Once again, I'm going to take a completely different approach than the typical Report Card.
I'm going to reveal the entire plot of this movie.
I'm doing this because if you, as a moviegoer, can't figure out the entire plot in the first five minutes, you should return to the box office, and offer to turn in your eyeballs.
It's about the Tsunami of 2004.
It tells you that this is what it's about.
It's a true story, about a family trapped in the Tsunami.
They tell you this.
So what in the wide world could be the plot of this movie?
Could it perhaps be that the Tsunami separates members of this family, and that at least one of them becomes seriously ill because of it?
And that they eventually find each other?
While hundreds of thousands of other folks are dead around them, and we're not at all
supposed to care about them(A la Schindler's List) ?
And then the sick one recovers and they go home?
It could be and is perhaps all of that.
Could it perhaps have been anything else?
You tell me.
And what brought them all back together was nothing but blind luck.
It wasn't even inspirational.
It was an Irwin Allen disaster flick, just barely given the imprimatur of reality.
On to the scoring:
Is it interesting?
Only the footage of the Tsunami is interesting.
The rest of it is a snoozefest.
Is it controversial?
What's controversial is that, according to Rotten Tomatoes, the movie reviewing
website, it received an 89% positive result.
This is astounding to me. I can't stop talking about it.
Is it a story worth telling?
Not at all. just because it's true, and sort of ennobling doesn't make it worth telling.
Is it good storytelling?
It is merely perfunctory.
Is it well written?
The writing is also merely perfunctory.
Is it well cast? Well played?, Well shot?
Perfunctory, perfunctory, and perfunctory.
C-, C-, C-.
Is it too long? Too short?
Way too long.
Is it believable? Do you care about the characters?
It's believable because it's true. I don't give a shit about the characters.
At least in the Irwin Allen disaster flicks, they usually spent at least 45 minutes
trying to get you interested in the characters before the disaster happens. It was done on a very superficial level, but an attempt was made.
Here, the Tsunami happens in the first fifteen minutes. You don't even get to know the characters. So you have no reason to care about them.
Is it predictable? Does it surprise you?
Totally predictable. At least in an Irwin Allen flick, there was a good chance that someone would die. It was fiction, so they could do whatever they wanted.
Not here. If they were going to die, then why make the movie? Hell, why make the movie anyway?
And of course, there were no surprises.
Do you think about it after you've seen it?
Only when I reflect on what a waste of two hours it was, and how critics are falling all over themselves over this one.
Is it funny?
It makes a couple of minor stabs at it, and they are okay, I guess.
Would it have been worth the thirteen bucks it would have cost to see it in the movies?
I would have paid thirteen bucks to not see it.
Is it impressive ?
Not on any level.
Overall grade: F.
This was an exploitation film.
If this movie actually gets nominated for anything, and Heaven forbid, actually
wins, I can just picture the producer thanking the family for their bravery and tenacity.
Meanwhile, he's thinking to himself, "Thank God there was a Tsunami, or I would have never won nothin'.
My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at email@example.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.
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- mark rothman
- Hi. I am, according to my Wikipedia entry,(which I did not create) a noted television writer, playwright, screenwriter, and occasional actor. You can Google me or go to the IMDB to get my credits, and you can come here to get my opinions on things, which I'll try to express eloquently. Hopefully I'll succeed. You can also e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Perhaps my biggest claim to fame is being responsible, for about six months in 1975, while Head Writer for the "Happy Days" TV series, for Americans saying to each other "Sit on it."