The Kind Of Dumbness You Couldn't Have Had Five Years Ago.

I have a feeling that this one will be relatively brief.

This is a wondrous age that we live in,what with the Internet, and Tivo.
Particularly Tivo.
Not only can you record shows to watch whenever you want to, but if you forget to set the Tivo for something,
most cable services provide something called "On Demand", so you can catch up with that show.
Hell, a lot of the times, you can catch up on an entire series that way.
If someone whose opinion you trust clues you in on a series that you decided not to
try, it's there waiting for you on "On Demand".
It's a Godsend.
Ordinarily.
If somebody at the cable service doesn't do something completely moronic to muck it up.
My cable system is A,T,&T U-Verse.
They do it just fine.
But I have a friend who doesn't have A,T,&T U-Verse.
She has another cable service, that has a monopoly on her area.
I don't know if I should mention it by name.
It rhymes with "Fomcast"
There. That should disguise it well enough.
So I recommended a series to my friend, and she hadn't seen any episodes, and my recommendation got her
all excited to catch up on the series from the beginning.
So she went to her Fomcast "On Demand" section, and whattya know?
All the episodes were there, waiting to be demanded.
For free.
She was thrilled.
Only one problem, though.
The episodes were not listed by date, sequentially.
They were listed ALPHABETICALLY. BY EPISODE TITLE!
How does this conceivably help anyone?
Who knows what specific episodes to series are titled anyway?
They're never listed anywhere.
No.
You go to "On Demand" to watch series episodes from earliest to latest.
Or at least earliest to latest by season.
But those clueless folks at Fomcast list the episodes by EPISODE TITLE!
ALPHABETICALLY!
Somebody actually thought that this was the way to do this.
And somebody else above that person actually approved it.
I don't know how many times I can repeat this to demonstrate what morons they are for thinking this way.
ALPHABETICALLY. BY EPISODE TITLE!
And they've put it into practice!
This leaves the viewer only one option:
To go to the Internet IMDB page for the series, and hope that it lists the episodes by sequence, and then seek it out on Fomcast's "On Demand"
But should you really have to do all that going and hoping and seeking?
"On Demand", as they always tell you in their ads, was designed to make your life
easier.
With Fomcast, it only makes your life more frustrated, aggravating, and agitated.

The more that technology can advance, the more it leaves itself open for complete
nitwits to louse it up on a grand scale.

I've given up hope.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Why I Support The NFL Replacement Refs.

I want to register my opinion as soon as possible, before it becomes worthless by the imminent settlement between the Refs' Union and the NFL.

1- Paul Ryan wants the old refs back.

2- Scott Walker wants the old refs back.
The two union busters are just a couple of hypocrites, just because their precious Packers lost a game.

3- Who told the NFL not to train the new guys better? Why blame the new refs?

4- What if all the old refs were going to a refs convention and the plane crashes?
You'd need the new refs anyway.

5- Ten million Latinos are being disenfranchised from voting, and we're caring about a few lousy blown calls?

6- Too many people think they are the old refs. If you dressed them differently, say, in Renaissance Costumes, everyone would have better perspective.
And more forgiving.

7- The old refs made a lot of bad calls too. Maybe not so often, but maybe theee guys are just working out the kinks.

8- What's wrong with "Right-to-work states? Or a "Right to work country"?

9- These men are risking their lives out there. Aren't they entitled to be as brave as our G.I.s in Afghanistan?
Maybe they were turned down for flat feet.
Or poor eyesight.
That's probably more likely.
Not only can they get physically hurt by accident, but some of the players might lynch them.
This could be their only chance for valor for these substitute refs.
So cut 'em some slack.

10- I made some nice money on their blown calls.
Sunday night, when Baltimore got credit for a field goal that they missed, and Monday night, when they handed me the Seattle game.

Actually, you can forget about numbers 1 through 9.
Just number 10 works well enough for me.

See you Saturday.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

The Morning Line On The Kennedy Center Honors. 2.

A few more words about Letterman:
He deserves his honor for simply providing us with the hippest show on television consistently for the last thirty years.
Consistent with that is his unleashing of Paull Shaffer upon us.
Even when there aren't any guests that I particularly want to see, I watch because I want to see and hear what
piece of music Paul will play as their introduction, or "play-on".
He always plays Tom Brokaw on with "Busted", the old Ray Charles hit, a play on the word "broke".
Pretty hip.
Just two nights ago, when TV host and former footballer Michael Strahan guested on Letterman the other night,
Paul played him on with the song "Lush Life"
The connection was that it was written by Billy Strayhorn, who was long associated
with Duke Ellington.
What's more hip and more adorable than that?

Okay, the others:

Natalia Makarova.
Your basic token artsy-fartsy choice.
They make one every year.
A ballerina.
Or they could have found an opera singer, or a classical musician.
Good luck to them.

Led Zeppelin.

