Cross representatives left, the linens and blankets were removed, and the P.O.W.s were left to sleep in whatever lice ridden filth they had before.
Needless to say, I complained long and loud about it, and even offered up the "Stalag 17" analogy.
Comparing them to Nazis.
It pretty much fell upon deaf ears.
I think that I was very lucky to get out of there when I did.
That hospital did very much to advance my recovery, but I spent a whole lot of unnecessary frigid nights.

-----------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download it.
They can be downloaded on IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is that you can't sign one.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

*****

"You Are Cool! " Part 2..

The latter group of those about whom one can legitimately sarcastically say "You are cool!" contain several political figures, exclusively of the Republican variety.
I suppose a case can be made that all Republicans can be put in that category, and that there really isn't any variety among them.
I wouldn't say it about Rick Santorum, or Paul Ryan.
I don't agree with a word they say, but they both seem to handle themselves with at least some dignity.
On the far, other end of the spectrum is Bobby Jindal.
The idea that this man is attempting to run for President is so short-sighted.
Where does he think he's going to get people to vote for him?
Who on earth is going to vote for someone who so closely resembles Alfred E. Neuman?
It's not just his looks.
He seems to have the emptiest head of any politician out there.
There's not even any concept of cool.

Ann Coulter goes on TV whenever anyone lets her so she can hawk her latest book, where she yells and yammers and has nothing good to say about anyone.
Yeah, Ann, you are cool.

Bill Kristol, the political columnist, as opposed to Billy Crystal, the great entertainer, who appears far too regularly on "This Week With George Stephanopolous" as the representative of smarminess has another claim to the title----he is invariably wrong about everything.
He is often asked to offer up a prediction about something. He is never right.
I mean never.
What does it take to get this man off television?
The fact that he has the nerve to accept the check they give him is the epitome of cheek.
And the antithesis of cool.

I would have more than just to say in passing Dennis Miller, the King of Smarm.
But his career is essentially over, so I don't want to indulge in overkill.
But yeah, Dennis, you are cool.

And finally, Mandy Patinkin.
Mandy Patinkin is in many ways a great singer and performer.
But not all ways.
He has this regular tendency to go way over the top.
In a truly sickeningly way.
And you never know when it's going to happen.
And when it does, you wan't to yell out "Yeah Mandy, you are cool!"

-----------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download it.
They can be downloaded on IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is that you can't sign one.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@aol.com
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

*****