The Weiner Comps. 7.

The two finalists come from the world of sports.
And neither of them are Tiger Woods.
Tiger Woods finishes third, in my estimation.

Without further ado, the two finalists are Bret Favre and Marv Albert, in how they compare to Anthony Weiner.
As they've both been anointed the semi-finalists, most of the grading here is how the two relate to each other.
How they relate to Weiner is secondary.

And it's neck and neck to the finish line.

1) Seriousness of the scandal--

Favre, although doing almost precisely what Weiner did, seems to have gotten you should pardon the expression a "pass" from the media.
His story has been relatively low profile.
However serious Marv's transgressions were, the media jumped all over him.
Favre, B+. Marv, A.

2) Degree of embarrassment they caused to themselves and others--

Favre--Not a great deal.

Marv, a humongous amount.
Favre, C. Marv, A.

3) Whether or not an actual crime was committed--

Favre--none.

Marv--pled guilty to a misdemeanor.

Favre, A. Marv, C-.

4) Whether or not the scandal caused him to resign from his job--

Favre--no. He's still playing.

Marv--Originally, yes, but he's since made a full comeback.

Favre, D. Marv, B+.

5) Nature of the creepiness of the sexual indiscretion--
Favre--Precisely the same as Weiner's. It just didn't seem as creepy.

Marv--Although in a different category than Weiner's, at least as creepy, with the biting of the woman's back, and the wearing of women's clothes. Particularly with that bad toupee.
That's an image that sticks in my mind overwhelmingly for creepiness.

Favre, A+. Marv, A+.

This is the kind of thing that makes them both finalists.

6) The extent to which lying was involved:

Favre. It's not what I recall significantly.
Marv--did some pretty good lying until the truth came out.

Favre, C-. Marv, B+

7) The likelihood of his recovering from the effects of the scandal:
They both have totally recovered.

That these are the closest comps bode well for Weiner's future by my scientific calculations..

My very subjective Overall Grades comparing them to Weiner:

Marv, A+. Favre, A.

Marv wins. A close call, but I'm giving it to Marv.

Yes!!!!! And it counts!!!!!

It's been a long journey, but now it's over..

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For those of you in the Tri-State Area, I'm doing a reading and signing of my book, "Mark Rothman's Essays" at the Westport Connecticut Library on
Monday, August 1st, at 7:30pm.
Also,on Tuesday, August 2nd, at the Huntington Book Revue,
Huntington Long Island, at 7pm.
I look forward to seeing anyone who wants to see me.

******

The Weiner Comps. 6.

I'm going to attempt to accelerate the process by taking on four candidates today.
And they've all been candidates, politically, at one time or another, as has Anthony Weiner:
President Bill Clinton, Governor Mark Sanford, governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Senator John Edwards.

1) Seriousness of the scandal--

Clinton--Really just infidelity, blown way out of proportion by the impeachment trial.
Sanford--Also just infidelity, blown out of proportion by the hike on the Appalachian Trail in Argentina.
Schwarzenegger--Just infidelity, complicated by nothing, except maybe a complicated divorce.
Edwards--Just infidelity, complicated by a wife who's dying, but whom a lot of people didn't like too much.
D's for all.

2) Degree of embarrassment they caused to themselves and others--

Clinton--Considerable, particularly to his family.
Sanford--Unknown, really.
Schwarzenegger--None to him, plenty to Maria and probably all the Kennedys, whom you'd think would be embarrassment-proof by now.
Edwards--Loads of embarrassment all around.
Clinton, B+, Sanford, C-, Schwarzenegger, B-, Edwards, A.
Those grades are based on Weiner's level of embarrassment being the highest.

3) Whether or not an actual crime was committed--

Clinton--Found guilty of perjury.
Sanford--No crime.
Schwarzenegger--No crime, unless you count "Jingle All The Way".
Edwards--The jury is literally out.
Clinton, D. Sanford, A. Schwarzenegger, A-, Edwards, C.

4) Whether or not the scandal caused him to resign from his job--

Clinton--No.
Sanford--No, although he was almost forced to.
Schwarzenegger--Was already a former Governor when the scandal hit. Now back to making moom pitchas.
Edwards--Was virtually unemployed at the time.
D's for all.

