View My Stats

Monday, April 11, 2016

F. Lee. Part One.

F. Lee Bailey has been much discussed lately, primarily because of his involvement in the O.J case, as recently
depicted in the series, "The Case Against O.J. Simpson"
Bailey was portrayed by Nathan Lane, who was quite appealing, although I don't think he very accurately portrayed him.
I've never seen Bailey to demonstrate any form of a sense of humor.
Lane was downright droll.
My two associations with F. Lee Bailey were actually quite funny.
Add to that, when Bailey was asked for pointers as to how he should be played replied, "Just don't portray
Robert Shapiro in an attractive light". He got his wish.
But those weren't either of my associations.
One of mine involved the best joke I ever wrote for "The Odd Couple".
And it never even got shot.
Every year on "The Odd Couple" we did a courtroom show.
In the courtroom show where Felix sued Hugh Hefner because (in a flashback) Felix takes nude photos of his future wife so she can be a potential Playmate of the Month and Hefner decides to use the photo.
Felix tries to get an injunction against it.
Of course, Felix acted as his own attorney.
And he always found a way to humiliate Oscar on the witness stand.
Oscar worked for Hefner at this point.
And when Felix attempted to discredit him, he called Oscar "one of those nameless, faceless men who skulk the hallways of every major cartel".
The most quoted line from one of these courtroom shows was when they got arrested for ticket scalping.
The form of humiliation here was how there was no intention to scalp the ticket.
They just had an extra one because Oscar couldn't get a date.
No matter how hard he tried.
This was the episode that spawned the now immortal line----
"Never assume. Because when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me".
Before the courtroom scene in the Hefner show, we wrote a scene showing Felix bringing a stack of books into the living room.
Oscar: What have you got there, Felix?
Felix: Law books! I went to a used bookstore and bought them. Boy when I get through Hefner, he'll be sorry he started up with Unger!
Oscar: (Taking the top book off of Felix's stack, opens it and looks at the inside cover) "To F. Lee, from Mom"
His mother called him F. Lee?
I think that's a perfect joke.
But it was decided to cut the scene after the first run-through.
We were running very long, and the scene really wasn't necessary.
This certainly wasn't the first time my heart was broken.
This is the first opportunity I've had to expose this joke in public.
I hope you've enjoyed it.
Next time, I'll relate the other association with F. Lee Bailey that never failed to make me laugh.


My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at

And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.



  1. Mark, that's a great joke, and it's even funnier picturing Jack Klugman's delivery of it. All the Odd Couple "courtroom" shows are among my favorites. In the episode where Gloria posed for Playboy, I loved it when the jury passed around her nude photo, and the nun tells Felix "You haven't got a prayer..." Then later we find out that after seeing Gloria's nude photo, the judge still writes to her. The jokes in The Odd Couple are some of the funniest ever heard on TV.

  2. It wasn't a nun. We WROTE it as a nun. The censor wouldn't allow a nun. If you look closely, she was a member of the Salvation Army.

  3. There is a chance you're qualified to get a free Apple iPhone 7.

  4. You could be qualified to get a free $1,000 Amazon Gift Card.



Blog Archive

About Me

Hi. I am, according to my Wikipedia entry,(which I did not create) a noted television writer, playwright, screenwriter, and occasional actor. You can Google me or go to the IMDB to get my credits, and you can come here to get my opinions on things, which I'll try to express eloquently. Hopefully I'll succeed. You can also e-mail me at Perhaps my biggest claim to fame is being responsible, for about six months in 1975, while Head Writer for the "Happy Days" TV series, for Americans saying to each other "Sit on it."