View My Stats

Thursday, April 21, 2016

The Two Varieties Of Human Beings.

What do these ten names have in common?

Fred Astaire

Cary Grant

Lawrence Olivier

Queen Elizabeth

Katherine Hepburn

Jennifer Aniston

Walter Cronkite

James Stewart

James Cagney

Hillary Clinton

In my humble opinion, these are ten people whom I can't possibly imagine being on the toilet.
Perhaps they've never gone.

On the flip side, here are the top ten (in my opinion) people whom I can most easily imagine on the toilet.

Bernie Sanders

Jack Klugman

Jerry Lewis

Groucho and Chico Marx (as an entry)

Totie Fields

Redd Foxx

Joe E. Ross

Ernest Borgnine

Walter Matthau

and last, but certainly not least, Ethel Merman.

This is certainly not a moral judgment.
I'm not implying that one group is superior to the other.
This is purely an esthetic evaluation.

This subject came up as I was watching an episode of "The Dick Cavett Show" on the Decades Channel.
The guests were Burt Reynolds and Carol Burnett.
Burt Reynolds brought up the subject with "Kirk Douglas never goes to the bathroom."
Cavett then turned to Carol Burnett, apparently having discussed the topic previously with her.
She then offered up a name of someone who one can immediately envision on the crapper.
And she said, without batting an eyelash, "Ethel Merman".
And I laughed so hard that I literally fell on the floor.
Unfortunately, that is a way too common experience for me.
So I felt that this was worth sharing in this form, and taking it to this next level.
And I invite my readers to offer up possible contenders to crack either Top Ten in the Comments section.
By the way, I hope you all notice that the blog is now much easier to read.
You no longer have to scroll down the page to start reading an article.
As I am computer illiterate, I never knew how to get rid of all those Stat Counter signs.
My new agent noticed it, and said he could fix it. And he did.
So even if he doesn't get me any work, I will be eternally grateful.


My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at

And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.



  1. I was sitting in my office at work when I first read this, seriously trying to figure out what this diverse list of people might have in common. Then I read your “esthetic evaluation,” and I had to struggle, almost painfully, to keep from shrieking with laughter. I work in a county courthouse, and it just wouldn’t do to react to this aloud in the way it so richly deserves. You almost got me in trouble, and I probably ruptured something trying to contain myself! Mark, you are still a very funny guy, with the ability to appreciate the humor of others and spin off your own embellishments to a crazy idea like this. Now I will be forever forced to apply this “esthetic evaluation” to everyone I meet or see performing on a screen. Let’s see, right now I’m trying to picture Mark Rothman on the toilet. Can I do it? I’m just going to keep that to myself.

  2. Thank you for getting rid of the stat counter signs. For about a year, I thought you were not doing your blog because all I saw were the stat counter signs. Made sense because the last thing I heard, you had a stroke. It never occurred to me to scroll down until I looked at the sidebar one day, so maybe you've found someone less computer literate than you.

  3. You could be qualified for a complimentary Apple iPhone 7.

  4. There's a chance you're qualified for a free $1,000 Amazon Gift Card.



Blog Archive

About Me

Hi. I am, according to my Wikipedia entry,(which I did not create) a noted television writer, playwright, screenwriter, and occasional actor. You can Google me or go to the IMDB to get my credits, and you can come here to get my opinions on things, which I'll try to express eloquently. Hopefully I'll succeed. You can also e-mail me at Perhaps my biggest claim to fame is being responsible, for about six months in 1975, while Head Writer for the "Happy Days" TV series, for Americans saying to each other "Sit on it."