5) Nature of the creepiness of the sexual indiscretion--

Clinton--Paula Jones.
Sanford--Is it really creepy that it was apparently more than just sex?
Schwarzenegger--The potential menagerie of illegitimate children he has strewn upon the landscape.
Edwards--Rielle Hunter.
D's for all.

6) The extent to which lying was involved:

Clinton--Staggering.
Sanford--Considerable.
Schwarzenegger--Not really overt.
Edwards--Major.
Clinton, A+, Sanford, B+, Schwarzenegger, C-, Edwards, A.

7) The likelihood of his recovering from the effects of the scandal:

Clinton--It's already been total.
Sanford--None.
Schwarzenegger--Depends on how the next few movies do.
Edwards--Less than none
Weiner, too soon to tell.
So, no grades.

Overall Grades comparing them to Weiner:

Clinton, C-, Sanford, C-, Schwarzenegger C+, Edwards, B.

We can do better than these.

Next time, the two finalists.

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For those of you in the Tri-State Area, I'm doing a reading and signing of my book, "Mark Rothman's Essays" at the Westport Connecticut Library on
Monday, August 1st, at 7:30pm.
Also,on Tuesday, August 2nd, at the Huntington Book Revue,
Huntington Long Island, at 7pm.
I look forward to seeing anyone who wants to see me.

******

The Weiner Comps. 5.

A couple of people who, prior to today, were probably never mentioned in the same sentence:
Michael Jackson, and Former Illinois Governor Rod Blagoyovich.
Two more different scandals could not possibly be imagined.
Let's see how it relates to Anthony Weiner.

1) Seriousness of the scandal--
Jacko---major questioning of his sexuality,his criminality, his pedophilia, and his eagerness to settle heavyweight lawsuits.
Blago---Similar type nicknames, but otherwise only questioning of his honesty and intelligence.
Nothing relating to his sexuality.
Jacko,B+. Blago, D.

2) Degree of embarrassment they caused to themselves and others--
Jacko--Perversion, proven or not, naturally leads to embarrassment.
Blago--Corruption in Illinois seems to be a license to not be embarrassed.
Jacko, A. Blago, D.

3) Whether or not an actual crime was committed--
Jacko--The jury is technically out, but in all reality, it's technically in.
You don't have fourteen children "Sleeping with you" and then settle all those enormous lawsuits.
You don't settle ANY.
The law must have been broken.
Blago---Was just convicted on most counts.
Neither of these really relate to Weiner.
He committed no crime that we know of.
Jacko, D. Blago, D.

4) Whether or not the scandal caused him to resign from his job--
Jacko---persevered, somewhat successfully, until his death.
Blago--Didn't get to resign. Was essentially thrown under the jail.
Jacko, D. Blago, B-.

5) Nature of the creepiness of the sexual indiscretion--
Jacko---About as creepy as you can get.
Blogo---Creepiness not really an element.
Jacko, A. Blogo D.

6) The extent to which lying was involved:

Jacko--It's hard to know what Jacko really believed about himself.
Blago---Lying is in his DNA.
Jacko, C-. Blago, A.

7) The likelihood of his recovering from the effects of the scandal:
Jacko. He's dead, so none.
Blago. He's figuratively dead, so none
Weiner's odds have to be at least somewhat better than this
Jacko, D. Blago, D.

Overall Rating--Jacko, C. Blago, D.

Except for the creepiness factor for Jacko, there is no real comp factor in existence here.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

My new book, "Mark Rothman's Essays", ones that were culled from the blog and are no longer there, along with a surprise bonus, is available for purchase.
Please e-mail me at macchus999@aol.com for more info.


******

The Weiner Comps. 4.

This one's virtually an entry:

Former Governor Jim McGreevey of New Jersey, and former Senator Larry Craig of Idaho.

The common threads: They're both gay, although Craig won't admit it.
And they're both politicians, like Weiner.

1) Seriousness of the scandal--
All there was with McGreevey was being gay.
He never portrayed himself as anti-gay.
He just was what he was.
Craig was the toe-tapper in the Minneapolis airport men's room.
However serious, it was an enormous brouhaha.
McGreevey, D. Craig, B+.