This one galls me on two different very subjective levels.
One, they're a group.
I don't like giving this award to groups.
I didn't like it when they gave it jointly to Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.
Like the only reason they were getting it was because they were married to each other.
They BOTH deserved it.
INDIVIDUALLY.
More than some actors who received it individually.

Two, Led Zepellin are foreigners.
I think we should let all worthy Americans get an American award award before we start giving it to foreigners.
I know Yo Yo Ma wasn't born here, but at least he grew up here, so I had no trouble making the exception last year.
My problem there was an aesthetic one.
I mentioned it when it happened.
They gave it to Neil Diamond last year, too.
It was one of the greatest segments they've ever done.
But then, they closed the show with Yo Yo Ma.
This gave a new meaning to the word "Anti-Climactic"
Usually they have been very careful about the order they present the Honors.
But last year, somebody was asleep at the switch.
They have been careful because, as miniscule as the ratings have been, there has always been concern about holding on to
whatever audience they had.

If I was the ratings conscious producer of the show, here is the sequence I would
use:
Open with Letterman.
That's who most of the audience will be tuned in to see, anyway.
Then Dustin Hoffman.
His name value should hold the audience in place.
At this point, throw on Buddy Guy.
He'll at least keep the dwindling audience awake.
Then shlep on the ballerina, and keep it as short as possible, which they always
do with the artsy-fartsy choice.
The remaining crowd has either Tivoed through this, or gone to the bathroom, waiting
for Led Zeppelin.
And go out big with them.
I'll see you in December, to see if anybody has listened to me.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

The Morning Line On The Kennedy Center Honors.

This year's honorees:

Buddy Guy, Dustin Hoffman, David Letterman, Natalia Makarova and Led Zeppelin's John Paul Jones, Jimmy Page and Robert Plant.

A few thoughts:

Buddy Guy, I don't know who the hell he is.
It turns out that he's a great blues guitarist.
My first thought is that they meant to honor Buddy Rich, but didn't realize he was
dead.
And they never honor anyone posthumously.
And they probably started chiseling "Buddy" on their great wall of honorees, so it sent them scrambling to honor someone else named "Buddy"
I could be wrong.

Dustin Hoffman, I guess I figured he already was honored. Maybe he did too.
Or maybe he's been lying in the weeds saying to himself "What's taking them so long?"

David Letterman. Certainly the farthest move towards left-wing comedy that they've ever made.
I wrote previously that they wouldn't really make their bones until they honored
George Carlin.
Then, he died, and it was too late.
And Mort Sahl got too involved with the Kennedy Assassination, so it probably would've made Caroline nervous.
But they were certainly further left than Letterman.
But Letterman is certainly a worthy choice.
You'd figure ordinarily that Leno would have been more in their wheelhouse.
But there would be problems there.
Both politically and cosmetically.
Giving it to Leno would be a direct slap in the face to Letterman and CBS, which is the only network brave enough to carry the event Primetime.
Because it consistently tanks in the ratings.
This is why they hold the event about a month-and-a-half before they show it, on the
day after Christmas.
Christmas week is considered the dumping ground for all Primetime shows that figure
to tank in the ratings.
Also, Leno has lost some of his prestige, what with "The Tonight Show slipping in
the ratings, and his having to drastically cut back on his budget and staff.
And Letterman has so far shown the good taste to not make any jokes at Leno's
expense, like about how "I may not have gotten the Tonight Show, but Leno never got
this"

Whoops!

I see that I have enough yet to write about this subject to take it to a Part Two.
So I will continue it next time.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Such Devoted Sisters. 5.

I think it's safe to say that the McGuire Sisters virtually paved the way for the
Lennon Sisters.
Except that there were three McGuire Sisters and four Lennon Sisters.
Their mutual approach to music and performing was precisely the same.
They were all brought up with heavy religious backgrounds.
They all dressed identically, with the same coifs.

The Lennon Sisters never had their own hit single records.
This is probably for two reasons.
They started recording at about the time that the McGuire Sisters stopped.
And the McGuire Sisters stopped pretty much because of the Elvis Tsunami.
Also, the songs that the Lennon Sisters might have had big hits with were all the
songs that the McGuire Sisters DID have big hits with.
The McGuire Sisters' material suited the Lennon Sisters perfectly, but I don't recall
the Lennons ever attempting to cover the McGuire's hits.
It probably would have been too blatant.

