Getting A Crap Taken On Me, From Two Separate Podcasts, Part Two.

This was from Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing, Colossal Podcast.
I never miss it.
It is always hilarious.
This one was a practically double crap taken on me.
I first met Gilbert Gottfried when he appeared in a pilot that I served as one of the Executive Producers for.
It was called "The Further Adventures of Wally Brown".
This would imply that there had been previous adventures of Wally Brown.
There hadn't been.
This was 1980.
The sole reason for its existence was that an NBC executive named Stu Sheslow thought it would be a good idea to turn the song "Charlie Brown",
(you know, "fee, fee, fi, fi, fo, fo fum! I smell smoke in the auditor-i-um! Charlie Brown! Charlie Brown! he's a clown! That Charlie Brown")
into a sitcom.
It certainly wasn't my idea.
This is why some people should never be allowed to be in show business.
But we never had a relationship with NBC, and this was our way in.
And they didn't want to pay for the use of the song, so they had us change the name to "Wally Brown".
My involvement in the project was quite peripheral.
I didn't even write it.
I don't even know if Gilbert knows my name.
I don't think we ever spoke to each other.
My former partner, Lowell Ganz, directed it, and Gilbert made reference to him.
I never saw any of Gilbert's now trademark volatility that he displayed on stage.
He was just this quiet guy.
When I first saw Gilbert's onstage persona, I thought he was doing an imitation of Lowell Ganz.
And on one of his Gilbert's podcasts, he takes a major crap on this pilot.
And I really don't blame him.
It was a major piece of crap.
My only major involvement was making sure that the guys attempting to re-create the sound of the Coasters on the original recording sounded enough like the
Coasters. At first they didn't. After I gave them some notes, they did.
That was the extent of my creative involvement.
That, plus I gave Peter Scolari his first job.
It wasn't nearly enough to remove the crappiness.
So Gilbert was right.
I don't know if there was anything that could have improved it.
Maybe if I was more hands on with the writing....
I don't think so.
As it was once said in William Goldman's wonderful book, "The Season", "The only problem with washing garbage is when you get done, it's still garbage".
On that same podcast his guest was actor-writer Tom Leopold.
I had cast Tom to play Ted Knight's son on our six episode run of "The Ted Knight Show", which was borne out of CBS's desire to cash in on the current trend of "jiggle comedy" a la "Three's Company"
Leopold referred to it as a "horrible experience, and a horrible show"
Ted played the owner of an escort service, not a front for prostitution, but a legitimate escort service.
And we hired a group of very attractive actresses to serve as the escorts.
We also had a few extras to appear as male escorts.
Tom treated this as something that could never happen.
In fact, the story for the pilot was something that actually happened to Lynn Redgrave's husband.
I saw him talking about it on the "Tom Snyder Show"
Working for a legitimate escort service, he was hired to act as a complete boor.
The girl who hired him invited him to have dinner at her parents' house, where he was to be as obnoxious as possible, so that her parents would consent to the girl marrying her real boyfriend.
Ted played the complete boor, and was hilarious.
The audience loved it, and completely bought into it.
As I said in part one, the live audience tells you. And they loved it.
Individually, they're all idiots. Collectively they're a genius.
So these places do exist, and that's what we were depicting.
As for Tom Leopold, we never gave him much to do on those six episodes.
He made no impression.
And Ted didn't like him.
He had suggested Fred Travalena for the part which was fine with us, but we thought Ted knew him and was going to set up our meeting with him.
Turns out he didn't know him.
We figured that Fred didn't want to do it, and we proceeded with the regular casting process.
It was a communications breakdown.
As I was in charge of casting, Ted blamed me for not getting Travalena.
So, no. The show wasn't borne out of any real inspiration, but it was always really funny.
And not at all because of Tom Leopold.
It was not at all horrible.
Not even Tom Leopold was horrible.


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My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@comcast.net

And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

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My Favorite Garry Shandling Moment.

It came from an episode of "It's Garry Shandling's Show".
Red Buttons was the guest.
The premise was that Garry had this irrational fear that Red was going to replace him on his own show.
This was buttressed by the rest of the cast totally fawning over Red, and laughing at everything he said.
Once the plot was resolved, and Garry's fears were exposed as imaginary, the last five minutes were devoted to a variation of Red's routine
"They never had a dinner", called "I am everywhere"
It began with Garry asking innocuously "Have you ever been to New York?
Then Red takes over with Garry not being able to say another word.

Red: Are you kidding? Of course I've been to New York. I've been everywhere. I am everywhere.
Of course.
In Harlem, at a reunion of black hockey players for Reagan.
I was hocking, I was pucking, I was black, I was there.
That's why I'm here, right now, with you.
In Beverly Hills, at a Joan Crawford child-slapping contest.
I was childing, I was slapping, I was Joaning, I was Crawfing, I was there.
That's why I'm here. I am everywhere.