2) Degree of embarrassment they caused to themselves and others--
McGreevey did shlep his wive uponstage for the apology, but then sort of faded into oblivion.
Craig couldn't have been more embarrassing if he tried.
As was Weiner.
McGreevey, D. Craig, B+.

3) Whether or not an actual crime was committed--
McGreeevey--It's no crime to be gay, although many states would like it to be.
Craig pleaded to a misdemeanor.
No crime for Weiner.
McGreevey, A-. Craig, D+.
.
4) Whether or not the scandal caused him to resign from his job--
McGreevey resigned.
Craig went down swinging, did not resign, but could not win re-election.
Weiner bailed.
McGreevey, A. Craig, C.

5) Nature of the creepiness of the sexual indiscretion--

McGreevey----Nothing necessarily creepy about being gay.
Craig---Toe tapping in the public men's room? Pretty creepy.
McGreevey, D. Craig, A+.

6) The extent to which lying was involved:

I don't recall McGreevey lying.
I don't recall Craig NOT lying.
Nor Weiner. Until he got caught.
McGreevey, D. Craig, A-.

7) The likelihood of his recovering from the effects of the scandal:

McGreevey and Craig are both gone. Probably.for good.
Who knows with Weiner?
That's what we're trying to determine.

Overall Grades: McGreevey, D+. Craig, B+.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

My new book, "Mark Rothman's Essays", ones that were culled from the blog and are no longer there, along with a surprise bonus, is available for purchase.
Please e-mail me at macchus999@aol.com for more info.


******

The Weiner Comps. 3.

Two members of the World of Sports today-----
Tiger Woods and Michael Vick.

1) Seriousness of the scandal--
With Vick, I guess it's a matter of how you feel about dogs, and dogs biting each other until one of them is dead.
With Tiger, it's how you feel about serial adultery.
There was a serial nature to both of these scandals, as there is with Weiner.
With Weiner, it's about how you feel about sending out pictures of your privates.
I am a dog lover, and am rather indifferent to adultery in principle.
So I give Vick a D, and Tiger an A.

2) Degree of embarrassment they caused to themselves and others--
With Vick, there was probably a macho element that appealead to his base.
Not much embarrassment there.
With Tiger, a mixture of embarrassment about how stupid he was to get caught so easily and how much it will end up costing,
and a certain swagger about being someone none of us ever pictured ever having sex or even thinking about it.
Vick gets a D. Tiger gets an A.

Tiger could end up being a finalist.
Far closer to Weiner than I had originally imagined.

3) Whether or not an actual crime was committed--
Vick went to the slammer for what was in fact his crime.
Tiger did not commit a crime.
It's starting to look like Vick doesn't even belong in this discussion.
And Tiger is looking better and better.
Vick, D. Tiger, A.

4) Whether or not the scandal caused him to resign from his job--
They both took "time off" from their careers.
Vick in the slammer, Tiger in seclusion.
And Weiner resigned.
A for both Vick and Tiger.

5) Nature of the creepiness of the sexual indiscretion--
No sexual indiscetion for vick with the dogs (as far as we know), so it's not an issue.
With Tiger, it's not so much creepiness as silliness,
As I stated previously, what Weiner has admitted to seems pretty perverse, and he's practically a newlywed.
D for both.

6) The extent to which lying was involved:
Weiner was the only one carrying on about his innocence.
D for both.

7) The likelihood of his recovering from the effects of the scandal:
Vick's already back in the NFL. Away from dogs.
Tiger still seems to be struggling on the golf course.
Too early to tell.

Overall Grade: D+ for Vick. A- for Tiger.

Tiger has a genuine shot at this.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

My new book, "Mark Rothman's Essays", ones that were culled from the blog and are no longer there, along with a surprise bonus, is available for purchase.
Please e-mail me at macchus999@aol.com for more info.


******

The Weiner Comps. 2.

Starting today, I'm going to attempt to take on two challengers at a time.
In this instance, two candidates who bring very similar traits to the table:
Former Democratic Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer, and current Republican Senator from Louisiana, David Vitter.
How do they compare to each other and to Weiner?