The Lennons will forever be associated with Lawrence Welk.
I think some of the younger ones (There were more than four, and the older ones have
retired,) are still working at Welk's theater, appropriately enough, in Branson Missouri.
They show Welk every Saturday night like clockwork on my local PBS station.
And yet they still ask for donations during pledge weeks.
And we of course have it on the Tivo, because it is my 88 year-old mother-in-law's
favorite show.
I think there is a line of demarcation regarding Welk as to when it was watchable and when it wasn't.
It was watchable in the old days, when we were at the mercy of network programmers
who provided us with "the least objectionable programming",
This is when it was on in black-and-white.
And it actually had some entertainment value.
Once it went to color, it was "Abandon ship!"
And of course, most of what they show on my PBS station are the ones in color.
But just recently, they showed the first ever Welk show. From 1955.
And it was a lot of fun.
There were people on it who were intentionally funny, like violinists Bob Lido and
Aladdin, and trumpeter Rocky Rockwell.
And of course, there were people who were unintentionally funny, like Lawrence Welk.
On this premiere show, he actually said "My friends in North Dakota won't let me
get away without my doing an accordion solo, so my good friend Myron Floren will
join me in a duet.
So they proceeded to do Welk's accordion solo as a duet.
No explanation.
You've got to love it.

In the late sixties, the Lennons then branched out into their own series.
Or at least half their own.
It was a variety show called "Jimmy Durante Presents The Lennon Sisters"
Probably the most ludicrous title of any TV show, ever.
Now, I love Jimmy Durante as much as the next guy.
Hell, more even.
Even more than that nuchshlepper Eddie Jackson, whom he kept alive all those years.
But I just couldn't bring myself to watch "Jimmy Durante Presents The Lennon
Sisters"
I was just too embarrassed.
But about twenty years later, when cable was still young and I was older, they started showing reruns of it on something called "The Nostalgia Channel"
I was now not too embarrassed to at least check it out.
What I found was one of the most entertaining variety shows that I had ever seen.
It was produced by Bernie Kukoff and Jeff Harris, who had produced "The Steve Allen Show"
So major comedy creds were involved.
It certainly wasn't hard for them to write good sketches, and Jimmy Durante was, of course, hilarious. But they also managed to make the Lennon Sisters funny.
And the girls interacted great with Durante.
And they seemed to be singing better than ever.
So, mainly due to this show, which I have now seen just about every episode of
(they were only on for about a season and a half), I have nothing but kind thoughts and affection for the Lennon Sisters.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Such Devoted Sisters. 4.

Okay, we're into the forties, and singing sisters.

This leads us to only one place.
The Andrews Sisters.
In many ways, the Andrews Sisters defined the 1940's.
They defined World War 2 for many people.
That was their heyday.
They were never as popular before or since.
There has been much acknowledgement of the influence of The Boswell Sisters
on them, and it sure is evident.
Both groups really swung.
But there were two major differences:
The Boswell Sisters pretty much stuck to songs that naturally swung.
The Andrews Sisters made every song they sang, with the exception of an occasional
ballad, swing like crazy.
Songs that you wouldn't figure could be swung, they swung.

My wife's 88 year old mother lives with us.
And every morning, my wife wakes her up by singing "The Woodpecker Song"
No, not the "Woody Woodpecker Song", but a song from 1940 that I didn't even know
existed.
It was a big favorite in their home when my wife was growing up, and had enormous
sentimental value.
So, every morning, my wife would sing "The Woodpecker Song" to her mother.
Recently, I did a search on YouTube for "The Woodpecker Song"
There were several versions.
The Gaylords, Bobby Rydell, and The Andrews Sisters.
You want to guess which one swung like crazy?
When my wife sang it, she never swung.
So I didn't even have a clue that it COULD be swung.

The other difference between the Boswells and the Andrews is that the Boswells were a
sit-down act.
This was by necessity.
Connee Boswell was in an accident that left her paralyzed, so they worked seated
around the piano.
The Andrews Sisters moved.
Hell, they danced.
Look at all their movies where they danced in coordinated, eccentric rhythm.
In reading about them, I learned that Universal Studios, too cheap to hire a
choreographer, brought in the Ritz Brothers to teach them their steps.
So there they were, in their Army uniforms with the skirts, dancing like the
Ritz Brothers and singing great.
One of my prized possessions is a CD of every recording The Andrews Sisters made
with Bing Crosby.
It is magnificent.
They brought out Bing's playful side, and we are all the better for it.

All along the way, they had personal problems among them, but thank God it never
got in the way of the music.

The only other sister act of note in the forties were the King Sisters.
Man, were they square.
Even if you put them on swings, they couldn't swing.
An example of how unfair the business can be.
Because they had a very successful TV variety show in the mid to late sixties.
This made exactly as much sense as Lawrence Welk having a very successful show.
Speaking of Welk, we'll close this out with The Lennon Sisters next time.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Such Devoted Sisters. 3

In an effort to be comprehensive, I'm going to include Patience and Prudence in discussing singing sisters.
But not for long.
They came along in the mid-fifties, young teenagers who weren't influenced by anybody, and didn't influence anybody.
They had two big hit records: "Tonight, You Belong To Me", and "Gonna Get Along
Without You Now".
Then they vanished.
And that's all I have to say about them.

The rest of this will be handled somewhat chronologically, to determine who influenced who.

