We're back, and will conclude the Dishonorable Mention list for Worst TV
Theme Songs Ever.
There are eight of them, so I can go back to numbering them, beginning with
number 18, which will carry us to the bottom ten list next time.
Some of these songs I barely knew, as I wasn't exposed to the shows first time
They showed up in compilations of TV theme songs on YouTube.
And in the spirit of leaving no stone unturned, I felt obliged to watch them.
There was enough there to make a judgement, and to be grateful that it was
my only exposure to them.
These last Dishonorables, in my opinion, are all worse than the ones I described previously.
So in descending order, from least bad to most, with some of them
indistinguishable, we begin with number eighteen:
18) "The Munsters" Ooh, spooky! Ooh scary!
I never liked the show, and the song didn't help.
I never liked "The Addams Family either, but the song had a certain style.
17) "My Mother, The Car": More part of this list because of how truly
horrendous the show was on it's own terms. It violated it's own premise,
seemingly every chance it got.
The song was just dumb, but not as dumb as the show, which I saw
when it was run on cable for a handful of episodes.
The amazing thing is that several of it's writers went on to run the Mary Tyler
16 through 13) These next four are interchangeable.
These are the ones I saw on YouTube, was aghast, and made note of them for
particularly this purpose:
They are, in no particular order,
It's About Time,
Mr. Smith Goes To Washington, in which the theme song was selling a silly comedy,
The Ugliest Girl In Town, where they were selling Tranvestism, and
Captain Nice, where they were selling incoherency.
12) "the Courtship of Eddie's Father", where Harry Nillson, or somebody like that
was singing this cutesy-oootsy-pootsy song about a wonderful relationship between
a widowed father and his young son, which caused more than one son to say to his
father, "Why can't you be more like Bill Bixby?"
And finally, number 11) This one could have easily made the Bottom Ten, but it is
so obscure, that I may be the only one who saw it.
The tune isn't bad. It's sort of an uplifting tango.
But it contains the absolutely worst lyric ever written.
A little back story is in order: In the mid 50's, Broderick Crawford starred
in a pretty well-known syndicated series called "Highway Patrol"
It lasted about five years.
Crawford was best known in "Highway Patrol" for his sign-off phrase on the car walkie-talkie, "Ten-four!"
Then, ZIV, the company that produced "Highway Patrol" feeling that maybe Broderick
was still a cash cow, put him in another syndicated series called "King of Diamonds"
In it, he played "two fisted" Johnny King, head of security and insurance
investigator for the diamond industry.
It lasted one season in 1961.
As opposed to "Highway Patrol", on "King of Diamonds", they would occasionally give
him a romantic interest.
The title song grew out of all of this, and included the following lyric, the one
I consider the worst of all-time in any medium.
It was sung by a rather high-pitched male chorus, with a full orchestra backing
them up, and concluded thusly:
Johnny King breaks a door down,
He's not saying 'ten-four' now,
He's romancing a Queen"
Sometimes it's better not to say anything more.
The bottom ten next time.
My book,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
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- mark rothman
- Hi. I am, according to my Wikipedia entry,(which I did not create) a noted television writer, playwright, screenwriter, and occasional actor. You can Google me or go to the IMDB to get my credits, and you can come here to get my opinions on things, which I'll try to express eloquently. Hopefully I'll succeed. You can also e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Perhaps my biggest claim to fame is being responsible, for about six months in 1975, while Head Writer for the "Happy Days" TV series, for Americans saying to each other "Sit on it."