1) Seriousness of the scandal--They were virtually the same as each other.
Both involved cheating on their wives with hookers.
Spitzer seemed a little more culpable, because he had built a reputation for prosecuting hookers.
Vitter just did general moral railing against the idea of them.
Weiner, as far as we know, had nothing to do with hookers, or perhaps touching any women of any kind.
D.

2) Degree of embarrassment they caused to themselves and others--
Both seem to have survived their marriages
They both had their wives standing next to them when they made their public apologies.
And again, it was just hookers. How embarrassing can it be?
Both far less creepy than sending pictures of your privates out over the Internet.
Weiner has survived his marriage as well, so there's a limit to how low a grade I can give.
C.

3) Whether or not an actual crime was committed--
Soliciting prositutes is in fact a crime.
Weiner didn't do that, and as far as we know, didn't commit any other crime.
D.

4) Whether or not the scandal caused him to resign from his job--
In Spitzer's case, yes.
In Vitter's case, no.
Weiner resigned.
It seems to be the difference between Democrats and Republicans.
Spitzer, A.
Vitter, D.

5) Nature of the creepiness of the sexual indiscretion--
There's nothing perverse about the need for hookers in a marriage that has gone on for quite a while.
What Weiner has admitted to seems pretty perverse, and he's practically a newlywed.
D.

6) The extent to which lying was involved:
They all lied, but Weiner's lying has been a lot louder and more prolonged before he caved.
B-.

7) The likelihood of his recovering from the effects of the scandal:
Vitter's still in the Senate. Even got re-elected.
Spitzer had his own series on CNN, and there are already rumors about him jumping back into politics
With Weiner, too early to tell.

Overall Grade: C.

That they're all politicians indicate that I can't give it a lower grade than a C.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

My new book, "Mark Rothman's Essays", ones that were culled from the blog and are no longer there, along with a surprise bonus, is available for purchase.
Please e-mail me at macchus999@aol.com for more info.


******

Just A Brief Note.

I watched "Curb Your Enthusiasm" tonight, and in a scene in a restaurant with Larry David, Richard Lewis, and Jeff Garlin, Larry tossed a
throwaway line: "Colonel, I had no idea that Marilyn MONroe was on the base".
A "Sergeant Bilko" reference that I have attempted to maintain the level of popularity of on this blog.
He did the full accentuation on the "MON".
Could he be one of my readers?
Or are he and I simply exactly on the same wavelength?
In any case, I'm pleased.

More Weiner Comps on Tuesday.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

My new book, "Mark Rothman's Essays", ones that were culled from the blog and are no longer there, along with a surprise bonus, is available for purchase.
Please e-mail me at macchus999@aol.com for more info.


******

Finally, The Weiner Comps Begin.

Enough time has gone by that I feel that I have to restate the criteria for the Weiner Comps.
This will be based on several criteria:

1) Seriousness of the scandal.

2) Degree of embarrassment he caused to himself and others.

3) Whether or not an actual crime was committed.

4) Whether or not the scandal caused him to resign from his job.

5) Nature of the sexual indiscretion.

6) The extent to which lying was involved.

7) The likelihood of his recovering from the effects of the scandal.

See? That last one is what makes this a scientific endeavor.
The closest comp will be the best indicator of what will become of
Anthony Weiner.
So I'm not just frittering away my time and yours.
Along the way, we will visit the usual suspects.
And maybe some we've all forgotten about.
Grades will be handed out.
Much like report card grades.
Grades of comparability.
The one with the highest grade is the closest match to Anthony Weiner.

The one thing I can't quite recall clearly about all of these instances is which ones of these, for lack of a better word, scoundrels, actually had their wives up on stage next to them as they were apologizing to America as a whole.
Weiner didn't.
But I don't think that this is a major factor.
I think it's more of a reflection on their spouses than on the apologists.
If I do remember specifically about certain cases, I will certainly make note of it.
Again, as with other lists of this type, I pretty much have an idea of where I'm heading with this.
But in many cases, I will be flying by the seat of my pants in making the judgements.
And they will not be in any particular order, because I really for the most part don't know what the order is.