A lot of people, if they think about it at all, are convinced that The Andrews Sisters were the mold breakers.
As great as they were, and they were, they did not break any molds.
About eight or nine years before the Andrews Sisters became popular, there were the
Boswell Sisters.
They were very big in the early thirties.
The lead singer for the Boswell Sisters was Connee Boswell.
Artie Shaw, the great clarinetist, bandleader, and misanthrope, referred to Bing
Crosby as the world's first hip white man.
I think, if asked, Shaw would concede that Connee Boswell was the world's first hip
white woman.
She preceded Anita O'Day by about ten years.
And Connee's hipness shone through in all of her recordings.
With her sisters, and when she went out alone as a single.
Alone, and with her sisters, she really swung.
She made some records with Crosby, and the result was hip magic.
I have a recording of the two of them singing "An Apple For The Teacher" which
swings about as good as anything.
The only trouble with the Boswell Sisters recordings is that most of them were made in the early thirties.
And there was a line of demarcation back then, when before that line, orchestrations really sucked.
It's true of early Crosby records as well.
But if you go to YouTube and listen and watch them do their early recordings, I think you'll agree that they transcended the sucky orchestrations better than most did.

Next time we'll make our way into the forties.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Such Devoted Sisters. 2.

No mention of The McGuire Sisters would be complete without pointing out that the lead singer, Phyllis, was,
for quite a while, the main squeeze of noted Mob boss, Sam "Momo" Giancana.
Giancana was perhaps best known for A- being very powerful, and B- for sharing another
girlfriend, Judith Campbell Exner, with John F. Kennedy.
She was apparently more disposable to both of them than Phyllis was to Giancana.
As I previously indicated, Arthur Godfrey did not like it when his Little Godfreys became big.
When that happened, heads would roll.
But the McGuire Sisters heads did not roll when they got too big for their britches.
Or in their case, cocktail dresses and evening gowns.
I place this firmly at the doorstep of Giancana.
Godfrey knew he was big, but he knew he wasn't as big or powerful as Giancana.
So he most-likely didn't want to mess with him.
So the McGuires were allowed to skate.

Phyllis went on to become a single act.
And Christine and Dorothy went into retirement to raise their children.
Again, I have no idea whether this was a forced retirement at the behest of Giancana.
Phyllis went on to open for Frank Sinatra and Johnny Carson in Las Vegas.
One Christmas week, I know, because I was there (I mean, who else but Jews go to Vegas Christmas Week?),
Phyllis McGuire was the HEADLINER at Caesar's Palace.
I put it in caps, because that's how astounded I was.
I guess the thinking was "It's Christmas week, we can't fill the joint anyway, so why don't we toss Sam a bone?"
Can you imagine being Phyllis McGuire's opening act?
I can, because I saw his name under hers, in smaller letters, on the marquee.
It was some Hawaiian singer named something like Duke Kahanamana.
And he probably thought it was his big break.
Even though they probably paid him with seashells.
Pity.
For a few more shells, they could've gotten Poncie Ponce, from "Hawaiian Eye"
At least then, you'd have had some name value.

Then, when Giancana died, lo and behold, the girls reunited and became a trio again.
And worked again together for quite a few years.
Think it was cause and effect?
The last time I saw them was the last time they worked together.
On some PBS nostalgia special.
They still sounded great.
And from the wide-angle lens, shot through gauze, they even still looked great.

I'm going to briefly touch upon one other singing group today, because brief is all I've got.
The Chordettes were also out of the Godfrey stable.
They were Little Godfreys who never really got any bigger.
And they weren't sisters.
At least they weren't each other's sisters.
Let me amend that.
There were four of them,, and one of them was another's sister-in-law.
But that certainly wasn't part of their billing, so let's leave it at that.
They made a lot of records, but only three that I could recognize.
They had two big hits:
"Mr. Sandman" and "Lollipop".
They also made a recording of the TV theme song of "Zorro".
How's that for brief?

Anyway, from here on in, we will be dealing exclusively with singing sisters.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******










h

Such Devoted Sisters.

Dorothy McGuire died this week.
Remember Dorothy McGuire?
Dorothy McGuire was a wonderful actress.
She was wonderful in two of director Elia Kazan's landmark films:
"A Tree Grows In Brooklyn"
God, she was terrific in that.
And "Gentleman's Agreement"
That one seems a little dated now, but her work was award worthy.

