I am about to tell you what I consider to be one of the great jokes.
I would be surprised to learn that you are familiar with it, because I've never met anyone who has heard it before whenever I've told it .
Let me preface it by alerting you that it might be perceived as completely racist, sexist, with one of the filthiest punch-lines you'll ever hear.
If this puts you off, stop right here and come back next time.
Okay. Here goes.
It's Harlem in the 1930s.
Doctor George "Kingfish" Stevens is strolling down 125th Street.
As he passes the Apollo Theater, he encounters his good friend and colleague Andrew H. Brown.
Andy: Hello dere, Kingfish.
Kingfish: Ohhhh, hello dere brother Andy! It's been a while.
Andy: Yeah, I guess it has.
Kingfish: Are you feelin' all right, son?
Andy: Oh yeah. I feels fine.
Kingfish: Are you sure? Because you looks bad!
Andy: Well that's strange, because I feels good.
Kingfish: Well you may feels good, but you looks bad!!
Andy: This is beyond my comprehensiveness, because I feels good!
Kingfish: Son, you looks bad! And you can't take any chances with your health.
Look, my office is just a few doors down. Why don't you let me check you out.
So they head up to Doctor Kingfish's office and Andy gets a complete examination.
Kingfish can't find anything wrong with Andy.
Andy: I told you! I feels good!
Kingfish: That may be, but you still looks bad! Uh, maybe we's approaching this the wrong way.
Lemme look through the Encyclopedia of Medicine, dere. It's got all the answers!
Kingfish gets the Encyclopedia of Medicine from down off a high shelf.
He starts rummaging through it.
Kingfish: Let me see, dere...."Looks good, feels good"...
Andy: That's not it!
Kingfish: Oh yeah, you're right. Uh, "Looks bad, feels bad"...
Andy: That ain't it either!
Kingfish: Looks good and feels bad?
Andy: No, no, no! That's not it!!
Kingfish: You're right. It ain't. Oh wait a minute. Here it is. "Looks bad, and feels good"
Doctor Kingfish slowly lifts his head and stares Andy dead in the eye.
Kingfish: I wants you to brace yourself. Brother Andy...son...you a vagina!!
If you liked it, tell your friends.
f you didn't, keep it to yourself.
But if you got this far, how could you not like it?
In any case, I don't want to hear any voices of protest.
You've all been warned.
And I just had a stroke.
My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download it.
They can be downloaded on IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is that you can't sign one.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at email@example.com
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.
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- mark rothman
- Hi. I am, according to my Wikipedia entry,(which I did not create) a noted television writer, playwright, screenwriter, and occasional actor. You can Google me or go to the IMDB to get my credits, and you can come here to get my opinions on things, which I'll try to express eloquently. Hopefully I'll succeed. You can also e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Perhaps my biggest claim to fame is being responsible, for about six months in 1975, while Head Writer for the "Happy Days" TV series, for Americans saying to each other "Sit on it."