Let's begin with David Letterman:

1) Seriousness of the scandal---not nearly as serious as Weiner's.
Dave was able to make jokes about it as soon as the smoke was just starting to clear.
C-.

2) Degree of embarrassment he caused to himself and others--
The guy who was blackmailing him caused the embarrassment.
All Letterman did was have the affairs.
Lots of men have affairs.
Very few send pictures of their privates on the Internet.
Dave isn't a politician, nor has he set himself up as a paragon of virtue.
It's almost the opposite.
D.

3) Whether or not an actual crime was committed--
There was, but not by Dave. Nor was there one committed by Weiner.
B+.

4) Whether or not the scandal caused him to resign from his job--
For Dave, no. He handled the whole thing with aplomb.
For Weiner, yes. He really botched the whole thing, P.R. wise.
D-.

5) Nature of the creepiness of the sexual indiscretion--
One was overtly sexual, the other was apparently just creepy.
Actually, considering how young Letterman's internes were, that was pretty creepy too.
C.

6) The extent to which lying was involved:
We didn't even know about Dave's situation until he openly made a clean breast of things. With Weiner, it was deny, deny, deny, until he was pinned to the wall.
D-.

7) The likelihood of his recovering from the effects of the scandal:
Dave recovered from Day 1.
We have no idea at this point with Weiner.
C+.

The only other thing they both have in common is that I've never seen either of their wives.

Overall Grade: C-.

I think we'll be able to do much better than this.

Well, this is your first taste of the Weiner Comps.
Hope you're looking forward to more.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

My new book, "Mark Rothman's Essays", ones that were culled from the blog and are no longer there, along with a surprise bonus, is available for purchase.
Please e-mail me at macchus999@aol.com for more info.


******

Anthony Weiner Will Just Have To Wait.

I promise you I'll get to the Weiner Comps, but Anthony will most likely be around for a long time.
Sherwood Schwartz won't.
He just died at the age of 95.

Sherwood Schwartz was a television icon.
He was certainly the most influential person working in television regarding a specific generation.
Sherwood Schwartz was the creator and Executive Producer of "Gilligan's Island" and "The Brady Bunch".
These two shows had enormous appeal to the generation immediately succeeding mine.
I found this rather unfathomable at the time.
I've still never understood it.
I thought these were two of the worst shows ever to come down the pike.
The fact that the immediately succeeding generation embraced them as they did gave me the distorted impression that I was part of the last generation that had a genuine sense of humor.
And that I'll never be threatened by a future generation of comedy writers, because there won't be any.
But that kind of skipped a generation.
And a wave, a sunami, if you will, of new young really funny comedy writers took things over.
I wonder how much regard Tina Fey has for "Gilligan's Island" and "The Brady Bunch".
In my mind, these shows were never funny.
I even got the impression that they weren't even TRYING to be funny.
Except maybe when "Gilligan's Island" brought in the Harlem Globetrotters.
And then I thought it was just as a goof.
I mentioned in a previous article that some shows just strive to be FUN, as opposed to FUNNY.
I believe that these shows fell into this category.
And I suppose they succeeded in that regard.
To the point where people growing up with them can quote episodes chapter and verse.
I knew that Sherwood Schwartz was certainly capable of being very funny.
He was Red Skelton's head writer for quite a few years.
He used to write for Bob Hope.
These were very demanding men, and certainly no slouches when it came to funny.
So Sherwood must have been capable of playing hardball with the best of them.
But left to his own devices, he seemed to prefer softball.

There was one way that I did find "Gilligan's Island" funny.
If you watched it with the sound off.
You'd stare at the screen and continually be dumbfounded as to how the characters got from one location or scene to another.
But that was about it.

A couple of interesting things about "Gilligan's Island":
It only ran three seasons.
People think it must have run at least twelve.
No. Only three.
Also, it is fairly common knowledge that the actors did not receive much in residuals, and they ran out rather quickly.
So none of them got rich off of it.
Sherwood Schwartz made a fortune.
That's how it goes.
I've known several of the actors from it.
None of them begrudged Sherwood for this.
They all seemed to love him personally.
One of the great ironies is that there were others who profited quite nicely from it:
Phil Silvers' daughters.