But that's not the Dorothy McGuire who died this week.
That Dorothy McGuire died in 2001.
This Dorothy McGuire was one third of the singing group "The McGuire Sisters"
Growing up, I was far more aware of that Dorothy McGuire than I was of the actress.
That's primarily because they were regulars on the Arthur Godfrey Show in the fifties.
I know there might be many of you who might not remember who Arthur Godfrey was.
I find this astounding.
Because in the 1950's, the man owned television.
I don't mean he owned a television.
I mean, my father owned a television.
Godfrey owned television.
He was everywhere on it.
He had three shows on the air at the same time, and was the ratings king on all three.
He had a morning show, which also aired simultaneously on radio.
Godfrey wore headphones and everything.
It was essentially a radio show that allowed cameras in.
Kind of what Don Imus did later on.
Except Godfrey's was a variety show.
There was much music, some comedy, and an inordinate amount of ukulele playing and
singing by the host.
I'm sure he was responsible for a spike in ukulele sales.
This morning show was on Monday through Friday.
He also had a once-a-week prime time variety show, which was performed standing up, without headphones.
On both of these shows, he had a regular group of performers that he called "The
Little Godfreys"
He seemed to not want these Little Godfreys to become big.
He made every effort to keep them little.
And beholden to him.
The McGuire Sisters were three of the Little Godfreys.
Julius LaRosa, a great singer, was one of them.
LaRosa attempted to become a bigger Godfrey, and was fired on the air for his efforts.
A major brouhaha ensued because of this, and was the beginning of the public turning on Godfrey, who was never as popular since.
Godfrey was for the most part, not well-liked by those who knew him.
He was allegedly the role model for Andy Griffith's character in the ubiquitous Elia Kazan's classic "A Face In The Crowd".
None of the other Little Godfreys became bigger either, except for the McGuire
Sisters, who ran the table with a string of hit records.
They actually got their start on Godfrey's third show, also on once a week,
"Arthur Godfreys Talent Scouts"
The McGuire Sisters' hit records were wonderful, and were bigger, and made them bigger, than Godfrey was.
"Sincerely", "Sugartime", and the version of "Picnic" that contained lyrics by Steve
Allen that no one asked him to write, according to the film's director Joshua Logan,
"Something's Gotta Give", "Goodnight Sweetheart, Goodnight", just to name a few.

My mother was a huge fan of Arthur Godfrey's, and watched everything he had on.
This gave me much exposure to him, and to the McGuire Sisters.
The McGuire Sisters dressed identically, were identically coiffed, and identically made up.
I once saw Frank Sinatra appearing in Las Vegas at the Golden Nugget, where they created a more intimate room for him to work in.
About four hundred seats.
He could have filled the place twelve times over, but if Frank wanted four hundred seats, he got four hundred seats.
This was in the 1980's.
The McGuire Sisters were seated at a table, not too far from me.
Identically dressed, identically coiffed, and identically made up.
And they weren't working that night.
I imagine that there must have been daily phone conversations that always began with "What are you wearing today?"
As the years took their toll, they identically needed more and more makeup,
and probably had identical facelifts.
But they didn't have identical faces.
Phyllis McGuire was the lead singer.
She was always flanked by Christine on her right, and Dorothy on her left.
They were all uncommonly pretty.
But there was no doubt to this seven-year-old's mind that Dorothy was far and away
the prettiest.
She was, in fact, my first little-boy crush.
It gave my mother the first opportunity she had to try out the word "facchliuppit"
on me.
For the uninformed, "facchliuppit", in Yiddish, means "Consumed to the point of embarrassment"
As used in a sentence "So Mark, Dorothy McGuire. Are you facchliuppit with her?"
This, of course, is what every seven-year-old wants to hear.
It was probably the last time I openly expressed any interest in any woman.
Particularly the unattainable Dorothy McGuire.
That's how mortifying it was.
But it was also probably the first time that I can recall experiencing an erection.
I looked down at my pants and said "What's that?"

Next time, more about the McGuire Sisters, and their place among other female
singing sisters.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Obama And Promises.

The new person I must turn away from whenever he appears on television is
Republican National Chairman Reince Priebus.
This cat just gives me the willies.
It used to be Governor Scott Walker of Wisconsin.
Now, it's Reince.
And I think it goes beyond the fact that they both have slight speech impediments.
Walker has the liquid "L", just like Tom Brokaw, but on Brokaw, it's charming.
Perhaps that's because Brokaw isn't bought and paid for by the Koch Brothers.
And Reince just slurs his words, just like Foster Brooks did in his act.
But Foster Brooks is dead, so he'd be a bad investment for the Koch Brothers.

Also, allow me to take a bow for being the first kid on my block to take a dump on
Clint Eastwood.
This occurred twice.
When he made an otherwise glorious documentary about the great lyricist Johnny
Mercer, only to temporarily louse it up by having his (Eastwood's) nuchshlepper
daughter sing a couple of Mercer's songs.
You know. When he could have gotten any of the best professionals to sing them instead.

And when he made the movie "J.Edgar", a piece of crap consisting of history that was
completely unsourced, filled with private conversations that no one could ever
possibly know if they ever happened.
It wasn't even good drama.
I kept referring to him as "Professor Eastwood" in that one.
It was a case of "How can I, Clint Eastwood, once again, prove that I am God?"

This was also what was on display in Tampa.
Clint Eastwood was the only human being with enough clout to be allowed to "wing it"
at the Republican Convention.
Who's going to tell him "no" ?