There were four or five more examples of this, one funnier than the next.
and all of this played out in a two shot of Garry and Red.
The camera did not move.
And Garry just stood there, and said nothing, looking back and forth between the camera and Red.
He completely laid out for Red.
That just made it funnier.
It was roaringly funny.
Okay, so maybe it was more of a Red Buttons moment, but it wouldn't have been nearly as good if Garry Shandling wasn't playing straight for him.

Of course, Garry was a genius, and this was simply an example of his enormous generosity as a performer.
"The Larry Sanders Show" was a major breakthrough for the sitcom form.
This is a stunning and irretrievable loss.

I will do "Getting a Crap Taken On Me From Two Separate Podcasts, Part Two", next time.
Someone like Garry Shandling just doesn't die every day.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@comcast.net

And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

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Getting A Crap Taken On Me, From Two Separate Podcasts. Part One.

I pay a lot more attention to podcasts than to things I watch on TV.
Whenever I watch a sporting event, I usually multi-task by listening to a podcast and turning the sound off on the sporting event.
Or when Trump is on.
The ones I listen to are hosted by very funny comedians: Larry Miler, Gilbert Gottfried, Dom Irrera, Jake Johannsen, Judy Gold, Kevin Pollak, and
others.
They're all usually good for some big laughs as I get through the day.
I have worked with several of them.
On one occasion, Larry Miller mentioned that he appeared in one of my plays, and how good it was, and how much he enjoyed being in it.
It turns out that this has become the exception rather than the rule.
A few days ago, I was listening to Dom Irrera's podcast.
We'd seen him at the Comedy Store, where he killed, and not really knowing whether or not he could act, I had hired him to do three episodes of
"She's The Sheriff".
His agents put together what I recall being a ball-buster deal for him, although at the time, he had virtually no major TV exposure.
It was probably the first time he got an acting job without auditioning for it.
We created a character for him, not unlike Latka from "Taxi".
The hook was, not unlike what Andy Kaufman did when he transformed himself into his incredible Elvis impression, Dom's character "Jim" (pronounced "Heem!")
transformed himself into a hack American comic, a staple of his act.
The rest of the cast basically laid out for him.
He was terrific. The audience loved it.
I felt that out of the 22 episodes I was involved with, 18 were home runs.
And I thought that this was one of them.
After we taped that show, I hung out with Dom a little in Vegas, where he was appearing.
I took he and his then wife at the time to dinner there.
I'd chalked it up as a completely pleasant experience.
Cut to: 28 years later. I'm listening to his podcast.
And he begins bashing the entire experience.
"I did this show, "SHE's The Sheriff" like we needed to be told that it was a Lady Sheriff, yeah, show me how much you need to insult my intelligence,
and at the first table read, I looked around the room, and I couldn't believe how so many people could be so bad.
Then, a few years later, I did "Seinfeld". It was like night and day."

Well, if you thought the script was so bad, why didn't you say something?
Or did you just assume it was pointless?
Based on the deal he made, he certainly could have thrown his weight around.
Not a peep out of him.
The live audience was very supportive.
They laughed in all the right places.
That's all that matters.
To once again quote Billy Wilder, "Individually they're all idiots. Collectively they're a genius."
No, we were not "Seinfeld" Who was?
But we were a syndicated show that came on mid-season with no decent writing budget and I think I put together enough decent bodies to not ever have to feel ashamed.
And it was not stupid. Except for the 4 that didn't work. And that wasn't my fault.
What disturbs me more than anything was, as good as I can read an audience, that's how badly I can read people.
It took 28 years to realize that someone I really liked had no respect for me.
I'll still listen to his podcast, because he's still that funny.

Next time, another example of this.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@comcast.net

And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eighteen Hundred And Sixty-Two Dollars Is A Lot Better Than Forty Dollars.

A while back, I mentioned that "The New Odd Couple", the one with Matthew Perry, redid one of the scripts I wrote over forty years ago on the original
"Odd Couple".
Nobody informed me of this.
Nobody sent me a check.
They just upped and did it, thinking they would just get away with it.
After a short period of stewing about it, I decided to contact the Writers Guild, to see if there could be any form of redress.
It was my understanding that they couldn't just do this and not compensate me for it.
The Writers Guild immediately created an arbitration case on my behalf.
They seemed more outraged than I was.
This was certainly encouraging.
Forms were filled out, statements were taken.
"The Odd Couple", to their credit, acknowledged some responsibility.
I would be seeing some money.
I was asked if I wished to participate in a class action suit in this matter.
I saw no reason not to.
Like I said, the Guild seemed more outraged than I was.
Weeks went by, and I was informed by letter that I would receive shared Story Credit.
I'd hoped for more, but did not really expect more, being that there was extensive rewriting of my original story.
So I accepted my fate.
I still thought I would receive a reasonable amount of money.
More weeks went by and I received by mail, a residual check for forty dollars.
Of course, my reaction was "forty dollars? I went to all that trouble for forty dollars?"
There was no point in arguing with anybody. It was what it was.
At that point, I figured that all I had to root for was further reruns of that episode.
They always diminish.
So I figured I'd get something like thirty-six dollars, then thirty-two if there was another rerun...
You get the drift.
I completely put the notion of the class action suit out of my mind.
Then, lo and behold, I received another letter from the Guild, informing me that the class action suit was settled.
Included in the envelope was a check for Eighteen Hundred and Sixty-Two Dollars.
And that settled the matter.
In most show business circles, Eighteen Hundred and Sixty-Two Dollars would be considered chump change.
But everything's relative.
Speaking of relative, if my mother was still alive, and I related this story to her, her precise quote would be
"Eighteen Hundred and Sixty-Two Dollars is a lot better than Forty Dollars"
And she'd be right.
And there's still the potential for those checks for thirty-six, thirty-two, thirty, and on down.
So I'm fine with it all.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@comcast.net