Phil Silvers had a deal with CBS to do "The New Phil Silvers Show" in the early 1960's.
The show was not worth anyone's attention.
Certainly not anyone who had seen the Old Phil Silvers show, where he played Sergeant Bilko.
As part of the deal, Phil was offered profit participation in one of three sitcoms to appear on CBS's fall lineup that year.
One of them was "Gilligan's Island".
Another was "The Baileys of Balboa", which starred his old Colonel, Paul Ford.
I forget what the third one was.
Phil, for what must have seemed a mystifying reason to some, chose "Gilligan's Island".
And his daughters have been living high off the hog ever since.
That's why, if you notice in the "Gilligan's Island" credits, it says that it is a "Gladasya" production.
"Gladasya" was Phil Silvers' eternal catchphrase.
I consider this all ironic because one of the worst sitcoms ever done provided wealth for the family of one of the purveyors of the best sitcom ever done.

I had an opportunity to meet Sherwood Schwartz about twelve years ago.
He attended one of my plays in Los Angeles.
He attended because Dawn Wells, who played Mary Ann on "Gilligan" was the female lead.
Sherwood Schwartz was a class act.
At least that night.
Whenever industry people attend plays in L.A., particularly important ones like Sherwood, they expected to be comped into the theatre.
Sometimes they'd be adamant about it.
Sherwood Schwartz arrived at the theatre.
I recognized him immediately.
I assumed Dawn had left tickets for him, as comps.
No.
Sherwood reached into his wallet, pulled out cash, and paid full price for his tickets.
I was impressed.

Afterwards, Dawn introduced me to Sherwood.
He couldn't have been more complimentary about the play and my work on it.
He did a complete analysis on it that I, of course, thought was dead on.

As a result of that evening, Sherwood Schwartz could do no wrong.
And I'm very sad to learn of his passing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

My new book, "Mark Rothman's Essays", ones that were culled from the blog and are no longer there, along with a surprise bonus, is available for purchase.
Please e-mail me at macchus999@aol.com for more info.


******

The Weiner Comps.

Maybe you've noticed.
Maybe you haven't.
But I have not written one word about the Anthony Weiner scandal.
Until now.
And now, I'm probably the last person with a blog to bring up the subject.
"Why?", you might ask.
Because while it was on the front page of every newspaper, I simply didn't think I had anything to add to the discussion.
It has taken me all this time to realize that I do.
So even though I'm late to the party, I'm now going to jump in.

Over at least the next couple of sessions, I'm going to try to determine the closest comparable celebrity scandal to Anthony Weiner's.
Much like I did when trying to come up with the closest comparable singer to Eddie Fisher the week that he died.
And just recently, by determining that Walter Matthau was the closest comparable actor to Peter Falk.

This will be based on several criteria:

1) Seriousness of the scandal.

2) Degree of embarrassment he caused to himself and others.

3) Whether or not an actual crime was committed.

4) Whether or not the scandal caused him to resign from his job.

5) Nature of the sexual indiscretion.

6) The extent to which lying was involved.

7) The likelihood of his recovering from the effects of the scandal.

See? That last one is what makes this a scientific endeavor.

The closest comp will be the best indicator of what will become of
Anthony Weiner.

So I'm not just frittering away my time and yours.

Along the way, we will visit the usual suspects.
And maybe some we've all forgotten about.
Grades will be handed out.
Much like report card grades.
Grades of comparability.
The one with the highest grade is the closest match to Anthony Weiner.

The one thing I can't quite recall clearly about all of these instances is which ones of these, for lack of a better word, scoundrels, actually had their wives up on stage next to them as they were apologizing to America as a whole.
Weiner didn't.
But I don't think that this is a major factor.
I think it's more of a reflection on their spouses than on the apologists.
If I do remember specifically about certain cases, I will certainly make note of it.

So, see ya next time, as we dig in to "The Weiner Comps".

Let the fun begin!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

My new book, "Mark Rothman's Essays", ones that were culled from the blog and are no longer there, along with a surprise bonus, is available for purchase.
Please e-mail me at macchus999@aol.com for more info.


******