So Clint, while talking to the empty chair, kept harping on all those promises Obama
made and didn't keep.
And Reince, after Clinton and Obama each made the speeches of their lives, tweeted,
essentially "Yeah, but what about all those promises he didn't keep?"

A word or two about those promises: When exactly was it that Obama made these
promises?
I don't really remember.
I'm sure he made them.
About reducing the deficit, and the unemployment rate.
But when was it?
After he was elected?
He would have no reason to do it then.
He already had the job.
So it must have been before he was elected.
But I can't believe they were the clincher for him.
The clincher was when they saddled McCain with that illiterate from Alaska.
I'm convinced that Obama made those promises when he was convinced he could keep
them.
You know.
Like before the Recession Tsunami hit.
Before he took office.
Like before he knew that the Republicans would attempt to stifle his every move.
Clinton said it, and I think he meant it.
No other president could have done any better with the hand he was dealt.

So Reince, Clint, shut up with the promises already.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Pioneer Women. 5.

Almost sight unseen, I can tell you who the all-time pioneer of women's comedy was.
I say almost sight unseen, because I never really saw that much of her work.
And virtually none of her stand-up, even though I know she did it extensively.

I am referring to Fanny Brice.

All I really know about her work is from her handful of appearances in films, and her work in radio,
where she appeared in character as "Baby Snooks"
I am given to understand that she appeared in children's clothes for the studio
audiences when she did her radio show.
She also attempted that for her only TV appearance.
By all accounts, that is why it was her only TV appearance.
It did not go down well.
Maybe the fact that she was 59 at the time didn't help.
But from the second decade of the twentieth century on, she was without question
one of the biggest stars ever.
She was a consistent headliner in the Ziegfeld Follies.
The biggest showcase for stars on Broadway.
And most of that work was done solo.

I tried to learn more about her.
The only real source I had was the movies "Funny Girl" and "Funny Lady"
I came across something very interesting.
Both movies were almost total works of fiction.
I found a website, Musicals 101.com, that lists point by point where the movies strayed from the truth.
Here are some examples of the straying:

•Fanny was not an only child, but the third of four.

•Fanny's parents owned a chain of profitable saloons in Newark, New Jersey.
So they raised their family in comfort, with household servants and trips to visit relatives in Europe.

•Fanny's mother Rose spent years managing those saloons while her husband played cards and drank heavily.
Rose finally got a legal separation, sold off the saloons and took the kids to Brooklyn, where she made a good living buying and selling real estate.
While Fanny struggled towards fame, her family lived in a series of handsome apartments and townhouses, including one on Manhattan's swanky Beekman Place – nothing like the lower class Henry Street life seen in the musical.

•Fanny made her amateur debut as a solo singer at Frank Keeney's popular Brooklyn vaudeville theatre.
She was never part of the chorus, on roller skates or otherwise.
•Fanny was fired from a chorus by Broadway legend George M. Cohan.
He dropped Brice from the Broadway cast of Talk of the Town because she could not dance.
To cover her disappointment, Fanny claimed she was dumped because of her "skinny legs."
That incident inspired the Keeney scenes in the musical.

•Fanny did not meet Nick Arnstein at Keeney's.

•In her teens, Fanny was married to (and quickly divorced from) Frank White, a small town barber with a taste for young actresses.
Although the union was brief, Fanny later claimed it was consummated, so she lost her sexual innocence years before meeting Nick.

•Funny Girl makes no mention of Fanny's friendship with Irving Berlin.
His "Sadie Salome Go Home" helped Fanny break into the big-time.

•Fanny was not in Brooklyn burlesque when Ziegfeld sent for her.
In fact, she had already made her legit debut in a touring Shubert Brothers production.

• While it is true that Fanny performed material her own way, the pregnant bride number depicted in Funny Girl never happened.
If it had, Florenz Ziegfeld would have fired her on the spot, no matter how much the audience laughed.
Fanny actually made her Follies debut in 1910 singing the now forgotten song "Lovey Joe."

• Fannny and Ziegfeld always treated each other with professional and personal respect.
She always abided by his creative decisions, and never "gave him an ulcer."
•Nick Arnstein "gorgeous"? Oy vey! Compared to who – William Howard Taft?
He may have been sophisticated, and at 6'6" he towered over most men, but he was not a beauty.

•Fanny first met Nick in Baltimore while on tour in a Shubert Brother's 1912 revue. Betting on horses under the alias "Nick Arnold," his real name was Julius Arnstein. He used several aliases to cover his international criminal record.
• Nick tagged along with the Shubert's tour, returned to New York with Fanny, and immediately moved in with her and her mother.
He also began spending Fanny's money.

•Fanny had Nick investigated and learned he was still married to his first wife. Hopelessly in love, Fanny pretended it didn't matter.
She had to wait seven years for his divorce to come through, and married him in 1919 -- just two months before the birth of their daughter Frances.