And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Trouble At The NBA All-Star Game.

While I was busy focusing on the Oscars, I let this story slide under the rug.
I'm going back to retrieve it now.
The NBA All-Star Game aired on TNT.
I set the TiVo for it and made a bet on it.
Later on that night, I started watching the game.
Only it wasn't the NBA All-Star Game.
It was the NBA "D" All Star Game.
The minor league version, one that you can't bet on, one where you knew none of the players.
In all fairness, on the TiVo, it was clearly marked that way.
And I saw that.
For a few minutes.
Then I was bored to death, and turned it off
But I couldn't for the life of me, find the actual NBA All-Star Game.
I was beginning to feel pretty foolish.
And I couldn't find it.
I had missed the actual NBA All-Star Game.
I rechecked the Tivo.
Potential salvation was there.
TNT was going to re-run the actual NBA All-Star Game at 2 in the morning.
Not the "D" game.
The actual game.
So I set the Tivo, intending to watch it in the morning.
That next morning, I checked the Tivo, and sure enough, there was the actual NBA All-Star Game.
No harm, no foul.
So I thought.
About five minutes into their broadcast, there is a streamer at the bottom of the screen, showing the final score of the game.
Now, who on earth did they think would be watching a broadcast of a game that they knew the outcome of?
Certainly not me.
Who on earth was doing the non-thinking?
And of course, I lost my bet.
TNT, who broadcasts the NBA extensively, should certainly know better than this.
Pay somebody to pay attention.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@comcast.net

And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Kee-Takes Pecking Order.

Now that this Oscar business is finally over, I can finally get around to discussing something really important.
Pancakes.
Pancakes is one of the great joys of my life. When they are done right.
Too often, they are not.
As I've mentioned many times in the past, my sister had, and has, a very limited menu of things she would put in her mouth.
And I couldn't remember whether or not pancakes was one of them.
After thoroughly humiliating me, she reminded me that even before she was able to form words correctly, she loved pancakes so much that she had a way of describing them.
She referred ecstatically to them as "Kee-Takes".
So in her honor, from now on in this article, I will be referring to them as "Kee-Takes".

We will be going from worst to first as we proceed up the Kee-Takes pecking order.

Starting at the bottom was my hospital experience.
Everything was institutional food.
Including the Kee-Takes.
I don't know how they managed it, but they tasted like dust.
If you put syrup on them, they tasted like dust with syrup on them.
Of course, it was not real maple syrup, but some sort of ersatz made out of corn syrup..
And there were no better options.
I was their prisoner.
And by the way, the most popular syrups, Log Cabin, Aunt Jemima's and Vermont Maid, are all ersatz.
The easiest way to find the real thing is at Costco.
Their Kirkland brand is the real deal.
Whenever we go out for Kee-Takes, I bring a little vial of it along with me.

Taking it one level up, where you were actually paying for them, was some sort of exotic restaurant, usually Greek, or Lebanese that for some
reason that I still can't figure, was also open for breakfast.
The Kee-Takes there were invariably splotchy and had the vague taste of whatever hadn't been cleaned off of last night's grill.
I guess I deserved what I got.

Then, there's IHOP.
Never had a pleasant experience there.
It's never about the Kee-Takes themselves but rather the gooey, sugary things you can put on top of them.
All that does is cover up the blandness of the basic Kee-Take underneath.
It's not for the Kee-Take connoisseur.

Then, there's Denny's.
At Denny's on a good day, the Kee-Takes are downright passable.
Nothing to write home about, but nothing to sneer at either.

Finally, moving up to Kee-Takes of quality, I highly recommend Eggo Frozen Kee-Takes.
I'm as surprised as you are.
My four year old niece recently turned me on to them, and my life hasn't been the same since.
They're pretty cheap, you just pop'em in the toaster and voila, first rate Kee-Takes.
Who knew?
And don't stint and get the store brand. Way too much sugar.
Spend the extra dollar and get the Eggo's.

Then in the stratosphere, there's DuPars in Los Angeles.
There may be other places like DuPars around the country that take as much justified pride in their Kee-Takes, but I'm not aware of them.
If you know of any, you can provide a public service to our other readers by mentioning them.
In the meantime, you can't go wrong with the Eggo's.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@comcast.net

And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

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