Rothman's Guide To Fine Dining. Part One..

Many years ago, the legendary comedy writer Harry Crane wrote a routine for Alan King.
I've seen it many times.
It went something like "If you're driving in your car, and you see a restaurant with a huge sign outside
that reads 'Come one, come all.  Fun for the entire family.'  Don't stop.  Don't even slow down.
You don't want to eat at this place."
Then, King would launch into what was wrong with these restaurants.
And it was usually everything.
Has anything changed since then? 
Quite a bit, actually.
There are far more of them, of far more infinite varieties.
And there is far more advertising on TV for all of them.
And the common thread is that any of these places have any quality, much less nutritional value.
Let me begin to take you on the grand tour of "You don't want to eat at this place."
I'll try to do it by category, with an occasional skirmish into "this won't kill you".
This will all be somewhat subjective, but there must at least be some common ground.
Beginning with the grand-daddy of them all: McDonald's.
They actually attempt to make the food appear presentable.  Don't be fooled.
When I was younger, I actually experienced purchasing a Big Mac and after consuming it, noticed that the smell of the "meat", or whatever that was, stayed on my hands after repeated thorough washings.  I then was only capable of knocking down an occasional Egg McMuffin, but the smell on my hands still haunts me.  It also ruined me for their Filet-o-Fish sandwich.
Their big selling point now is that this is the "gateway for America's Youth to get into college by providing their workers with their first opportunities to get work.
You eat it.
Burger King.  Ate there once.  Hated it just as much.
Wendy's.  Something very suspicious about a burger that isn't even round.  And still doesn't taste like meat.
In-n-Out Burger- almost tastes like meat.  Pretty good chocolate shakes.
White Castle: makes no bones about what it is.  Cheap.  You "buy 'em by the sack".
If that's a selling point for you, then that's what you want.  It's not what I want.
Five Guys:  Definitively a cut above the ones I've already mentioned, but still junk.
Never tried Arby's or Hardee's.  You're on your own with those.
There's a limit to how much I trust James Earl Jones.
I consider Chili's a real restaurant and have nothing bad to say about it.
Except that it's not fine dining.
We've only covered the burgers, and I'm too nauseous to continue right now.
We'll pick this up in a couple of days'
We're a long ways from home.


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My books, "Show Runner" and it's sequel, "Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
They are all compilations of blog entries that have since been removed from the blog.
So this is the only way you can find them.,
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne and Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
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The paperbacks, "Mark Rothman's Essays" and my new novel, "I'm Not Garbo" are not e-books.
But they are available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings lined up for those, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one of the paperbacks, personally autographed, contact me at macchus999@comcast.net
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne and Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

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