•Funny Girl depicts Arnstein as a classy gambler who turned to crime because he didn't want to live on Fanny's money. Not so!
Nick was a common criminal and had no qualms about sponging off Fanny for their entire marriage.
Before meeting her, he had already been arrested for swindling in three European countries.
Shortly after they met (and before their marriage), he was jailed for wiretapping. The lovesick Fanny visited him weekly in Sing Sing, so she knew what he was long before they exchanged vows.

• Nick and Fanny had a daughter named Frances (who later married producer Ray Stark) and a son named William who became a respected artist and college professor.
By mutual agreement, William was not mentioned in Funny Girl.

•The film version of Funny Girl shows Fanny doing a "Baby Snooks" routine in the Follies on the night in 1920 that Ziegfeld tells her Nick has been arrested.
In fact, she did not create Snooks until the 1933 Follies – a year after Ziegfeld's death.

•Fanny owned a Manhattan townhouse on West 76th Street and a large county place in Huntington, Long Island.
Her money paid for both, so Arnstein's financial losses never changed their living arrangements.

• Funny Girl suggests Nick's big "mistake" was selling phony bonds.
In fact, he was part of a gang that deliberately stole five million dollars worth
of Wall Street securities – a tremendous sum in 1920.
Instead of gallantly turning himself in as depicted in the film, he stayed in hiding for four months, leaving Fanny to face intense press and police harassment while giving birth to their son William.
When Nick finally surrendered to the authorities, he fought the charges on every possible technicality for four years - and three guesses who worked like a slave to pay off Nick's gargantuan legal bills.

• A federal court finally threw Nick into Leavenworth for 14 months, where Fanny used her influence to arrange for special treatment (including meals cooked by the warden's wife!).

• Fanny finally divorced Nick in 1927 after discovering that he was having an affair with an older, wealthier woman.

• Nick attempted a reconciliation with Fanny in the late 1940s, but she wisely chose not to risk dealing with him again.


I had no idea what crocks of shit these movies were until I read all of this, but nowhere does it contradict the fact that Fanny Brice was this gigantic, humongously
gifted comedienne.
No woman was nearly as big, for as long as she was, as Fanny Brice.
She was to babes in comedy what Babe Ruth was to baseball.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

Pioneer Women. 4.

We're pounding down the homestretch on the Pioneer Women series.
Women who preceded and were funnier stand-up performers than Phyllis Diller.

Onward----

Rose-Marie.

She started out at at the age of three as Baby Rose-Marie.
How's THAT for being ahead of Phyllis Diller?
It's been said about Rose-Marie that when they built the first stage, she held
the hammer.
This is certainly not too far from the truth.
When she was in her twenties, she was literally one of the first performers to work
Las Vegas.
When Bugsy Siegel built the Flamingo in 1947, she was on the opening night bill.
She held the hammer.
Singing was not really her strength, although she did a lot of it in her act, along
with a lot of special material.
Much can be found on YouTube, and is quite entertaining.
I never saw her nightclub act but I'll bet it was hilarious.
Because SHE was hilarious.
It probably involved at lot of storytelling.
And her work on the Dick Van Dyke Show was super.
Except when they did episodes that concentrated on her character.
Those were always rather maudlin.
But this has been a woman whose timing has always been impeccable, and I'll bet
she put on a hell of a nightclub act.

Gracie Allen.

I know she was actually half of a team.
But she did all the work.
George Burns stood next to her and fed her straight lines, and was great at it,
but Gracie Allen was essentially a monologist.
And a great one.
She could have talked straight out to the audience, without George being there, and
been just as effective.
She played a character, and did jokes.
Just like Phyllis Diller.
But she was far easier to take.
And far funnier than most human beings.

Mimi Hines.

She was also half of a team. Phil Ford and Mimi Hines.
But Phil Ford really didn't do anything, except subserviently play straight to
Mimi.
He was really a third wheel on a unicycle.
When Mimi Hines took over for Streisand in "Funny Girl" on Broadway, they gave Phil
Ford a minor supporting part. And I'm sure he was grateful for it.
He knew his station in life, and seemed resigned to it.

Mimi Hines is a clown.
Cut from the same piece of cloth as Martha Raye.
Except, instead of having a big mouth, she has buck teeth.
But she has always been an inspired performer, a great singer, and truly funny.
When you think of Marcia Carsey and Tom Werner, if you think of them at all,
it is as the Executive Producers of "The Cosby Show" and "Roseanne".
This enabled Werner to become part owner of the Boston Red Sox.
But before "Cosby" and "Roseanne", they perpetrated a pilot on the TV watching
public called "The Oogily Family"
It was a half-hour sitcom about, you guessed it, a family that was ugly.
I saw this show.
It also contained the element of having a daughter who was attractive, who the
entire rest of the family was ashamed to be seen with, and call their own.
An element directly lifted from "The Munsters"
When you're stealing from "The Munsters", you're sinking pretty low.
So "The Oogily Family" is not exactly on the top of the Carsey-Werner resume.
Al Molinaro was in "The Oogily Family"
As was Mimi Hines.
I felt badly for both of them.
But Mimi Hines is a great performer, and did a lot of stand-up, and is much funnier
than Phyllis Diller.

Next time, we wrap this up with the all-time champion pioneer of womens stand-up
comedy.

'Til then.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******

My Day With Steve Franken.

I'm going to take a break in my "Pioneer Women" series, and get back to it next time.
Something a little bit more timely has come up.

The actor Steve Franken died this last week.
He was best known as Chatsworth Osborne Junior, the overtly snobbish rich teenager
on "The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis"
That was a show that I probably should have given honorable mention to when I was compiling my list
of best sitcoms of all time.
It had style, wit, wonderful writing, and several actors at the absolute tops of their games.
I'd had close encounters with several of its cast members.

Dwayne Hickman, after he hung up his acting gloves, became an executive at CBS.
He was a liaison to several of my flop series at CBS in the late seventies.
He was one of those rare things: A guy who gave network notes that weren't stupid.
He was smart in general, and knew enough to know that I knew what I was doing.
So when, in doubt, he kept things to himself.
We got along famously.
He was also far more qualified than most to do that job well, having been an integral part of two hit series.
He was someone worth listening to.

I met Bob Denver on his home turf in West Virginia, where he lived.
I flew there on a puddle jumper from Detroit, to try to convince him to do one of my
plays.
We did an out-and-out reading of it, and he was wonderful.
And nothing at all like Gilligan or Maynard G. Krebs. (The G. stood for "Walter")
He was erudite and intelligent, and it suited the part perfectly.
He had semi-retired at that point, because he had a severely disabled child
who needed his full attention.
But he said, if I could ever get a production going in West Virginia, count him in.
I never could.
I remember exactly when this happened. January of 1993.
Because it was the day of Bill Clinton's first Inauguration.
We stopped for about five minutes to watch it.

And then there was Steve Franken.
Steve Franken was hilarious on "Dobie Gillis"
He made Chatsworth Osborne Junior his outrageous own.
I'm afraid that it somewhat typecast him.
He never really did that much after that.
Certainly nothing that good or attention-getting.
He deserved better than that.
Very few people who remember the show at all remember that he was essentially a
replacement for another actor who played the spoiled rich teenager.
That actor didn't make nearly as much of an impression in the part, and left the show after the first season.
He didn't get typecast.
His name was, and still is, Warren Beatty.

It wasn't Warren Beatty, but rather Steve Franken, who showed up at my office
for the first day of casting for the principals of a pilot I did for CBS, which eventually became a series that
Dwayne Hickman was a liaison for, called "Busting Loose"
"Busting Loose" was a contemporary gang comedy, loosely based on the movie
"Next Stop Greenwich Village".
Which meant it was about Jews.
What the network essentially wanted was a young, contemporary, Jewish "Happy Days".
I was young, contemporary, Jewish, and had worked on "Happy Days".
So they came to the right place.
Of course, with networks being traditionally shy about doing anything Jewish since "The Goldbergs",
that element got lost pretty quickly.
So Steve Franken showed up at my office before anyone else did.
He had looked at the script before coming in and was totally embarrassed to be there.
His first words were "I know. I'm way too old for this."
He was probably in his late forties at the time.
My first words to him were "You know, you're way too old for this."
He said "I don't know why my agent sent me here."
I said "I don't know either."
I was looking for slightly more ethnic versions of Potsie and Ralph Malph.
And this grownup showed up.
But I had an opportunity to tell him how much I enjoyed him on "Dobie Gillis",
and offered him the opportunity to help me read the other prospective actors who would be coming in to audition.
He took me up on it, having nothing better to do, I guess figuring that it
was an opportunity to score Brownie Points with me.
He did.
And he was wonderful in whichever part he was asked to read.
I made a mental note to cast him in something down the line.
Like so many mental notes, that one unfortunately got filed in the
"I forgot all about it" file.
And it stayed there until I read of his death this week.
He was a very nice man, and now it's too late to make it up to him.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My books ,"Show Runner" and it's sequel,"Show Runner Two", can be found at the Amazon Kindle Store.
Along with the newer ones, "The Man Is Dead", and "Report Cards".
You can search by typing in my name, Cindy Williams, Laverne & Shirley, The Odd Couple, or Happy Days.
Check them out.
You don't need a Kindle machine to download them.
Just get the free app from Kindle, and they can be downloaded to an IPhone, IPad, or Blackberry.
The paperback, "Mark Rothman's Essays" is still available for people without Kindle.
I have many readings and signings remaining, and the thing about Kindle is you can't sign one.
If you'd like one, contact me at macchus999@aol.com.
And now, we've got my reading of my "Laverne & Shirley Movie" screenplay on YouTube.

******